Why did this guy contact me after 3 months of no talking?

So I met this guy from a dating site back in December. I felt comfortable with him, so I stayed the weekend with him though it wasn't intended as that at first. He even bought all my food that weekend even though I insisted I had money. I left and he told me to let him know when I'd be in town again cause I was planning on moving back to the area soon for a job. I didn't have a job at that point in the area, but I was looking (I ended up getting a job a month later). I didn't really hear from him much after that. He im'ed me briefly on Facebook and we talked for about 2 mins, and I told him not to be such a stranger. 3 months later he pokes me on Facebook. 3 months of no talking what-so-ever. No "hi, how are you doing?" Nothing. So I'm like, okay, wtf? I honestly thought I'd never hear from him again. I message him and say, long time no talk. He messages me back and says, "I know, what the hell! How's it been going?" so I reply and say surely he isn't surprised that it's been so long since we've talked cause he just kinda stopped talking to me. Then I told him how I was.

I noticed back in January this girl was leaving messages on his wall saying how she loved spending time with him and loved him, etc. I'm pretty sure it's his ex. Though his Facebook has said single the whole time.

I'm just not sure why he would decide to contact me after all this time. When I did visit him there was nothing sexual. Never kissed, held hands or anything. I even slept in the same bed as him and nothing happened. He had even offered to sleep on the couch. So no one can say "he wants a booty call" cause that's not the case. It's not even like we were super close friends and he wanted to get back in touch with me. I knew the dude for about 2-3 weeks. I expect most guys to just blow you off and never talk to you again, though his actions confuse me. So I'm sitting here thinking, why me?


Most Helpful Guy

  • If I'd spent the weekend with a girl...hell a guy for that matter, I would surely not wait for three days to have ANY kind of response "hey it was great", "let's do that again" or something like that..it's called basic politeness..And if it doesn't happen, at least I'd have a decent answer for if the girl is coming back at me first..

    Looks to me like the guy doesn't really know what he wants and/or very insecure (the whole couch thing doesn't mean...he's still a guy, but okay maybe he was too shy or even too respectful indeed towards you...*then*). I guess we all make mistakes but I'd wait it out (if you're interested in this guy) to see how he's approaching you the following days, but I would not show too much interest from your side at first.

    If he's shy, he'll be shy enough to in time show you he like to keep in touch

    If he's uninterested, he'll keep doing this for a couple of times just for the sake of the "hunting" part that we guys have..which makes me think it's better to keep a (small) distance from him to see how he reacts..

    • He had told me to text him when I got home, so I did. We sent a few texts back and forth, but nothing like our usual. Two or three days later I sent him a casual "Hey, I haven't really heard from you.." sort of text. He said he had been really busy. Then a few days later he im'ed me and we talked for like 2 mins. That was the last I heard from him til this week. To me it seems like I wasn't that interesting/important to not talk to for 3 months. Or that I was second rate.

    • Okay I may have been to extreme maybe earlier sorry bout that.

      Like you said though, it was nothing like the usual - now if that was the first real live meeting, that is pretty normal. Both you and he had to redraw their virtual picture of the other no matter how many pix are out there.Possibly he's rather sensitive and it may have blown him off a bit? I wouldn't go too far therefore yet to say you're not interesting, but if you think he's shy, tell him you're confused. And wait for a reaction

What Guys Said 14

  • Maybe he's just plain busy. Maybe he was involved with someone else atthe time. Take this as flattery, not some sort of put down.

    Isn't it a little exciting to wonder what will happen now?

  • I don't think he did anything wrong. I don't think you've done anything wrong.

    I've actually been through the exact same thing with a girl. I was in your shoes and went to go visit her a few hours from where I live. Same thing unfolded. Didn't have sex, had a nice saturday and left on sunday went home, chatted a few times on FB, but no plans to do more. Stopped talking for a few months, then bam, out of the blue she emails me and is interested in may-be trying to get together again. Although, I had to decline cause I was starting to get involved with someone else.

    So... may-be at the time you guys met, it was nice to hang out with someone, but no other intention was there. Then over the next 3 months there was other stuff going on in his life. Then he was available and may-be bored, may-be just wanted to see if he could spark things up again?

    • Would you talk to someone on the phone EVERY night for 1-2 hours for a week if you just wanted to "hang out"? I wouldn't. Cause that's a waste of time to me.

    • Talking on the phone EVERY night for 1-2 hours for a week? Did you mention that anywhere else but here? Because I missed that. Anyway, weren't you guys long distance in the beginning? How else is there to get to know someone better if you can't be right next to them? Interwebz or phone right? May-be texting?

  • He has no idea what you want and yet he wants you. Do you communicate to him in person what you have in this blog. I assume you have a wait and see approach and expect himn to guess what your about and it seems there is no way he can know that. he treated you with respect and interest and you judged him for not being forward after suggesting you did not like him showing interest. If I wer him I would think you either wanted a casual relationship or wanted just to be friends. Its NOT up to a man to make moves and ou to have veto over what he tries with you or not but for YOU to communicate what you expect and want. Obviously other women have done more communicating to him what they think then you have with him. Yet he is still contacting you so now up to you to take risks he already has so he canhave veto rights over your actions and words too.

