How do I stop getting treated like I don't matter?

[Red_Raconteur]

I'm not a special person by any means. I am very normal. Like most normal Americans, I get up every day and go to work and then I go to yoga or TKD and then I come home and play with my cat. I don't deserve special attention for anything I do or anything I am.

But being normal doesn't mean I don't matter; and yet, I consistently get treated as such. When I go out with my friends I am ignored completely and they get annoyed if I try to join the conversation. When I try and make new friends by approaching people who I think I have something in common with they call me desperate or pathetic. Most of my family members are very close with one another but do not even speak to me. In my relationship I rank somewhere below Assassin's Creed and hentai. And while I am the bottom of the totem pole at work that does not mean that all of my ideas are useless and should be silenced.

I have to imagine that there's something I'm doing wrong, that there's something about me that says, "Hi. I'm a doormat. Please walk all over me." Any ideas on what that could be and what I can do to change how I'm treated? I'm not trying to complain, I really do want to be proactive about this.

[Danni23]

First, you are really pretty ( sorry for stalking your pics I just wanted to see what you looked like hahaha) and how do you know that people think you are pathetic? I'm sure they don't think that especially if you walk up to them with a friendly smile. Your not alone though, everyone feels like this which I think is a good thing for you to know. Everyone finds at some point that they aren't as happy as they could be or that they are alone in this world. It sounds to me that you are just more introverted and keep to yourself or maybe people make the assumption your shy so they are not the ones to walk up to you. Call your family members and then say okay call you again next Tuesday or something and start talking to them regularly because humans just tend to fall into a pattern. About your friends being annoyed with you, are they really your friends then? I'm sure there is some sort of hobby you could pick up in your local area to meet new people. You seem like a very sweet woman who at the moment is just at a little bump in the road. Your boyfriend does not deserve you, you may think that if you leave him you won't find another man and that is completely false! With your looks trust me you will find someone it may not be easy but what things in life are? Have a talk with him and if he doesn't change leave him you are worth so much more then you think. The best advice I can give you though is give yourself a makeover. A soul makeover, try doing things outside of your comfort zone activities, watching certain uplifting videos, take a spa day, self-help books and remember your core beliefs and what you want to get out of life and stick with them. Your new life can start soon if you just give it a chance. :) Best of luck!

[lala-193]

the first step in making people treating you like you matter is believing it yourself. you have to believe your special for people to treat you that. you have to act confident, even if that's not how you actually feel. my policy with confidence has always been fake till you make. I have a whole bunch of insecurities like most girls these days, but I keep them to myself as try to be as confident as possible.

[animalwithin]

I commented on one of your answers about your boyfriend not finding you attractive. First off, that guy is a total douchebag loser for not telling you you're pretty and for slotting you between a video game and Asian crap in terms of importance. Sorry if that offends you but guys like your boyfriend make me hate guys in general, you deserve better, come on. That solves your relationship problem. For everything else in your life, I'd say it's a mixture between you and the people you spend time with. It doesn't help you thinking that you're worthless and undesirable because I you believe that about yourself, how can you expect others to treat you differently? There rest falls on others. I don't get along with my family, nor do many people so you're fine in that department, it's common. As for friends, if they don't appreciate you, find new ones. How? Get involved in things that put you in contact with people who share similar interests and values as you. It will take effort but the more you put yourself out there, the more likely you'll run into good people who you'll click with. Lastly, believe that you deserve great things in life, that you deserve respect and appreciation because you do!

P.S.: Muay Thai is so much better that TKD! :)

[Levin]

You probably get treated like you don't matter because you treat yourself like you don't matter. Do you stand up for yourself or just allow yourself to be walked all over? Your relationship with your boyfriend is telling. You don't expect him to tell you you're attractive, does he make you feel special? That's like a prerequisite for any happy relationship. Your self esteem must be pretty low to have such low expectations. If my girlfriend couldn't tell me that I'm attractive, frankly, I'd tell her to f*** off. If my friends didn't treat me with respect, I'd find some new ones. You need to stop being so passive; I'm not suggesting you be arrogant or confrontational, but sadly there are times when you need to stick up for yourself, because there will always be arseholes who will try and take advantage of you. First step is acknowledging the problem, then you can put something in motion to deal with it. Incidentally, I think you're better looking than your boyfriend (I saw this question after reading this one: link

