Why do women rarely show any interest on guys even if they like them?

I notice this a lot, women who ignore guys even if they like them, or they never call or text first, or ask for a date, they don't flirt with them either or they even act cold sometimes. Which seems so confusing for men, because you don't even know if keep trying or move on.

Why people assume I don't make the first moves? I always make the first move! but sometimes I would really like if girls were more clear on what they wanted: That is do they like me or not? So I can keep trying. For instance there is girl that is just too hot and cold (likes me and then doesn't) she is too confusing I don't even know if she likes me or not. There are other who I chat seem friendly, into me, but if I don't talk to them, they don't talk to me.


Most Helpful Girl

  • A girl who ignores a guy she likes, hmmmm, how would you know she likes the guy? Maybe she doesn't? However...

    I can say that if a girl is really in to a guy she can become super nervous around him and not know what to do and freeze up or otherwise appear disinterested. Guys do that too.

    I see no reason to ask a guy out for a date or call or text him first. A guy who does not ask me out is not interested. I am approachable, I know how to send the signals that I like a guy and how to make it easy for him to talk to me.

    I have pursued a few guys when I was dating several years back and it only proved to me the truth. If a guy is not pursuing me, there is a reason for it. He either is seeing someone already, is not interested in me, is gay, or will be ever so happy to have casual sex with me, but has no interest in dating or pretending he wants a relationship.

    I left a note on a neighbor's car once to call me to go out. He was fun to talk to and he thought I was attractive. However, he kept cancelling our dates or not showing up, but then would apologize and invite me to hang at his place. I gave him the benefit of the doubt but finally recognized he was just trying for casual sex. I got him back real good. I invited him over to my place after he called me saying he was available to hang out. We had some wine, sat on the couch talking and then I told him I had to call it a night. When he got to the front door I gave him a big old kiss and said goodbye. Didn't answer any of his texts after that. Hilarious.

    • Thanks you just answered my question ...but another guy is trying to flirt with her what should I do?

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    • This answer is spot on. All a female really has to do is send availability signals. Any male with a significant amount of braincells will recognize a girl's signaled interest.

    • congratulations on proving what a b**ch you are!

What Girls Said 40

  • Women do it because it feels safer. It's partly because of a double standard.

    If a man goes up to a girl and flirts it's perfectly normal and a male-like quality according to society. Even among classy men, if a man flirts with multiple women at once it's seen as being charming. If the girl rejects him, he can tell his friends and they laugh it off and make jokes about that girl being a bitch or how he can just try again with someone else. If a guy is asked out, the same idea occurs. He isn't expected to reject her if she's hot because that'd make him gay.

    If a girl goes up to a guy and flirts, it's labeled as being slutty. Since men typically don't reject women, if the girl is rejected she feels especially rejected (and remember, a girl's self esteem is more sensitive). If a girl is surrounded by a group of men and she's flirting with all of them she's a total whore. If a girl is asked out, unless she has already hinted at liking him for the right reasons, she will get labeled as easy if she accepts.

    You get the point.

    Women often feel like they should be the colder ones or that they should play hard to get because society supports the concept. We don't show interest because that can easily lead to a bad reputation if not carefully monitored. It sounds completely anti-feminist, but we're better off waiting for the men to try.

  • Well when guys are friendly and nice they are good guys but with us women its a slippery slope I mean if your very nice guys might think you are desperate it your too friendly you might be considered a whore men don't have to think like that, ever. Plus do they even know that you are single?

  • Fear. Pride. Usually both. We don't want to seem desperate or get hurt so we protect ourselves and you taking initiative shows us you care about us, which is good. It's not fair to you but we're human and it's how we deal with things sometimes. But if you like someone, you should go for it because it's what you want and give it your best shot, regardless of how others act, its your life and your actions you can control.

  • You know how you guys are always going on about being afraid to approach when shy and all that? Same reason.

