In the above article, many women do not want to date guys who did not have a college degree basically writing them off as potential mates. With more girl's graduating college than men, many women now have a shortage of guys who they would actually choose to go out with. It may seem now that if men aren't the total package women just don't want them. i. e. Tall, RICH, Handsome and well educated.
Now a recent article comes up where Jennifer Lawerence:
Going on a date with JL:
"“No one ever asks me out,” she said. “I am lonely every Saturday night. Guys are so mean to me. I know where it’s coming from, I know they’re trying to establish dominance, but it hurts my feelings. I’m just a girl who wants you to be nice to me. I am straight as an arrow. I feel like I need to meet a guy, with all due respect, who has been living in Baghdad for five years who has no idea who I am.”
This leads me to my question: Do women these days who complain about being single, or guys not approaching them just voluntarily place themselves in that situation because they don't acknowledge the advances of men who aren't up to their standards.
It seems modern day women would rather place themselves in a state of victimhood than try to change themselves and lower their ridiculous standards for men.
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Select gender and age to cast your vote:
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Women who bitch about no one approaching them, is that really true?
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Anonymous
(36-45)
+1 y
Life is hard. And complicated. And it never quits throwing curved balls at you. Have you ever been poor? I mean have you ever experienced poverty? Have you ever had to choose between your health treatment and groceries or the roof over your head? Have you ever worked a back-breaking nerve-racking minimum wage job where you get pushed around all day and disrespected and there's nothing you can do about it, just to be able to survive or live in an area where you don't get shot or mugged or raped if you stick your head out at night or you can relax knowing your kid will be safe when he goes outside to play with his friend, and there is no hope in sight to ever get out of that shity situation? Actually, have you EVER been responsible for anything serious in life at all? If you're posting a question like that, I'm sure you haven't. Well, congratulations! You are one of the lucky few who is financially satisfied enough to have the option to think about your higher level needs on the hierarchy of Maslow (pyramid of Maslow). Because most of us don't have that LUXURY! If you didn't, even for just a couple of hours, you'd be scrambling for it, FAST! So please don't make fun of us who work hard and long and dream of greener grass. I think it's natural to want to have financial security in life. And to try your best to get it if you can. And naturally, that includes your lifetime partner too, and their decisions for their life and their position in their life.
I was once of the privileged few too. But I had never seen the hard side of life, so I didn't have a clue that it actually existed and what it would be like. So I married this GREAT guy. I can't say enough of how great he is and how good he is to me. Do you think my life is good? It's not. It sucks. And I want out as fast as I can. I want to run away, far far away and never come back. Do you think he's happy? Sure as hell not. So, let's be honest with ourselves, and take a REALLY realistic brutally honest look at our needs and the needs of those around us, and keep everyone happy and out of trouble. If you need something, then you need it. Don't fall for this "money doesn't make you happy" crap, because although money doesn't GUARANTEE happiness, we all know that poverty will DEFINITELY not make you happy either.
So tell me what I am supposed to do over here. If I lower my standards and date any Tom, Dick and Harry I am an easy girl and not worth serious relationships If I have high standards, I am a stuck up bitch who is too pretentious. If i am ready to go out with a man who has less money, education and social status than me, I am desperate for a man. If I am only ready to go out with a guy who has more money, education and social status than me or even equal to me, I am a gold digger. What? So what's a girl gotta do? Fuck the world, do what YOU want and if you think you can live with it, do it. For me, to be honest, I would like to have a rich guy and if you ask men, given the choice they too would like a rich girl. Honestly though I don't want someone too out of my class because I wouldn't fit in and even if I did, its just too pretentious and materialistic and hectic than I like. Also, I would never ever want my boyfriend/husband to imply or blurt even by mistake that I am a gold digger or that he's the one contributing and I am good for nothing in the middle of a nasty fight. And all I really care is that I should be more intelligent than him, since I always want to be looked at as an intelligent girl rather than a pretty/sexy girl. I would be happy with a man who's equal to me in everything. Also, like you mentioned more girls are getting college degrees and men can't seem to catch up its not our fault. Yes I want a tall, financially stable and well educated man and socially aware man. I am not asking for the moon, this is a basic thing everyone should want ( except tall). And yes there is a shortage of those men, because a lot of men resent women's growing financial and academic status because they can't catch up, a recent study said men are intimidated by intelligent women. Is that my fault now? www.medicaldaily.com/intelligence-sexy-but-only-theory-male-ego-too-intimidated-smart-women-date-them-says-358516
sounds like most your problems are self esteem issues, perhaps if you cared less about what others think and focus on what will make you happy in life you will find the answers your looking for.
@Jager66 They are not. I am exposing how society is built, its same for guys. I used to care when I was younger but now I don't give a damn because I can't make everyone happy but its better tobe not respected for something I am than being respected for something I am not.
You didn't "exposing how society is built" you exposed how you view society, through the very narrow and insecure lens.
Just as an example from what you have said,
-14.5% of men are tall 6' or taller -26 out of every 100 men go to college, 40 out of every 100 women do. -91 men have a job for every 100 women, even fewer have good jobs and financial stability. -Only 82% of men are even in the job market and it's dropping. -If all never married young women wanted to find a young employed man who had also never been married, 9% of them would fail, simply because there are not enough men in the target group. -25% of the population is above average intelligence, 110 IQ or higher. (only 10% at IQ 119, 1% at IQ 135) -No idea how you measure "socially aware" this sounds like subjective gobilygook anyway.
VERY few men fit all your criteria and even fewer still if you count things like health, matching personality, life goals etc... Best case 9% of women end up alone.
The reality is that there is HUGE competition for eligible men and made even worse by men not wanting to get married while women want to more than ever.
Gender difference's play a roll here too, educated women compete with uneducated women for the same men because men are much less likely to care about their partners job then the reverse, as a woman gets older she also competes with younger women for the same men in her own age group while the reverse is much less true.