  • I would say that Facebook prompted the poke, and he had forgotten about you. That being the case, it is most likely just a friend thing. Keep in mind that from my point of view, you did not contact him either.. unless that is something you failed to mention. So no love lost on either side.

    Maybe if there had been sexual contact on that first weekend, he might have made a bigger effort, but then again, maybe not. Men are men.

    Good Luck,


    • I did not contact him again because I didn't hear from him for 3 days after we met up, but that was because *I* texted him. He claimed he was busy. Yeah right, no one is THAT busy. Then he im'ed me on Facebook and I told him not to be such a stranger. Never heard from him again til he poked me on Facebook so I messaged him to see what his deal was.

  • Maybe just a guy who wants to take things slow...Why not give him a chance?

    • It's called an emotional rebound... I use 'em all the time

    • How can you be so sure that's what's happening? A lot of other possible explananations.

  • Maybe he was just chillin' and thoughts of you began going through his mind since you two had a good time together? And that he wants to keep in contact with you because something could happen between you two in the future.

  • talking goes two ways. you could have got your lazy ass up and said something. I HATE WHEN CHICKS DO THIS!

    • Or maybe I had intiated contact with him and he never gave me any indication that he gave a damn.

  • maybe he really likes you.it could have happened that he and his ex had a fight and they break up.then he met u.u say he is a comfortable guy so maybe the ex thought it was a mistake and they were together.now they break up and he wants to try you.you should talk to him that is hr really interested or what?

  • You are doing the woman thing of "over analysing" men. We are not that complicated, trust me, but women do it all the time, so don't feel bad. Just take it for what it is - a maybe pretty-good-guy who wants to spend more time with you and get to know you better. Take advantage of it and get to know him better, too. Something may come of it,... or not. But you will never know if you don't give him a shot. .

    Tommy Tuesday

  • using you.. to make his ex jealous.. If you're looking for an f*** buddy its all good if not then keep it moving

    • His ex wouldn't had known he had contacted me. It wasn't like I posted something publicly on his page.

    • Girls are usually more adept at the jealousy game but there are ways such as if his friend mentioned something by "accident" that you two went out

  • I say forget him, but that's just me. I've been in your position as a guy. Can't even spare four seconds to send a "hi" text in all those months? Obviously he wasn't afraid of losing you, nor did he think you worth keeping around to get to know you. Seriously, he didn't invest four seconds to make sure you guys didn't lose communication? He's a waste of your time. There are a lot of better, genuinely good guys out there who won't treat you as second rate.

  • Changed his mind...

  • So do you like as a friend or as a boyfriend I'm confused by this maybe he too and he might be expecting you to make a forward move? If its just friends then what do you expect he's not going to bend over backwords to maintain a friendship with someone he met for a couple of weeks?


What Girls Said 12

  • I know you keep asking "why you" and you keep saying you didn't have sex with him but getting in a guys bed is a step closer to sex. You'd be amazed on how they can break that stuff down. I mean if he is talking to another girl and she doesn't get in his bed, which girl did he get further with? Especially if you were only talking to him for a week and were willing to get in bed. I know in a world where so many women have sex on the first date sleeping in a bed seems like nothing. But to a guy who isn't getting any physical contact, it is a lot.

    You sound like you have it all worked out already. He was looking for a girl on a dating website, you guys talked for a little bit, stayed together a few days, then he wasn't interested cause his ex becomes an option and he wasn't emotionally attached to you yet, so he didn't keep talking to you. Now his ex is out of the picture and he thought "Hey Punchxcore was nice." I really do think you know what is happening. I just think you need to decide whether you want to get over the insult. He didn't contact you and it was a jerky thing to do. So now you have to go from there realizing it is still really casual to him and he may do it again. If you are cool with that, then contact him. If you don't want to risk another slight, then I wouldn't contact him anymore.

  • i agree with most of the girls here, I think he basically was just looking for a "f**buddy" at the moment, maybe he is not the kind that does the first move, and that's why you guys didn't have sex that weekend. And now well that he has no other girl, he remembered you. Just an advice don't sell yourself short, show him that you won't be there only when he feels like it, or when he needs company. Even if you're not, tell him you're really busy, why can he be the "really busy one" as -martyfellow- said that's plain bullsh*t no person can be so busy to even text a "hi" or something. We have the only option to learn from our mistakes, and show him that to you he was just a whatever guy and that he is "so last season" now.