    • no no no I am saying after I have done the approaching, I am not talking about approaching men. They just seem to be passive.

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    • Except you're excuse isn't valid, since you aren't encouraged to go after guys and experience as much rejection as we are expected to.

    • Excuse me, but who are you to tell me that this reason is invalid? There ARE girls out there who don't approach because they're too shy. JUST like how some guys are afraid to. Your little accusation doesn't make sense. Come back later when you have a better response because that one is so ridiculous, I'm not even sure where to start.

  • Fear of rejection or maybe thinking that she's misunderstood the situation ?

    there's nothing worse than finding out that someone just thought you were a great "friend" . I want to be sure it's something more than that , and it can be hard to tell sometimes.

    Basically that's why men and women aren't open and clear about the people they want to meet / date/ have a relationship with . They don't want to be rejected ...or have just plain got it wrong ; because of what they wanted it to be .

    • WHY can't women be straight forward as men about their intentions?

    • A lot of men aren't straight forward ... that's my point :)

      Some men and women are very straight forward , most aren't ( in my experience ).

  • There are a lot of women (I included) who like a challenge, and if a guy shows too much interest too quickly, the woman becomes uninterested. I can tell you from personal experience I had a huge crush on 3 seperate guys (different times of course) and with all three they made it too obvious that they were interested and my feelings immediately dissipated. I guess you can try acting mysterious and keep them guessing because that's what works with me

    • eww game player

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    • I'm the same way, it kind of sucks hah

    • yeah if a guy comes on too strong I will run away lmao

  • I do this all the time because I'm shy and afraid of rejection.

  • They don't want to come on too strong.

  • flirt yes they do, but some don't like to initiate.

    this can have several reasons, either...

    - she's afraid of reaction and wants to hear you say you like her first

    - she likes the game and being chased

    - she thinks its hot when guys initate

    - she has absolutely no problem initiating things, but she thinks that a guy who doesn't dare to do it / is too lazy is not worth it.

    - or all of the above.

  • Because the girls that show all their affection become the "stalker exes"

  • As for me, I'm afraid to ask someone out. I would like it if the guy asks me out first. If I initiate talks too much, then I think that I'm a bother to him, so I pull back sometimes.

    • I think the same thing before talking to a girl, I always feel like if I talk to a girl I am just going to annoy her by talking. also on another note, that spoink pic is adorable, its so cute.

    • It's Spoink. :)

  • Lol kinda true in my case I have to admit. I tend to ignore or be cold to the guys I find attractive, and nice to the ones I don't give two shiz about. But that's just because I'm too paranoid, scared of getting all giggly and pathetic :-p

    • this has some truth in it. but I'm not a fan of the explanation. I think its more about respecting guys on different levels. the ones you're nice too you respect as friends and therefore your not nervous. the ones you like make you really nervous though, and you wanna know they like you for sure before you act too interested...i guess...lol

    • You must be attracted to a lot of guys! lulz

    • Cenicienta, yes you are right:) that is what I meant. You just put fancier words to it than me :-p

      Hades.. what do you mean? You don't know me personally so you wouldn't know how I am in real life. And I am always nice to everyone ^.^

  • Some men try to take advantage of that. That's why some girls don't let the guy know that they like them.

  • Fear of rejection , hurt feelings...

    society put these stupid rules "games" in to peoples heads and people thing they should follow them.

    but honestly it depends on the girl, if I like I guy believe me he will know.

  • because you're supposed to be the MAN.. and you should work if you want her :)

    • yeah but don't leave me guessing a clue would be fine

    • yeah well she should show it a little

  • they don't want to appear desperate and scare the guy off.

  • Because rejection is one of the most mentally painful things in the world.

  • Not all of us do that. That's only the ones that know they can get whoever they want or something. Some of us actually want a relationship ya know...

  • cause when she shows interest first, most guys think its an easy way to get sex.

    • That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. Girls need to stop being so damn self conscious about the STUPIDEST SHIT!

