Huge crush on my boss! Advise needed!

Question

A couple months ago I started my internship at this company that was founded by two young men, one of them I liked a lot right away and I have come to like him more every time i see him.

We communicate in a weird way if you ask me.. sometimes i'm a bit loud, and sometimes he is when we're in the same room.

He does have a girlfriend from what i understood (or at least, i'm not sure if they are still dating, but she used to be a former employee there as well)

Anyhow; I ended up in the hospital after an accident with a speedboat on a weekend trip with the whole crew, and he was with me the entire time and he held my hands, and put his hand on my leg when i was able to sit up again..
another colleague walked in when he had his one hand on my hip and the other holding my hand, i saw her face just changing when she saw it...
We do not have one on one moments very often, they're rare..
But if we do sort of have one, we lock eyes and I just feel this spark between us..

I know him as a very confident and outgoing person, 
The strange thing is, I can't seem to figure out how he feels about me...
He starts a conversation with everyone, except me, well.. sometimes he does, but they're usually short.
I catch him looking at me and then looking away when I look at him every now and then.. 
I also noticed that sometimes when I'm around and he is not talking to someone else in the room, he gets a tiny little bit nervous, he just sits there and zones out, like he is thinking about serious stuff. or sometimes he will start acting a little bit nervous...

There is not a lot that can happen during the day, since we are at the office and there are others around, and everyone is working.. he has not gone out of his way to talk to me or anything, which is the other side of the story...

Just don't know what to think...

btw, he's 29, i'm 21

Bandit74 · Accepted Answer

Alright, like the other guy said "Don't dip your pen in company ink." I believe there is a lot of truth to that statement.

However from what I understand , you're only doing a short internship and your place in the company is temporary. If that is the case the that expression doesn't really matter here.

Is he flirting with you/does he like you? I can't answer that and I really don't want to make any assumptions. It's possible that he likes you, BUT it's also possible that you are reading too much into it and seeing what you want to see.

What does matter is the fact that he's in a relationship. If he cheats on her with you, would you really want to be with him? I think it would say a lot about him. Also if he cheats on her he could just as easily cheat on you.

So I'd say your best bet is to just remain friends with him. If you want to keep in contact with him after the internship is over, that's fine as long as you keep things platonic. Don't make any moves or advancements until you're done with that company AND he's broken up with his girlfriend.

If he's really outgoing and confident he'll probably ask you out if he's interested. I'd say hope for the best, but be prepared for the worst. Don't just focus on him, open up your eyes to other options. You might find someone else who's even better but if you're too preoccupied with this one guy you could miss out on that.

Lastly I just want to say this...
Do you think part of the reason you like this guy so much is because he was with you during the accident?
I'm not a phycologist or anything but it sounds similar to "nightingale syndrome". Someone falls in love with a person that took care of them when they are week/vulnerable and form a bond with them because of it.

YourFutureEx · Accepted Answer

This is the most complicated story I've ever heard. (I'm not 100% sure but I'll try my best to help you)
I was in kind of same situation but the difference here is
I was single and she (also single) was my classmate (so no age/job difference between me and her)
But the whole condition is same.
He may be ignoring (only) you because you have special position in his heart.
He may be too shy (like I was in my condition).
But I'm 90% sure of failure because I don't think he will say Yes. As he is your boss having age diff. and is committed too.
But as long as your internship is going to end, you have nothing to loose.
You should approach him otherwise you will regret in your whole life. (I repeat you have nothing to loose)
Always remember Failure is much much better than not trying. (as you have already No)
In my condition I knew that she loves me (And I loved her more than my life) and she tried her best to show me but I refused to react her and this was my biggest mistake.
I don't want you to make the same mistake.
Please, Don't take it too seriously or aggressively as someday you will find your true love. Be ready to move on.
Stay Strong, Good Luck!

SheWhoShallNotBnamed · Accepted Answer

He could like you, but doing the right thing by his girl an avoiding you. Sometimes, it's best to cut out temptation, than having it in your face and even bringing it closer by getting friendly.
He may find you very attractive, but is showing signs of a good man (if you ever end up with him, that's good for you) if he's avoiding you to avoid temptation, the only way around it is to try to pretend you have no interest in him whatsoever. Temptation is a lot harder to avoid when you know the feeling is mutual. If he thought it was impossible for something to happen, he probably wouldn't feel so bad.

