Ex Girlfriend wants to be friends after 3 months of no contact. Opinions?

[anonmouse1422]

I know this is a cliche question that has come up on gag time and time again but please hear me out.

My ex girlfriend dumped me back in May and she said let's be friends right after the breakup. We tried it for about two months. We met once and that time we met, it was like we didn't break up at all. The conversation we had was great, laughed and joked, etc. 36 hours later, she sent me a text telling me that she was thinking of me. I was thinking of her and I didn't want to look needy by sending it straight away, so I waited until the following morning while I was on my way to work.

Middle of July we had a mini argument over text, so I blocked her on my social media even removed her from whatsapp.

A few weeks back I readded her number to my new phone ( forgot to re-sync my google account at the time of removing her). She reached out last week asking how was I and asked can we still be friends! I replied to her briefly but was a bit mean and took a step to far by complaining about something from our previous conversation which we had (I know it didn't help).


She wants to be friends because time has passed by now. Is she just looking to be "friendly" with me or does she want to test things again between us or what!!


The reason, why I asked this, is because if she dating other guys or is in a relationship, why would she want me as friend? If I am being used a back boiler person, which I hope to find out sooner or later, even though I know that will not be easy to find out!

Updates

+1 y

Thanks everyone for your opinions so far! I think I will do my utmost best and be friends with my ex girlfriend (within reason). I will post an update when I can to tell ye how it's going. Will try and select the best two answer, when I can. - Anonmouse1422

[Anonymous]

If a woman dumps a man, and that man has high self esteem, self respect, and good boundaries, do you think this type of man would entertain fooling around or meeting up with a woman that dumped him?

Men have forgotten that they are a prize... why then would one waste this prize on someone that threw it away...

Men need to remember who they are, they need to remember what they have to offer, and what they bring to the table. They also need to stop entertaining stupid girls that dump them and then decide they want to keep them around for some comic relief or entertainment.

When in doubt, just ask yourself this question. If you knew a man that was fully aware of his own self worth, knew that he bought a lot to everyone's life, knew that his time and himself were precious, and this man knew that spending time with him was a unique gift only reserved for those that demonstrated appreciation and respect, what would they do in such a situation? Do you think they would remain friends with a woman that tossed them to the kerb?

I think it's about time men started to hold women accountable for their behavior, and created and enforced boundaries with their own.

If a woman dumps you, then she no longer has the benefit of your presence or friendship, block, delete, remove, no contact... no drama.

[anonmouse1422]

I do see where you are coming from also. I know we are all not perfect humans, hell I know where I went wrong in a relationship, with this girl after two weeks of breaking up! That's why when we meet and our conversation was flowing again, I thought by the end of our meet up (which was only about an hour or so), she'd reach out for a second chance. She has a baby girl from a previous relationship, which I had the utmost respect for, treated and looked after her as if she was my own. I did block her from contacting me at the time (back in July). In one sense, yes, I probably wish she was still blocked on my mobile! I'm not saying I am opening my doors fully and letting back into my life, the door is still on a latch and I have not fully opened out to her and told her what I have been up to since.

The mini argument I had with her this week was to point half the blame back on her, on how we broke up! I wasn't letting her walk back into my life and walk all over me like I was a door mate!

[silentpony]

Exes are hard to handle. How does one go from more than friends to just friends? I'd give her the benefit of the doubt. Breakups aren't easy for either side that time might of been used to calm down and analyze the situation. Good friends are hard to find. So I'd accept friendship but limit yourself to only that.

[anonmouse1422]

I know they are hard to handle or even read at times. I would like to try and be friends with her and have some friendly fun with her. Its just at the time we meet and after breaking up, it was like we didn't break up! Does that sound odd to hear or is that common thing to happen?

I'd just be slightly afraid if eventually things clicked again between the two of us and she'd want us to get back together because she dumped me once, who knows she'll do it again like!

[silentpony]

You might need more time. Everyone's time of healing is different. Mine took a year with my first ex. One I don't talk to because of her boyfriend and my recent stays in touch the most

[anonmouse1422]

I see where you are coming from, I am a lot better than what I was 3 months ago though! I've been away on mini-breaks for myself, started going to the gym again, took up an old hobby (being a scout leader) I use to enjoy when I was home in Ireland.

[silentpony]

Sounds like your improving and moving on. If you can focus on that and not the loneliness, you'll be over her. Now, this is way more simple when said than it is actually done. I struggle on the idea of returning to my ex. Because the feeling you have for someone never goes away, not unless they were fake.

[anonmouse1422]

Thanks @silentpony. I do see where you are coming from.

I never faked my feelings for her because they were always real. We got on well from our first date on, I think it just went south because my anxiety (at the time) got the better of me, when I told her that "I love her".

I just never understood her. Anytime she had issue about us, she said it in a text but never said it to me when we were together!