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    • this is true

    • @AmberChick, guys will still just want sex, use a girl for sex regardless of who initiated

  • I do this because I’m not sure how he feels about me. I’m afraid of putting my heart on the line only to be turned down, humiliated, or worse have a guy lead me on, pretending to like me, use me for sex, and ditch me. I’ve always thought that if a guy really liked me, he’d approach me. If he doesn’t approach, he’s either happy just looking, is in a relationship, or not interested.

    Also, I’m terribly shy so when I like a guy, I find it so hard to meet his gaze and smile at him, let alone strike up a convo without becoming a stuttering fool, etc. So I usually avoid him. It’s counterproductive, and makes me seem uninterested, I know. It’s tough.

    • downvote all you like, all I've done is state why *I* personally fail to show interest in a guy I might be interested in. don't like? oh wells

    • This is an honest answer, and at least she said _I_. +1

    • “If he doesn’t approach, he’s either happy just looking, is in a relationship, or not interested.” So you get to be shy and appear uninterested while we men have to decipher the non-cues you give? What if we're shy too? Flaw in logic there.

  • Girls usually play off what the guys sending out . If she's not responding then she doesn't like you or she's clueless . Another thing is , she might be "hot and cold" to you because you could be sending her mixed messages so she doesn't really know which direction to go . I know its probably a lot of pressure on the guys to always feel like they have to make the first move ... but that's usually how girls ( or how I at least ) can truly know how to act .

  • That what we call self respect!

    • what self respect? acting cold and fake and closed are called self respect?

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    • Sorry, I couldn't resist downvoting.

    • Pmsl... oh my god do us a favor please

  • In girls mind, guys should move first... If I'm interested in someone, I will wait, but if I really like him, I will give some hints. If I don;t like just ignore.

    I think no matter how shy someone is, he/she will try to move if he/ she really has feeling for the one. If not interested, no matter how open he/ she is, no move for sure.

    • Why do you say in girls minds, as if having a vagina, gives you insight, into the other 3.5 billion people who have a Vagina.

      Next time just say in MY mind.

  • I've done things both ways, actually. I've ignored guys that I like and I've shown interest by going up and talking to them, being friendly, saying hi. They didn't show interest in me either way. Why did I do it? because I've heard some guys like girls to play hard to get. Didn't work in my case, but then again, neither did the alternative

    • "Hard to get" and "not interested" are a world apart. We don't always pick the low hanging fruit but we don't want all our efforts to be in vain either.

  • Some girls are just afraid to get hurt & want the guy to actually put effort in showing her they like them. They want you to show your interest by being able to keep up with them.

  • because they should make the 1st move.. these are the rules lmao

  • Yes. I'm very wary to show anyone I like them.

    It's cause I'm a wimp. :C

  • The reason is because girls who seem to come off too strong can be labeled as sluts and so if we flirt with guys we may get that stigma attached to us. What is better if the guy takes the lead, in that way we can do as he says because we like him and it's not because we are a slut or anything like that.

  • because our society, culture, made it that tradition, social-norm, status quo, and same reason why girls don't initiate, because we fear, hate rejection too, so we use the status quo to our advantage.

  • there are lots of guys who will just take advantage of you if they sense you're interested in them...they mght not particularly like you more than any other girl, but think of you as easy meat.

    even guys on here say "there are girls id f*** and girls id marry"

    well, for those of us who don't want to be just "a girl you d f***" it seems the best way is put up a guard until we trust you, know you better.

  • More from Girls

What Guys Said 22

  • most girls say fear of rejection...god, if I had fear of rejection then I'd never ask women for anything...

    do you realize how many times guys get rejected and rejected and rejected...does it make us not go after what you want?

    a majority of girls like to play hard to get and if they aren't gonna chase me then they think I'm not worth the chase...yada yada yada, YAWWWWWWWWWWWNNNN

    if you want us, let us know, stop playing retarded games...