You might not think your asking for the moon but if you look at the numbers you kinda are, I'm not making a judgement, only an observation about the reality of the situation. It may not be women's fault men are falling behind but it sure as hell hurts women that they are.
This generation is fucked but the next one might have a chance if we can tear down Feminism and replace it with something that will help humanity instead of fuck it up even more.
@Jager66 It is a not a narrow and insecure lens. Lol just what is narrow and insecure in whatever I said? That is how society is built, especially about how women are supposed to behave and have standards. You just can't make everyone happy. Okay assuming your "statistics" are true, you have mentioned all of the qualities I look for in a man as QUANTITIES and not QUALITIES. You can't measure intelligence, first you need a zero point to start and since no person has 'zero' intelligence, the value that comes up is relative and not absolute in nature unlike physical sciences that do have a zero point and we can measure it accurately and witha definite value. Secondly, qualities are SUBJECTIVE, majority of the things, beauty, intelligence etc. is subjective. A person that may seem intelligent to you may not seem intelligent to me, so what are these statistics based on? And even if the method was correct, these statistics are relative in nature, not absolute.
I already said being tall is my own personal standard, its not a basic thing everyone should want. Height is also subjective, to a 5'2 girl a 5'6 guy may seem tall and to a 5'11 girl, 6'4 might seem tall. I myself am 5'6 so anything above 5'9 or even 5'8 is fine by me, I don't need 6' tall guys, that is actually too tall for me. Rest is about the inadequacies of men, and how they are lagging behind women and that is really their own fault. Why should I lower my standards if they refuse to actually finish college and get a valuable degree? If I am a well educated girl, I expect a well educated guy;its only fair. And interestingly, 'well educated' too is subjective, I plan to actually go to college, then University and then do a PhD so for me finishing college is not being 'well educated', its like a basic degree you Should get, while for a girl who hasn't been to college that might be very well educated. Socially aware as in aware of what is going on in the world, about social issues.
@Jager66 I find too many girls and boys who don't have a clue about what is going on in the world, they are just leading a materialistic, frivolous life inside their happy little bubble especially in countries like America, I was recently reading a question on Gag about ISIS and one girl commented," I don't know what ISIS is?", seriously? This is the amount of social awareness you have? I would want a guy who I can debate with on social and political issues and theories and so on. Out of 100, 9% is a small number, means 91% of women do find their ideal partner. I haven't even added those things that you mentioned like personality. I am pretty sure all your statistics and opinions are based on first world countries and while I do know that they are pretty much developed and all but their education and literacy level is like the worst, and especially after having the opportunity to study while many kids in the world don't have that privilige. Anyway, that's how their society works,
@Jager66 I have a very high possibility of finding these qualities easily since in my society education is valued very much, almost too much, and if you haven't graduated college you're practically good for nothing, you might not even get a job as a peon. I am not blaming or criticising your society I am just telling you the difference for me personally. Well for your society, well educated might mean graduating college or school but if women can do it, men should do it too. Men actually have lower standards for women that is why SOME women set very high standards when they are not worth it, because men don't value themselves so this is something your own gender has to work on. Feminism is another word for equality with main focus on women, I admit extreme feminists have done much harm but true feminists are seriously working and there's no need to 'tear' it down. People would blame feminism for global warming.
You have misunderstood the statistics, each new criteria is cumulative with the last and each of those criteria is fairly restrictive, meaning the total number of men who meet your minimum requirements are very rare in any western country.
Read carefully: If all never married young women wanted to find a young employed man who had also never been married, 9% of them would fail, simply because there are not enough men in the target group.
This means that if this is the ONLY criteria, a man with any job even minimum wage who has not been married before got married, nearly 1 in 10 women would still be single. that is a HUGE!!! This is a good example of what I'm talking about, although this is for the Black community, other racial groups aren't like bad yet they aren't far off. www.beyondblackwhite.com/.../
There are lots of very valuable people who do very valuable jobs that never went to college, it requires a narrow and sheltered view of the world to hold this opinion. Your essentially saying the people who make sure you have internet service, electricity, oil, food etc.. are unimportant. You say you are not materialistic but you are against anyone who is a "peon" wtf does that even mean?
Men don't have lower standards they have different standards because they have different mating strategies. It is highly valuable to have full time care from emotionally bonded individuals (parents/family) for children, this is why so many men do not care about a woman's job, it's because they have their priorities in the right place. Now that women are making more money many of them will have to be the primary earners yet at the same time they fail to adapt and properly prioritize.
@Jager66 Then something is wrong with western society. Those high schoolers need to stop smoking, getting high and drunk and being promiscuous and actually study up. And how is the economy surviving if the majority of men are unemployed?
@Jager66 That is why I said," I am not blaming for criticising your society" and also, that that's how different societies work. A peon or all those people over here earn less than $30 a month. Is that enough to sustain a family for you? If that is, then great but I am sorry I can't. I am not 'against' them but I am definitely not dating any of them. I know in western countries these guys get paid much more and have better conditions. If I married a electrician here, I would be living in a nasty two room apartment in some dirty colony with health and sanitation facilities worse than a homeless person in the U. S. Its actually first world countries who are sheltered and free to judge because they have no idea what's going on in the rest of the word. Yes they have, compared to women men have much lower standards. They would have sex with any woman who's not ugly and some of them are even willing to date ANY girl at all, you'll find a lot of blokes around here who are.
Women are much more better at multi-tasking. This is a fact. They can juggle work and home easily and that's what most women are doing because they are the primary care-takers of the kids.
The assumption is that we are talking about the first world here, if you want to talk about something else that's fine but you need to clarify things from the start or you will just end up wasting every ones time.
There is a big difference in male vs. female mating strategies, many men would have sex as you say but they won't have a relationship with that person, we have been talking in terms of relationships, even getting married, this entire time so please again don't move the goal posts.
Its actually a myth that women are better multi-taskers.
I must say, it's much harder getting approached now than it was in my early 20s, simply because I'm in a different place in life.