I don't feel lonely at all, once we broke up I got out and started doing new things, as you already know. Making a better version of myself and learned from my mistake (which was that I'd like to move up to her locality but not in with her, if we're still together a year from then because she is an hour away from me, we meet through a dating site) encase she gave me another chance. To be honest, I would like another chance with her, if the time was right and she was still single but I have learned not to bank on it.

[anonmouse1422]

One of my cousin's say I should just be friends with her and learn to enjoy the good times with her and her daughter and I would never know what'll happen.

I'm a respectful, honest, kind and caring person which she and her family members already know.

I just don't get why she is reaching out, that's all. I asked her and she just said because time has passed since we last spoke.

[silentpony]

Then be friends. Because friends are important and those that know you most will be very helpful when you are in trouble and if you're a good person you'll come to her aide too.

[anonmouse1422]

Yes, I know what you mean. I just hope she'll respect me as a friend and not as a friend with benefits, if you know what I mean.

I told her a bit of a lie that I don't have feelings for her (even though I still do), I just hope I have learned enough to keep them hidden, if we ever met, face to face!

[Felicia5567]

My ex-boyfriend and I broke in March and haven't had context with. I'm seeing other people now, but he was still my best friend, so there are a lot of moments when I miss him. I don't want to get back together with him, since there was a good enough reason why it didn't work out, but i'd love to think that we can be friends again someday. I tried reaching out during the summer once, but he didn't seem ready. So, I don't know, if he ever is, I think it would be nice to just talk again.

[anonmouse1422]

Yes, I know what you mean. It didn't work with my ex because I started talking about moving up to her (but it was when the time was right, if we were still together a year from then).

I'm ready to be friends with her, as long as I'm not used as a friend with benefits. I'm not saying I don't trust her, it's just she dumped me by text at the the time and that showed me how little respect that she had for me even though I'm a nice kind caring person who had a lot of respect for her and her daughter (from a previous relationship).

[anonmouse1422]

I do miss what we had because it was the best relationship I was in. We had a lot of compatibility, similar interests! Just hated how one minor thing I did wrong (telling her I loved her and that I want to move to her town so I could see her more) effect things and forced her to break us up! 😕

[Felicia5567]

I mean, I understand that you don't want to be used, but you have a say in that too right? You can state your boundaries clearly, if it's ever necessary, and not engage in any behavior with her that you wouldn't get into with other friends.

[anonmouse1422]

Ok, I'm sorry. I took up your opinion wrong @Felicia5567. But yes I have said it to her and she said why would you think that I'd do that haha!

[dionnexxx]

Stay as friends stictly and tbh im in the same position kind of so i understand but it seems u are the one who blocked her so maybe just give her a chance to be friendly whether she has a boyfriend or not

[anonmouse1422]

Yes, I see where you are coming from. I do admit, probably blocking her may not have help things out. Maybe I should have asked for space, which would have been a bit more appropriate but I had to do something to show her how I truly felt at the time! Her moving on so fast after breaking up with showed me how much/little respect she had for me if you know what I mean?

If you don't mind me asking @dionnexxx, how are you getting on with your situation?

[dionnexxx]

So my ex is currently blocked because we were frineds for a while after, after he appologised to me , but he then blocked me a few minths after. He tried adding me back but id didn't change my mind..

[dionnexxx]

And tbh the moving on this is the same with my ex.. But wjen he appologized i had already got over it. however it still pisses me off how dumb it all was to stay with him after all the warnings.

[anonmouse1422]

Ok, I see where you are coming from. So did he apologise for broke up with you or because he blocked you if you don't mind me asking?

Like I am finding it hard to read the situation with my ex-girlfriend right now, about why she has now decided to talk to me again! Is she trying to talk to me because she knows I am an easy target (which I am not anymore because I have learned to not be soo needy or clingy, especially when it comes to her) or is it because she has valued on what we have or could have?

I have not gotten/seen any red flags yet, but when I see the first one, I would feel like blocking her again, this time once and for all!

[dionnexxx]

Yes if she shows read flags then i sau block herrr.. But in my situation he apologized overall for being a di*k with his its hard to know what he appologised for and tbh thats okay cus i dont believe a word he says anyway..

[dionnexxx]

My red flg for him was aftrr the appology we were fine as friends and talking and he blocked me thats when i blocked him for good

[anonmouse1422]

Oh ok. Yes, I know what you mean.

I do feel bad blocking her like, but at the time I had nothing else to do, to protect myself. I know I may sound weak and all but there was nothing I could do. It's not usually like me if I am, to be honest but I am will passed that stage by now.

[dionnexxx]

Tbh when dealing with emotions everynody is weak idc who you are. If that's what u felt to do then so be it, my advise is u ahve to think about your self and ur emtions before anybody elses..

[anonmouse1422]

Yes, that's 100% true everyone deals with their emotions differently!

