Crush sneakily kept looking at my lips (I think)?

[Anonymous]

My crush was talking to me - I was talking actually and he was focused on my eyes and listening but I noticed his eyes unfocus slightly and look at... my mouth? Not far down enough to be something else - I think he was focusing on my lips but am not sure. He did it a couple times and it didn't look like he was bored lol. It looked more like he was trying not to get caught, or like he wasn't aware he was doing it.
What do you think he was doing? What does that mean if a guy does that, do you think?

Updates

+1 y

I've read/heard that it usually means the guy wants to kiss the girl - what do you think? Thanks!

Updates

+1 y

I was thinking about it and it looked kind of like he was distracted by my mouth like magnetically drawn lol like couldn't really help himself - I don't know if that would change the meaning. He normally looks at my eyes even when really tired btw.

[AlejandroD]

Did you know that when a guy looks at a girls lips, there's a higher probability the thought of sex with him will pop into their heads? Not that it'll make the girl start day dreaming about it, but that a quick thought will run through the girls head.

Maybe he read this small hypothesis somewhere and tried to test it out on you =P

Now I have to ask, did it work? Did the quick thought run though your brain? You don't have to answer this if it's too personal, but it would be nice to know if it were true xD

[Asker]

Haha not really I was trying to figure out what he was doing. I've caught him staring at my mouth before when I'm not paying attention and eating something (lol am not a graceful eater I don't think and I'm talking random stuff like cake) - like he was slightly slack jawed - but this was like he was trying to focus on my eyes and his eyes kept slightly unfocusing and drifting downward. At first I thought he was looking at my neck and was like uh what? but then I realized it might be my mouth.
Usually he looks into my eyes for a long time when we talk. I don't know what was different today.

[Asker]

I've read it means he wants to kiss me - what do you think?

[AlejandroD]

Some people look down when they're trying to listen or think. It may be just that. I know I tend to look away from people when I'm listening to them and so people always think I just stopped listening to them when it's actually quite the opposite xD

Yes, that could also be a possibility. He might have been imagining how nice it would be to receive a nice kiss from those lovely lips of yours. Not that I know what your lips look like, I'm just making the assumption here =]

[Asker]

He always looks directly into my eyes and rarely looks away unless I do. This isn't typical for him. The last time he went slightly unfocused I think he was trying hard not to look lower than my face.
Haha the lovely lips reference is kind of an inside joke for me. Too long of an explanation but I crack up whenever I hear "nice lips."

[AlejandroD]

Lol, Not to make any rash assumptions here, but, were you wearing anything that could have been showing off your "assets"? It's hard to be gentlemanly and not look when it's too blatant. Listening to someone's dialogue when you're having a battle against the instincts in your brain is quite difficult.

[Asker]

Actually everything was really covered as far as I know. I even glanced down to check. No skin showing or anything.

[AlejandroD]

Well, I wouldn't put too much stress on it then. I'm going to go ahead and say he either wants a kiss or that he might have just happened to be tired that day. Eyes drifting unconsciously is a sign of being tired, and sometimes the person may not even realize it. You even said it looked as if he wasn't aware of it and that this wasn't his typical routine, so it might just be that.

[AlejandroD]

Or he could have a thing for lips, that could always be the answer too lol

[Asker]

Hmm ok thx. I don't know - he was pretty awake - like I said he usually watches my eyes when I talk but I often catch him watching me when I don't pay attention for a little bit. See my recent question about a guy absentmindedly touching a girl he likes - gives more context to his behavior. Another weird thing - the past two times I've seen him he's seemed careful *not* to sit close, touch me, etc. although he usually does... am confused. Sorry this is getting complex lol.

[AlejandroD]

No no, its better when it gets complex. I get more information to work off of and develop a good solution for you =]
It could be that he come to the realization that maybe he was moving too fast with the relationship and is trying to slow it down and be careful with it now so you don't think he's a weirdo. Sort of like the story of Adam and Eve and how when they bit the apple, they suddenly realized they were naked. In this case the "apple" might have been one of his friends or his own introspection telling him he was moving too fast with you.

