Why can't he make eye contact?

[Anonymous]

I can sit a seat away, i can sit right next to him, we have have the funniest greatest conversation but he struggles to look at me! He looks down or straight ahead when we talk. He only does this with me too! Anyone else it isn't remotely a problem. He doesn't think twice about it and looks at him straight on.

Any ideas why it's weird with me? He enjoys talking to me a lot so it isn't because he is annoyed or anything.

Updates

+1 y

What i have also noticed lately is that he is very very flirty over text yet when im next to him in person, still no eye contact, and he is cool and collect. No mention of our flirting and sometimes daring flirts of texts. It's like 2 different people! Does he not want people to talk? Assume?

Updates

+1 y

I'll mention quietly some of his silly texts (borderline naughty) and he smiles but doesn't say a word. So... why the shift in person? I've tried to get him tp look at me but he pnly glances. Other people come up to say hi and he fully terns and faces them when they talk. It's driving me crazy!!

Updates

+1 y

a few months back another local was watching our usual flirty banter and suggested and gently pushed him towards me to hug me saying "come on, you know you want to." He panicked, literally dug his feet in the ground and squirmed out of it. He looked at me and said he had to leave and took off quickly. No, we don't hug. He'll hug absolutely anyone else, not me. It hurts because it makes me feel like he can't stand me. Tonight was huge as it was busy and no room so I was leaning my arm against his

[SomeGuy37]

I know I do this, and I hate it, because I REALLY like her, but I'm afraid that if I make eye contact, she can 'see my soul' and she will know how much I like her, and like looking at her, in her tight leggings, and short skirts!! (NO!! Nothing 'naughty'!! I hardly know her!!)
I think she likes me, at least a little, as she flirts, and sometimes says some things with a 'certain look', or she blushes when I say something 'suggestive', when she is looking really good, and she knows it, and knows I'm looking!
If you like him, ask him why he can't look at you, but smile, and let him know that you like him. A little 'hint' or 'encouragement' can make the change for the better!!
Sometimes you have to lead guys to what you want, or how you want to feel! It isn't a bad thing, it's just that we don't understand, but we can follow a defined trail, to what you want. . .

[Asker]

I've tried that. Your first paragraph made me feel a bit better. Still though, i wonder why he won't let me in. He hangs out with oother people but is so freaked out to hang out with me.

[kedslover]

He's afraid of getting into a relationship or a commitment with you. That is why he looks away. Lots of guys are fearful of the eye to eye contact... it's like looking into one's soul. It's not that he doesn't like you but more a case that he likes or perhaps loves you but is doing his best to avoid a commitment that he thinks that either he's not worthy or fearful that you'll reject him. Maybe you might need to speak a bit more personal to him, maybe ask him to look at you. But be prepared; you may or may not like the results.

[Asker]

Hmmm... you do make a valid point. He was crushed a few years ago by an ex wife and has still been in recovery mode. He and I have gone back and forth with flirting through the last couple of years. Everytime we get too close, he pushes me away. After several months of not speaking, we now talk to each other almost everyday and flirt even more than ever. But, continuously throughout, he has always struggled with eye contact

[Asker]

do you think that despite his fear, his emotions are overruling his determination to stay away from love and to be loved? People that have been so significantly hurt have a hard time believing that they will find love and most importantly, keep it. I think I'm breaking him down!

[linkywinky]

!! I do this when I'm not feeling particularly confident that day. Because when I make eye contact on days where I'm feeling very hyper aware of how my face or hair looks, I tend to blush a looooot more easily.

I mean, I'm pretty much perpetually blushing anyway because... I'm a shy girl. But yeah.

[JackKerouac77]

Yeah girlieeee
www.troll.me/.../...-youre-so-shy-in-real-life.jpg

[Asker]

But to be this way with only one person?

[linkywinky]

@JackKerouac77 shush, bubba.

asker - I have no idea on just the whole one person thing. Maybe he's just not fully comfortable with you yet, or your beauty blinds him?

[Asker]

We have known eachother for years though and know eachother pretty well. I thought for the longest time that i grossed him out because I'm the only one he has issues w like this.

[TheStrawberryQueen]

It could mean that he likes you a lot; he's really nervous and scared to mess up while speaking to you; he's a bit intimidated by you. One of those.

[Nxcrunr]

You will have to make the first move, I have the same thing going on. He will get more comfortable with you as time goes on.

