How do I let a girl down gently after sleeping with her?

[Anonymous]

I know this is a really dick question but I don't want to hurt her. So there's this girl I know and she recently became single. I also knew that she liked me but the feeling wasn't mutual.

We were on a night out together with a few friends down the pub. I had a few to drink and things escalated quickly, within the space of like 20 minutes we started making out and went back to hers. When, during the middle of sex, she said she wanted us to date I agreed; partially because I didn't want the sex stop, partially because I was drunk, but also because I didn't want to reject her.

The next morning I left and we continued speaking. She now want's us to date and due to feeling guilty I've agreed to take her out in the near future (nothing actually arranged though). I know that everything I've done has been stupid and selfish, so you don't need to tell me.

I just really need advice on how to let her down without hurting her (and hopefully without coming off as a complete prick). At this point I'm not above lying to save her feelings.

Updates

+1 y

By the way I live with two of her best friends. I've got to think about that too :S

Updates

+1 y

By the way, remember this wasn't just some random encounter. She is my friend and I'd like to keep it that way; that's why I'm hesitant to tell her the blunt truth.

[Anonymous]

I had something sorta like this happen to me. My best guy friend confessed his feelings for me one day, and I declined him out of the pure fact that I wanted to remain friends. Eventually, I liked him back, and we did stuff one day after time has passed; it just happened (a girl and a guy all alone in the house can turn things pretty quickly...). After that eventful day, I wanted to date him. I felt like we could work out a relationship being that I've known him for so long, and that I felt comfortable around him. However, he declined all calls with me, would avoid me, etc. I wanted to talk about what the hell happened, and what it meant between us. He just kept dodging me. 3 months later, he was back with his ex, and I had to find out through text and Facebook. Seeing all those lovey-dovey pictures, etc; it just hurt me into pieces. Had he been straight up with me from the very beginning, and told me what the hell was on his mind, I would have understood and gotten some closure. Instead, I spent months in agony trying to just accept it, and get over him. I deleted him from my contacts, social media sites, etc. Everything.

We all make mistakes, and it happens to the best of us. No biggie. Just tell her straight up how you feel. It will help in the long run, trust me. And you won't risk losing a friend over a misunderstanding. Don't beat yourself up about it. I wished my friend was as straight up, and approaching this sensitive topic like you're trying to do. We would have still been friends..

[tabular]

Well, I am currently in this situation with a guy (in that he let me down) and I can tell you that there is no way of letting someone down gently, so I guess it is best to tell her that it was a one time thing and it will never happen again.

However, I have a question for you (again - considering that I am in this girls situation): Would you continue sleeping with her now? Let's say, 3-4 more times? Because that's what the guy did to me...

[Asker]

No, and to be honest I was already regretting it by the time the night ended. May I ask, do you think I should tell her now or go out with her and tell her in person?

[tabular]

Do you still want to hang out with her? I'd suggest that you do the let-down before, and you could use going out as a way to start the conversation, as in tell her about your plans (in that: you'd really like to hang out) BUT just as friends (as in: I know I told you about dating, but actually I am not ready to date and I am very sorry for having led you on, I really hope we can stay friends, but no more hooking up' - important you mention that) But as a sign that you mean the whole friendship you'd still suggest to go out and do something (just not a candle-light dinner)

[Asker]

I just couldn't push myself to be blunt and so I tried saying this (which to be fair is the truth):
"I've been thinking and I'm not sure that us meeting up would be such a good idea. You've just come out of a relationship, and I've just kind of come out of one (it's complicated), and so it's probably not the best time. Above that I'm going to be going home for the summer, which is like 5 months.I think you're a brilliant girl and I hope we still talk and stuff though"

Was that the right thing to say?

[tabular]

ummm I don't know. if I was the girl I'd think that he just needs time and I need to reassure him that I am ok with it etc. etc. etc. too much was left open, but now that it is done don't worry about it anymore. also 'and stuff' ? I'd think sex stuff. But then I am mental, so probably not the best one to comment ;)

[tabular]

Could you maybe be so kind and participate in my poll? Considering that you are in a similar situation... (just that my guy was actually my very dear friend...): www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q996511-guys-if-you-told-a-girl-you-want-to-be-just-friends-she-sent-you-a

[Asker]

She's taken it well... I think.

This is a lesson to all y'all kids: beware, beer and whisky make's you frisky.

[Asker]

and sure :)

[tabular]

then you dodged a bullet right there, my friend haha!