[Asker]

Or maybe he doesn't want to get hurt God forbid - I was asking him today where I should look for a job and he immediately texted the name of the nearby college followed by "Don't leave us." He's always saying stuff like stay here or I should move where you do or whatever. It's like he alternates between fast and slow - standing too close and being standoffish - and it's weird. Oh and I've been friends with him for a few years he's not a random dude.

[AlejandroD]

Well if there's a possibility you may move away, maybe he doesn't want to get too close to you. As you have said, he probably doesn't want to get hurt if you do. I'm speaking from experience now as I am currently facing a similar problem. Going to college and leaving a person you care about behind is heartbreaking. In your case, you have to go find a job and he probably doesn't want to get in your way or get too attached. The reason he tries to not get close to you is because of this, and the reason he sometimes looks at you when you aren't paying attention is because it's the only chance he has to get a good look at you without blatantly showing interest.

Sorry if this answer is too hastily put together and far fetched. This predicament has triggered my emotions to get involved with my logical reasoning so my responses might seem a little into what I'm feeling like right now.

[Asker]

This is helpful thanks and he does seem to pull away like this whenever there's a chance of losing me God forbid.
Will try to answer in more detail later - it's almost 5 am here (!) thanks a ton and will try to write more soon!

[AlejandroD]

No problem, I'm always here if you need any more answers =]

[Asker]

I have another question - what do you think of this? Sometimes I'll catch him looking at me with this really vulnerable almost melancholy/sad look - I call it the "in the movies" look bc that's basically the only time I see guys doing it. Once I was fixing his tie while he was getting ready for an event and I looked up and realized he was staring down at me with this look on his face. Another time he played a song for me to listen to and it started "if you love somebody better tell them while they're here" (one republic?) and I looked up to find him again looking down at me with this really peculiar look on his face - like sad (?) and vulnerable and almost longing or something. What do you think? When I catch him staring he usually doesn't look away quickly either.

[AlejandroD]

It means that he's thinking about you. The thoughts range from simply dating you and taking you out to a romantic place and ending it with a kiss all the way to getting married and having children. He was probably thinking that you would be a good wife while you were fixing his tie or that you really looked cute doing so.
It can also mean "what could have been, but won't/can't ever".
When a guy looks at a girl and thinks these thoughts, it's hard to look away because it's like getting caught in a gaze or day dream, even when the girl notices and we notice they noticed, it takes a bit to snap back into reality.

[Asker]

"It can also mean "what could have been, but won't/can't ever"."
what do you mean?
Becuase the feeling I get is that he's thinking "I love her so much but I can't tell her/don't know how," God willing. I like him too if you can't tell :) It's a very very emotional look at times and it only lasts until one of us breaks the gaze.

[Asker]

And am not exaggerating btw. I legitimately feel that from him (again, God willing). I know some girls are like "he loves me rainbows sunshine roses marrriage kids yayyyyy" lol.

[AlejandroD]

I don't know what the face you're mentioning is exactly, so I described two similar faces that sound like what you were describing. By "what could have been, but won't/cant" face I was describing means he doesn't want to get attached to you but he looks at you because he WANTS to be attached to you but can't on account of the possibility you might move away. But, as I said before that description, it could also just mean he was thinking of you.

[Asker]

Makes sense - thank you! Am thinking it actually might mean basically all of what you said God willing. For some reason he seems to really like playing songs with semi-meaningful lyrics (maybe reading too much into this) - Counting Stars ("dreaming about the things that we could be"), Demons ("I wanna shelter you"), the song from HIMYM (500 miles - about being "the man who wakes up next to you") - and he'll sing them and look straight at me. The last one he kind of starts singing spontaneously and trails off at that part... idk.

