Today my boyfriend hit me...
We had gotten into an argument about my ex-boyfriend who recently began trying to contact me again. I, honestly, have been ignoring my ex's texts and... Show More
Most Helpful Opinion
Tell your family... get support from them and leave him... I know you love him but that isn't always the reason to stay. Be strong and stay strong... ditch your mobile phone number and get a new one... have other people answer any phones (he knows the number of) for them to tell him that you've gone away or something, and avoid seeing his face completely, get a trespass order, the pain and love will fade I promise you.. may take a while considering the time you have spent together... (usually half the time) People leave others even when they love them because it is not practical to stay... he needs to know never to hit another woman ever again, and if you are to stay that is not a lesson learned... he can do all the pleading he wants but that's only through the fear of losing you.. not because he didn't want to hurt you... if that was the case he would not of hit you in the first place. With love comes trust... and acceptance.
Even if the chances were that you did still like you ex... so what?! He has got to learn how to deal with his emotions way better... he's got an iron fist and he should know when to use it and who to use it on... it's for protection not hitting your girlfriend when he gets that pinch of jealousy.
99% chance it will happen again if you stay and you will feel the fool and it will kill your self esteem.
Many woman don't leave and eventually destroys all or most of who they are.. don't be a sad statistic. Take it from me I have met these women and this is how it starts.
I'm so sorry about it anyhow and it must have hurt emotionally and physically really bad.. you are not and don't feel protected by you boyfriend with obvious reasons.. no more pain... you can get the love you need from another and not get hurt like this. I am so sorry gal... it's hard... but please leave!
What Guys Said 52
There's no excuse for hitting you. No excuse, no excuse. Dump him. This will happen again unless he gets therapy.
I feel rreally bad because I flirted with a girl once and her boyfriend beat her up...not as badly as a punch in the face, but still...it was my fault, she couldn't help my flirting with her, but he was one of the 'I own you' types like yours.
So please take my advice!
Dump that moron asap and make sure that every girl in your world knows why you dumped that caveman.
Here's what to make of it:
With your ex boyfriend - If you want him to leave you alone, don't just ignore him; Tell him.
- We men are very territorial when it's someone we care about. If you don't tell him, you're leaving the door open for jealousy issues and drama (But hopefully not physical violence)
With your current boyfriend - Both you and him are scar'd for a while. Your bruises and trust are scar'd; but his trust and ego is damaged. No real man wants to hit his girlfriend; it's likely that this all happened due to the heated debate.
With the situation: GET THE @#$% OUT OF THE HOUSE
Look.. I'm not trying to "smash" on anyone; but sitting around is the same as patting him on the back: "I still love you john, it's okay"... Bullsh*t! The dude socked you in the face hard enough to make you black out.
You may not be a fragile girl; I get that. But if you don't plant your foot down, no one will. He needs to realise in his head that this doesn't need to happen. Socking a wall is a better alternative. If the panzy wants to hit women, his ass should go to jail; no offence to your boyfriend - I just flat out don't tolerate it until certain "limits" have been met (Like if she has her hand around my kid's throat)
Right now you need to think deeply - Are you gonna sit around and get smacked about just because you're avoiding your ex? It doesn't make a dime of sense to me and here you are still recovering from the crap probably to this month.
I can only hope and pray that you're one of the smart women that find a new boyfriend.
In all my anger, in all my frustrations, I have never hit a girl before.
I understand he cried, but honey, no girl on earth deserves to be punched by her own boyfriend. No matter what she did or said. This is a dangerous precursor that I hope you notice. Leave him, and stay away from your ex too.
Your current boyfriend will cry and whine, but for the most part, he was crying cause he was afraid of what you would do to him. Please leave. Before it gets worse.
Jeepers Creepers! I glad you did what was necessary and that you're now doing well.
It's never about "leaving him" or "loving him too much." It's about loving yourself enough to not put yourself in situation of abuse.
You can love him all you want, but if it's "okay" for someone to abuse you physically or mentally, then the real problem is how much you love yourself.
We teach others how to treat us and by staying you're basically teaching him it's okay to repeat his abusive mistakes.
Nobody can tell you what to do with your life, just realize that it's choices like THIS that will improve or devastate the rest of your life.