[rthomas43]

Too late now.
Do the right thing.
Date her. Marry her. Have a few kids together. All their names should start with the same first letter, it'll be adorable. Buy a golden retriever, they're great loyal family dogs. As far as what to drive, I'd recommend a truck for you, and an SUV with a high crash test rating for the missus. Make sure you take some finance classes in university because it's going to cost a pretty penny to send three kids to good engineering schools. Oh yeah, steer them in the engineering direction from a young age. You don't want them going and getting some lame ass degree in "liberal studies". And one last thing, if your son ever comes to you talking about how he accidentally lead a girl on doesn't know how to let her down, you'll be able to tell him to man up and stop being a pussy or he'll end up in an unhappy relationship like you.

[pineappleshortcare]

Just be polite and say "Sorry if I led you on, but I don't want a relationship" And then stop contacting her. Dragging it on is what really makes people mad. Short term flings come and go.

[pineappleshortcare]

Oops, I'm not sure how I managed to answerhere. That's a pretty clever answer though.

[rthomas43]

Haha thank you

[Asker]

I should stop being a pussy... but then again I do like trucks

[rthomas43]

Get yourself a nice f-150. Maybe put a couple inch lift on it, hang a yellow bandana from the rearview mirror to show everyone you're still hip, as you desperately try to cling on to what remains of your youth. You make good money. You have a nice vehicle, nice house, nice family. From the outside looking in, you're life is perfect. But what people don't see is the emptiness that eats away at your insides. You yearn to connect to another soul, but years of depression and repressed emotions has left you emotionally numb. You begin to question life, society, and your role in it. You come to the painful realization of how little relevance your life holds in the grand scheme of things. Nobody at work will miss you. Your wife, she'll be sad, but she'll recover quickly due to the fact that y'all lacked any real emotional connection. One day, your pitiful existence comes to an end in a hotel room with a bottle of vodka on the nightstand, powder on your nose, and a 1.5 inch hole in your head.

[rthomas43]

Do you see where I'm going with this? Be honest and give this nice a girl a clean break.

[Asker]

Thanks to you I'm now the proud owner of a Golden Retriever :)

[Metlahead]

It is so weird how people try to be a people pleaser but end up making things worse for everyone. You should have been honest from the start. That would have avoided the feeling that you owe her something now, which you don't. Just apologize and tell her the truth. Maybe you should acknowledge that you were a prick, and that it is something you are working on, because "not coming off as one" is not as important as working towards not being one.

A real mans word is reflected by his actions. If they are not in sync, then something is up. A prick who can acknowledge his behaviour is still more respectful than someone who is trying to cover something up.

[m-ana]

see; proved it!! "I also knew that she liked me but the feeling wasn't mutual."
I knew a guy didn't have to like a girl to fuck her. HA

anyway...yeah, dick move, but I understand it. I've done it. Well.. I won't tell you what I did, it was a mistake. I did it the bitchy way; made him hate me after.

So, what I'd advise, tell her the truth -kinda; you were drunk and aren't sure what exactly she meant about 'dating', you thought she meant 'just hooking up'... and then let her answer "no, I meant actually dating.." the come back with.. "well, because of that, you aren't sure that'll work out.. I'm not looking for a girlfriend.." you did a dick move, I'm sure you can come up with another lie to fill in the gaps.

See if that helps... :)

[gingerrr]

If you genuinely didn't want to hurt her feelings you wouldn't have let it get this far. You thought with your little head instead of your big head.

[Daniel3035]

Assuming she’s in your arms gently arch your back facing the sofest object you can find usually a bed. Bend over it and let her body sit on it after her whole weight covers the bed gently pull your arms out under her this is the dangerous part as if you don’t be careful you might stroke her ass or vagina boobs etc in which case she will become horny in this situation the female may grab you again don’t be afraid if this happens people die from sharks more often than this the trick is to look her in the eyes for a long time.

[Anonymous]

Ugh goddamn my heart hurts for this girl :( you need to explain to her what you just explained to us. Let her know it wasn't your intention to hurt her but you realize now that it's was down right stupid of you to even fathom what you did wouldn't have affected her too bad. If you're any kind of decent you'll spend a LOT of time and energy trying to make amends...

[COCOCHANEL]

i don't get why people think you're a bad person. you guys were drunk and she popped the question in the MIDDLE of sex? crafty. she knew you'd be have a hard time saying no. i tell the boy beforehand not during sex. oh and yeah, i don't go get drunk and have casual sex either.

[COCOCHANEL]

she is thinking ”yay lucky me i won” but it's not that easy.

[Consultant]

I'm totally the same way I feel so awful if I hurt a girl's feelings I think the best approach is definitely that me not you mentality and just explain how you would be able to offer her what you think she wants and you're not in the position for a relationship and blah blah blah

[NoblesseOblige]

Just tell her straight up. Heat of passion, drunk, etc, the whole thing.