[Asker]

Hi,
Thanks again so much for all your help - would you mind looking at my latest question? It's about the same guy - www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q1168476-guys-would-you-admit-something-like-this-to-a-girl-you-were-just

Thanks! :)

[HandsomeRaj]

This guy has one load of sexual attraction to you for sure - pretty passionate I must say else he'd be looking at your body, not your lips :)

Doesn't translate to liking like relationship types or love but may be so too.

Sexual and passion yes for sure :)

[Asker]

Sorry I didn't understand what you meant by passion and looking at my lips instead of my body?

And the second sentence - ?

Sorry am just confused :)

[HandsomeRaj]

Passion is a deep intense desire to make love and not just have sex if you catch my drift :) He lusts for you but soulfully :)

But this feeling doesn't translate into his wanting a relationship or similar :)

[Asker]

Ahhh I see. And what do you think about his always getting jealous of other guys/not wanting me to move away/etc? Thanks for the clarification :)

[Asker]

From my other question - he sometimes gives me this melancholy vulnerable look when I turn around and catch him staring - like once I was adjusting his tie for him and I looked up and he had this look on his face of like... longing plus sadness. Someone thought it meant he wanted to kiss me but I think it's more than that God willing.

[HandsomeRaj]

Men & women get jealous even if their booty call, leave alone friends with benefits who's an 'ex' talks to someone else - that says a lot about human nature :)

This guy may have a thing for you beyond just sexual attraction but it's important to be sure if he knows what he wants and is able to differentiate :)

[HandsomeRaj]

Oh sure he wants to kiss you for sure - that's taken for granted :D

[Asker]

He keeps joking (?) about moving wherever I one day and that I shouldn't leave and should work in our town. And says how sad he'll be if I leave. Etc. idk. Once he thought I was engaged (looooong story) and was legitimately devastated. I had to be like nooooo no no and we had a discussion about it a couple times.
And he isn't done with his schooling so it's not practical right now but I imagine in the future he might say something God willing. In the meantime he appears to be trying to keep me away from other guys/within reach.

[HandsomeRaj]

Joking is a way of covering up anxiety :) which is what he seems to be doing.

This guy sure likes you which explains passion and not just sexual nature of his actions :)

Keeping you away from other guys is a typical action of insecurity. Within bounds it's nice but beyond control can be a bad thing :)

[Asker]

He's been asking me about it since last year - "when does your program end?" And "will you leave? please don't leave..." and sounded super vulnerable. Repeat like 5-10x so far in he last year. And one of our friends told us he is getting married God willing and I caught this guy giving me a look like... either he wanted me or was afraid I was next or both. I don't know if he meant me to see. I happened to glance over.
Yeah he's not controlling he's just... insecure sounds pretty accurate. It's sweet not annoying actually. It's more like he gets all awkward if I mention guys showing interest in me and stands close to me in public if other guys are talking to me (dudes like baristas or whoever else at a store).

[HandsomeRaj]

Ah I relate to that sinking feeling when she may go away even for the day :) ofcourse I've learnt even if by force never to show my feelings lol. This chap well sure likes you but I won't say loves you unless he does himself :)

[Asker]

Why don't guys generally show their feelings easily? And he lets down his guard when he's with just me - but nothing so far. Except once we were talking about stuff and he kept insisting I should marry someone I know (know already, I think he meant).

[HandsomeRaj]

It's not about 'guy's young lady :) it's about individual. I always wish that women would be more upfront than being cryptic lol I mention it too but still it's an individual trait :)

Probably he's shy and/or afraid of rejection cause he thinks you are above his level :)

[Asker]

Haha that's why I said "generally" - sorry :)
And maybe - hmm.
He tries (?) like I said to stay far from me but ends up close to me. Maybe insecurity like you said on the other post. Or not wanting to get too close.

[HandsomeRaj]

Both I'd say insecurity leads to desire / need to be close physically :) - similar to a child to it's parent :)

[Asker]

Am not sure them why he'd back off except maybe afraid of being hurt. Or trying to control himself. Like I said he usually ends up drifting closer as an event or whatever goes on.

