Breaking up with my shy girlfriend. Thoughts or advice?

[Splash21]

I've been together with this girl for about two and a half weeks. I think she is a beautiful and amazing person in every regard; its just that she's shy. Guys never really gave her a chance but I decided to ask her to be my girlfriend because I thought I'd be able to get her out of her shell and I saw the potential of a great girlfriend.

I feel that I need to break up because she's just too shy. When were on dates she's more of a listener as I do most of the talking. I try asking her questions and she gives short answers. When I try to be romantic she just smiles or giggles. We've kissed and cuddled on every date but that's usually the farthest I can get her out of her shell. At work (were coworkers too) she's also shy and doesn't say much. I've genuinely enjoyed my time with her, I just wish that she'd be more open and outgoing. I'm afraid that when it comes to more serious stuff (sex, etc) later she won't speak up about things.

Another side is telling me to stay with her whether or not she emerges from her shell. she's a genuinely nice person and I can tell I make her happy. I asked her out with flowers and surprised her by showing up to one of her violin concerts. She couldn't stop smiling and wouldn't let go of me which made me happy too. I wouldn't want to emotionally hurt an innocent girl who really trusts and likes me. Additionally, her parents really like me and have a lot of trust in me and I would hate to break their daughter's heart. They told me that she really cares for me and that I'm one of the best things in her life, which I am flattered to hear. They always offer to give us money to pay for our dates, but I refuse and use my own. I think I may be able to put up with the shyness but at some point it'll have to change.

All in all, whichever path I choose, I plan to be a mature gentleman about it whether its respecting her shyness or moving on without her. I truly love her because she cares so much about me and I enjoy being around her. Its just I would prefer for her to be more open.

Any advice?

[laceyz565]

(sorry it wouldn't let me finish) anyways the point is when your naturally a introverted person you tend to like being in the company of other by kind just observing. You feel confrontable being around others but not necessarily engaging with them if that makes any since.. So while I was doing all of that I wasn't aware of it because the silence was confronting to me and I was OK just spending time with him without saying too much because with introverts that's not awkward that's peaceful just not being so talkative when you not totally confrontable with them yet. And although I do because more myself and more outgoing with time. If it bothered him so much as in to cheat on me he could have just told me because I was honestly not aware I was being so anti social most of the time. It was kind of a reality check when he said that and I could have been more engaging I still would of been a little shy because I need time but I could have been a little better and I think that's like your girlfriend. I don't think she's completely aware she's doing it or that its bothering you. If you say you know you don't have to be shy around me or something like that just so she knows its OK to be herself I think that will help her draw out of her self better. Its better to tell her how you feel in my opinion before you just straight up dump her

[laceyz565]

I wouldn't break up with her. two and a half weeks is not enough time for a shy girl like that to be willing to get out of her shell. First I wanna say I act like that kind of when I first start dating someone and it takes me more than two weeks to feel confrontable around a guy to be more open with him. If you are worth it you will wait to see the caterpillar emerge from her shell. Seriously though if your willing to give up on her just after two weeks she deserves someone who will try harder then that. You seem like your outgoing so I guess its probley just a little werid to you but trust me she will get there. Second I want to say before you ever break up with a girl for being too shy you should reach out to her about it maybe she's not completely aware she's being so closed up because she's so used to it. Tell her how she feels so she tries a little harder to get out of her shell faster, good luck!

[Splash21]

Thanks, I'm trying as hard as I can, trust me. She's definitely worth it and I don't feel like I should tell her about my feelings about her shyness. I just want it to be natural and comfortable for her.

[laceyz565]

Tbh I atcually had this problem in the past kinda more intense and I'll share it with you because I think it might help. I just recently started dating this guy this was like in may and he was super outgoing and everyone loved him. So we were dating for about a month and then I find out he cheated on me. His excuse was that I was to shy and he just didn't know what to do. I replied with calling him a dumbass and I said maybe if you told me and waiting a little longer I would have.

[monkeylovesblue]

Would it be weird if you talked to her parents about her shyness... maybe there's a reason. I think it's too early to give up on your relationship.. keep fighting for her to communicate to you what's going on. I know it's hard because of hormones and what not.

Stay strong it will be worth it!

[Splash21]

I never thought of taking to her parents... maybe I will if I really have too.

[BCRanger10]

1) Two weeks is not enough time to grow accustomed to someone, their personality, and their lifestyle. It's not enough time for them to get used to you either.

2) You should never date someone for how you want them to be, how you see them, etc. You must accept and embrace that person as they are. If you don't like their personality or something else that's a big part of them, you shouldn't date them. Being shy and introverted is no more a choice for a person than being an extravert.

3) Don't look at it as "putting up" with her shyness, especially if you were the one who made the first move. You asked her out. Don't expect her to mold into what you want her to be. She is who she is. You need to accept and embrace her for that.

[Anonymous]

I would say continue to date her for a while. It's only been two & a half weeks like you said. I would consider myself a shy person, not as shy as your girlfriend seems to be though. We hold back a lot of ourselves because we don't want to allow ourselves to be too vulnerable in front of others, kinda like we have to be 100% sure you're not gonna hurt us if we let our guard down. I kinda like to figure people out before I give them 100% of myself. If you're a total sweetheart I think she'll eventually come to realize that it's okay for her to be her & she'll start to really open up. It takes me a while to open up to people, but when I do, it's pretty amazing for the other person because they tell me they see great sides to me they never knew existed.

Give it some time. The more time you spend together, the more comfortable she'll get & the more happier you'll both be. I bet she has a wild side. Every shy girl does...you just have to stick around long enough to see it (;

Good Luck!

[Splash21]

Haha, I hope she has a wild side, but I highly doubt ill get too see it for a while. She's too innocent for me to believe it.

[Opinion Owner]

Don't worry, there's always a wild side. Every single shy friend I know has one. And so do I! lol

[Splash21]

Well were going to a dance party this weekend. Maybe ill see it then! :)

[Turtleluv]

Uh first how long have you known her? You say you lover her but you've only been dating for 2 and a half weeks? That's waaaay too fast. If it's only been 2 weeks give her time to warm up to you. I've been dating a guy for 2 months and I'm still nervous and shy around him. Yea we've had sex but the mystery dies if everyone is comfortable.

[Splash21]

Well we've known each other for a year and we've been hanging out a lot before we started dating. I've started having feeling for her way back.

[allyjane11]

Your question is how to break up with her or how to get her out of her shell? I'm confused. You say you care about her but feel like you should move on? Have you actually made the decision to break up with her?

[Anonymous]

You could try and talk to her about it first. Tell her how you feel about her shyness. I was shy when I was younger bad but I eventually came out of my shell. How was she brought up? My parents were super strict and I was very sheltered which is why I was shy. If she is so innocent then she probably does not know how she should act, or feel. You need to make her comfortable and make sure she knows she can be herself.

[zagor]

At least have sex with her first.