    • The thing is, I never gave him any signs that I wanted to have sex with him. We talked on the phone every day for like a week, so I felt he was pretty interested in me and not just as a friend. Cause I don't talk to my friends on the phone every day for an hour to two hours. I'm not going to discount him yet; I'm gonna see what he has to say as to why he disappeared for so long with not even a "hi"

  • Well you met on a dating site so he probably wanted to move on with his life. When you spent the weekend with him he probably enjoyed your company but the ex was still on his mind. He then probably decided to see her again, and then something happened that proved they broke up for a reason, and he is now contacting you again to see if you two can rekindle something. If nothing happened when you spend the weekend at his house, maybe he just wants to be friends again, who knows. I say give it go.

  • Okay, my guess is that he had just broken up with his ex and wasn't looking for anything serious. That's way he didn't make a move on you because he was still hung up on his ex and he didn't want to feel like he was disrespecting his ex by hooking up with you and he didn't want to hurt you by leading you on when he was clearly not over his ex. Ex's come back after a month or two of a break up and that's usually just to see how the other person is and depending on how they are or how the breakup was they don't really want to hear they've moved on, or they want them back. You just had the rotten luck of bad timing. I'm betting through those months of no talking he was trying to work things out with her. I'm sure he's genuinely interested in you and just wants another poke at you.

    You could just... you know... ASK. You are capable of communicating with another individual. "Her what gives? I spend a night with you and we hit it off and then I don't hear from you for months. Now you've decided to pop back in. What's with the time gap?"

  • Either he does wants to initiate you into the f*** buddy club, or he's contacting you because he's bored. Sorry, I don't think he's very interested.

  • What I think is going on here is, he got involved with another girl...that's why he didn't contact you. But it didn't work out with the other girl for whatever reason...so now he's gone back to you.

  • Well, I'll tell you why you. Okay, you said nothing happened I do believe you, but HELLLOOOOO YOU WENT AND SPENT A WHOLE WEEKEND WITH A STRANGER YOU MET ON THE INTERNET...WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK HE WANTED FROM YOU? Obviously, he didn't get in touch with you because he didn't get what he THOUGHT he was gonna get. Your lucky he wasn't a rapist and didn't hurt you in any way. That was pretty foolish of you to do that. You put your self at risk on many different levels. On and finally sweetie he probably has a GIRLFRIEND and you were a booty call. I knwo you don't wanta hear that...but its the truth!

    • It's possible, but I've met a lot of women via the internet and there is a fair amount of research done before actually meeting. I will arrange to meet them for the first time in a public place. I will show up 10 minutes after the arranged time. I want a predetermined clothing color or something that will allow me to determine that she is who she says she is. I also give her a clothing color as well. The arrangement is, if you don't like what you see, bolt. That as never happened yet.

  • he wants an easy hookup and screw with his ex girlfriend's mind.

  • Seems like he had/has other and higher priorities than you-other girls, work, play-we can only speculate. I agree with some of the commenters in that you should be polite and see where it could go. Maybe he only wants a female friend, maybe he sees you as a potential partner-you slept over and did not initiate sex-some guys find that intriguing. Do not, however, allow him to continue doing things that really bother you while remembering he has not promised you anything. I would also say, do not ask him why it took so long for him to contact you, let him tell that information on his own time as you don't want to give him the impression you were waiting on him.

    And as to your question of "why me?," maybe it's simply because he was running down his friends list and poking everyone, maybe he just wants company, who knows? But he did and you have to take it for what it is.

    On a side note, I do not know if it is a good idea to be spending the night with someone you've only met online and for a month to boot.

    • I wasn't really planning on it, but I DID drive 3 hours to meet him and I ended up getting there later than planned, so I didn't want to cut the visit short by a few hours so I figured I could spend more time with him and get to know him better.

    • Did you sleep with him?

  • I think at one point or another no matter how long they wait, a man will contact a woman who was nice to him eventually. Whether it be a year or 5 years. I would say he called you because you were nice to him and didn't have sex with him- that makes a guy respect you more. I'd play real hard to get and don't let him know how excited you are. Just play it real cool in chatting with him.

  • Had something similar happen to me. If you saw those messages in january then he was most def hooking up with and seeing his ex. She obviously has moved on and he's now going back to you because he is bored, plain and simple. When a guy is into you there is no if, ands, or buts. Don't waste your time entertaining him. He will do it to you again. If he isn't over his ex and she's not giving him the attn anymore he will go to other girls to feel that void. It might not only be you he is contacting butt other girls, that's why you can't assume its just you.These types of guys are no good and play with your emotions.

    And before you ignore him, I'd actaully call his bluff, and tell him you don't have time for hi doormat behavior coming in and out as he chooses. Your only going to get emotionally invovled the more you talk to him so its better to cut him off now and tell him why.

    • Not only did I see those messages in January, but also in February and March too. She said something to him last week about thanks for spending her birthday with her. She's always posting comments on his wall but I have yet to see him acknowledge her.

  • He's bored probably

    guys sometimes do that. disappear and then pop back in a girl's life when his other options and prospects are low

    • Yeah I understand that, but it goes back to the question, why me? I'm under the impression that he could be talking to other girls instead of me.