The "I have a boyfriend" lie?

Question

Do you think it's wrong to lie to a guy who asks you out/for your number telling him that you have a boyfriend when you really dont? do you owe a guy you hardly know honesty?

TedStar · Accepted Answer

It is one of those phrases which is overused and colloquially known to be a rejection. Because it is so overused I know plenty of guys who just see that as a lie and a challenge.

They see it as them going to you and having the courage to be honest and direct to ask you out and then you reply with the cowards approach of ambiguity. Some guys won't know when you have a boyfriend or not and will try to 'convince' you into giving them a chance ( Since she didn't say "no"right?).

I think that this "I have a BF" thing has contributed to many guys starting to disrespect relationships because some guys don't care and because many women are using that line as a means to play hard to get. Indirectly answering a question is poor. A guy asks you to hang out or go on a date. This is your typically closed question. "Yes"or "No" are the accepted replies NOT "I have a BF".

Another dangerous thing is that some guys may take "I have a boyfriend" to mean "I think you are sweet/charming and if I didn't have a boyfriend I'd totally date you". I've seen guys waiting patiently fam and it wasn't a pretty sight.

Rejection is tricky. You need to know your audience. I still believe that a straight "No, I'm not interested in you" is the best. It is the truth,it is direct and if they don't want to take it then that is their problem

EvilPimp · Accepted Answer

Just say no. Its a stranger, so why care about rejecting them?

JanJan · Accepted Answer

I think that this lie just perpetuates the idea to men that a woman must have an excuse not to give a man her time. It's like saying "I would, but... (INSERT LIE HERE.)" Every woman knows the basic lies. "I have a boyfriend, I'm gay,I just got out of a relationship, etc." But the fact is that you don't have to have an excuse not to like a guy. He might be interesting, attractive, and kind, and you might both be single, but you still don't owe him your time. Many women have been raised to believe that it's polite to give a dance to every boy who asks you at the school dance, that we should give every guy who asks us out a fair chance, etc. But men are not held to the same esteem. If a man does not want to go out with a woman, he is never questioned as to why. We should get the same treatment. You should only give out your number if you have a genuine interest, not because you can't think of an excuse not to.

toulouse · Accepted Answer

i think people can tell when you're lying. even if you think you're covering it up. I prefer to be honest, because I would prefer a honest rejection to a lie myself. I don't like people trying to handle me. if I couldn't handle rejection I wouldn't ask in the first place.

if a guy keeps bothering you after saying no-puchhim.

Account · Accepted Answer

I've never used the "I have a boyfriend" excuse even when I was single.

I tell the truth. That's why I am perceived as a cold-hearted bitch. People do not appreciate honesty, even though they claim they do.

Bluemax · Answer

If it's someone you don't know, I don't think there's anything wrong with it. It's somewhat difficult if you do know the guy, however.

I often think that it would be good to tell someone what they could do to improve their game if they ask you out and you must reject them. However, I realize this is often seen as some kind of invitation to go ahead and follow your advice, then they ask you out again later. Mind you, I would only do this if it is something within their power to improve. On the other hand, there's a part of me that would dread a woman I rejected what they could do better. This usually makes me withhold advice unless I'm asked for it. Thus far no one has.

By the way, to a sales rep, I often say, "Not interested, thank you" and be done with it. I never say, "I already have one." Speaking of sales, most salesmen are aware of the idea of win fast, win slow, lose fast, lose slow. Obviously, win fast is the best possible situation. Many people think win slow is the next best situation, but it isn't. To lose fast is the next. You don't waste as much time and energy so you can go on to the next prospective client. Win slow is the next. Although you've got the sale, how many other potential clients slipped by why you were wooing? To lose slow is the worst, for obvious reasons. My take is that to tell a guy you have a boyfriend is a lose fast situation. I think you're doing him a favor. I've noticed a lot of women think this is a way to protect a man's ego (funny how it's always about the ego...as if men have no hearts to hurt). For the most part, it doesn't protect a man's ego nor his heart, if he is wise. Most men I know understand this is often code for "not interested."

MrOracle · Answer

No, IMO, that's fine.

Know how to be even better? Help the guy out.

If he was an asshole, tell him "I have a boyfriend, but, honestly, you were such an asshole that I would never date you anyway."