    • if you stop being p******

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    • Yeah I know not all guys are like that who just want sex, so not all girls are like that and can't initiate. I have asked out guys before, yeah it was hard but I did it because I wanted to know whether or not he really liked me so I could finally put it to rest and stop wondering. I did it for me, not for anybody else. You'll get some shy people who can't do that, girls and guys. Exactly, don't judge!

    • On second thought.. This guy deserves the best answer.

  • I agree with you not all, but most girls do this as I have discovered. I have known girls that have liked me for sure but act exactly as you stated above. I think a lot of it stems from insecurity and uncertainty as most women are insecure about everything. In fact I have found the more beautiful a woman is the more insecure she is. No matter how beautiful I find a woman I can tell she is insecure by the way she acts and by her body language and there's the inevitable head games.

    My advice read the most fascinating book called the art of seduction by robert greene which really puts things in perspective. its a book that deals with how to seduce, make one fall in love, etc and the psychology of all of it backed up with historical examples. Just go to amazon the reviews speak for themselves but it is utterly fascinating and gives you a great deal into female psychology and how a woman thinks,etc.

    • " In fact I have found the more beautiful a woman is the more insecure she is. " I agree!

    • i agree too! I've been told I'm beautiful, really pretty etc. but I've never dated and I'm pretty sure that's contributed to my insecurities. I think "if I were really attractive I'd have a bf." Truth is, guys rarely ask out pretty girls, assuming they're taken. In turn, many of us are single, wonder why, and get insecure.

  • There scared too.

  • Why do women rarely show any interest on guys even if they like them?

    I'm no expert but my experience taught me that they (97% of women population) are scared sh$%@$% less of rejection. So much that they stop trying to get a guy to like them and start becoming bitter and bitchy about the success other girls get. As a result we men get the backlash of their shyness by trying to figure out by trial and error if the girl we have interest in is giving us signals of interest or is just sending us a friend invite. There's a distinction to both, signals meaning playing with hair (release of hormones camouflaged in scent/perfume/spicy), accidently dropping something so you look at her ass, etc... (seems random but believe me it's on purpose). As for the friend request is more when she talks to you plain and simple without the accidents.

    The scent of horny woman is easier to catch when she's close to her period = More aggressive with the signals. Also The special odor is easier for men who have sex regularly to catch (more awareness to opportunity.) When she's close to her period, the smell can sometimes be so present in the air that you get HOT and simply don't know why (horny woman close).

    Most Girls are aware of what they have to do to prevent a guy from getting sex. But they know ZERO about how to get the guy and actually keep him once they have him. (anxiety + anxiety = Stress). Similar on how we guys more often than we want, finish in the FriendZone as opposed to Boyfriend. (it's a matter of experience)

    One more thing experience taught me is that If a girls is nice to you. it's just that and nothing else. So guys keep walking, nice girl at 12 o'clock . Evasive maneuvers move at 2 or 10 o'clock and high five your guy pal at 9 or 3 o'clock.

    If she's interested she'll try again. For the time being she lacks experience in brackets (she's just shy).

  • We're guys, we'll never understand women. No matter how "knowledgeable" or "experienced" you claim to be.

  • Girls tend to be even more afraid of rejection than guys.

    • this is true. It's because we get judged on our looks way more than guys do so we always have to be presentable and do or say the right things. If we don't, we can easily be labeled as something negative (slutty comes to mind).

    • That makes sense, on the other hand guys are so used to rejection its meh after awhile.

    • No, Amber.. You're more afraid of rejection, because you haven't experienced rejection nearly as much as the average guy.. lol

  • This site is plagued with girls asking similar questions about guys. I don't know if it's specific to women...but it does sound like a communication thing.

    Lots of girls answered your question though, which probably means they have their own answers. Most of them coincide: fear of being rejected or being hurt. In any case...I'm always inclined to think that it's about both ends, not just one.