[Luna-o3o]

media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lwah0gFCoh1r48bd4.gif
Haha xP using RR against you

[NoblesseOblige]

strong everything.

[Anonymous]

If you genuinely didn't want to hurt her, you wouldn't have strung her along like this and given her false hopes about the future. Talk about being a coward.
At this point you can't do anything without looking like a jerk (because let's face it, you are one) so what you need to do is be honest with her. Should have thought things through before letting your selfish desires cloud your mind. But now you know not to think with your dick, unless you actually want to be a dick. Then go right ahead.

[nica18morena]

Just let it be- she isn't making moves on you (I'm assuming). Until then just keep the same relationship you have now. There's no need to jump the gun if she hasn't expressed anything to you.

[meibay313]

No matter what you do, you will hurt her feelings so just tell her.. just do what you gotta do.

[Anonymous]

just remember that karma goes around, one day your future wife will fuck your best man and divorce your ass and then whatever you did to this poor girl now will happen to your future daughter in the future when you're a grumpy ass old father.

[CaLi-GiRl]

You just be honest.. If she approaches you to make plans you tell her that you don't think it's a good idea because honestly if your not into her then it's not a good idea..

[cjudd]

I would just be honest and tell her you weren't in your right mind, as you guys had both drank too much that evening and that it was a bad move on your part to agree to this.

[misscocobutter]

Oh dear. You owe it to her to be honest, it will hurt her, but you will hurt her anyway. If you string her along that hurts so much worse.

[Ulyss]

Tell her you have a boyfriend and have one of your buddies pretend to be your boyfriend

[Consultant]

this made me lol

[Ocicatlvr]

too late you are already a big prick. all you can do is just let her go. she will be hurt either way.

[Anonymous]

No matter what you do you will be a jerk.

Anyhow the smartest things to probably go on one date and tell her after that you don't see it working out between you.

[Anonymous]

You're a horrible person and I hope someone rips you a vagina and then fingers you with a knife.
But as for actual advice you should just tell her this. And its bull that you don't want to hurt her feelings because if you didn't you wouldn't have done that. Don't try to salvage your feelings of being a generally good person because you aren't.

[Asker]

Why would I want to hurt her feelings?

[Opinion Owner]

Well you obviously don't care worth shit if you didn't care enough not to do it. You're only saying you care so you don't hate yourself for being the scum you are. Big woop, you're human, you feel guilt. But don't confuse that for caring

[Opinion Owner]

Hate to tell you but the road to hell is paved with good intentions. You simply weren't man enough to see that

[Asker]

At this point I've not actually done anything to hurt her. I could just tell her to fuck off and that would hurt her. I'm asking for advice because I care and because I'm mature enough to admit I was a dick. So stop being such an aggressive bitch.

[Opinion Owner]

If that's how you feel then you should tell her to. At least she'll realize how little you're worth. If I'm a bitch because I'm not afraid to speak my mind then call me that all you want. I'm just stating the facts as I see them. I'm trying to point out that it will only hurt her worse if you have the audacity to pretend you care

[Opinion Owner]

Also note I'm not the only one saying this

[Opinion Owner]

I personally hate it when people sugar coat things

[Opinion Owner]

Also note that I have upvotes. I gave you advice, its your choice what to do with it. But I just know most girls would club someone who pretends to care.

[Opinion Owner]

What you're doing right now is like me killing your dog and then telling you how awesome he was and how sad I am that he died

[Opinion Owner]

Reguarding the edit: I'm sorry that your losing a friend. That sucks, and believe it or not I almost feel sympathy for you.but overall you need to take responsibility for your actions. If you dont want to lose friends dont do things that would hurt friends.

[Asker]

Again, I acknowledge I'm a prick. But has no-one seriously got an idea other than be brutal then castrate myself?

[Opinion Owner]

I just stated another idea. Because you were a prick then doesn't mean you have to be one now. Be a man and tell her how you feel just as you feel it. And if that means telling her to fuck off, you should do just that. I'm real with people, and while I don't make decisions quite as drastic as that it has earned me a hell of a lot of respect. You should do the same.

[Opinion Owner]

I appreciate an ugly truth a hell of a lot more than a convienent lie

[Anonymous]

1. rip your dick off
2. rip your balls off
3. jump off a cliff

[zombiebabe]

nice advice

[TouglyforaGF]

Udolipixie is that you?

[Opinion Owner]

lmao who

[Anonymous]

say
Hi I think you are cute, will you go on a date with me

then go on around 1543 dates with her, get married and have a lovely life