I no longer spend my weekends at the bar with friends (they moved away or work nights), so that source of men dried up. I am no longer a student, so there are no classmates that I could ask out. Even though I work at a university, most of the men employed here are already married or in committed relationships. Given the nature of my job, I cannot date students, so living in a college/military town definitely has a downside.
Now, even with the base here, there are certainly some downsides to the eligible bachelor pool in that regard. The ones I happen to encounter on a regular basis (i. e. neighbors, fellow gym members, etc.) either are 19/20 years of age (I'm not opposed to younger men, but that's a bit too young) and still live on post or are my age, but have a live-in girlfriend or wife. I have encountered a few who checked the right boxes (my age, single, live off post), but they are too timid to approach me and are relatively nervous if I approach them (that's a two-way street). It doesn't usually end well for either one of us.
I don't think I have impossible standards (though there are some women who do). I don't even think the guy has to necessarily be the one to do the approaching. I just know that my circumstances right now are not conducive to a successful search, and that makes me sad. I can't be mad about it; all I can do is work hard to set myself up for the right circumstances (i. e. relocating to another city).
The only times I have gotten approached was in night clubs or bars and even then it doesn't happen much and the guy is almost always drunk. I've joined dating sites in order to help me find guys which helps but ultimately it's definitely not true that we have men approaching us all the time.
There's nothing wrong with wanting someone who has a formal education. I'm studying to be in a professional career and want a partner who is the same. It's also just a fact that having certain degrees will ensure you job security for the future and a decent salary. I'm not slaving myself off at uni only to end up with someone who didn't have the drive and ambition to want a professional career. In countries like mine you need tertiary education to secure you a decent job.
I only spent a couple of years in college before I realized that I had the opportunity to make good money without a degree. I have very good job security and make more than most college grads I know. I know a lot of grads in the U. S. that cannot even find a job!
What if the man has the work ethic and stable flow of money going through his W2 but couldn't afford college or university? Would you write him off? You gotta give everyone a chance. Sorry for nagging B, but you can't be asking people for diplomas and certificates on the first date.
As someone who comes from a financially struggling family who can't even pay our mortgage I can assure you that it's possible to make tertiary education happen. That will require sacrifices (and lots of it!) but it's not impossible. I've had to take out bursary loans from my uni and during our 8 week holidays while most students are relaxing and partying I'm working my ass off to make extra money to help me buy textbooks and other essentials. You can't really tell me anything about being poor. If anything if you are poor and manage to make it through uni I can only have respect for such a person as it takes perseverance and a lot of sacrifices but now that I'm done with my degree I can say it was all 100% worth it. I'm sure if countries like mine can provide financial aid to students then first world countries like yours would be able to do too if not better or more.
All I'm saying is, just because they don't have a college degree doesn't mean they won't be able to be financially stable or not be as successful. It just requires more work.
@ThatJarHead Yes, but college degrees are more important now days, you can't deny that. There is a difference between men who can't afford college and those who CHOOSE not to go; those who choose not to go, it really says a lot about their ambition; they are most likely not to care about education, be aggressive, be more inclined to enter a life of crime, get into drugs, be abusive, suffer from bigorexia, have an alpha male complex These personality traits are undesirable to many women and are usually associated with men who are not educated.
Your chances of being financially stable in my country with a non professional job is very small. A few lucky people do make it by being entrepreneurs and achieving success but for every successful person there is 100's who aren't and who have to work a job for minimal wage. I see what it's like out there. I see where my friends from highs school are who never went to uni. All I'm saying is I don't want to be there nor want a partner who is there. For a holiday job I'm currently working as a sales assistant and when I see what everyone makes I'm shocked at how they are able to make ends meet with that kinda money. It's hardly enough for one person let alone a family someday.
@Eric644 what about the men who don't want to be up to their eyeballs in debt? I didn't go to college for that exact reason. I'm still successful. I consider myself a nice person. It makes me upset when people doubt my abilities or question the legitimacy of my own success because I don't have a piece of paper saying I spent an extra 4-5 years of my life behind a desk nose deep in a text book.
It understand. I do. However you can't generalize a third world country with a first world one. That's not fair to those of us who live in a first world country. Besides not every non-professional job pays minimum wage and not every professional job requires a fancy degree. An employer will look for experience and attitude before they look for diplomas and such.
It's not whether it's fair or not. I'm not from a first world country nor date guys from first world countries so if it doesn't work a certain way there then I'm not going to just change my mindset just accommodate first world people. That's not really how it works. And it depends entirely on the work you want to do. Majority of professional jobs do require education and training. I've yet to hear of people being doctors, engineers, lawyers, teachers, accountants, scientists etc without having tertiary education of some kind.
You said it perfectly, most good professions require education, that's just the truth. Being in debt is just part of it, but if you get a great job you will be able to pay off that debt. Unless you serve in the military, people who choose not to go to school tend to be unsuccessful and are more likely to live a life of crime and end up drug addicts, those are just the statistics
You can't compare the opportunities in a third world country to a first world one. That isn't fair to either party. To address your other statement, Doctors, Engineer, Lawyers, Teachers, Accountants, and Scientists aren't the only professional jobs. Besides my Mother is an accountant and Personal Lender and she doesn't have a formal college education. She worked at the bank for 5 years and got a promotion. It had nothing to do with her education. It had to do with her experience. There is plenty jobs that pay really well and are professional that don't require you to waste time in college. Now I'm not says college is a waste of time. I'm saying some of college or university is a little moronic. Besides simply having a college degree doesn't guarantee you a job. It just gets your foot in the door. I don't think I've ever heard of someone getting the job they want 2-3 years out of college/university.
And you can live in the much of a Third World country seeing as you have strong internet connect regular access to unrestricted networks and unrestricted access to a computer with the ability to run a web browser efficiently. So there's no way you live in a country that's in THAT much poverty :/
You clearly know very little about my country so before we speak further go educate yourself on my country and the obstacles we face before you come talk to me about things you obviously know nothing about. You clearly think college degrees mean nothing and I couldn't care less in all honesty. My preferences stay my preferences regardless of what you have to say.