[dionnexxx]

Preachhhingg right here.. I hope it goes okay tho and please do tell me about any changes

[anonmouse1422]

Thank you @dionnexxx. I will let you know how I get on for sure. And I hope your situation either improves or you find someone better. :)

[dionnexxx]

Thanks on the path to finding better👌👌😝

[anonmouse1422]

You are more than welcome 😊 😅😋

[anonmouse1422]

She wants to be friends with me because I'm a nice guy... does this mean I'm screwed and friendzoned for life (possibly), but what if I ever wanted to get back with her (feelings resurfaced). If I need to show her what she has lost, is there a way I can get around it?

[dionnexxx]

I acc dont even believe in friendzone.. If u want to be with her just keep up with showing her u r boyfriend material and she will see.. Also if thats what u want put positive vibes out there dont doubt urself

[anonmouse1422]

Thanks 👍 stupid I doubt myself by having another mini argument 🙈 what's wrong with me!!

[dionnexxx]

Nothing bro.. Just dw bout it just do u 👌👌

[anonmouse1422]

Ok, thanks @dionnexxx. Are you able to send dm to me, if I need any help.

[dionnexxx]

Yeh defo.. Just pop up whenever

[anonmouse1422]

Ok.. only thing is, I'm just after realising that I can't send dms yet 😕

[dionnexxx]

Ohh.. Okay well when ever u want

[anonmouse1422]

👍 thank you @dionnexxx

[anonmouse1422]

She has asked me if I've dating anyone since her?

[dionnexxx]

Be honest.. Always be honest nothing is worse then lies

[anonmouse1422]

I was being honest, just don't know why she is asking me this..

[anonmouse1422]

I asked her why she asked and she said she was wondering. I said that wasn't an appropriate answer and she just said you will have to take that for an answer because it's the only answer I have... is she using me as a her back up plan?

[dionnexxx]

Darling i would do the same... Its like, flip the situation would u do that in her shoes.. I would, its part of the questions is he commited to me and worth time effort and a relationship with.. And u being honest is a step proving that u are worth ot all and more..

[anonmouse1422]

So she is currently testing the waters? I then asked her does she has feelings for me and she said friendly ones... sorry I am just bit inexperienced in dating but she was my only proper girlfriend!

[anonmouse1422]

To be honest, I would come out and tell the truth if I was the dumper!

[dionnexxx]

Yeh.. Tbh she sees u frinedly which is good but i say if u like her and think she is worth ur while in the long run like keep at her but like u said ur kind of new to relationships so if its not feeling like either of u want a relationship fully its okay move on she's ur first or whatever girlfriend and there's a very high chance she is not the one for u that ur gonna marry. Its all trial and error.

[anonmouse1422]

Well I am not new in a way, I have had a few relationship but I got used and abused for my kindness. But when I was with her, it felt like we got a long very well. Stupid I sent two hurtful texts, asked for her forgiveness and she has (which I suppose is a nice thing). But I just feel like she is trying to keep tabs on me and I don't know why!

[anonmouse1422]

I do want things to work with her though and to get back with her (if given the chance).

[dionnexxx]

Bro then just keep working at it... Dont expect things to just come about without some form of questions. She probably asked u that because she wants to see how serious u r about her so in the long run she doesn't get hurt and there my be more questions like that. Have believe in her and what u want and dont look at it as she's trying to put a collar on u for u to be controlled because she is trying to prevent the heartbreak.

[anonmouse1422]

Ok, sorry @dionnexxx. An ex girlfriend just never reached out to me after no contact that's all. I may have cut her off a while back but I know I should give her the benefit of a doubt.

I know I have an end goal her but just afraid myself, if I can't get back with her.

[dionnexxx]

Lol no need to appologise.. Just be positive about your feelings and outcomes.. There is a chance it may not work out but there is also a chance that it will.. U have to believe that yes i will be with this girl because we are ment to be.

[anonmouse1422]

Ok haha. I see where you are coming from. Whats the best red flags to look out for, if you don't mind me asking, @dionnexxx?

[dionnexxx]

Well a big one is if she ho out with somebody lol quite obvious. Or if she doesn't have a reaction to if u say something like flirty ir something, it's a reaction that tells u she is finding it a hard time to keep up the being apart, if i make sense, thats what i think anyway like ir axc depends on the woman but u can tell she is tbh

[anonmouse1422]

Yes I know what you mean. I asked her does she see us working again and she says I don't know, who knows what life brings. What's the best way to rebuild rapport and to flirt with her again? It's the one thing I'm kinda struggle with. 🙈 Is there anyway I can communicate with you other than on this...

[Iamaguy4real]

Nah dude, she just trying to be friendly with past ex's. Sometimes girls do that sort of thing.

[anonmouse1422]

Even though we broke up back in May? Then why is she trying to be friendly with me then, like what the benefit of it. I had nothing personal with to her (ie a baby/child).

[keegan12321]

But what do you want?

[anonmouse1422]

I'd like to try and be friends with her but not as a friend with benefits (which I did make it clear to her).

The reason why I am reaching out is that I have read all the stories on this site with regards to being friends with an ex, but I know that every girl can be different.