Seek advice from a loving mature female mentor as fast as possible.
My Blog ( link )
Dump his ass. He will probably hit you again. No one deserves to be hit.
You should stay with him, so that way if he gets jealous again he can lose his control and punch you again. Honestly, you should have him go to an anger management class. get himself together, and in the meantime, you need to say you need a "break" until he gets himself together. He will eventually say he has gotten himself together, rather its true or not. you should just go on with your life. and maybe find another guy you like before he gets "better" according to him. and obviously my first sentence was sarcasm
Call the police and report it. It's very important that these types of incidents are documented. I know that you probably don't want to get him in trouble but guys typically don't just do that once. Having it on his record means that if he does again to you or someone else he'll be punished.
Guys don't punch girls... ever. Any guy who crosses that line needs serious help.
My girl and I have been in quite a few arguments but I have never once even thought about punching her. This one time I got my girl in the eye with an elbow when we were tickle fighting. Probably the hardest I've ever hit anyone. That was an accident and I cried because I felt really bad that I hurt her... so yeah I bet he was crying but that doesn't change the fact that he hit you.
Sometimes sorry isn't enough.
If you don't react to this right now, he may think that you will never react to such physical acts.
You have to react as fast as possible.
Try not to talk to him for at least a week, not returning his calls, not texting him, etc.
After a week, tell him that you are ready to forgive him.
Get out of there and fast if he has hit you once he will do it again , the weakest guys normally hit girls and will often never stand up to another man as we hit back you see , I would tell him to stay away and call the cops if you feel threatened again and even consider reporting this one, never let a guy hit you there is never any excuse for a guy using physical violence against a girl
Obviously this is all very confusing to you.
You would have never done this.
You do not know any one who would have done this.
Clearly, there must be some explanation.
May be you did something wrong? May be he misunderstood something? He was overcome by emotion? May be he loves you so much that he can not stand the thought of you thinking about your ex?
He was so apologetic and was crying. So, he must have lost control and needs to be forgiven and given a second chance.
These are the thoughts and explanations girls go through to try and understand and this leads to continuation of abuse. Violence followed by apology is what keeps the abused from leaving.
DO NOT MAKE THIS MISTAKE!
HE DESRVES TO BE ARRESTED AND LOCKED UP!
What if he had done this to some one on the street? Some one who does not know him? Would not police have been called and he arrested? Then why should he be allowed to get away because he did this to some one who he"loves"?
He does not love you. He wants to own you.
FILE A POLICE COMPLAINT. TELL EVERYONE YOU KNOW.
There is no second chance for hitting you.
The fact he did t shows he at this point in life can't control himself.
You need to be apart from him for awhile atleast. If he ever did it again the cops need to be called.
Everyone's being over dramatic in here... They are jumping the stereotypical conclusion that your boyfriend is no good and was upset in the end because he feared what you would do.
Yes this is a possibility...
But when I was younger I was rough and foolish. Whenever I hurt someone I wouldn't be upset thinking about what they'll do to me. I would be upset because I tell myself that I should have controlled myself, I should have been thinking properly.
I get upset because I see them injured and I regret it all and feel heavy remorse and wish it hadn't happened... But I have since changed because people CAN change no matter what anyone tells you. We all have our barriers to change though such like my father, but even he is changing...
It's your choice to assess your future in this relationship. But here is some advice to help your assessment.
- I would talk to him about what had happened. This topic is uncomfortable so establishing the comfort before talking about it is best. If he still refuses let it go and tell him that you'll talk about it another time.
- If you do get into the topic ask him why he was upset when you woke on the couch.
- Ask him what pushed him into hitting you.
- At the end I would tell him that you forgive him. Even if he doesn't have the stress of remorse which I'm sure he does, it will still help by doing so.
This is your choice, you can leave whenever you want or you can stay if you truly love him.
Let me tell you what to make of it. If he hit you once, he is going to hit you again...and again and again. I have told this same story on this site before and will do it again in the hopes it may sa ve your life.
I have stepped between thug, ass holes like your boy friend on too many occassions...and will have to really think about it before I do it again. My wife was furious for my doing it, when I was married, and also did it when I was a single, younger guy.