I never said college degrees mean nothing. I said they aren't always necessary. Regardless, my point stands and I rest my case. A college degree isn't everything. Comparing the job opportunities of two countries is nothing but a case. You cannot make a model out of it. It doesn't hold any statistical significance. Whatever country you live in is your own business. I live in Canada. Where I can become anything I would like. Regardless sometimes people don't see the need, don't have the money, or don't want to be up to their eyes in debt. Either way I've grown tired of this conversation.
@ThatJarHead that is your mother and that was like probably 35 or 40 years ago, a lot has changed since your mother entered the work force. In order to be an accountant NOWDAYS, a 4 year degree is absolutely required, a CPA course must be taken and one must pass a CPA exam, 40 years ago a High school degree got you somewhere, today it gets you absolutely nowhere unless you serve in the military
I apologies. I did not see. I don't take the time to read through the entire thread. I'm only interested in the things I'm a part of. Regardless my point still stands and your point is irrelevant. Should you like to compare South Africa to Canada you might as well compare the culture of China to America. It's just not something that can be done. Compare South Africa to North Africa not nort america. You have fun arguing because I'm out.
I never compared anything. I came as a South African and answered the question according to my knowledge and preferences that were developed through my experiences.
@ThatJarHead dude its the same, if not worse here in the States, i don't know how your mom was able to become an accountant because I know for a fact many places will not hire you unless you have a bachelors degree in accounting and a CPA license
tbf jennifer lawrence is a high status, attractive woman, so I would expect her to have this kind of attitude.
what bothers me is all of these average and sub-par women that play hard to get, never get off their asses to approach and then they are damn right rude to you if you do work up the courage to approach but you do some little thing wrong, etc. these all belong to the same generation of pretentious spoilt brats always complaining that they never get approached, can't find mr. right, etc., etc. if they do approach one or two guys and get rejected, all of a sudden the song they are singing is, "see women DO approach, and THIS is what happens".
cry me a river. when it comes to sex and dating, women are just awarded far too many privileges. i'm sure men would be the same if they had a long list of women to choose from. but they don't, hence they are forced to grow emotionally stronger from their rejections and transform through a journey of self-improvement. this doesn't happen for women until they start popping out kids in their thirties which is down right sad beyond belief.
I agree and disagree at the same time. I know there are girl out there that never get approached by anyone. But there are many others that do get approach a lot, but never by her type of men, but she still says she never gets approached, which is not true.
But still, bitching about never getting approached is like bitching because you have no job while you spend all day watching TV. If you don't move, you're not gonna get anything, I think it's pretty simple, but too many women this day hold themselves in such a high pedestal they get vertigo just from looking down... and that's because us men have been raising their pedestal every day with stupid shit like "oh no, you're perfect" when you can smell her bitchiness from afar.
Women want decent looking, capable, smart men as partners. Men want pretty, strong enough to carry her own weight at least, kind women as partners.
Women who say "I want his education to match mine" are full of shit. They would want a high earning guy even of they themselves had absolutely no skill. "Matching levels" has nothing to do with this. This hypocrisy applies double for women majoring in worthless degrees, because they call themselves "educated and smart", but base their value off of a degree in English literature, or some useless crap like that.
Men are quicker to pick up where the money is because they're generally smarter. If he can make money and not go to college, he'll do it, while women will take time to switch gears and figure out that that guy who has a plumbing company and a trade, earns more than 90% of college grads around her. So she'll still insist he has a college degree because she hasn't figured out where quality men went.
Still, bottom line is we ARE picky. We look at EVERYTHING and we weigh what we can compromise on and what we can't. I'll compromise on looks and earning. I won't compromise on smarts, personality compatibility and capability to provide EVENTUALLY. Inert, incapable, lazy men are out.
Men don't weigh as much. For them it seems to be... Is she hot enough for me? Yes. Is she a cunt? No. BINGO! Ding, ding, ding!
It's how the world works, deal with it. Some women have to wait longer to get a sense of where their standards need to be. They need to asses your own objective value and the dating market supply. Only THEN can they figure out their relative value on said market and what they should trade that value for.
This takes time. Some women ARE delusional. Also some men don't make the cut so they are bitter and calling women delusional. Whatever the result, you whining women have too high standards tells us nothing objective about the dating market. Only your success in it.
I'm no supermodel but I'm not on the opposite end of the spectrum either. And I rarely get approached, period, regardless of the characteristics that the guy has. Then again, I don't put myself out there a whole lot.
This situation is always going to have a different picture for every individual depending on a lot of specifics about them and their life and choices. Maybe some women feel that there are not enough "attractive" men out there. Maybe their standards are realistic and maybe they aren't. A lot of men probably feel the same way or are in a similar position. It's just one of those things. You can't try to define an epidemic of victimhood when every single person, regardless of gender, would like to think it's not their fault that they don't have what they want. That's just human nature.
The bottom line is that none of us can really ever know what another person is going through or what they deal with. It's not productive to accuse people of victimizing themselves just because they are acknowledging that they are experiencing a struggle.
Well yes, this is very true. I'm one to think that guys don't approach me despite my goodlooks , getting unending compliments, stares, etc. But I find that somehow so im still very much single and lonely and it gets me frustrated and depressed a lot of times. I try to find a loophole, what could possibly be wrong. Its not like they even try and I push them away, they just don't come. I began to think I was intimidating or something but whose fault is that? I think some guys are just scared and insecure deep down, no matter how hot and popular they are, they fear rejection and would not even risk it. Its a different scenario when guys actually approach a girl and maybe even become friends but she's pushing them away because of her overly high exectations, I mean, if you see yourself as a 10, you should be with nothing less or too far off from your value if not they would never see and appreciate you for what you are worth. So yeah, guys step up for the girl before rushing to get her and whining about her not wanting you.
