Girls- why do you expect guys to chase?

Question

I have noticed on here that a lot of girls have some expectations that are strange to me-

1. The guy always has to text first. Even if he sends the last text of a conversation, he is expected to re-initiate and start the next convo.

2. Many of you expect the guy to chase you even if you are aloof, and don't show him any interest.

Why? How come?

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I think balance is needed here. If I can offer some criticism on this, one of the main problems is that girls only think in terms of extremes: if she doesn't make the guy chase her, then she's throwing herself at him. Some say this because they're not willing to consider the possibility of equal effort -- when a guy makes his moves and you meet him halfway, instead of making him "chase" you. A 50/50 situation, basically.

I for one don't believe I lose my "value" (like CherryCherry said) when I do that. It just seems right for me, and I know for certain that I wouldn't be with my current boyfriend had I not made some effort myself (yes, besides looking pretty); many good guys will not put compromise their self-respect by constantly seeking the attention of a woman, when they know they are good enough to warrant attention themselves.

I might be wrong, but it seems like some girls believe a man can afford to compromise his dignity and put himself in ridiculous positions just to get a woman. As if humiliation were strictly a guy thing.

Lastly, I'll just point out that a guy chasing you does not prove he really likes you and that his intentions are solid. Players take advantage of this mentality; they know what makes us feel special, and will use that to get in our pants. So the idea that the chasing stage is a test to verify a guy's motives is mistaken. Trust doesn't come from chasing, some guys could chase me to the ends of the earth and I still wouldn't give them the time of the day. Yet there are others who won't chase me at all and still I choose to put my faith in them.

Sorry for the long post, just wanted to get it out there. ;)

Kangajay · Accepted Answer

I actually don't expect guys to chase. I always believe actions should be coming from both people if they are interested in each other. However, WE DON'T WANT TO MESS THINGS UP. Talking about a potential relationship!

In fact, We have a million of questions in our mind: Will he lose interest fast because there is no chase? Will he think I am needy if I text first? Will he change his mind if he knows that I like him? These questions are never answered and we are too scared to think that they might be the truth and so we decided not to do anything and figure this is the best way to see if a guy is genuinely interested.

We are also scared by the past failed experiences of many girls, this approach just seems to be how it works. We don't want to get hurt once again.

Oh, if guys are so brave and feeling so unfair after all, why can't they go up to the girls they like and say like "Hey you are welcomed to text first sometimes, I like that." Instead of assuming that the girl has expectations, "eh can't stand it" and walk away.

But not a normal girl would ask why are you chasing me or why are you always texting me first. We think guys would otherwise think we don't like them.

All girls like to be chased every now and then, but the ones that expect things all the time shouldn't be the ones you are looking for anyway. There are a lot more down to earth girls out there.

CherryCherryBoom · Accepted Answer

Because I don't trust guys. I don't know what they are after, I can't figure out your motives. When a guy is expecting me to chase after him it gives me the vibe that he is selfish. The reason why most girls prefer guys to chase them is because at that point they know 100% that the dude is into them. He is willing to sacrifise his ego that means he is not selfish in other areas as well. Us girls are no hunters, we like you to do the hunting :) It's a manly trait.

Also, guys are less picky. If you approach a guy telling him that you want him he will not reject you.(unless you look like an ogre). A lot of girls know this that's why we are not doing it. We know our value and we like to keep that value, OK? If I know that a cheap girl can get you by asking you out, I know that I can get you as well. But I want you to have a ''preference''. That's when I start feeling special and want to reward you with some nice stuff :D

kholland65 · Accepted Answer

I'll stick with the second paragraph of cherrycherryboom but I'll also add my own pro men rebuttal because I do feel women should do more approaching than they already do.

The one thing I really just want to touch on that women forget is that us men are not all that different than women when it comes to how we feel when approaching/being approached by the opposite gender.

Just like women, men get nervous when we have to approach someone. Just like women, we like having a girl chase us because it makes us feel desired and wanted, just like women us men find it takes away the guessing game when the other person is making the moves. You are aware right away they are interested. Just like women, it shows us this person isn't selfish and is willing to work for us.

I just think that women forget many times that men get nervous too, men can have a hard time trusting the opposite gender too, men need to feel wanted too. These feelings are not exclusive to women.

At the very least, I feel that women should be aware of this fact and cut us guys some slack or try and meet us in the middle. Knowing that us guys have a tough job, girls should try and help us out a bit to ease some of the pressure.

digital_haze · Accepted Answer

The 100% real answer to this question is...

