He grabbed my arm aggressively, should I be worried?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend and I had an argument and I walked away from him because I was so mad. In an attempt to stop me, he grabbed my arm aggressively and gripped onto it so tightly that it actually hurt. I told him he was hurting me but he ignored me and continued to argue with me will squeezing my arm painfully. I had to forceful release myself from his grip to escape. Should I be worried about his sudden aggressive behavior or should I ignore it? I'll admit, we were both a bit drunk.

[BeeNee]

I'll never forget what my friend told us about aggressive behavior. He said that they were told in his police academy training that if a man grabs a woman's arm like that (or vice versa), most likely he is an abuser or will become abusive or has been abusive in the past. Being drunk has nothing to do with it, because alcohol only enhances what's already in you. A nice person doesn't suddenly turn into a psycho with alcohol in their system. If he'd grabbed your arm and just quickly let go of his own free will, then you could chalk that up to heat of the moment, but grabbing your arm or blocking the door when you are trying to leave is one of the first signs the emotional abuse may later turn into physical violence. Take this very seriously as it may be a sign of things to come if you're not careful or don't address your definite boundaries and your need to feel safe around him. Don't just accept the "oh I was drunk" because you can still wind up very much dead if someone is or isn't drunk.

[PerfectionIsADisease]

Have you guys spoken about the incident ever since? Maybe you should bring it up with him and express your feelings

[LovesTVDx]

Yeah that's wrong. :/
He needs help with his anger or you should break up :/
Honestly that is abuse.

[Anonymous]

Let him know now that you're calmed down. Odds are if this only ever happened once and then it was in a heated argument whilst intoxicated it won't happen again. Better safe than sorry though.

On another note, I myself sometimes forget how fragile girls are. What I'd consider a firm grip with men would often be uncomfortable or painful to women.

[BertMacklinFBI]

you should take some brazilian jiu jitsu.

he'll constantly think twice, or thrice about ever grabbing your arm, arists, head, neck, or any article of clothing you are wearing lol.

[BertMacklinFBI]

wrists*

[itsLuciaxx]

I don't think making a joke about this situation is okay.

[BertMacklinFBI]

@itsLuciaxx i was being serious. its a good martial art to learn in life.

[Luvme66]

We... guys do it when we are angry... you can expect every guy to do this to you!

But next time make it clear to him that not to do that again... becz such tiny things can lead to violence

[LovesTVDx]

Well no actually...
No man should touch a woman like this.

[Luvme66]

@LovesTVDx OK... it should not be done... but if we get angry we may not be able to control it

[Gina112]

I have a follow up question: what if he were sober, and all you were doing was sorting laundry and not being attentive, and he grabs your arm with anger in his eyes but lets it go when he realizes by your facial expression what he has done? Is it a warning sign then?

[serious]

Yes, you have reasons to be worried, but does this happen often? or is it just this one instance?

[Anonymous]

If this was the first time something like this has happened, and he's apologized for it and swore not to do it again, then it's not something worth breaking up over.

If he's done it before, especially while sober, that is a definite cause for concern.

[Anonymous]

Ok I don't know since you were kinda drunk you can't really make any judgment because he might be an angry drunk. But if it happens again but while he's sober then you should be worried.

[Anonymous]

yeah you should... he's getting aggressive with you...

[itsLuciaxx]

The fact that you told him he was hurting you and he ignored you is a sign on its own

[FckY0u998]

no one should put their hands on anyone unless it's self defense

[Anonymous]

Yes be worried!!

[Anonymous]

Yes aggression leads on beating

[skeptic007]

what did you say?

[Walls_and_Doors]

Yes.