  • Because mate, they don't have too. Their philosophy is if you like them enough, you'll make it happen. Ironically, it does not work both ways. I guess by their definition, they must not like you enough.

  • Life was never meant to be fair, so dating and relationships, sex, is one of them

  • because they don't have to, if we did not have to do something, would we do it?

  • The guy is meant to be the hunter. Make a move. If she's not interested, move on.

    • 1mo

      Or if she is not interested Keep trying (but not over the top) and you will win her.

  • dude.. cause its their nature. feminine soft, shy, delicate, etc... how can you be so oblivious to it

    • there you go!

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    • hmm.. I see. Bullsh*t.

      Incidentally.. You have a Penis- you are 'shy'. I have a Vagina- I'm not shy.

    • you are def more shy than a a**hole who speaks his mind. even a bitch is shy compared to a guy who isn't afraid.

      Girls are for sure more feminine and anyone who says otherwise is a moron.

  • when work has to be done, it's easier to avoid it then do it

  • why don't you tell her you like her! ding ding- ask her out!

  • Generalization much? that sh*t cray

  • Women fear rejection and or do not want to put in the effort of putting themselves out there. Some will lie to themselves like "he did not like me so I did not have to talk to him anymore" or "If he liked me he would have called" even if she has a phone in her hand and his number on speed dial. Some act like they do not want to come on strong lol. In reality it turns in a cold shoulder and the guy they want never dating them and the woman complains about a guy not liking her to folks in real life or the internet...

    • thing is, there are many girls out there. If we ask a guy out and we get rejected for another girl, that's embarassing. I know guys go through the same things, but girls can be very insecure at the heart of it and when rejected for another girl, they start comparing looks and bashing themselves. I don't know if guys do this too but guys can learn to be something, girls are stuck with their looks.

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    • I answered it lol

    • Agreed. I HATE girls who have this mindset.. >_>

  • Because she is not really into him... In my experiences if she wants him she will go on the attack if she is not shy. When she attacks watch out... You may end up getting a wife or girlfriend lol.

  • I think everybody kind of does this. I've had times where I've noticed the same thing about girls. But you know what? I'd think about it and realize I was acting exactly the same way. Nobody wants to stick their neck out there. Nobody, guy or girl. But eventually, someone will have to. If you like her enough, and you think you've noticed signs that she likes you too, then just go for it man.

    To the girls who answer this question: As you can tell from what I said above, I can totally understand where you're coming from. Fear of rejection, fear of putting yourself out there... Guys feel the same things.

    Guys and girls, I think we should all make an agreement now. If you like someone, but you don't want to make the first move, just be really friendly. Make it obvious to the other person that you really enjoy spending time with them and want to more often. And if you notice this in someone else, then make a move, because you're probably right.

  • princess-entitlement mentality

  • they only want equality when it benefits them

  • it's built on a princess mentality. they feel themselves the center of the universe when dealing with men. do find someone better for your sake. unless you like to deal with this kind of behavior. I deem this ugly behavior and I say" no" to it!

  • It doesn't matter if they never call or text first. (Though that isn't even true, by the way.)

    Who care whether she shows interest or not?

    The girls are like flowers - you pick the one you want, and just look out for thorns.

    You're the man. You ask. Then it's not confusing. If she says no, move on.

    If you can't get a girl by doing this very simple thing.. .maybe you need to learn how to pluck.

    • i never I said I wasn't going to ask, I always do it, I always do what men are supossed to. But I always get to apoint where I don't know where to go, because I don't know if they are interested or not.

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    • Everyone is human. When one person feels insecure, someone else boosts them up, helps out. They in turn are stronger to help the next person., Delegating certain tasks to one set of people is a bullsh*t solution, to a complex world. Obviously, It doesn't work.

    • @toulouse - You couldn't be more wrong. It's working fine for the majority of the world. It's generally guys who have to come to sites like this for advice, who are the only ones being left behind.