Women have WAY more options than men do. If YOU don't talk to them, somebody else will. Why are they going to go out of their way to get something that comes easy and freely?

This can be seen a lot more clearly on on dating sites. Its more exaggerated on there. its like 1000 to 1 ratio for guys to girls so girls never go out of their way to talk to the guys, they just sift through the hundreds of messages they get and pick the best one.

So unless you are gods gift to girls or the girl isn't getting any attention from guys (pretty rare) then they have no incentive to chase.

Gundyone · Answer

You may be correct in what you say for the most part. I cannot answer for all women but I can answer for me. In your above scenario if it were me it would be because I don't really know you and don't really care. It's not a matter of expecting a guy to chase me. It's more that if you were to completely stop talking to me I would be OK with that.

You have to understand that most women do not get online to try and meet guys and hook up. However, it seems that at least half the guys online are looking for just that. If I am online and not doing much and a guy pops up and starts talking to me I will talk to them but I am not there to try and make a new friend. If you stop talking I will stop also. It's not a cat and mouse game as you seem to think it is.

The male ego is so fragile sometimes..."I said hi to her last time. Why won't she say hi to me this time?. I know she is online" Maybe you wrote your question above incorrectly or I took it the wrong way but I think you are just being hypersensitive. If a woman has you finish conversations and has you start conversations and, as you say, doesn't show you any interest. Then it is quite possible that she has no interest in you.

Again, I may be wrong and misread what you asked. I am sure some women play hard to get but others really don't care about meeting someone and forming a bond on an instant messenger.

Anonymous · Answer

thats just the way American girls have been cultivated by American society. since china girls admire US pop culture, they copy all the bad female traits and practice it over there and in turn drive their men nuts.

and since china has somewhat more boys then girls which allows girls to be even more picky, you can imagine the insanity over there.

on the other hand, European girls tend to be more social and easy-going. have you heard tales of American soldier in Europe in ww2, they saw something very different from back home?American girls tend to be more aggressive and puritan.

xLuana · Answer

I'm not like that, I ask guys out and text them all the time in fact most of the time I'm the first one to text

And lol at the spoiled girls who said "it shows he's thinking about me" so how would the guy know he's being thought of? How one sided and selfish

assley · Answer

Its part of our genetic make up. Think about how animals find mates. We aren't animals but we have mammalian tendencies that have trickled down through evolution. Not every girl wants to be chased either. The way I see it if you like someone enough you should put in the effort .  And that goes both ways. Culture has a lot to with it too. Guys are supposed to be "men". Girls are supposed to be ladies. Going after men isn't lady like. It's all just how someone is raised I guess.

CindiluvsFriends · Answer

Well...I for one just got back into the dating game(was married for several years)and am learning the 'new' rules.

I've actually taken the initiative and have chased a guy,made the first move,etc. I kinda like it!

(and so do the guys. heh heh)

I guess some of us girls do that because its fun to be chased..then act like we don't give a damn once they've caught us. That's what girls expect from a guy. To be the first to call/text,set up a date,make the first move,etc.

raabzbaby89 · Answer

Because girls know there are a lot of players out there. We can't be positive you are truly interested in us, until we put you to the test.

I don't do those two things, though. I PREFER the guy start the convo but once in a while if I feel like starting the convo, I will. I think that not COMPLETE laziness shows a guy that you care, yet you're still not up his ass all the time.

Anonymous · Answer

I do not expect any of those things. Though I must admit I rarely make effort with men and I let them do the work. I would say because I have plenty of options. However some women see it as the mans job to chase, which is somewhat ridiculous. Head games are immature.

Yeahhbro · Answer

Its simply a cultural trait implanted by our culture. I find it really silly, because in my opinion it would make society better, if people were chasing each other.

Dakotagirl900 · Answer

okay, we love for the guy to text first is because THEN we know that he is thinking of us.. plus, if he chases after us then that will get us for sure! shows that he cares

darlanoy0510 · Answer

Reassurance that you guy still interested in us girl.  Beside most of the guide books stated that if guy interests he will initiate conversations.

Anonymous · Answer

because girls are weak cowards who don't dare to make the first move.

frustratedchump06 · Answer

tell me about it, it pisses me off

Anonymous · Answer

Because it fuels our ego. ^^

moviedude714 · Answer

why bother doing something you don't have to

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