How do I tell my parents about my black girlfriend when they are racist?

my mother and Father are from Ireland and Germany, so they kinda have "old ideals." They can't understand why I want to date black girls, My father said "if you ever bring a black girl home ill beat the life out of you." and my mother "why can't you find a nice white girl like your brothers?" Don't get me wrong I like white girls a lot, but black girls are so damn sexy I can't not stare at them lol. I know some are into the ghetto/thug thing, but there are so many sweet, beautiful, sexy black women all over the place! ah! back to the point, my Girlfriend is black, I've met her family and the women seemed to love me but the black guys were so angry and called me things I don't care to repeat, but we got through it and they accept us now. the next hurdle is my family, who I will get no support from at all but I don't care.

i need advice, how do I break it to them so that my family doesn't turn it into world war 3 over this?

oh and one last thing, I have read on here that many black girls think of themselves as ugly or unattractive. that is so not true black ladies you are BEAUTIFUL and I love you.


Most Helpful Girl

  • My dad is completely racist and my husband's mom is completely against her children dating or marrying outside of their race. I am white and my husband is Mexican American. Neither of us cared what our parents said about it because we love each other and we are going to be together despite what they have to say and now they are used to it. My dad said "I like him even though I really don't want to". At one point I was living in his parents house (without him there) while we were dating and his mom kicked me out. Now that I am pregnant with her granddaughter she has accepted the fact that no matter how much she doesn't like that I'm white, I'm not going anywhere. Sure I'd like my daughter to look like me and maybe she will you never know, but that doesn't change how much I love her and it doesn't say that she won't get an even mix of both races heritage. Also, she will most likely "act white" also (though I hate using that statement because I don't believe people really act as a race) because my husband "acts white" (he says that he is 'white washed') and I am white. If you love a person for who they are (race and all) then their or your parents shouldn't be able to choose who you are with. There is no need to even bring them into the relationship unless you truly want to. If you do, then sit them down and say that you understand their beliefs are one way but yours are another and you would hope that they are accepting of your decisions as their son. Tell them that your girlfriend is of another race and talk to them about it. We both know that you didn't pick the girl you are with just because of her race so explain that to them also. Tell them that if she was white you would still feel the same way about her but she is not and they should accept her for who she is. If they don't accept it then just don't bring her over to meet them. If you end up marrying her then they will have to accept it anyways.

    • A family member is supposed to show unconditional love especially if you choose to date outside of your race and if they shun you for that they are not showing and they are supposed to be there regardless.

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What Girls Said 24

  • Don't tell them.

    What's the point in stressing out when you don't even know if you will end up with her forever? Save the stress for later when you are for sure. As in, marriage and stuff. Because either way, you know your parents will give you a hard time, and it will just get inbetween you and her.

  • as much as I agree with lost-angel, I don't think that approach'll last long. what happens when your girl says, "how come you won't go ahead and tell your parents about me?are you ashamed of me?i told my parents about you. when are you going to tell your parents about me" that's when you make the mistake of telling her the truth, "i want to make sure this works. I want to wait until we may or may not get married" which is code for, "i want to know this is worth fighting for." she's already introduced you to her parents so in her eyes, it's already worth fighting for. I agree with lost-angel for now but just be careful because it could very much bite you in the ass. I'd tread water carefully with that one.

  • awwwww you are the sweetest guy on here. Maybe your parents could meet here one on one. Like, take her, her mother and your mother out to dinner and then maybe you, your dad and her dad could go bowling or something. But when it all comes down to have to live your life. You don't want to regret loosing out on a good woman based off of her race. Fight for your woman!

  • im sorta kinda in the same situation I'm mexican born in the states but my dad is always saying that if he ever finds out I'm dating a black guy or chineese korean guy that he will kick me out of the house and if I start to date them I'm gonna end up marrying 1 and I do find some guys verry atractive but I guess I'm just to scared to even say it out loud my mom she's supportive of who ever I date as loong as I'm happy and I don't get pregnate as a teenager she's good but its hard cause my dad rather me date a white guy cause I'm white complected with light brown eyes that change color sometimes and I have no white in me at all and basicly the movie "our family wedding" can basicly say how my famiy would react if I dated some1 that wasn't hispanic. So I just hope things work out for the best although it won't be easy

  • I don't know exactly how you go about telling your family but at least tell her so she knows. I'm black and my ex's Dad was racist and I didn't know. He had already met my parents and I kept asking him why he didn't want me to meet his parents because I thought he was embarrassed of me or something and then when he finally told me his Dad was racist it was about 10 minutes before I went on stage to play a concert...not the best timing. First I was upset that his Dad was racist, then I was upset that he hadn't told me, and then I was just upset in general.