Its probably because guys assume you're taken. Most guys won't step on another guy's feet so when if they think she's off the market then she might as well be invisie to them.
Hmm, Women standards are too high so we shouldn't complain about not being single, am I correct in my summary? If so, I agree to an extent. Women are picky because some have unrealistic standards in men due to false perceptions. Some use the media as a model to what they want in a guy (Ryan Reynolds, The Notebook). And others don't really know, they just know it is not you. Keeping this in mind, sometimes you need to slow down and determine what type of woman you are approaching. Not all women are the same, your approach could be off putting. I know this use to be the reason I dismissed advances. I understand, at least i think I do, what you mean. I was rude to guys that approached me because their approach was horrible, until a guy I knew told me how difficult it is for some guys to ask a woman out. Rejection is hell of hard. Also for me it wasn't so much of high standards because my surroundings was religious based community. It was more of I don't know how to respond to guys that are attracted to me. Which is the reason I said, figure out the type of woman before approaching because she could be shy or socially awkward. Unless, you only go for beauty queens.
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Anonymous
(25-29)
+1 y
I've only been approached like 6 times ever. I usually do the approaching. I'm not one to make googly eyes from across the room and hope to get someone's attention.- But none of my friends get approached either. My friend Megan looks like a god damn model (510, tan legs for days beautiful eyes whole thing) and she never even gets approached often. From my experience it's not the most beautiful girl who gets approached but the one who gets herself noticed and puts herself out there. A person can be stunning, but if she's sat somewhere with her friends she's usually left alone. However you get an average girl dancing and doing shots at the bar she's going to be hit on because she seems approachable. Guys and girls don't want to be rejected so they both usually go for the fun or friendly person because it seems like they won't be laughed at for talking to them. (This is not saying men and Wemon don't want the quiet people it's just they are harder to approach) to sum up a lot of Wemon aren't talked to by men because we keep to ourselves and our friends but a handful of people getting approached all the time gives the illusion that we are walked up to more than we are (This is just from personal experience and observation)
Women don't need men anymore and that's why a lot of us have high standards. In the past women needed a husband to support her financially and to have a family. There was also more of a stigma being a single woman. Nowadays it's different. Now we have our own careers, income, homes and could even have kids on our own if we wanted to and there is no social stigma on single women in the same way it used to be. So basically, if there's no real need for a man, then why settle for someone you don't really want? This is also why divorce rates are so high - most people don't need their husband/wife so when things get bad they end it instead of sticking together anyway.
Also today we have online dating, social media, we travel, move around to different places etc., so we constantly meet new people. This can probably make people believe there's always someone better out there and that you'll eventually find that guy/girl who's everything you want.
Some women feel like they never get approached, yet will only agree to give a guy a chance if he's above average looking. has a degree plus great job, pays for her meal, and brings her back to a mansion with rose-petals strewn on the bed while some soft music playing in the background. All while doing shit-all themselves.
ie. Have unrealistic expectations, and you'll be waiting for a really long time for that knight in shining armour. :P
Haha :P that's funny and a good point. What about if the woman is a catch herself? Like say, Jennifer Lawrence. Is it fair for her to have high standards that match herself? I mean obviously if a girl's not getting what she wants, she may wanna try something different or lower her standards a little... but if her expectations are reasonable then what?
I don't think anyone is entitled to have any sort of standard based on their appearance. When I see a girl who's mediocre looking with a gorgeous guy, for example, I hate it when people make remarks like '.. I wonder how she got him!' and similar variants. It's not like relationships work out based on compatibility in terms of physical attractiveness! Also, let's not forget that beauty is subjective so it would be hard to establish a universal scale of 'reasonable standards' for each person right?
True, I agree with you. I don't like comments like that either. A person can make up for what they lack in certain areas and then there's chemistry. But I mean, a person is allowed to have certain expectations especially if they deliver themselves. Like a doctor wanting to marry a doctor. Also sometimes you'll get something beyond your standards... Like say the mediocre girl didn't expect a gorgeous guy, but it just happened like that. That's different. I don't think most people are so rigid about all their standards or else no one would find a partner.
You women are the issue. Having high standards. Expecting men to look perfect. We don't approach you cause why even bother? You'll reject us cause some of us don't have that look u want
I been dateless for years. Can't seem to meet anyone off of plentyoffish. com. And I never get approached. If such a not so shallow woman exists, you let me know.
@TrooperD007 well there's your answer. Obviously most of the women who use POF will be shallow, initially at least. Do you really find that surprising, seeing as how online dating leaves your first impression being nothing but appearance? Try meeting women in real life. In places where you approach someone based on chemistry or how well you get along versus just how you look.
I never seem to get signals to approach women. I have no idea. Besides I base my looks on a dating website. If I don't have luck there, then I am ugly :(. I just want to meet a nice woman. I just don't have it in me to approach I'm just not attractive enough. It sucks I don't have Channing Tatum looks. It's like I have to follow rules society put. Women own it.
@TrooperD007 Women on online dating sites are the most shallow, have the most unrealistically high standards in my opinion. That's all I can really say. They know there'll always be more men than woman on sites like that, enabling them to be picky and not give two fucks if they're a bitch because they know there'll always be a next one.
So then it's fair to say women online are no different in person? by the way, I just watched a video on youtube. This guy leaned against a Lamborghini asked if they wanna go out, they said yes. But then he points at a different car, just a regulare one, the girls changed their mind and didn't want to go out with him.
So there u have it. Women are the issue with their expectations.
@TrooperD007 the Lamborghini thing was planned to elicit that kind of response. &No, women on online actually have the balls to capitalize off of all the power they know they have when they know they call the shots.
Your conclusions are absolutely horrible, make little to no sense.
Oh please, your full of it. You would rather go on a ride with that rich make model guy than a guy like me who drives a focus. I told you, I just saw those videos. Women are so shallow and materialistic. I got enough evidence to prove so.
