If you are reading this article, you are most likely having bad luck winning a date
with that shy girl you've been eying for a while now. Or perhaps you just aren't sure how to approach the girl without making her too shy to comfortably be herself with you and accept a date.
The key approach to successfully asking a shy girl out will be the "Come To Her Comfort Zone"
technique. Why Do They Always Say No?
When I first met the guy I am currently dating, I was very shy. He indirectly made it clear that he liked me, even though I rejected each of his offers to hang out in the beginning. He even went on to say that it didn't need to be a date, but more of a hang out. Still didn't work.
The reason I rejected his offers was because I did not know him well enough. I didn't feel comfortable enough around him. I needed to to feel more at ease with him before hanging out just the two of us. A shy girl needs to know what type of character the guy is before she can feel free to be herself with him so that she can know how much of herself to show without feeling embarrassed. The Secret Technique
Most shy girls secretly know exactly what they need from a guy, so that they can overcome their nerves and go on a date with him. In fact, many of these girls are disappointed that most guys don't care to know a girl unless she is naturally outgoing. They often day dream of the day when a guy will finally notice and take the time to know them.Here is how the technique works.
With most shy girls before you ask her out, it's always best to get to know her in an environment that she is already comfortable in.
For example, where do you typically see her? At school? Work? group meetings? etc... If you know her from school, why not ask if you could join her and her friends during lunch? If you are getting to know her someplace she already feels at home, she is most likely to open up to you and be herself. It is the best way to get to know a shy girl.
Me and my boyfriend met at church. Church was one of my comfort zones because I knew the environment and I knew the people well. The first few times we hung out was at youth group. Once we started knowing each other better, the first step he took to gradually bring me away from my comfort zone was the following:
"The guys who end up dating the shy girls are the ones who are persistent and patient at pursuing them."
Our whole church had had planned to go see a movie at the theater, and he had asked me to sit beside him during the event. When I got to the show, he followed through with what he said, and reserved a seat for me beside him which prevented me from bailing on him, even though I was super nervous. See how I was in a comfortable environment with people I knew, and he simply asked me to sit beside him.
Because he followed through by reserving me a seat and calling me over, I did! It might not seem like much, and I was very nervous the whole time, but is was so exciting to me and I loved it!
After that night, we started seeing each other outside of the church. Him and his family came to my house for supper and then we saw the Christmas parade together. Soon enough, we were going on real dates just the two of us! To The Point
When it all comes down to it, not many guys actually take the time to get to know the shy girls. The fact that my boyfriend was so patient and persistent with me
(unlike most guys) is what sparked my interest
towards him in the first place. The guys who end up dating the shy girls are the ones who are persistent and patient at pursuing them, who know how to properly apply the "Come To Her Comfort Zone" technique.
Good luck with that special girl!
What Girls & Guys Said 37
I'm only 15, but please don't judge because of that.
I've been going to this drama group outside of school for nearly 4 years now, and about 3 and a half years ago, I met this amazing, but shy and quirky girl. I only really get to see her once a week, and never during the holidays, so it is very difficult to actually talk properly, especially considering she is with her best friend at this group and I'm with my older brother.
She goes to an all-girls school so she hasn't had much contact and time with guys and I'm wondering that this might be a factor into the awkwardness.
We occasionally get to talk for about 5 minutes on the way home, but I don't feel we are actually friends, as I never have a good chance to talk to her. This realisation that I can never get close has led me to attempt abandoning that, and trying to go out with other people, and even in those relationships, I can't get over her.
She can openly talk to me, but there can also be unnerving silence whenever I talk and I feel as if she doesn't feel like she has to respond. Could this be a sign that she is not interested or the other way round, like she's nervous to respond?
I'm not sure how to approach her properly, as I am kinda shy too, so I've never really asked for her number, or to go out or anything, despite numerous attempts of telling myself I am going to do it.