Maybe you could make an effort to get to know him more. Do extra little jobs for him, grab him and others a coffee when you get yours. Point out things within the workplace you think could be improved and offer to help improve them. You strike up conversation yourself. You can be the friendly one until he's single then make your move. At the same time, don't wait for him and pin all your hopes on him, because he may never break up with her.

I don't know if the ex employee is the same one that's his girl now, but if it isn't, that could be why she's an ex employee. These relationships just get too complicated sometimes.
I think you made the right decision to wait till you've finished your internship and he's single. Anything else could just be a mess.

Hidden_P · Accepted Answer

I think you need to take one big deep breath.
I think he feels something for you. But currently, you are coming on way to strong. You're like a hippo chasing a dog, just slow that shit down.

He is obviously invested in his girlfriend. Step back until he makes a move or leaves her. Appear cool, calm and collected. Currently you look a bit like a girl first experiencing puberty. I mean look at it this way:

He lives with her. They share bills, cleaning, responsibility. They have a life together. They share probably most things. And then he goes to work and sees you with puppy dog eyes and hanging on his every word.

Perhaps he's after a more mature woman? Someone he can spend his life with. I'm just saying, he's moved to that step, he will want to maintain that step. Maybe she's too serious, but you're not serious enough.

Calm down. Act cool. And see what happens. But you don't want to be that girl who made him cheat because you can't keep your pants on. Keep standards for yourself too!

RandomR · Accepted Answer

Well what I would say since I was in the same situation it took a really long time for me to start seeing my manager. Like it took a year but what I would do is stay later than I needed to and we would just talk, even about his personal life. He had a girlfriend at the time so we would talk about her and his exs. But I could tell he had a girlfriend before he actually told me. Because some days he would be the sweetest thing and other days he would act like how your guy is acting. So maybe he realized that you had or were developing feelings for him and is trying to steer you away due to the fact he has a girlfriend.

higherthanaveragejoe · Answer

Thats a tough one. Its going to depend on which one you like more this guy or your job. If he does have a girlfriend and he dumps her for you whats to say he won't do the same when a prettier face comes along. If theyre not together anymore well... You can go for it but you should understand its frowned upon in many places and actually against policy in others. They can fire you if you date him or move you to a different position entirely one that you like or one that you hate. If your not making much there then go ahead and try. But if you're making a decent living and it will be hard to find another job like it you have to weigh the options. He might like you but im sure other guys will too. And if you break up when you're working there things can become awkward and you may find yourself hurting for a long time or you might quit because you can't stand him. Take a look at where you are in your life and where you want to go and if he fits go for it. Also his age difference might not be a problem but understand your dating game and time for having fun has just begun. His is getting closer to the settling down stage. It all depends on what you want but weigh the options first there are always more guys. About 3 billion of them actually.

MaybeNormalQuestions · Answer

Alright. I understand your problem... somewhat anyways. Okay, just a quick check. You have a crush on your boss and you're very attracted to him. You also know that he has a girlfriend that he is currently living with. Now that may mean a few things just by itself. Next, you can't seem to read him. By "read him" I mean you can't tell if he's interested in you in you or not. Okay, most of this is highly understandable. The real problem I see here is the age difference. You're 21 and he's 29, since he has a current girlfriend that he's living with, this may mean that things a very serious with them. Also, it would be nice to know how old his girlfriend is to help support this statement. I understand that you have strong feelings for him, but consider the fact that he might not be into you. Now I'm not saying give up on your feelings no, I'm just saying have options. Remember, you're 21, you're still young and beautiful and have your whole life ahead of you. I'm sure you can meet a nice young guy around your age. Point being, don't put too much hope in your boss leaving his girlfriend. All I can really say is: give it time and have other options.

BoudyRizk · Answer

What I understood is the following:
1- He has a crush on you but can't act on it since he has a girlfriend
2- He tries to avoid you by not looking up when saying good morning and not talking a lot lately in order not to say something that might jeopardize his relationship with either you or his girlfriend
3- That moment you had in the hospital was caused by your situation and I would not read a lot into it
4- Don't make a move on him since he has a girlfriend, keep your current image in his eyes
5- You should learn how to deal with the idea that you might not be able to with him since he might not break up with his current girlfriend anytime soon and that a relationship between colleagues is always a bad idea