@TrooperD007 please do shut your mouth. I'm sure that you can't manage to with rejection and your only capable of blaming for wanting too much interest of realizing maybe they're right, it wouldn't hurt if you look at your own game or lack thereof.
@TrooperD007 hahahh ok then. You sound like you've got your own little pity party going on. Classic case of blaming those who reject you for having standards that are 'too high' (not sure if that's a valid statement unless you can show me a baseline for standards) and that women will never mature when your'e basically throwing a temper-tantrum because you can't get what you want.
@Mesonfielde all I'm saying is.. Men need to be better educated and really be careful will today's woman. It's part of my women's studies class that I wanna teach. Also natural selection for them to cheat with better looking men.
Men usually go for personality. They only want to share their seed with one woman. Women seek seed from many.
@TrooperD007 you're delirious, bitter af and spewing nonsense. Jealous of that... really? You do realize that you need actual credentials to teach classes. Something called a degree, or a certificate/diploma of some sort.
@TrooperD007 Stop looking on plenty of fish and actually go outside to meet women; bars, restaurants, social clubs, hobby meetings. Also if you feel that your body is holding you back, well that can be fixed it's called exercising.
@TrooperD007 well... firstly, fix your attitude. Not all girls go for the Ken-like, pretty boys. But what 99% of women don't want is an insecure guy who feels like he'll never measure up.
I don't see anything wrong with being selective. Even men are guilty of it. I don't like being approached by certain types of men I don't find desirable any more than men like being approached by women they don't find desirable. It's not a fault; its the way we are wired. There is no rule saying you must give everyone an equal chance.
No one said don't be selected but if your going to be selected then you have to take the consequence of that selectivity. The problem is women often then tell people how guys are mean to the them, ignore them, or don't approach them and that is why they are still single.
*No one said don't be selective but if your going to be selective then you have to take the consequence of doing that. The problem is women often then tell people how guys are mean to the them, ignore them, or don't approach them and that is why they are still single, and basically place a sense of victim hood of the typical men are mean and I'm the poor victim.
@Eric644 "i think the only thing that is wrong for women to have are height standards, everything else like; fitness, education, ambition, etc is fair game"
So if a woman is a pretty girl, who has a liberals arts degree, and desires to be a stay at home mom. You think her standards of wanting a fit, tall, man who went to an ivy league college making over 100k/year so she can live comfortably is justified?
everything but the height, sorry dude but education matters, it guarantees that a woman will have a man that could provide for her but not only that it guarantees that she will have a companion that can have intellectually stimulating conversations with her. I mean what woman says " I want to marry a janitor"
@Eric644 "sorry dude but education matters, it guarantees that a woman will have a man that could provide for her but not only that it guarantees that she will have a companion that can have intellectually stimulating conversations with her. I mean what woman says " I want to marry a janitor"
Now you are just stereotyping and making broad overall assumptions about men who do choose not to pursue a college degree. A man does not need to go to a 4 year institution to be intelligent, or have intellectual stimulating conversation with a woman. There are also many online courses people can take that are outside of college that can help them with their career. Do you you really think a guy who did his degree in English is any more intelligent than a guy who worked for 4 years building his business brand, and reading books on how to effectively market/talk to people/run a business?
@Eric644 "education matters, it guarantees that a woman will have a man that could provide for her but not only that it guarantees that she will have a companion that can have intellectually stimulating conversations with her. I mean what woman says " I want to marry a janitor"
Ah first off no. College does not gurrantee that you would be better provider for money, but it damn sure will make sure your in student loan debt by the time you come out of it. Also you seem to have this elitis attitude that if you don't go to college the best you can become is some minimum wage worker.
Seeing that less than 10% of america make over 100k/year this is pretty damn good. Also what about the guys who desired to run their own business rather than waste time in a college cash and make good money should they be written off as not being a good provider because they don't have a good degree?
@Eric644 I know guys who own several pizza places and never pursued college degrees. He makes more money than most people who graduate college. There also who are good at blue collar jobs such as potty worker, Garbage Collector, plumbers, coal miners and so forth that pay very well. This whole thing about women not wanting non-college educated men is basically because of social status entitlement by women. It is to so they see a man who does not have a college degree as being low social status.
If a man makes good money, love what he does and is good to you, then that should be enough. Writting someone off because they don't have a college degree is a form of elitism attitude.
Lastly, "fitness is justified because we demand that in women"
No it is not. Men's standards for womens fitness is very lax and requires only that she be thin. Women often get a pass at just being skinny fat. While for women to find men attractive requires years of dedication at the gym building muscles.
most people who are in business are college graduates though. And yes, not pursuing a college education says a lot about the man not having ambition and ambition is important to women
and yes, not having a college degree will most likely mean you will have a low wage job, many studies have shown that people who graduate from college make on average up to 50,000 more than those who didn't pursue college
@Eric644 Which is why they should not complain if they end up alone and can't find any college educated man to hook up with. After all it is there choice of free will to choose only college educated men and write off men who do not pursue a degree.
and many of those jobs a man with a college degree will still win out, I am in sales i can tell you that they will look at a man with a college degree over a man who only has a high school degree
@Eric644 Not entirely true. I really prefer an intelligent guy from a blue collar background that is either self-made now, or is otherwise doing well. My take on this is that blue collar men are down to earth and more apt to have skills that white collar people have to pay them for. My ex-husband was white collar and had no basic skills, was essentially helpless, and worthless when it came to troubleshooting and problem solving. I will never forget how I always felt like everything was always on me to figure out.
My boyfriend now has worked at a well-paying blue collar job since before I met him 11 years ago.. He earns far more than many white collar employees. He can fix a sink, toilet, roof, or anything else I need his help with. And he is intelligent. And reliable. And he treats me like his queen. :)
"In the above article, many women do not want to date guys who did not have a college degree basically writing them off as potential mates. With more girl's graduating college than men, many women now have a shortage of guys who they would actually choose to go out with. It may seem now that if men aren't the total package women just don't want them. i. e. Tall, RICH, Handsome and well educated."
