Guys, do you ever hesitate to text your crush first?

[Anonymous]

[Anonymous]

I tend to hesitate if I like the girl a lot.
1) I want her to have a good impression of me I. e. I have a life outside of my phone.
2) The more I get to know her by text the more nervous I become in real life. (only the early stages)
3) I prefer to find out things face to face. If we meet once and I get her number there's a lot of 'Where do u go to uni' I. e. boring interview questions. I want to have basic knowledge before we start texting
4) yesterday I got a Girls number at the library. I won't text her until 1 week because I have exams in the next 2 weeks. But if i did text her for 2 weeks straight and couldn't meet because I have exams it would make our relationship texting. In other words i want to get to know her face to face as much as possible. It gets awkward if u meet after so long.
5) If I text a Girl I feel forced to continue the convo because I will look like I'm playing games when I'm not.

[Asker]

That's sort of how I think LOL
Super accurate and thanks for answering!

[HGStebbins]

Absolutely. You don't want to come off as desperate or too available.

[Asker]

How much time elaspes from when you want to text your crush to when you actually text?

[HGStebbins]

Are you asking first text after she gives me her number, or someone I talk to daily?

[Asker]

If you have an answer for both then that would be awesome but I guess it's up to you

[HGStebbins]

First time. I wait until at least the next day. Depends on how the last interaction went. There used to be a "72 hour rule," but that went out the window with social media. I will wait at least twelve hours. If it's a girl I text or talk to often, I may not talk to her for 24 hours simply to take a break. Unless she's got a life and death situation on her hands there's nothing wrong with having my own time and space where I don't need or want to talk to her for a while. It depends on how needy I perceive her to be. If she needs to talk daily, the period is shorter than a girl who can wait a couple days in between conversations.

[Asker]

Oh so it depends on a lot of things I guess

[HGStebbins]

Absolutely. Flirting and dating are an art, not a science. Every situation is unique.

[Asker]

I'm not good at art ; _ ;

[HGStebbins]

Time to practice :)

[Asker]

What if I mess uppp
I really like him LOL I would rather practice on someone I don't really mind losing

[HGStebbins]

Best thing you can be is straight forward. straight forward with him. Take the guess work out of it. Worst case scenarios are scary, but they aren't your norm outcome?

[Asker]

Oh I've actually been really straightforward with him. I suggested we hang out shortly after we started talking, I initiate like 90% of the time, and I send him funny pictures of things that remind me of him so I have a chance to tease him. He's always responsive and he plays along well with my teasing but sometimes I think he's just being a nice person. He even asked me to judge his resume LOL. That's one of the few times our convo has actually been serious.

[HGStebbins]

Nothing wrong with any of that. You want to push the subject, make the convo sexier.

[Asker]

Oh we talk mainly about cats, food, and his will...
The only time things got sort of flirty was this convo but really "flashy experience" is just how he described a project he coded and I like to make fun of that description
Me: "Flashy experience!"
Him: I'll give you a flashy experience
Me: I'm intrigued
Him: Are you now
Me: Where is this convo heading
Him: Where you want it to head
Me: Nahhhhh

[HGStebbins]

You blew that one. You totally just told him to get in the friend zone.

[Asker]

Uhhhh ohhhh XD
I didn't realize that LOL
I thought he was just joking and that it was more likely that he friendzoned me since he doesn't bother texting me first

[HGStebbins]

Nah, he was trying to see if you were willing to open that door and you slammed it shut. It's a quick fix. Just bring that subject up again and keep the door open. Very easy fix for a girl. Much harder fix for a guy.

[Asker]

I wouldn't know how to bring it up again since that was a few days ago LOL
The last time we spoke it was about how he's leaving his pillow to his cat in his will and me trying to persuade him to give me his cat and the pillow

[HGStebbins]

Come on now girl, it's not that complicated. Just tell him you're frustrated. You don't have to pull punches. You can throw it right out there in the open and dangle it like a carrot in front of his face if you want to. Based on the reaction you know whether to leave the carrot there for him to nibble on or pull it right back in.

[Asker]

Thank you so much for trying to help
I honestly appreciate it :D
But I don't think he even likes me as much as I like him haha
The nicest thing he's ever done was hack messenger to make it send me more than 50 smiley faces over the course of a minute. Like my phone kept going off cause he spammed me with the smiley emoji LOL

[HGStebbins]

That's your prerogative. I'd rather not go through life asking, "what if?"