I've recently learned she is a perfectionist when it comes to exams and studying, and so I am wondering if it is a good idea to offer to help her revise/study but I'm not sure how to bring it up without it sounding weird. I skipped up a year, so I know most of the topics she would be doing in Maths/Science etc. but I want it to seem more like a firendly gesture than anything.
HI, please help me! lol
im interested in this really shy girl at my uni. (we are both 22), i can't spend much time with her since we dont have many classes together perhaps 1-2/week and its hard to talk when others are around. I've managed to speak to her and become friends, but its hard getting her to go out, what can I do? she should know that i like her, I've given plenty of signs, not sure about her, she's too hard to read.(i have faint feeling that she does). this pursuing process has gone on for 4 months now. should i just tell her how I feel, or be patient and wait for her to open up more? I’m just worried that im not acting fast enough. Im running out of ideas...
..they will struggle with trying to overcome the frustrating complications their shyness creates. That is why if you are the type of guy who is patient and believes it is worth it to help that poor girl out, then go for it! Everyone has their weaknesses, some people have a hard time not getting too shy around their crushes.
Some of these girls are actually very selfless and super sweet. Some make great girlfriends, and are shy simply because they view guys they have crushes on as above them and it makes them blank out and get all shy when he's around. It's not something they can control in fact most of the time I think of how they wish they could have reacted. They try really hard not to let their shyness choke them up, but until they can see that the guy likes them too and/or that they get more used to him...;
My advice would be to have nothing to do with girls who won't meet you half way. You might 'win her over' but you'll be trying to 'win her over' every day of the damn relationship. Her shyness is such a handicap that she's in fact self centered.
Avoid her. Move on and find someone who is actually able to give something back in a relationship.
great article! I was actually going to ask a girl out even though we've only know each other 2 weeks, I'll restraint back a bit now.
loooooove this! if only my crush could see this
Yes, good point. This could work with most girls! Note: Some girls require less work than others and these measures might not be needed. Most outgoing girls will talk to you and accept a date and all you have to do is walk up to her, and ask her out. If that girl says no, than she might get annoyed if you come bother her when she is with friends or at work, because she's not interested. You need to be careful and use your instinct if you are to try this with a girl who is outgoing. Good luck!
very nice article, I liked it a lot, but I would have to say that would apply to most girls yes? not just shy ones, since I believe all girls would like to be in their "comfort zone" when they are with a guy of interest
Thank you for the comment :)
I'm a shy girl, and I've gotta say.. This would totally work on me.
How do you know her? Where do you usually see her and how old is she? This is all something to take into account.
Ok so I read your article on on How to ask a shy girl on a date. Here is the deal, how do you get to the environment that she is already comfortable in. That would mean she would have to ask me to some sort of event. Right? How would I get her to ask me to an event? Because she is shy and I can't ask her to an event because she will be uncomfortable because she sorta only knows a few of my friends (not that well).
Too much work!?!? Meet us half way? Not a chance.
I have a question.. I know a girl and most signs point to her being shy.. How she and her closeset friend act and talk to me.. Kinda like they have a secret and don't want me to give up on her...But she puts up a front that she's not shy.. And flirts with every guy.. Well except me now... After I asked if she liked me.. She said.. "IDK".. Do shy girls do this but up a flirty front..? She gets really figity when I do anything.. But her other guy friends do it all the time.. Like picking her up..
If a girl is too shy to approach a guy, than the guy needs to man up and help her ease up to him. If your not willing, then fine, you just aren't gonna be dating that type of girl.
What is the point? this sounds like a lot of work and not fun. This just sounds like another scream for entitlement. Basically the whole article is based on this "I am not going to put much effort, you will have to put up with my insecurity and you will have to do all the job".
I hardly know any guys who are like this and genuine about it.Most of them just want to crack the shy girl open so to speak.I have yet met a guy who was persistant enough and respectable enough to do this.And the ones thatt are like this are usually annoying,immatuure and not all up there.
Going to give this a try. Thanks.