[HandsomeRaj]

Confidence levels matter especially if he thinks you are cut above him :)

[Asker]

Bc he used to be like glued to me, always sat super close etc. - was thinking he was losing interest God forbid because he's been a tad more physically distant lately (per my earlier questions) but I think he's just trying to control himself and/or is suddenly shy for some reason.

[HandsomeRaj]

He's trying to control himself cause he thought him touching you, being physically close to you will evoke a reaction from you. He's thinking like a girl :) He needs to know that these work from a girl to a boy not the other way round - generally :)

Either he's trying to control himself or according to him, he's belted out / conveyed what he wanted to & hasn't evoked a reaction which has made him back out in a depression of sorts :)

[Asker]

Huh. I react I think... like touch his arm and stuff. Also random question, he seems to like to lie down with his head near me. Like on the couch or the floor or various places. I always have the urge to run my fingers through his hair but I stop myself. What do you think he's doing? Maybe it's a comfort thing? Being close to me I mean.
And sometimes when I get close to him his leg starts bouncing up and down. I think he's nervous and hope it's in a good way God willing (!). It makes me feel awkward to sit too close although he's usually the one to do that bc I don't know if his reaction is good or bad. Then again he doesn't relocate and consistently sits by me sooo...

[HandsomeRaj]

This guy thinks more like a girl than a guy at least in this situation.

yes the legs bouncing is a good thing, just that he's nervous and anxious :)

Next time run ur fingers through his hair & things will begin to open up :D

[Asker]

I mean once he had room to sit by me and actually got up after like 5 seconds and walked around then sat on the next couch and seemed nervous. Am confused. Again not common.

I sort of end up touching him when I happen to accidentally and then don't move away, like when he puts his head right next to me I might "accidentally" touch his hair - or like when we high five and don't let go quickly. Like once he was sitting by me and ended up leaning on my shoulder and another time lay on my hand lol like his face against my hand. Temporarily. He'll also say stuff like "my face (or hair) is soft, feel" and then go really still and watch me with big dark eyes when I do.
Haha sorry if I'm boring you it's kind of cathartic to write all this out and get feedback on it thank God. It just makes me feel weird to be touchy when the dude clearly is nervous (?) and I'm like is this pleasant or unpleasant?

[HandsomeRaj]

lol you aren't boring me young lady. I don't get out here to earn Xpers. If I make sense to anyone and in this case you it's a great thing that i'm of some use lol

This chap - how old is he? he thinks and acts like a teenage girl from a small town lol. Be sure what you are getting into. This can feel good initially but with time the same thing may become irritating if it continues that way. Also a person who behaves this way initially may be dominating post being into a relationship :)

Nothing wrong in being touchy young lady :) nervous people can be detrimental to many things. You are justified :)

[Asker]

Ehh he's on the immature side but not exactly a teenage girl from a small town - that was me once though! I'm not the most mature in some ways either :/ and how could it turn dominating? Don't see the connection.

And thanks and sorry if I don't reply right away it's very late here.

[HandsomeRaj]

My apologies, by 'teenage girl from small town' I didn't mean it as a disparaging remark. I was trying to explain a situation as generally perceived. I've known very smart girls who are from small towns :)

People who are so nervous and shy most times have some sort of low esteem about themselves. Such people once they've acquired what they thought was above their level, subconsciously get a feeling of superiority that they can't handle while their low esteem craves to control the other person which inadvertently makes them dominating :) if and when this happens doesn't mean they are bad. it's just that they haven't understood themselves :)

No sweat young lady, I may leave for the gym in a while too :D State & ask what you want, I'll revert when I'm back though I'm here for about 15 mins now

[Asker]

I didn't take it as disparaging - and I didn't say before, I don't touch him easily partly bc I too have confidence issues - you see the way he acts around me (!) and yet the second he appears to back off I get scared that he doesn't want me to touch him etc. God forbid :/

[HandsomeRaj]

When someone's very nervous they may get jumpy the way he does. Even though they want you to do something say like touching them, because of their nervousness they react in a way that may seem exactly the opposite of what they want :)

[Asker]

Thanks! Haha yeah I'm like uhhhh... not sure what he wants.

