My girlfriend has stopped trying to look nice

[Anonymous]

It's not a big deal, and certainly isn't any kind of relationship ender... it's just a downer.

My girlfriend is really pretty, but she has completely stopped trying to look nice. I'm not talking about going all out and dressing to the nines every day. I'm talking about simple things like running a comb through her hair or wearing something other than a grungy t-shirt when we go out. We just went to dinner, me in my best jeans, nice shirt, I made sure I shaved for her, fixed my hair... She wore her most beat-up jeans and t-shirt, no makeup at all and just put her bangs back with a clip. And this happens all the time. I actively try to look nice for her, but she has completely stopped making any attempt at making herself look nice. I certainly don't expect her to wear heels and a dress and spend two hours on hair and makeup every day, but I can't understand why she can't make the most meager attempt at just being presentable.

This has been going on for quite some time. For the first couple of years we were together this was really rare. Now, the only time she'll make an attempt is when we have guests or if we're meeting other friends. Never when it's just she and I. She's not depressed, she's not too busy - she just... looks like crap most of the time and doesn't care.

I have no idea how to even bring this up without upsetting her. And no, I'm not being shallow. I love her to pieces. I just don't why she stopped taking care of herself.

[Hrothgar]

When someone stops trying to look nice, it either means they are losing self-respect or have become too comfortable in a relationship. Confident people who respect themselves look nice for themselves, not for others; and no one with self-respect and dignity would be seen in public in the manner you described. A girlfriend who wants you to want her will want to look nice for you; if she thinks she has you in the bag, she may have decided to let herself go. Apparently, the best way to deal with this is to draw away when she is unattractive and show her how much you like it when she is. Positive reinforcement for positive behaviour and no reward for negative behaviour sticks in peoples' minds like you wouldn't believe. When she actually does look nice, compliment her, be extra sweet to her; when she looks like trash, give her nothing extra. If that doesn't work, it won't work, because we men are visual creatures; the sooner women figure that out, the better we'll all get along.

[UrielAurora]

I think she just lazy to look nice. She is pretty and all girls do but sometimes we are lazy. That's laziness make us want to just threw up whatever it is what we are wearing. Anyway I don't know her but I understand she might be lazy, she just want to look the way she is, the way of the real her without to look someone different from her selves but I think you can talk to her that if she look nicer than usual it would make your day and for appreciating her looks, for you as her mate and for the sake of happy relationship .