Girls, why do you agree to friends with benefits (fwb) relationships?

Question

I've seen this trend my whole adult life and since being on GAG, I'm constantly dropping opinions about it:

1) A girl says yes to friends with benefits relationship with a guy. No strings attached, no agreements.

2) Girl and guy share lots of intimate hours together. Still, no commitment, no agreements.

3) Guy finds a girlfriend with whom he makes a commitment and makes agreements.

4) friends with benefits girl gets upset with guy because he a) got a girlfriend, b) stops returning her text and calls, or c) all of the above

5) friends with benefits girl is shocked and upset because she thought there were "feelings" between them and that they were "friends." Guy is branded an asshole for breaking her heart.

Help me to understand what is happening here. Why do girls/women who are naturally more relationship oriented and tend to get more attached quicker in sexual relationships choose to say yes to the friends with benefits dynamic? What are you getting out of it? How is it ever fulfilling? And why the hard feelings when he gets a girlfriend?

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

to be honest speaking for myself and a few other chicks i know... we use to do that.. with the intentions of maybe hell be our boyfriend one day... but in reality guys that only want to hook up either are not ready to commit or already have their eye on someone special thats holding out on the goods for them so they need something on the side... it really not fun being someones second or last pick as to who they should see that day... really the guy is getting more because a female i know i become attached and will have sex with him just because i know he likes it and i want him to want to have made me his girlfriend... it was not fulfilling because the fact that you actually have fulfilling sex when its someone you love... like with my boyfriend we have sex and i dont cum sometimes but yet i still feel fulfilled because the love we have for one another... i mean i never had the hard feelings part... but that was back then when i was like 18-20.. i would never agree to a sex buddy relationship ever again... thats very young minded... im 22 now and I've grown out of that...

haddleduddle · Accepted Answer

The guy is not branded as an asshole if he stated in the beginning that it's just physical. whatever you want to call it.

The situation may very well be reversed, she could be finding someone new, that would want a relationship. Biologically women get a bit attached after sex because of the hormones levels like prolactin. But that's not all there is. No one is stopping these women from keeping their mind free and just look for someone else.

Maybe they have a great sexual relationship with their fuck buddy, or heck, maybe they even have more than one - their choice. It's not really like only women get attached.

JulyAndrews · Accepted Answer

But that's BS. I have had (and still have) sexual relations that were just sexual. But apparently from what I read here a lot of demand exclusivity, and THIS is just wrong. I have never demanded to be exclusive with a fuck buddy... the whole point is no strings attached and everybody is free to fuck around.

I now I have 5 options to choose from and I need some extra fresh meat. Back ups of course ;)

Exclusivity you can not demand from anyone who is not in an ACTUAL relationship with you.

So I don't recognize what you say in my own sex relations.

ilovchipmunk · Accepted Answer

I don't believe there is no attachment upon any sexual behaviors, and external intercourse can't be broken apart from internal emotion, By friends with benefits means both of two objectives established a consensus to bury the soul alive in the boundary they called rationality and brutally convicing theirself to take in this theory.

Any sex activities even buying a prostitution would stitch a thread of considerable attachment , and increasing frequency of repeating and cycling mental contact certainty amplified the bonded level , no one could escape the blackhole but everyone wanna beguile to own.

The Bond grows up more closely, The ambivalence effects more strongly, on the top of whole, friends with benefits merely a festering social product of specific era. Its prevalence continue to push the boundaries of “acceptability” of hypocrisy toward to public.

It's fake

Mesonfielde · Accepted Answer

Because they are "afraid of commitment", but lonely and thus need some form of emotional reciprocation, and they get that and physical reciprocation from having sex with someone with "no strings attached".

The ones who get ticked off that they signed a non-committed agreement and the other person abandoning this agreement means that they will no longer get what they were there for - to ease their loneliness. As to why they act territorial about it - it is like when you are lent something for an indeterminate amount of time, you use it regularly, and they ask you to return it with no way of keeping it.

That, and I am pretty sure some of those geniuses are trying to create emotional dependency towards them and thus negotiate the guy into a relationship with them through sexuality.

Anonymous · Answer

In my opinion, only girls who has extremely low self esteem and self respect accepts something as demeaning as that. The guy in question wouldn't even want an actual relationship with her in any way, he just wants someone to f**k, so since he don't wanna pay for it, he would turn to such girls who can give it for free in the name of friends with benefits. Most of the girls who gets into friends with benefits aren't that attractive or beautiful, they're mostly mid, or way below average, but the guys who pursue her for the friends with benefits relationship would tell her how attractive she is or how sexy she is or how tempting she is, and she would be floored, since he is giving her the attention and validation that she never gets, she would be up for the friends with benefits relationship because she don't want him to leave her and wants that constant supply of attention, but she won't realise that the moment she decides to give away her body freely, the attention and validation would start to decrease. It may go on for some months until he would actually find someone attractive or someone who isn't easily available to use.

kambo_trick3y · Answer

It's a fucked up.