[Asker]

We've known eachother a few years already! Good grief!

[Nxcrunr]

Yeah, well it can be shocking for a guy to change the way he sees you. He is probably not used to it yet. You have to make the first move or you will be waiting a long time.

[joeclem111]

Quite obviously cares so much about you. Others do not matter so it is not important to him BUT, you he has to be careful with, he can't afford to make a mistake with you. Be gentle with this guy, he is obviously quite fragile, his care is in your hands.

[Asker]

I appreciated your response. So why do you think he has to be so careful? I adore this guy and so i wouldn't do anything to hurt him. I'm actually shy as well.

[xxxuknownxxx]

he really really likes you and looking into your eyes would make him forget how to deal with you so he would just go silent if he looked into your eyes... he really likes you.. if you do like him while talking kiss him.. his face will turn into tomato color but thats expected that a plus prof that he really likes you.

[Asker]

Ahhh I'm just as shy! As much as it crosses my mind to do so, i could never go through with randomly kissing him! Makes me nervous just thinking about it!

[xxxuknownxxx]

Think about it in the good when you kiss him how nice he will be more than he is thats if it didn't turn you guys making out... there is nothing to be from its only u and him so do it it won't take a part of a sec

[Asker]

He still has a hard time looking at me! He is so damn sweet and adorable though! He loves to talk to me and make me laugh so this lack of eye contact thing is so difficult! STILL!

[bestadviceguy]

Well, since you're flirty together, when in person play the game, 'Do I have something wrong with my (eye/nose/lips)'? This should get the eye contact you're looking for. If he doesn't look, move your face closer or touch him. This is your chance to find out what is going on with him!!

Good luck!

[Asker]

I'm kind of tried that... he isn't grossed out... just gets very very shy. Bashful. Yet you wouldn't even think it if you read some of his texts!

[bestadviceguy]

I'm very shy too... I think you need to address it through text; it will be easier for him to be honest with you.

[Asker]

He doesn't know what to say so he doesn't say anything at all!

[bestadviceguy]

This is so interesting because I have something called NVLD, I wonder if he could have this? Trouble at times with eye contact, extreme shyness with the opposite sex in person but not online, awkward socially with strangers but not friends, yes, very hard with the opposite sex, especially still in my early 20's, I just froze up. And this illness you are not aware you have it or what it is. Respectful. Hmmmm. I've read what's here, so he has been in a relationship before, well, right?

So besides a bit of naughty texts, are you very open about other things on text? I can promise you unless you make a strong effort and step out of your comfort zone, since you've known him for years already and nothing's changed, change will not take place.

Are you willing to give up the friendship if he rejects you? I think ultimately you need to say, 'I like you, do you like me?' and even then he may not be able to cope. How do you see a relationship playing out?

Good luck!

[Asker]

Why do you think he will not be able to cope?

[Asker]

He has friends that are girls. One girl (who bothers me quite a bit) often throws herself at him and is NON STOP with the sexual comments and gestures that it is vulgar. When she does or says these things, he chuckles and tells her she's terrible. Of i even suggest something (although i assure you, i am much more respectable and not over the top) he either blushes, laughs nervously, or says "woah! Calm down!" Before i can say anything, the girl is so desperate to try and put in her 2 cents worth. Even then, absolutely no problem with eye contact with her or any girl or any person that talks to him. At all. Just me. Other people have even noticed.

[bestadviceguy]

I'm only suggesting you take action because nothing is happening so far.

I also think he could cope... you know, for me, most question on here are pretty easy to advise, but this one really hits home, and I don't want to convey too much of what I would do versus what's best for you to do.

I think he's worth your effort, and I know you think so too... ok, gut check time... what do you want to do that you think would work (forgetting that you're shy/nervous)?

[Asker]

If I had the nerve, I would kiss him. I'd also sit closer, if he'd let me. Kiss his cheek etc.

[bestadviceguy]

If you've tried it, do it again saying, 'You eyes look cool... and then kiss cheek or lips!!! School is ending soon. Believe me, I carry some of these regrets 30 years after!!

[ImagineRelease]

if he's talking to you but not looking at you he probably likes you to some degree. if he didn't enjoy you as a person he'd be trying to escape you. So ask him what color his eyes are, and make him experience that he's not going to catch cooties by looking at you in the eye. this desensitizes him. also whenever possible hold things to show him but hold them up at chest or chin level to make him feel less uncomfortable looking at you.