Hajar_Whitestone · Answer

There is something there, something special, what can I advice you is : don't move to fast or to slow just move between them :) I think he has a crush on you and because he has a gf and you are just a trainee he can't make any move try to show little of interesting and don't show to much, because like they say much can kill, try to be close to him but not much closer, It's like a game you need to make balance between your moves and like everyone know guys love to chase girls, play hard to get with him but don't play it so hard on him what I mean make mix between : hard to get and show interest, if he really like you he would read your sings very well, don't forget body language don't be to interest or to nervous make balance between them and try to control your self, too nervous can sometimes mean social fair. I wish I was kinda helpful to you ^^ @Asker

veritatischick · Answer

Since he has a girlfriend, my advice is to focus on a friendship. Become comfortable talking to him, and try to get him to start conversations with you. Believe me, I know THIS CAN BE HARD. In fact it will seem awkward at first, but when you think you are being really forward by starting the conversation, he most likely thinks of it as a co worker being friendly. By being his friend, you can be there for him when his current relationship crashes. You have to act now! Don't be afraid of being friend zoned. That is something you do to yourself, when you start thinking of you+him as something that will never happen. Also don't be too available. Be just available enough, open the door to friendship! But above all, be distinctly feminine, so that he can't start thinking about you as just a friend. Good luck!

MatthewCurtis · Answer

i think he has some sort of interest in you, but is holding back because he has a girlfriend. he obviously sees you as attractive and there is a part of him that wants to get to know you better. but he is fighting that off. this is a test of his love and committment with his current girlfriend. maybe you should let him know that you like him. it might make him make a decision. if he chooses to pursue something with you then great! but if he chooses his current girlfriend then what have you lost? good luck :)

BenjaminBix · Answer

Looks like this brother is smart. Why? Because he know as a manager/supervisor he can't have relationships with his employees because that will ruin his (work ethics) as a manager. And from what you tell me, he likes you but he won't cross the line. That's why you see him serious with work and what not.
The only solution will be just to stay in contact with him, be a friend basically so when you quite working there you can just go to him and tell him straight up or wait and see if he is doing it instead or do it slow (take your time) visit at work or go and hangout maybe.

AkumaKira · Answer

most likely is that he likes you but there is still his girlfriend between you too. the reason why he might not talk to you? two possible reasons:
1) he's too nervous to engage in a conversation
2) its his girlfriend that prevents him from talking to you. what i mean here is that, of course she is not there to see you two talking but he thinks its not right for her to talk with you (which may result in flirting)
now about the hospital... i can think of two possibilities again:
1) he's just a caring boss and would do that to any of his employees (i give this 40% of possibility)
2) he visited you (having in our minds that he likes you) and that was a good/caring/nice thought of him (i give this 60%)
You know he's still with his girlfriend but as you said, dont give up hope. hope dies last

rjroy3 · Answer

If he's not with someone (and trying to respect his relationship with another girl), then it sounds like he's just trying to not cause problems in the work place. It's not a good idea to date someone you work with and when it's a boss/employeerelationship the lines can be blurred. Maybe his last relationship with the former employee went south and he's trying to avoid that or maybe he told his co-owner that he wouldn't put them in jeopardy again. Sexual harassment laws and other laws regarding work relations can make it sticky. Anyways...
If you want to know how he feels, I cannot say with absolute certainty everything he is thinking. But i do know that he is attracted to you and he likely feels that spark too. What's stopping him from acting on it? I'm not sure.

Personally, I say if you like him and it hasn't caused problems then continuing some flirting is ok. But if it leads anywhere it might make working there difficult for any number of reasons

codeguy7777 · Answer

Good luck sweetheart; I've got something similar I'm trying to figure out with a coworker. Except in this case, I'm the older guy 29, and she's younger 23.

There is such chemistry, but she's got some boyfriend and I don't want to mess up what we have. I'm super into her, think about her all the time, dreams with her in it - etc.

I don't know how it happened, but one day it was just there. Bam!

I look forward to seeing how this works out for you and am rooting for you!

NickyMcC · Answer

dmmm does he still have a girlfriend? Because to chase after a guy like that reflects badly on you (double standards, I know!). But just play it cool, if there is a spark there then let it grown don't be obsessive and try and rush things... just be his friend, be playful and flirty without stepping over the line, I don't know what else to say really, hope this helps!

justbanANNAz · Answer

ok well the first thing ill advise u is something u won't want to hear but its important. dont sit there hoping that his relationship will end. i know u like him but i dont think thats a nice thing to wish upon someone. if he's the kind that will just ditch his woman for u then he'll do it- nothing stops him. he obviously isn't making moves but i think part of him can see that u like him.
as for the spark, dont get it confused. sometimes it's love, sometimes its just a deep affection thats not quite there. situations like this get tricky.
my advice would be to just cut that tension and treat him like a friend. test him a bit. act normal and dont acknowledge him as much as u usually would. see how he responds to this and you'll know how he feels bout u.