If you stay with this barbarian son of a b*&^%...you will need a body guard, and maybe a burial plot before you need more hospitalization insurance...
Not many men are willing to interfere in a domestic beating, and I am not sure I ever will again, because so many stupid, needy, gullible women go back to these ass holes when they cry and say they are sorry, my father was one of thos ass holes and had I been bigger when My day was abusing my mother...I would have killed the bastard.
Don't get some other guy or woman killed or injured when they try to protect you THE NEXT TIME he hits you ...and god damn it ,he will...
I can't be there to beat him to death...the next time he knocks you unconscous..and probably no one else will either...
Get the hell away from this ass hole, and stay away and stay alive.
he was getting jealous. jealous leads to anger. I'm sure he loves you he just lost control over jealousy
Good to see everything worked out- good luck with your future endeavors of love :)
This is serious. Only you can decide how to handle this, but I think this does not sound like a healthy relationship.
In his defense, it sounds like this guy does truly regret what he did, so he's not exactly some serial rapist who is stalking you, he's not like an evil monster or anything, he's a guy who got mad and did something he can't take back. On the other hand... damn. He hit you. He not only hit you, he hit you really hard.
Honestly I do not think there is any salvaging this relationship. He made a HUGE mistake, I mean if he can't control his anger now, do you trust him to control his anger in the future? Will you ever look at him the same again? Will you ever trust him again? Would you want to?
If you had been with this guy for 10 years, and this was the only time this ever happened, maybe give him ONE and only one more chance, if he ever hits you again leave immediately. But if you've only known this guy a few months, I don't think its worth it.
If I were talking to the guy, I'd say this: "How is punching your girlfriend even an option?" I mean no matter how angry I get I'd never do that. For me if I flat out completely lost control, I can imagine throwing things or breaking things I can imaging saying horrible stuff, yelling, but punching a girl is not something I'd do unless I was attacked and the girl was trying to kill me. I'd be worried that it even occurred to him to do that.
1th thing,if you were my daughter or sister I'd kill him.Wait I'd ask him some questions the kill him!A man should not hit a woman no matter what she has done and not to mention you didn't even hit him first.I don't care what the situation is if you get mad walk away don't put you hands on a woman,your not her father.Anyway it sounds like the first time so talk and don't stick around for the second time.If you feel like he is gonna hit you ever again, leave.
OK, stay with the guy if you truly believe any of the following :
1) you deserved to get hit
2) being knocked unconscious by someone you love is an acceptable behaviour
3) love triumphs your own personal safety
Because THIS is what it comes down to.
Hitting your parter is UNACCEPTABLE UNDER EVERY CONDITION.
You will love other people, but you do not deserve to be hit under the threat of violence.
And then suggest that he seeks out anger management classes.
Also, call the police. Drop the charges later if you like, but he has to know without any confusion that YOU CANNOT DO THAT SHIT EVER.
For what it is worth, this site will not allow me to make the font bigger or bolder, so where you see all caps, assume I'm holding your arms and saying this very loudly to you.
a man should never have to apologize for hitting a woman in the first place.
that's like killing a pet and then apologizing like crazy.. the deed's been done, there's no going back..
because leaving his sorry abusive ass won't be enough
if he didn't want to do it, he wouldn't have done it
dude I would say leave him. he needs to go to anger management or counseling, he has some serious problems. your lucky he didn't do anything to you after you blacked out.
First of all, lets talk about your ex. If you truly have no feelings for him and he is bothering you, then you should have said something much earlier to your current boyfriend. It is your boyfriends business to be aware of any mis going ons with your ex's or else it might look as if you are running around behind his back. That said...in one way, you got what you deserved. I know it is horrible hearing that. The amount of emotional stress your boyfriend received all at one time as a surprise was probably over-whelming. As for the physical violence he showed on you...well that is unforgivable. In the future it will only get worse unless he gets help. I feel you both need to get help professionally if you care for each other, as I suspect.
Bail Out Now! Hitting is a big RED FLAG! He will probably do it again!
LEAVE! Don't even consider staying. Its not worth it. It can have serious mental repercussions!