Stupid world full of people who:

A - Don't know what they want

B - Are too stupid to see where the whole thing is going in the first place

C - Think with their loins first and their brain second, so MUCH so they are willing to throw away what would (normally) be their standards that would define a human being with good integrity. But you know what? Who needs that shit, right? FUCK IT! SEX!

People always tell me I should smile more, but the truth is, I have a real, palpable, actual reason to hate the majority of human beings. The day I start meeting more intelligent ones is the day I start smiling more, and you wanna know what? That day has truly, legit, not arrived yet.

MrMuffinMan · Answer

I think a lot of girls and guys don't actually know what they want. Said girl might think she wants  friends with benefits  but in reality she isn't cut out for it. The first time I had sex I gave it away to a prostitute. My belief up until that time was that sex was just something that people did for fun and that people really over valued it. As soon as I came I then got a feeling of deep despair, started freaking out and some how my mom found out, as I was still living at home, and she kept on berating me afterwards about it and a couple days later I started to have a crying break down. I was really depressed for a couple of days as I felt extremely cheap which was largely heightened by my mom. I would suggest that your first time you give it away to someone that gives a shit about you. It would have been nice to have been given some sign that it meant something. Ofc I thought I knew what I wanted but I didn't.

Squiggles88 · Answer

As someone with a friends with benefits I can say it's just basically that we are both at a stage where we don't want to commit to a relationship after Heartbreak. So we're just comfortable to keep it as a friendship but we also like to have sex and cuddle up and do couple things as well as just hanging out. He did ask if I wanted more and if I was happy with how things are. I said I don't want to change anything and that I am happy with it. I guess it's like less pressure. If he met someone I would be fine with it. Who am I to stand in the way if happiness. We make each other happy but I don't see myself in a lasting relationship with him. Although I know he would like that with me. When the time comes once we meet someone else we would be totally happy to carry on as just friends again. We do occasionally hook up with other people and we're both fine with that. We talk open and honestly and thats something I've never experienced in my actual relationships

meatballs21 · Answer

Some girls really enjoy sex, or really enjoy sex with that guy but don't see him as relationship material.

Some girls don't have time for a relationship.

If she enters into friends with benefits with the intent of trying to turn him into an actual boyfriend, that's her problem for not being honest with herself and him. She's trying to change the deal after it's been made, and that has to be done with the assent of both parties - there's no sense crying about it if he's happy with the way things are.

WesTheGuru · Answer

Some girls will take whatever they can get.

Or I've seen it happen where the girl has sex with him after a party or something, and he just won't talk to her unless that's what she wants again, so they trap themselves in it instead of just being ignored in the first place.

They think "well i've already slept with him, so my number isn't going up or down. Might as well". I've heard women say some variation of that statement quite ofteb

BertMacklinFBI · Answer

I would assume its better to have at least a  friends with benefits  than to have nothing at all for most people which is why they do it and tend to get attached anyways when the other side clearly is in it for all of what a  friends with benefits  stands for.

Shyguy_1988 · Answer

I do not understand the dynamic of the whole thing for guys or girls. Say the girl gets a boyfriend first I bet the guy will be jealous as well. The whole thing is stupid to me because no matter how you look at it sex is much more then just a simple physical pleasure. It comes with emotions and all of that, of course you can hide them, but is it worth it? Not to me

Anonymous · Answer

Maybe girls act like that because they really liked the guy? i mean, being in any kind of relationship with the guy you like is probably super exiting, and could always develop to something more. I guess it's not that fulfilling but usually the guy also acts like it someday could be something more and it gives women hope. I've experienced this myself and it is stupid to hold on to a guy that doesn't really like you but I think girls watch to many romantic movies and think that their life might be the same and in the end it would end like for mila kunis in friends with benefits

Crazyced · Answer

I believe that for most of those cases (where there's feelings), it just the female equivalent of the friend-zone. They think it's better then nothing and it gives them hope that things will eventually pan out.

Anonymous · Answer

Because those girls/women are stupid. They agreed for one thing and then later expect something more later down the line. Truth is, there is no guarantee (if at all ) you're going to find any sort of commitment with a purely sexual relationships. If you play with fire you're gonna get burnt.

Anonymous · Answer

Because they are desperate for any attention they can get positive are negative and men will never take them serious, as nothing more than a easy lay.

Anonymous · Answer

I considered it once but realized I most likely would just get hurt in the end. So we only had sex once.

Girls, why do you agree to friends with benefits (fwb) relationships?

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