misscoffeehead · Answer

Hmm ok have you ever heard of "don't mix work with pleasure?" Sometimes it could really get awkward when you date your boss if things don't go out. Things become awkward, he might Fire you or you might resign just keep that in mind sweetheart 😊

Secondly he is in a relationship.. So wait it out for a bit till his single (like you said, don't give up hope yet)

And thirdly he might be just looking at you at work making sure he says good morning to you guys when you guys come in to work.. So it's a nice environment to come to work.. (Also including your speed boat accident) the boss wants to make sure everyone is A ok when it comes to there employees. To make sure they are happy with work and not stressed out etc etc.. Just sounds like he was just being there for you.. He hasn't made a move yet.. (Going back to his relationship status) but if he does like you he will make that move on you by himself..

Good luck babe.. I hoped I helped xoxo

Paris13 · Answer

It seems he has changed his heart, his tune, is keeping it strictly business now, sweetie, nothing more, nothing less. And perhaps there are a few things that have circulated around the water fountain so now he is being cool as a cucumber. He has a girl, realizes he lost his professionalism in the beginning and now Is---Changing his bedside manner with you entirely.
Be cool, be civil. I read him like a book... it should be obvious to you as well. Not so "weird," but just plain in sight purposely done now.
Good luck. xx

TrulyPink28 · Answer

He sounds like a flirt and a man who likes to engage thoroughly well with his staff, period. For one, you are his intern. Two, he has a girlfriend. Three, you are almost 10 years younger than he is. What happened that his previous employee left - was this to facilitate their relationship? Secondly, does he have any siblings? Are you sure you don't remind him of them? The idea of him touching your leg and you sensing 'more' between you, is something I would be careful about - he probably knows you fancy him but if he's not doing any more to 'BE WITH YOU' such as ask you out on a date and PROGRESS your togetherness with him, forget it, honey. You are observing him a whole lot... many people find it awkward standing around doing nothing in a room of others. This is not a unique situation.
My hunch re this guy: Flirt. My solution: Recall that he's already in a relationship and isn't doing anything to progress you two together, ie. asking you on a date.

Harryavey · Answer

Ok this is so weird, I don't know what to say, maybe try staying late one night and see what happens. Talk to him, ask him for help or how his weekend was. Just try to engage in a bit more conversation with him. Obviously not too casual because he is still your boss. But i you are atlas talking to him he might actually feel more comfortable around you.

cool-man · Answer

your boss is very smart, he knew that you are interested. he is waiting you to say i love you & he could satisfy his ego. if you do so, he will use you like a tissue paper. pay attention on your work, fitness & dressing. you have a chance, keep in touch. if he offer you then accept it. sorry i have no good news for you but it is fact. I know you like him very much, your details shows it, how carrying you are about him. just wait don't be emotional if he offer you some kind of relation or friendship accept it, may be it take time, keep patient, don't lose heart, you have a chance. Best of luck

DooMguy · Answer

Some men won't openly admit and or discuss their feelings. They won't say but they will show. The way he was touching you does show interest

When he zones out he could be thinking about you, his GF, work or nothing at all

The way I see it he might : want to set an example for other employees, doesn't want a relationship to interrupt his work, doesn't want the relationship to interrupt your work. He could be loyal to his GF but his desires and past actions make him feel guilty, he might have regrets

natalieblue7 · Answer

It sounds like he might be interested in you, but that's not always enough. I mean, he's in a relationship and you also work together. Even if he's interested in you, he is probably also in love with his girlfriend and if they live together it sounds pretty serious and he probably wouldn't just throw that away right away, which could explain why he acts a bit 'colder' to you.
Considering the circumstances it's probably really not a good idea to do anything about it, because it could end badly and also really awkward since both of you work together.

would you mind checking my question www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q1204338-should-i-go-for-him ? :)

madhatters4 · Answer

I think the problem you have is what you may infer as actions of attraction from a person versus actions of attraction from a co-worker.

he may in fact like you but his position may make it difficult for him to feel comfortable or for it even be appropriate to do anything about the feelings he has. I think for your part you need to sort of just keep doing your job. if he likes you perhaps at the end of the internship he'll do something about it but any action on your part before the end of it could jeopardize your position or make you appear unprofessional. Let things run their course. If something happens that just screams that he is into you (I mean in a way that you can't possibly ignore, not just glances, or little flirtations) then perhaps you reciprocate

Huge crush on my boss! Advise needed!

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