[Asker]

I've tried that. I've even waited quietly to show him. He just sits there stating ahead and theb glances over quickly. I swear, i saw him for about 2 or 3 hours last night and he glances at me maybe 2 or 3 times. So so brief. He gets so antsy too.

[matheus_mb]

It's possible that he likes and maybe he thinks that eye contact will denounce it. So he just prefers not to look so that you can't find out. Why doesn't he want you to find out? I don't know, there can be many reasons.

I'm not affirming anything, only thinking about a possibility.

[Asker]

Do you mean that the attention and eye contact will announce it? Make it obvious?

[matheus_mb]

Yeah, I do.

[fatherhusband]

It seems he is in to you and just looking at you makes his blood boil. The distance over the phone elevates some of the tension so he can be more open. Tell him to look at you, I'd bet his face changes fifthy shades of red. But you need to know how you feel about him first. It causes exeteme heartache being that over the top. Good luck

[Asker]

I adore him to the moon and back. I always have. I have told him to look at me before... even waited and he gets even more nervous and bashful. Not smiling, more like a stiff deer in headlighta. He'll glance over only to see my patiently smiling face and then he jumps, sometimes furrowing his brow and then looks down or away. Tapping of his knee follows immediately after. It's like clockwork. I know every single reaction to the point of not even being remotely surprised.

[fatherhusband]

Well you might have to tell him how you feel about him. Ask him on a date maybe.

[GutterGarbage]

Have you ever tried to look directing at the sun? Some stars are to bright. Much easier to view out the corner of you eye!

[Asker]

I found this so sweet!

[GutterGarbage]

Sometimes I have my moments :). From all your updates I vote shy\confused\doesn't want to get hurt again type of combo. Takes time to break down them walls and enter the castle. I know sometimes shit is tough some people got walls, moats and piranhas. Then you finally get in and you find out this fucker got an underground lair haha. Some of the hardest challenges in life give the greatest rewards. Best of luck.

[Asker]

Lol very clever. I know he's a fortress but i bekieve he has a heart of gold. So what do you suggest?

[GutterGarbage]

Lol most fortress protect gold or evils. I suggest time, patience and compassion. Seems like your already off to a great start. I don't yet have enough information to say if you should make your move or help him make the move. For me I'm the you only live once type and the time is now so maybe take a chance and ask him on a 1on1 date? But timing is everything in life and without the right information not sure if your there.

[Asker]

I can always follow you and update you with the story.

[thesensitiveman]

It could be because he is nervous, and thinks you are gorgeous and doesn't want to get caught staring, its a overwhelming feeling for guys, try flirting or telling him to look you in the eyes in a flirty way so lpng as u like him too. If he really likes you and is scared to tell you avoiding eye contact is very common. also if he is hiding something or doesn't want you to know something guys will avoid eye contact. hope this helps and sheds some light.

[Asker]

I found this very helpful. I was beginning to think he hated to look at me. It's funny as when i first see him, he lpoks like a deer in headlights, silent, not sure how to act. He does look me up and down though which is interesting. He clams up and is quiet for a bit but then calms down. Only glances though. I can't help but be jealous though as it's NO PROBLEM to face and look at others. None. I feel so discouraged most of the time.

[thesensitiveman]

thanks, ur a great person, hope all works out with u guys:)

[Asker]

Here's another interesting fact. He doesn't have a problem hanging out with other girls and guys. Just as friends. He panics if i suggest we spend time together. Literally shuts down

[thesensitiveman]

yep he rewlly likes you so he shuts down cuz he doesn't know what to do, he's fine with other friends because to him they are just friends and u are a bright and glorious angel.

[thesensitiveman]

really likes u.

[thesensitiveman]

if he is too scared to ask you, ask him on a date or how he feels about u that might break the ice

[Asker]

I've tried that before. He usually panics.

[thesensitiveman]

try taking him to lunch just as friends, and move really slow he obviously likes you and u like him spend more time with him start off beng friends and move slowly he will get used to being around you as he spends more time with you. and keep moving more toward a relationship gradually. my girlfriend and I were friends for 6 month before I asked her out. and we have been together for 2 years now.