Ok... the thing is... you should probably leave this guy NOW. It will likely save you a ton of trouble. HOWEVER, if you do stick around... and it's likely you will... they all do for a while... you should seriously consider filing a complaint or taking some pictures etc. so that there is proof of the event. You need to tell him that you will leave him instantly with no talking or arguing if it happens again. And you need to stick to it. If this guy lays hands on you... pushing, slapping, hitting or ANYTHING you simply have to be done with it. No talks. Just move on.
It is possible for a young man to make this mistake and truly regret it, learn from it and not repeat it.
All that said... giving you a busted lip, knocking you into the table and causing you to black out is really dramatic. If he outright punched you in the face then he has some SERIOUS self control issues and he could be a danger to be around. So I know you probably won't, but please please please you must seriously consider just walking away NOW.
Although he obviously regretted it badly, chances are if he did it once he'll do it again. Hitting your girl is never ok imo, no matter what the excuse.
Cut his f***ing d*** off! No mercy for woman beaters.
Awesome! I'm glad to hear that!
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What Girls Said 92
Dump that piece of crap.. i've been beaten too by my ex
He isn't sorry. He wouldn't have hit you otherwise. It isn't good behavior on his part and he should check into counselling perhaps to resolve his anger issues and insecurity.
If he chooses not to believe you that you love him more than your ex, then it's your fault. It's not right he hit you for no reason.
ewww break up with the f***er. ewww.
You need to leave him and quickly. Any guy who cannot control himself enough that he would hit a girl, is a dangerous guy. And, once they get the taste of hitting you, they will do it again, and again.
When a guy is so threatened by an ex trying to contact you, that is a sign of an insecure guy. It is the insecurity (which runs deeper than you realize) that is the worse thing about this. When a guy is insecure they need a way to feel in control and in charge again. When they hit a girl, that is their way of feeling good again, until the next thing comes along that triggers them to remember how insecure they really are. And then they hit you again.
I went through this in my teens and luckily I did finally leave the guy. His ability to hit me was a drug to him, I much later realized. Everytime something in his life upset him, he could take it out on me. Short of him recognizing his problem and getting serious help, I am sure he still hits women today.
okay, I really don't think this was an accident.
i think he got super jealous and couldn't handle it.
he needs trust issues help and anger help
yes tell him you need a break or leave him for good.
this isn't love if he hit you over something that wasn't even true.
just do what's best for you.
none of us girls deserve too be hit.
i can c like getting close too the face but not actually touching when playing around but he put alota force into that, so do what you think is right
If I were you I would get out as soon as possible if he does t one time he will surely do it again. Love doesn't hurt and if he gets so enraged and jealous over a few texts and phone calls imagine what else he is capable of. I mean when you came to he didn't even try to help you and you head was bleeding.You should really leave him next he'll be buying you all kinds of gifts and saying sweet things and how sorry he is until you set him off again and he bashes your skull in. Get Out now before this becomes a regular occurance in your relationship PLEASE!
The only thing you can do is dump him and get out while you can! It only gets easier and easier to hit someone and "apologize" afterwards but it doesn't mean anything! He shouldn't have even hit you that hard in the first place a real man would never do that. Please get out before you ruin your life.
It's an age old saying that if he hits you once he will again. I am really sorry about what happened to you no matter what you did it doesn't give him the right to lay his hands on you let alone to the point where you were blacked out. If you really truly are willing to make this relationship work then it is in the best interest for the both of you for him to seek counseling. He obviously has an anger and trust issue. I understand many people believe that if he does it once he'll do it again but I do believe that people like this need help and with enough time and counseling can get better. My advice to you would be to take a break from him until things cool down. Let him know that you think he should seek counseling but give him his space right now to get better and to think about his actions. I will keep you and him in my prayers and I hope everything works out for the best.
It will just get worse...
And he will always apologize.
He has anger issues, and he needs help.
You should talk to him about this.
Tell him you love him and you care, but that you have to break up wtih him for your own safety. If he really loves you, he will understand and will try to get help to fix his anger problem. Let him know you will be there for him, as a friend. But until he is "healed" you have to leave him.
Sticking with him, and waiting will not make things better. He will def do it again.
I will quote what Oprah said
"LOVE DOESN'T HURT".