If he was nervous, but seemed nice, then tell him "I have a boyfriend, but can I give you some advice to help you with the ladies?" And if he says "yes", then tell him what he did right, and what he did wrong, and try to give him a bit of confidence. Be remembered as the awesome girl who helped him out, instead of the bitch who turned him down (not every guy will think that way, but some do).

Apply this as you see fit. If he was too aggressive, then tell him so. If he's dressed like a slob, tell him that. Whatever it is, tell him honestly, as a friend, what his problem was, WHY it's a problem, and what he needs to do to fix it for the next time.

This is your chance to be AWESOME, so why not spend 5 minutes doing so?

Anonymous · Answer

I don't think it's "wrong" necessarily, just silly to do so. Like, are people that afraid of simply saying that they aren't interested to a person rather than having to create some story to cover their tracks? Just get some balls and say "No thanks" or whatever is appropriate for the situation. Going from a very shy person to a very comfortable person now myself, I can assure you it's really not that bad lol.

But at the end of the day, I don't really have an opinion either way on this topic. If someone asked me what they should do, I'd tell them to quit being a pussy and just say no. But it's also not keeping me up at night either.

Anonymous · Answer

I think everybody should get honesty generally speaking, whether you know the person or not. I think that when you lie to a person, if they find out, that probably hurts their feelings more than if you had just been politely honest with them to begin with. Because then it makes you feel like "I must have been acting like a complete weirdo for them to lie to me just to get me to go away like that".

"I'm flattered but you're not really my type."

If he responds by being offended or making an issue out of it, your next response is

"Okay, you need to stop, you're being weird." or creepy. But chances are after he just got plainly rejected, he'll simply let the issue go and hope things aren't awkward assuming he has to be around you again.

Do onto others as you would like done to you. I don't like being lied to for no good reason, so I don't do it.

cheesesteak7 · Answer

I don't think it's about whether or not you owe someone you hardly know honesty. I think it's just the principle of being honest, both to others and to yourself.

A couple weeks ago I asked a girl out and she simply said "not interested". Sure it was kinda cold, but hey, it was honest. And I appreciated that - she didn't lie to me about having a bf.

AlissaGoodVibes · Answer

Not necessarily. People tell white lies almost everyday...so why not use it to your advantage.

Believe it or not, there are guys out there who do not understand the words "no" or "I'm sorry"...even when put nicely. And "I have a boyfriend" works like a charm, every time lol.

pavlove · Answer

I think it's good actually.  Most guys (I hope) can tell when a girl isn't being sincere but I think for guys we are more afraid of the awkwardness of rejection rather than it happening (that's why guys can be a lot more bold on Facebook and whatnot.)  When you give an excuse you make things less awkward for the guy who just struck out and feels kind of loserish which helps us feel like wow getting rejected isn't so bad so you did well young lady!

Jonny_ · Answer

Doesn't bother me, I know a ton of guys are jerks so I'm all up for a girl wanting a night without hassle. I don't feel rejected because I don't approach girls I don't know so it wouldn't happen to me.

whattothink · Answer

Depends if I turn em down nicely and they still try I pull that one out. But I did try honesty first.

Prof_Don · Answer

I say it's never OK to lie in this situation.   QA, why are so many females of all ages so fearful of honestly turning down a guy, and result to lies as said above in your question?

Daph81 · Answer

I've used the line before. If I do it, it's mostly because the guy seems to not be able to understand my cues of disinterest, so I just say that to get rid of him quickly and painlessly for him.

kambo_trick3y · Answer

Fuck that shit, lie your ass off. It's a solid, permanent enough way to let someone down easily.

Ariaaa · Answer

I don't find anything wrong with using that line. I use it and it works lol I think it's the easiest way to let a guy down.

RedThread · Answer

It's certainly easier and I wouldn't hold anything against you for it. Hell I'd probably do the same thing. It's easier than having a full blown conversation with a complete stranger.

MaskofInsanity · Answer

I admit I use the line. Why? It's easy and avoids hurting feelings.

Lafemmedeschats · Answer

I've done that with guys who cannot accept rejection

dave4u · Answer

I always tell the truth. I would hope I could expect the same, stranger or not.

Anonymous · Answer

Yep, honesty is a good thing to have. I'd try a different line.

Nochielo · Answer

Nothing wrong, if you don't like someone then you don't, no need to apologize for that.

Anonymous · Answer

If you don't know the guy, who cares? I always tell guys that.

The "I have a boyfriend" lie?

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