[Asker]

I wish I could. I asked him out a few ywars ago and it just never happened. Tried again last year, nothing. We actually stopped talking for about 7 months and started up within the last month.

Last night i saw him again. He was extremely shy around me. We didn't speak... yet this one girl came up to him and he turned, faced her completely and chatted. Another girl did the same, same response. Why can we text and flirt yet it is so viciously opposite in person? He said goodnight to me and caught my glance for a second but otherwise we never spoke. Why why WHY? Its heartbreaking :(

[thesensitiveman]

I am sorry, you seem like an amazing girl. it could tak a long time for him to become comfortable around you in the fac to face aspect. I remember being the same way but I grew out of it. he is just using his phone because he is more confident that way. he needs to build his confidence around you which means he needs to spend more tme around you. I dont know how to get him to spend more time with u. but there are options, movies, going to the mall, spending time at ur place or his place, something, is there anything else I can help u with?

[Asker]

Yea... just helping me with getting him to open up! Tonight he must have been in a bad mood as i tect him and he seemed snippy. Onky one text took it for me to not want to proceed with the conversation

[thesensitiveman]

well, message me as well. I can help. have I helped so far? I am working on finding ways u can help hm to open up, but I work 60 hrs a week so time is scarce, I am determined to help u what have u tried so to try to get him to open up? I am always here it just may take a little for me to get back to u!

[Asker]

Thank you!!! Lately we have had good nights! Last night he faced me but yet couldn't look at me. It was a big step though! Ill follow you. My name has 4 ms in it. :)

[thesensitiveman]

try creating a personal relationship with him talk about things he likes, smile, make eye contact, be enthusiastic,. he has to trust you to open up and that it the easiest way to get him to open up. i am looking for more info, sorry if I offended you.

[Asker]

you didn't offend me at all! I've been super busy. We always talk about things we like, smile and laugh a lot. He even faced me the other night... BUT still... STILL can't look directly at me. Only glance. He HARDLY faces me at all so this was nice. But it is just so darn silly that he doesn't look at me directly. Another 2 girls were around and talking to him with me and he had noooooooooooo problem looking and maintaining eye contact.

[Asker]

I saw him tonight and since it was so crowded, I actually even stood close next to him and gently had my arms against his (it was that crowded). Right smack next to him and he could hardly look at me but glance as usual. He was a little feisty tonight. A borderline between testy and flirty. Not sure what that was about. I hardly saw him though. But yes, even right next to him, hardly had eye contact.

[thesensitiveman]

sounds like its getting a little better, do you guys hug at all? does he focus on other parts of you like you body? I will still try to help you and have a open ear.

[Asker]

whoops... I accidentally commented above rather than reply here.

a few months back another local was watching our usual flirty banter and suggested and gently pushed him towards me to hug me saying "come on, you know you want to." He panicked, literally dug his feet in the ground and squirmed out of it. He looked at me and said he had to leave and took off quickly. No, we don't hug. He'll hug absolutely anyone else, not me. It hurts because it makes me feel like he can't stand me. Tonight was huge as it was busy and no room so I was leaning my arm against his and he let me. I was inches away from his face but he still sat talking to me, teasing me (he was bizarrely acting between feisty/grumpy and flirtatious - does that mean he was sexually frustrated?) but looking straight ahead. He would only flash glances at me.

[0Holmes0]

he is shy , has a crush on u a lot and don't want u to realize it
or he is like superman and afraid that he will burn u with his eyes
anyway , he will notice the problem and try to find a solution (maybe here :D )

[Asker]

So will guys acts cool l, calm, and collect and act like they didn't flirt with you like mad over text the night before?

[0Holmes0]

not all guys
but some do
I think he is afraid that u will judge him based on his look ( eyes specifically)
or this is his first time to fall in love and he think looking in ur eyes makes u feel uncomfortable

[Asker]

Not his first time... maybe his first time in a while. Sigh...

[jaycee360]

Dammit! You must be hot! Or maybe you might just have that staring problem where just look at him and you want to eat him all up. don't know, could be one of the two :)

[Asker]

What if it's both? Lol

[wonderhappytime]

Does he do this with everyone? If he does, he is just shy and has difficulty making eye contact. If its just you, he probably finds you attractive. Little boy crush

[Asker]

I've known him for a while... it is, and only has been me whom he struggles to male eye contact with. We must look so bizarre to people as we will be quite silly laughing etc but he doesn't look at me!