Please leave him instantly. For the sake of your well-being, all the people who answered you here will give you the definite support to do it. It's very difficult to do so, but you must and you will leave. Absolutely no one deserves to be treated like that. Also tell your family and friends about this to get support.
What is there to 'make' of it?! Get out NOW. No real man would ever hit a woman, and no man who truly loved you would ever hurt you like that, nonetheless distrust you. This guy will hurt you again, don't be fooled by the crocodile tears and fake sympathy.
I know both you and I know that he isn't a brute. He is probably the most loving man you have ever met. He takes care of you like no one else has and makes you feel safer than anyone else. That's because men who hit have a specific personality. He's a caring, loving, very insecure guy who has a slight streak of jealousy. But that jealousy starts to get a little out of control. In the relationship you can feel yourself getting a little less opinionate, a little more worried about his needs then you should, and a little more afraid of hurting him then you should but you just can't put your finger on why that is. The jealousy over old boyfriends turns into jealousy over any man. It turns into jealousy over friends and family. I truly believe you did ignore your ex cause that's what happens. You really have no desire to get into a fight with your boyfriend so you avoid anything that will do that.
So the first time he hits you it's over something like this. Something where it seems he is just so full of passion for you. Something where both of you can convince yourself it was sort of understandable. Wrong, but understandable.
But something happened when he hit you that you don't realize. He just taught himself that all those feelings of weakness and feeling less like a man go away when he hits you. He felt strong when lashing out at the source of his pain, you. After it's over, he immediately feels sick to his stomach. So he is going to cry and he is going to promise to never do it again. And he is going to be sincere, in that moment. But the problem is that he just learned that the quick fix is not to hit, but to dominate. So it's not always going to be hitting. And it's not always going to be over a man. It will be over money, over opinions, over sex, over decisions. It is going to be shoving, hair pulling, screaming, demeaning. All those things are going to give him a rush of testosterone and give him his power back. Watching you cower will make him feel strong. And he becomes addicted to that feeling.
And what happens to you is you become a mouse. Any strength you have is gone. Because it is easier to take a hit then try and fight with him. Also, you will become addicted to the "honeymoon phase" after the hits. That's when you are the dominate one. He will grovel and beg and buy you things and you feel like a million bucks. That's why the cycle works so well. Cause after you are at your lowest point in pain, you are on top of a mountain feeling amazing. But that will end because he will forget, he will care a little less every time, and he will start thinking more and more "She made me do it!". Cause a man like that can only take groveling for so long. It builds resentment that he feels weak and the cycle starts again.
I know this seems like a drastic response to just one punch but every woman who ends up in a hospital beaten half to death started with just one punch.
Happy to here about the approach you took =]
I'm glad that your filed charges. No girl should ever put up with a man hitting them. There is no excuse for hitting.
Congratulation on your courage and clear-mindedness, Question Asker. I wish you the best
if you haven't left him in the last 2 weeks, LEAVE TODAY!
dump his ass! and you should have called 911 after you got concious, nomatter how much he apologised, that's domestic violence and abusive relationships never work out (unless ur one of those who get a kick out of it (no pun intended)) shame on him if he hit you once and shame on you if he hit you twice
If he'll hit you once he'll hit you a thousand times. You did nothing wrong for him to even justify hitting you (not that hitting a woman EVER needs justification). Don't be a victim to his abuse. You're young and you have you're entire life ahead of you. Do you really want to spend it being someone's punching bag when they cannot control their anger?
Let's play the if game.
IF you stay and IF he hits you again and IF you land on that corner just right and IF you're put into a coma, or worse, should he be able to just walk free?
No it's against the law.
Should you or would you stay with him after this happened?
My guess is no.
So why give him the chance to make things worse for you?
IF he LOVED YOU he wouldn't have hit you in the first place.
My advice is to leave him. If he hits you call the cops and get a restraining order.
Do not give him a second chance JUST because he felt bad about hitting you. I guarantee you he wasn't crying because he felt bad about hitting you. I know 100% it was more because he wasn't sure what he was going to do if you had a serious injury FROM him hitting you.