[HandsomeRaj]

I'd say go ahead stroke his head, run ur fingers through his hair the next time it happens the way you describe & then watch :)

[HandsomeRaj]

Because of hesitation, lack of confidence and related nervousness we tend to lose out on something good - this goes for the both of you i. e. if you act and he reacts in a wrong manner though intending something else :)

[Asker]

Kind of like how I get all awkward and don't look at some guys I'm attracted to when they walk by or I try to smile and think I grimace instead oops

[HandsomeRaj]

EXACTLY :) and that's how we lose out on good opportunities. Learn to be more confident about yourself. You can begin by increasing knowledge - helps :) it did for me years ago :)

[Asker]

Am so confused, he basically didn't even look at me tonight - I was talking to our friends as usual and he kind of acted... not neutral, but like I wasn't there almost - it was weird. He said something to me but it was almost businesslike. What do you think? He looked... maybe cautious, maybe neutral. Not sure how to describe it. Then again his young friend who is usually super friendly to me was also kind of like that so idk, maybe they were tired.
I mean his brother has been really friendly the last few times I've seen him but meh his brother thinks of me as a mentor and just no lol

[HandsomeRaj]

It's well possible that he's tried everything in 'his' book to get you to show 'signs' which you didn't so he's laying back for a while. Ofcourse he may be discussing with his brother and/or friend thus making them react that way.

It's also possible that now that you are attracted to him, you're getting jumpy and jumping the gun :) Give it a few days, notice things around and then your thinking on this will be better :)

[Asker]

Makes sense thx! This has happened multiple times before actually.

[HandsomeRaj]

Good you realize, change it now :) good luck :)

[Asker]

So he claims he was just tired which is probably legit God willing - he can be pretty cranky or just plain out of it when he is. Idk. Lol anyway thanks so much for all the help :)

[HandsomeRaj]

The pleasure's always and will be wholly mine, young lady :)

[Asker]

Messaged you :)

[HandsomeRaj]

Replied :)

[Anonymous]

Weren't you the girl that asked about being beautiful? Lol you seem super insecure. Just don't act so awkward!

[Asker]

Haha that was me - I'm interested in stuff so I get people's opinions but yes a little (a lot less than I think I seem on here though - am working on it!). Thanks by the way :)

[Opinion Owner]

Honestly you are a beautiful and smart woman. Embrace it and stop being so insecure. Confidence is attractive remember that.

[Asker]

I appreciate that - it's taken a long time to feel confident, long story but childhood issues plus being the nerdy kid in school and just... various things in college that didn't help. So I'm just now thank God starting to think well of how I appear to guys etc. I appreciate the encouragement :)
I also like analyzing things therefore I ask all sorts of questions and appear more insecure than I am, oops.

[Opinion Owner]

You're welcome and I hope you will stop asking these questions now.

[Anonymous]

I think its because he wants to kiss you, or just there's some food in your mouth that you forgot to clean it off, I look at my crush mouth when she talks too, because her mouth is so sexy I just want to kiss her

[Asker]

Haha no food issue I don't think - and see below, he sometimes stares at me when I'm eating, I turn around and see him giving me this wide eyed look and focusing kind of slack jawed on my mouth. What do you think?

[Opinion Owner]

maybe he find it cute and attractive haha

[Dionysos]

Look up "flirting triangle".

[Asker]

I just did - thanks, I don't think he was doing it deliberately, I don't think he could help it. see below (discussion w/AlejandroD), he sometimes stares at me when I'm eating, I turn around and see him giving me this wide eyed look and focusing kind of slack jawed on my mouth. What do you think?

[Dionysos]

I think he likes what he's looking at. Either that or you have something stuck in your teeth. :-)

[Asker]

hahaha well my lips were chapped but they're always kind of chapped and he knew that already bc I had mentioned it (I was super dehydrated).

[Asker]

not like ewww chapped (I don't think but God forbid), just kind of redder in places