[Forthetune]

He really is shy. He knows he'd get wobbly I'd he looked you in the eye so it becomes easier if he doesn't look at you. You probably also have a little bit of an intimacy issue because of it. Just give it time he'll get over it... In a few years that is😆. Just don't tease him about it, it's not nice

[Asker]

This was fascinating. ... wobbly... like he would have difficulty talking and knowing what to do?

[stevieG1234]

He most defiantly just shy. Sounds like he likes you very much. I would continue having a laugh and make it clear to him you like him if thats what you want of course.

[luvme56]

4 reasons...

1. he is shy!
2. He is not much into eyecontact
3. He doesn't want to talk to you
4. He is scared that you would confront him why he was looking at you

[Asker]

It's not #2 or #3. Imagine having a funny, laugh filled awesome convo with someone but they don't look at you at all! That you talk for at least an hour but get maybe 2 quick glances out of it.

[luvme56]

He sees you as a frnd and nothing more!

[thesensitiveman]

or he really likes her and doesn't know what to do?

[luvme56]

@thesensitiveman there are million of possibilities..

[Anonymous]

He is a little intimidated by you, likes you a lot, but is afraid he will get rejected.
Some people do this when they don't trust another person (I do this when I don't want to look at someone I despise, which is very rare).

[Asker]

But we get along so well! We even flirt a ton over text.

[Opinion Owner]

Your comment equates with the first sentence. He feels more secure with sms but he probably finds you very attractive and is worried he may make a mistake. He needs to relax and as time goes on this may happen. I remember one girl I went out with I had known for years but always thought she was way out of my league. Even when I had her as a girlfriend I was still blown away by her. It sounds like he really likes you and finds your light too bright. Enjoy.

[Asker]

So what do you suggest i do? I've known him for a few years and have found him to be amazing since day one.

[Opinion Owner]

He needs to feel comfortable and that he may be accepted if he comes closer or tries to progress the relationship. If you want this person as more than a friend he may need some signs of encouragement or his fear of rejection will cause him to keep distance for safety of his delicate confidence.

[beesod]

Is he Japanese? Eye contact means different things to different cultures, in Japan it's considered rude.

[Asker]

No, he is Caucasian

[beesod]

He is nervous then and probably likes you. He could also be because you're a girl and he's just shy of girls. The more time you spend together the easier it will get more comfortable for him though :)

[Asker]

He has NO problem whatsoever with other girls.

[beesod]

He may like you then

[catpetter]

Aspbergers.. those guys can be madly in love and not able to make eye contact.

[stevephillips706]

It's aspergers and some of us can make eye contact

[catpetter]

I am not saying all people with aspbergers or HF autism are like this. She was asking about this guy. You must know that for many, when a situation is emotionally loaded, it is more difficult for many people on the spectrum to "remember" to make eye contact.

[Asker]

So if that is the case... why does he not have a problem with making eye contact with anyone else?

[Michael-in-SC]

It sounds like he likes you and is shy about it. If you like him, perhaps you should make a first gesture to let him know you are open to something.

[Asker]

I am shy as well. What do you suggest i do?

[Michael-in-SC]

What would like for him to do?

[Asker]

Essentially, I would like to start seeing him. We are so goofy in front of eachother yet get rather brave via text. I'm not so sure what to do.

[Michael-in-SC]

OK, you would like to start seeing him, I presume as in dating him. Why not just ask him if the two of you could go out for (fill in the blank) sometime? If he's shy, you may have to make the first move. Trust me, he won't mind. If the two of you are going to date, one of you has to make the first move. It's not going to happen by magic.

[Asker]

I've tried that before. He just flat out panics. Turns to stone. Yet over text it is crazy flirting. I just dont get it.

[Michael-in-SC]

Then you may just have to make that first move by text. By the sound of the situation, if he doesn't want to go out with you, it's not likely to make your personal interactions any more awkward. If you can't do that, then you'll just have to forget about him as a boyfriend and move on to someone else, or do without a boyfriend.

[mjhutch]

He's nervous around u and lacks confidence. Usually thats a sign of dishonesty

[Asker]

I don't think he is dishonest but do believe that he lacks confidence.

[tachicardia]

I would imagine he's into you and is probably amazed that you even notice or talk to him, but doesn't want to ruin it by blushing.