ALSO if it made you black out and HE DIDN'T CALL 911... yeah... pretty sure that says enough right there. He doesn't care enough for you to ensure your safety or to worry of your health. There is not matter here IF he hit you because he didn't care enough to get you medical attention when you should have had it. PLEASE do not stick around for this to "play out". Turn around and never look back. TRUE LOVE CAN FIGHT BACK THE URGE TO HIT SOMEONE YOU DO TRULY CARE ABOUT!
Best Wishes and I hope you get through this as smoothly as possible. If you need to talk just msg me on here. I know a lot regarding abuse and women simply shouldn't stand for it. You are worth more than an outlet for frustrations.
Take it easy.
So proud of you for leaving him and reporting it
hey I've been there, this could be an accident or a warning sign that he's abusive and controling ...one of my old bfs used to push me so hard id go flying back this is assault. I know how it feels especially if you love them. Just remember that if this keeps happening then its not OK to keep forgiving him. If he did it once he can do it again. You love him a lot so if you don't want t end it with him yet, all you can do is forgive him and move on. But if he does it again, it won't get better only worse the more you stay with him, I know from experience. And its tough the longer you stay guys like that don't tend to change, they have anger issues and can't resort to any other way then you unlease on their loved one. That type of relationship is dangerous, and many girl have ended up killed by their own boyfriend, accident of not. So pay close attention to him from now, and take note of any other warning signs that may come your way.
- how does he treat his parents, does he scream and yell at them often?
-is he controling has he ever grabbed you or forced you to do somthing you didn't want.?
-does he respect you free time or privacy? a controling guy won't care for your things he thinks he has the right to look through anything after all your his property and he thinks he owns you,
- has he had history of violence with his exs?
- when you decide to leave or go out does he try to start a fight to stop you?
a controling guy is munipulative and will start a fight over anything he doesn't want you to do, ending in him getting what he wants.
anyways I hope this helps.
all men flip out its natural you pushed him over the edge. infact in most relationshps but I'm sure he's a good guy so don't worry to much
get out, you need to get away from him. He sounds pretty psychotic if you want my opinion. You need to get his ass locked up and you need to get away because if he'll do it once its almost GUARANTEED he WILL do it again.
ok,...there are certain rules that a real man follows.1. never hit a girl 2. never hit someone when they are not ready. so he violated two of my major rules.
I am pretty sure he is honestly sorry, but,...still he should never have even attempted.
UIi think get away from him,...talk it out and agknowledge that he is sorry, but realy explain to him that you can not forgive something like that, cause you can't
I don't care how angry he was, how sad he was post-punching...get out! No one, guy or girl, deserves to be beaten around. that's just no respect for you whatsoever! Its just that if he got angry like THAT over just text msgs you haven't replied to, think: what if things in the future creates an argument and he hits you again? if he's done it once, he can do it again. when he gets enraged, the button for hitting gets pressed...i think it can happen again and I really don't want you to endanger yourself again!
what would he do if you had stabbed him with a knife if the situations were to be reversed (like you were having arguments about his ex) would he have forgiven u?
You're asking advice on a public forum, which shows you know there's something a miss here.
Arguments happen and things can get heated. The thing I would be concerned about his inability to deal with his anger and the fact that he lashed out at you.
I have experienced this before, its an awful situation to be in. I can't advise you on what to do, I can only say what happened is wrong.
I don't know if this is out of character for your boyfriend or if he has a tendency to violent outbursts.
Me personally, after what I have experienced would be out of the door quicker than he could say sorry. I am no angel but I don't hit the people I love.
Leave! I understand if you love him and you don't wanna leave but you don't deserve to be treated like that I got slapped and flipped on my guy but he punched you and he reared back to punch you so he had time to think about it...Leave!
i'd give him one more chance.. and if he does it ONE more time, than leave him.
and how long have you both dating for?
I mean everyone makes mistakes, and if he was crying about it, and was truley sorry.
I'm sure he didn't mean to, and he will never do it again.
Although I never had to deal with a guy who hit me before.
I always said that if a guy ever touched me, as in hit me I would never talk to them ever again.
But it never happened to me, and you love him.
So just give him one more chance.
just move on ... no one should touch another person no matter what. so leave
Get out of that relationship at once. If he can do it once he will do it again. You are not married to him and his anger is already out of control. Imagine what can happen in the future. I am certain that he is begging for forgiveness, but there will definitely be a next time.
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