[carlo]

As far as I've understood about humans so far, people treat you the way you tell them to treat you. The communication does not need to be verbal and in plain English, we are animal, and we sense vibes. So my point is, you may not be fully conscious of how you view yourself, but people will pick on what really is at the core of you.For instance, by your pics you seem to me you are making yourself phisically unattractive, purposefully, albeit you may not be fully conscious of that. Believe me, you are decent looking, you are though abusing yourself. I've seen some of your posts before. If you start prettying yourself up, instead of uglying yourself up, there'll be lots of guys who'll want to bang you and be your boyfriend. My suggestion is: if you are here asking this question, you obviously do care about yourself at some level. So, start reading self-help books, find people who may help you and believe in you. We all need that, we need to feel loved and to see people around us believing in us, otherwise is very difficult. It's not a wishy-washy easy fix, things run deeply in us, emotions, beliefs, and there is not an easy fix, contrary to what many f***ing gurus outside there tell, playing on people's weaknesses. You are smart, you are not shallow. You won't make it on your own, you'll need support (even books are a support) but it's you who needs to make the decision to reach out. I think you will make it. I hope so.

[snowboarder720]

I've read a couple of your answers and questions before, I didn't think that you were a doormat at all. In fact, I think I tried to make you feel special by even leaving a comment on your wall on your profile saying your pretty? I think?

OH, I did! 10 months ago. So I'm living proof that people DO pay attention to you and you just don't acknowledge it. So if you think your just normal your obviously wrong.

Also, I understand that you just feel normal, but it should be motivation to do something outgoing. Do stuff you normally wouldn't do and you'll be surprised where your life will take you. I was in your shoes, now a lot of days at work I give my 110% and even more effort in my school studies. Since I changed myself, I've noticed I've been getting a lot more respect. Also, don't be afraid to ask for some help from friends and family once and awhile, it reminds them about you and they build a "need" to be there for you.

Give it a shot.

[Red_Raconteur]

Oh hey, you did post on my wall. I never really respond to those, but a belated thanks.

And thank you for the advice. I'll give it a try.

[snowboarder720]

btw, I was being dead serious. Your so damn cute.

[Frostie]

They aren't your friends, and I wouldn't waste my time talking to them. Start by respecting yourself, and treating yourself as if you ARE worth something. Don't let people walk all over you. If they have a problem with you, resolve it, or you can avoid them and kick them to the curb. There are few people worth being called friends.

As far as the rest goes, it depends on how you talk to people.

If you come off as desperate, that means you're more than likely doing something that consistently asks for attention. Meaning texting someone all day. If they enjoy it, there is no harm done,but not everyone wants to dedicate their entire day to one person. The few that do..well they usually end up with someone who are like them, which they are considered 'needy' ,or 'desperate'. It's learning the boundaries people have. Not everyone's boundaries are the same.

Some people don't mind if you're within 2 feet of their face, other people.. well ,you'd probably get hurt.

[NotJustAnotherGuy]

Lack of confidence and affirmative action.

You know you can create p*rn for your hubby to avoid him looking at other sources to get off?

And in order to get an idea passed at work takes a lot of confidence, persuasive speaking and attempts.

As for friends, find some ? Cause it sounds like you don't have any by how you describe the people you supposedly like to hang with..

There world isn't so simple that you can just want something and have it. And there are a lot of things and people out there that beyond you. Meaning, there is a sh*t ton of competition, which means a whole lot of work for you to get what you want.

[TheFuture]

Maybe you just give off a sad vibe. That's easy to remedy. Stop thinking so sadly. It makes me sad. I get why you would be below Assassin's Creed, but hentai? Get a new guy.

Your friends sound like bitches, get new ones. That's an easy thing to say but just find one decent friend. Do things you like, look for events that include those things, practice talking to salespeople and others to build up your confidence.

[beer3]

First of all change friends, they don't derserve you. Second people like to hang around others that are positive and funny. If you try that I'm sure more people will treat you better.