[Asker]

Hm well there's also something I didn't mention that's keeping me from pursuing him
We like like nearly an hour drive away from eachother and he goes to a different school. I only met him a few weeks ago at a competition and we sort of bonded over a pillow. I'm staying in my hometown for uni while he's going all the way to Duke. I feel like he deserves better than me too cause he really is one of the best programmers I've ever met.. I'm a programmer too but I'm not nearly as good as he is. I like him soooo much but all my insecurities are keeping me from giving myself to him..

[HGStebbins]

Just keep your options open. Nothing wrong with testing the waters to see if it's worth revisiting later.

[Asker]

You're really wise c:
Do you really think it's a good idea for me to try to be with him though? I'm pretty sure he already knows I like him since it's really obvious but I'm unsure about how he feels about me. Sometimes I think he likes me but a lot of the time I'm just telling myself that he's just being nice. Also, I'm afraid that if I just tell him how I feel that might scare him away and make us even more distant.
THANK YOU SO MUCH for helping me! I'm sorry I write so much :c

[HGStebbins]

No, not a good idea to get involved, but I'd still let him know that door is open for later. Good luck!

[kitty71]

That is why I when the guy I like or crush used to text each other in order not to sound so desesperate or too available I texted him like once each week, not the day afteror 2 days after one week after. We dont hang out anymore though he blew things with me when nothing was wrong.

[HGStebbins]

Thanks for the mho vote.

[Poppykate]

WORD OF ADVICE- Hey fellows! Don't listen to all that rubblish that says you must wait 3 days before you text a girl. It doesn't work on high quality girls. ( we don't have time to play games, and there is a good chance you will miss out) so if you like a woman, don't be a player, pick up that phone, and book that date!

[Asker]

Haha yeah that's how I got over the last guy I was interested in. He played games so much and I just got sick of it. The one I'm into currently doesn't really play games but he does seem pretty hesitant to text first. It's usually me but he always plays along and reaches back LOL. I'm actually hesitating to reach out to him right now cause I just talked to him yesterday and I don't wanna interrupt his studying.

[kittykatbrat]

Me = Never initiate any form of communication with anyone. Online or offline.
I just respond or reply.

[Asker]

Oh I initiate when I wanna talk or ask something
But I also hesitate sometimes with my crush cause I don't wanna bother him and most of the time I don't really have a good excuse to text him haha

[Anonymous]

Of course they hesitate. Especially, if they are shy and unsure if the girl likes them or not.

[Panay]

sometimes... don't want to seem desperate or like i'm always the one initiating the conversation.
it needs to be balanced, and i feel awkward if it's not :/

[Asker]

I initiate with mine like 90% of the time LOL
He's always responsive though
But he has a tendency to read my message and respond like half a hour later for some reason so I'm not sure what that would mean

[Panay]

hmm yeah i've had that... maybe it's just a different type of person

[Asker]

Yeah I think he just doesn't know what to say so he takes a break to think lol

[kitty71]

Wow wow that is jsut exactly what had happened with the guy i like, he follows the same same pattern as yours. That I always initate and he is repsonsive then he reads the message but text back like 2 days after

[Asker]

@kitty71 Haha do you think that maybe the guys we're interested in are also interested? I feel like mine might be but I'm not 100% sure

[Panay]

Ask then, take him out on a date

[Asker]

Oh I kinda already asked him to hang out and invited him to join me for bubble tea but he lives like an hour from me and we're both busy so it's not happening anytime soon

[Asker]

He said the would be nice though but since I said hang out and asked pretty casually I doubt he thinks of it as a date

[kitty71]

I doubt he is interested we already been on a first date last year and that was all I got from him

[tyber1]

Yes most men hesitate, even if they eventually go through with it, they don't want to screw up.

[TheBigBoy]

Hell yeah I hesitate with anything having to do with a crush lol even simple conversations in person I will end up getting butterflies

[orphan]

i text as i'm walking away w/ her number...

[Asker]

Good job

[Anonymous]

Yes, usually I don't text her at all

[Asker]

Why not? Does she text you?

[Opinion Owner]

Well she isn't into me so that's why

[Asker]

Oh I see
Find one who will give you a chance then! Good luck!

[Notforlong]

lol yes.