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What Guys Said 20

  • This is not going to be easy for you. You are going to have to leave your family out of your relationship. You have to be in a relationship to make you and your girl happy, not your parents. If that were the case, then you would have to settle to whatever your parents want for you. You say you don't care because you know that you will get no support. Do even try to convience them. I understand you completely because I am a black man that has dated other races, but you have to shut all the negativity out and enjoy the relationship that you have. You are never going to satisfy everyone around you, so you have to concentrate on you, what you love, and what you are attracted to. Enjoy the good woman you have and stay proud of your relationship. MAYBE someday your family will think otherwise. If your woman bothers you about this just tell her that it's in the best interest that you two just be together and that's all that matters. I hope for the best man.

  • tell your parents it's the 21th century and racism is foolish. just break it to them, if your dad wants to beat you up then defend yourself. that's what I would do. but if you want to do it without too much trouble I would recommend you tell your mom first, and let her break the news to your dad after a good sex session when his nerves are calmed.

  • It depends on your personality, but it's always a good rule of thumb to ease everyone into the idea of it. Much like a very hot bath when you ease into it you will find the situation pleasant and relaxing, but if you just jump in, it will burn your ass.

    Well, that is how this situation will be for your girlfriend and your parents if you don't ease them into it.

    Also, it helps if you can support yourself so if your parents do throw you out you have a place to live.

    Definitely let your girlfriends know about your parents she needs to be mentall prepared for that whole awkward situation that will eventually take place.

    Secondly, I agree with some of the other posters ask them why they don't like black people.

    Also, not in the same conversation, but mention frequently over time how great your girlfriend is. This is good because it let's them realize you are happy, it will constantly keep her in your thoughts, reminds you how wonderful she is and it will get your parents more interested in a positive manner.

    At some point again this shouldn't be done all at once but have a heart to heart with your dad don't even mention relationships. Just ask him questions about being a man and if he thinks it is being happy in life is important? Ask him if he thinks a man should chose happiness or conformity even if one meant not being happy? Mention the things that your dad has done that are different than most people (these are the things that give personality so everyone has things they don't do exactly the same as everyone else). Ask him why he does them if he knows they are different? It is likely he will say "Because he likes or prefers doing things that way." Ask him if he thinks he is wrong for doing things differently. Of course he will say no. Then tell him you are proud he is the man he is and willing to go against the grain of society. Tell him you hope you can be like him and stand up for what you do even if it's not what everyone expects. Then transition to relationships and ease into everything from there. I hope this helps.

  • AlI can say is I'm sorry you have such racist parents. Its really horrible that you should be forced to deal with such pointless hate in your family. That's rough brother.

    I think the other people who posted are right. Be sure your girlfriend knows your family is racist, so she isn't shocked when she finds out.

    I would avoid getting angry with your parents, that will only escalate the situation. Are you still living with them? That changes the landscape a lot. If you must discuss it with them, just calmly say this is your life, and if they can't say anything nice about your girlfriend they should keep it to themselves, and stay quiet.

    • Yeah I'm still living with them.

  • the only way that you can change their mind is if you stand to them like a man and let them know, verbally or non-verbally, something like...

    i love this woman and I can see myself with her for a long time. I already know you may not like it but this is my choice. and if you don't appreciate my choices as the man that I am then its OK. just support me as your son who won't make decisions that will jeopardize my or anyone elses life in any way. this is my decision and I'm sticking with it for as long as I can.

    if that or something in the nature of what I just wrote doesn't work, then you maynt be able to make them change their minds... but theyre STILL parents. parents can't help it but to understand that its your decisions, feelings and heart and you give it to who you want.

    i have a Girlfriend whose white. while my parents taught me finding a women that treats you correctly is the correct way to pic, my black neighbor, is against it... but she still understands. she doesn't like it but she realizes that I'm happy and we talk about it over wine at her house all da time.

    otherwise just make sure you have your boxing gloves at the ready when you walk in da door.

    p.s.: leave the engine running too.

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