@zagor Bill Gates is a rare exception, and he had at least some college experience. Uneducated men tend to mostly end up working dead end jobs, have arrest records, and end up abusive, no woman wants that environment
not saying anything agaisnt him being blue collar Cankles, I think your boyfriend s intelligent and successful because he most likely had at least some education after hghschool. There are many people who work blue collar jobs that have had post secondary education. But most likely, women like white collar men. I think someone being educated no matter what their profession is should be important, I think the people who didn't care about going anywhere after hghschool or decided to drop out of HS are the men you should worry about (not desiring education beyond HS shows that a person has no ambition).
Every woman gets approached. Some women have extremely high standards and will complain that they never get approached which is very far from true. While it's good to have standards (as in good heart, good moral character and not into drugs), women have a tendency to place themselves on an extremely high pedestal that very few men have what it takes to reach. If you're not super handsome with loads of money and a nice car you don't make the cut. These are the women you want to stay away from anyway.
Some women really don't get approached as often as others. This could be due to many factors but that is not to say they don't get approached. They still do. I happen to fall into the second category. My problem is that when I do get approached by men, I'm so oblivious to it that I need a neon sign to tell me that he's trying to hit on me (and even then I still don't pick up on it until much later) lol.
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0 Reply
Anonymous
(36-45)
+1 y
There are women who don't get approached, but they aren't generally attractive and outgoing women. I have a 22 year old cousin who has never been kissed and I don't think guys even think of her as existing. Many of her socially awkward peer group are the same.
I did have some cute, but wallflowers-ish friends when I was younger who were practically invisible despite being neither unattractive or overweight. So don't discount every girl who says that... They're out there and feel just as overlooked as the overlooked guys.
I think Jennifer Lawrence means that it's hard to find someone genuine who sees you as a real human if you're famous, which seems legit for either sex.
And then there are loners like me (a lot of us on GAG) who don't get dates because we don't go many places there are people. Every appearance in public isn't going to be a gold rush!
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Anonymous
(30-35)
+1 y
They may not need to lower their standards, but I hate the victim-mentality and resistance to change, or taking a chance sometimes. Not saying all women are like that, far from it, but I think women who complain about not being approached are going about things all wrong. They just have no idea how to play the dating game, so they waste their youth sitting at home and expecting the perfect guy to just appear in their life one day. JL is an unfortunate example of that. So is my best friend, as much as I love her. Beautiful girl, 22, and not even taking advantage of it to go find the right guy. Ugh. Just want to shake them.
I think you have a point though it's not fair to automatically consider it victimhood. I do think standards play a role. You're a good looking dude... would you give every girl who gave you attention a chance? My guess is probably not. You have to realize and accept that during this during this transition period while gender roles shift a bit, women are still impacted by being approached or not just like guys feel pressure of approaching. Everyone has their standards of what they think they deserve or is their type of guy and wonder if something is wrong with them when things don't go as they would've expected.
I wouldn't say standard since that implies some don't fit the bill of your arbitrary' bar" and subsequently lesser than you. Rather your type the criteria you desire.
@apexalpha You're right though! Maybe that's what it does imply, but what I'm saying is we ALL do it so some degree of it is acceptable though it's always good to keep an open mind to the exceptions. We all have some standards. You don't? Not everyone is willing to marry someone obese, acne, with a criminal past, unemployed, certain religion, etc. I'm 2 years shy of becoming a doctor... is it wrong that I'd honestly prefer to marry a doctor like myself?
@apexalpha Oh okay, gotcha. Every single one of us will reject and be rejected. I know I'm not interested in everyone and everyone is not interested in me. The balance ends up evening out
@zagor lol there are certainly some extremely cocky male doctors out there and some out there characters but I've known plenty of good guys too... I don't know, I'm not fixated on it, but I just feel like another doctor would be easier to connect with.
No, No I don't actually get asked out on dates... like ever. There is occasional drunk offer for a hook up but I don't want that and I don't think I should be blamed for turning those down. But that aside I do also agree finding a good guy like one that wants a relationship, treats you well and wants to have kids, is also very tough these days. Most men don't have family values left
"But that aside I do also agree finding a good guy like one that wants a relationship, treats you well and wants to have kids, is also very tough these days. Most men don't have family values left"
Actually there is a lrge amount of men who want a loving relationship with women and to treat her well. They just get overlooked by women in their teen's, 20's and by the time women finally want these guys for relationship all those years without love or affection turns them into either:
1) Bitter guys with misogynistic views of players 2) Make them reinvent themselves as players who become the same assholes that women reward with sex and affection.
Yes. There are a lot of guys who actually want loving relationships with women, who have good paying jobs and want to treat you right. Not to long ago there was a story of an engineer who was having trouble getting dates from women, and basically put up an ad for someone to help him search for a girl who he can connect fall in love with. I believe his price was 10k.
The problem is these guys get overlooked for the guy who are more handsome, rich, charismatic, good with words and confident. While these guys may not be as good looking, as rich, or aren't as confident (because let's face it if you were getting rejected left/right you wouldn't be confident either), or god with words.
did he ever ask women out? And not only the type of women in skin tight dresses? Guys have a tendency to go for a certain type of girl and wonder why they get rejected all the time.
Yes he did ask women out and no he's not searching for only models but even average girls would friendzone his ass because he was not your stereotypical suave cool handsome guy we see on tv.
Also I just noticed that the guy in the cartoon has his penis showing through his pants which should make it crystal clear that that was made up by a man
I was referring to you mentioning "I do also agree finding a good guy like one that wants a relationship, treats you well and wants to have kids, is also very tough these days. "
That type of guy has been decreasing because generally girls don't want that. Here is enough evidence that the guy you describe is usually shunned and labeled a loser.
I believe you guys (@asker and @lonesome_1296) the truth has been spoken... it is really hard to compete with guys who almost have everything like looks, fame, money, charisma, confidence, etc. And most girls said just be yourself I don't think it is a useful advice for us... most guys don't get the girls they like just by being themselves
I don't think my standards are ridiculous and I also don't get approached. by the way, wanting someone who is compatible with you in terms of education isn't a bad thing. Jennifer Lawrence is a celebrity... totally different world for her.
"wanting someone who is compatible with you in terms of education isn't a bad thing."
So somehow having a piece of paper that says you graduate from college determines your intelligence ever. Why do women assume that if they went to a university and got a degree in liberal arts that somehow makes them more intelligent than the guy who did not pursue college?
No, having a diploma doesn't mean that. And no, all college graduates aren't smarter than non-graduates. I think that going to college can be an important, eye-opening experience for a lot of people. You meet people from all walks of life, who are interested in so many different things. It's a great deal of exposure to new people and new ideas... I think people who have been to college can share that experience and it can be a way to bond. Sometimes it can be hard to relate to someone who has missed out on that. For example, my grandma never went past middle school. It doesn't make her dumb, I still love her, but there are so many ways in which our mindsets are not compatible.
I have so many current interests that were fostered by my college experience. Of course people who never went to college may have the same interests- It's just probably not as likely for me to come across someone like that in my daily life...
i believe there is nothing wrong with a woman wanting a man to be educated. if a man is educated, he is most likely to get a good job and be able to provide for her. Nothing wrong with a woman wanting a guy to be fit and slim, because us men have the same standard with women, so it is unfair to say that we should demand women be skinny but yet they can't demand the same thing with us. The only thing I disagree with is height standards, which is something a man has no control over, it isn't the man's fault that his genes could not make him a 6ft guy. I think a person can be good looking no matter what their height is and as long as their physique is proportional to that height, and the fear of having short sons is riduculous since the vast majority of men inherit height from their mothers and not their fathers. If you are a 5ft woman and you demnad your man be 6ft, im sorry you have narrowed your dating pool a lot. But with everything else; fitness, education, ambition, etc. I believe
@Eric644 i am a 5-ft tall woman lol. and no, i don't demand men by 6-ft tall. taller than me would be ideal, but i don't have these weird height preferences. most sane women do not have expectations like that. now if you're shallow and attracted to shallow girls who have preferences rooted in shallowness... well... then you deserve what you get.
while I usually have no problems because my height, i know a lot of men that have those problems and get turned down by women that are like 4'11 because they are not 6 ft something. While it is true that not all women care about height (my ex was 4 inches taller than me), majority of them do.
@Eric644 NO! They are Entrepreneurs and masters of their trade!!! College is good for some degrees but a lot of them are bullshit that you can't translate to the real world!!
@MimTcgraw yes I agree; if you major in stuff like engineering, science, medicine, business, pre law, etc , those degrees will get you somewhere, the you have degrees like; philosophy, gender studies, etc
@Eric644 actually I was looking into some Engineering degrees because I thought that would be a good transition for me when I get older... But I talked to a few people about it (I live in the USA by the way) and they said that most of their jobs were being taken by foreigners from India!!! What?
@MimTcgraw I know!!! it sucks!!! I think tech jobs are still here though, my cousin's husband is an IT major and he makes a decent living, you could look into that, or you could get an engineering job with the military
I agree with this. I think this happens often. They, women, are approached by guys they don't view as partner material, then complain no guys approach them. Actually, the male you turned down is still male, still a guy, just not your type. A lot of women do go the extra step though and say "Only guys I'm not interested in approach me." or "No one I like/my type approaches me"
So, yea, I agree this happens. We get hit on by guys we don't want, then complain about being undesirable. But it's about being approached by the guys we find desirable.
Ok, and on the flip. I do know women who are never approached by guys. And they are nice, it's just all about location.
Instead of just women doing this, Males totally do this too. All humans do this, For example I watched this video on youtube where they set up tinder dates and they made it so the woman was skinny in the pictures and when they meet up at the location, She was dressed in a fat suit. You can watch all of the guys reactions.
@Eric644 Yeah, But we both know they mostly left because she was fat and she lied. Men and women both have expectations of partners because of the power of the media and advertisements. Showing males with abs and women slim and perfect. When in reality not everyone is perfect. What I'm trying to say is that. Everyone does this not just "women" not just "Men" , Everyone.
Agree!!! It's kinda like this with men and height. Women get upset because the guy added a few inches on his profile (yes with many people it's hard to tell their height by looking at a picture). No agree bothe sexes are guilty
Agree, that makes women a little worse than men. That's why if a woman asks my height I say "why should it matter" or I would say "I'm not a 6 footer, have a problem, then im too good for you" at least I'm honest
I've never had a problem with being asked out. I think the main problem with women is that they label men before that man even approaches them. Women have super high expectations. A guy can sense that. Half the women that don't get approached are either super shy and don't put in any effort whatsoever or they are snobs and treat men like they are better than them.
My husband doesn't have a degree he's in the military now but he wasn't when we first got together. He wasn't even working. I don't think there are more women that want someone who's got a degree. I think they just care that he has a job or is trying. No one wants someone who's lazy. I agree that women do say no one approaches them when they are most likely getting hit on now and then. Though everyone has standards to some degree and finding a nice respectable nonlazy guy that you can see yourself rolling around in the sheets with, would be what most women should look for. Being attracted to a guy doesn't mean he has to be top fitness or undeniably attractive. I've been attracted to guys that now years later I don't get why. So I took this as you're calling out women for being very shallow when I rarely see any women with a guy that has the looks of the drawing guy in "women's view".
I agree with what you are saying. I don't care if men or women have standards, but stop whining that you can't find someone that is clearly out of your league. Either lower your standards, or choose to remain alone. Stop playing the victim.
I do think that women assume their value is higher than it is because they went to college or have a certain type of job. I know a lot of people want to make those women feel better and blame the men for being insecure or intimidated by a successful woman. That isn't the case. It will attract some men, but those are the poor men that these women don't want to date. The group of men these women want to date, have their own success and therefore see no value in what the successful woman would bring to the relationship.
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