My boyfriend makes me feel bad any time he buys me something... why?

Question

I've been with my boyfriend for two years going on three. I don't know why he's like this but when he buys me food or food for both of us he complains about the price of it until I start to feel really bad. He'll say something like well you better enjoy this it costed me $$$ and usually it's like 20 dollars or something... I feel so bad... it's like I begged him for food or something when it was his idea!!
I buy stuff for him all the time and I smile bc I know when I get him something it will make him happy and that makes me happy... but I'm not worth $20 to him. Most girls ask for diamond rings and other crap at this stage of a relationship bUT I never pressure him into anything. I've spent my last ten dollars on him before and not thought twice about it... is this a reason to get upset?
 I never say anything bc I just don't want to start a fight but it seems rude... you just don't say that to someone. I mean no one is forcing him to be in a relationship. And to clarify*** I buy food and anything really in this relationship I don't just make him buy me stuff constantly*** just wanted to make that point clear bc it doest bother me to do for him but I feel like crap after he's done for me bc he won stop complaining about it. How should I approach this situation?

Syvient · Accepted Answer

Well sweety, sounds like you gots a problem dude.

1. He is doing it in an attempt to declare some kind of dominance in the relationship. Along the lines of "I am gonna wash these dishes but you better be in here and see me do it cause it ain't happening again". That example went on a lot longer than I meant for it to. In other words, I am making a big deal about spending this money on you so that you remember clearly who paid for it.

2. Could be that this was learned behavior from his father and he actually believes this is part of being an adult or man in a relationship. Have any experience with his family? Almost 3 years I would hope so. Maybe his dad was a verbally abusive ass or maybe he was just cheap and ultra thrifty (cause we all know ultra thrifty men are hot).

3. Could it be that you are being ultra sensitive to his rant? I am not trying to point to finger at you here but consider this, based on your details you indicate he complains about the price of the food and not at you directly. Here is a way to test it, decide to go DUTCH one day out of the blue. You buy yours and he his. If he still complains, then you are the not the intended victim of the tirade... he is just cheap. If he doesn't complain then darling you gots a problem dude.

If its a problem dude issue then you going to have to do some couples counseling or a serious sit down and have a firm face to face about it. Dont be mousey now, you gonna have to stomp your feet and clench your fists to get your point across... he is a man of course.

If that doesn't work, well, then you are going to have to decide if the relationship is worth a lifetime of verbal abuse everytime you get hungry. Considering we have to eat you may want to cut your losses, hell maybe a week of alone time will stop it for a while.

If worse comes to worse, let him read this post. He may not be aware of how this makes you feel and even possibly not aware that it is that bad.

Good Luck

FemWorship · Accepted Answer

Approach:
1. leave YOU OUT of this problem, comparisons of your reactions, your ability to float above rising costs, your gifting satisfactions have nothing to do with this problem & certainly a hurtle to any solutions... this talk only serves to make you feel superior or more holy... forgetaboutit (but at least it was a backhanded way to attempt an understanding)
2. obvious to any reader of these limited facts that he feels underpaid (don't we all?) in the ridiculous costs rising from even simple joys! e. g. they are selling cars (that are worth 10-20% less once you drive it off the lot - that could be totalled in a week) for more than what a very nice new house cost in the 80's? Underpaid is the key word.
3. here's where he misses the love connection, agreed = YOU are supposed to fawn & give a massage/other in appreciation for his sacrifices made to his savings account... hopefully this doesn't stem from days of spending money = getting sex... but whatever the roots, hasn't yet matured into.. money = fertilizer, best not stored to fester, better to spread out over special interests to grow them better, e. g. your love
4. even if you help him graduate to a career that insulated him from growing prices and he's able to squirrel away enough to stifle some of those spending regrets, know that those that grew up in The Depression carry to the grave saving/spending habits (e. g. turning off a 60w bulb in a room not occupied); thus something that comes with his package, love it or leave it in this case
5. do you two have a sense of humor? Then employ high drama in thanking him, even on your knees, brag to all what he's done for you and take his side that retailers are all bastards, unfairing making too much money compared to us. by the way all lawyers think this way - maybe this is his new career?

Maybe you live in NYC & need to move to Possumtrot, somewhere in the South where living costs much less?

LittleSally · Accepted Answer

I think it's just his personality. He is a cheap person. Or is not used to luxuries so everything seems expensive to him - and has learned to be frugal...
It's strange you haven't noticed this before, though.

I'd just try and make him see how hurt I am the next time he complains about spending so much money on me. Tell him how when you do it, you never rub it in his face - see how he responds.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Leave him, he's a idiot. He's Dutch or what? Seriously if he complain about everything like that it's because he doesn't want to pay and want you to propose to pay at his place.
he just doesn't say it because he think you would think he's cheap idiot (who's)

TheButterfly · Accepted Answer

He sounds like an asshole. You pay for things so what the fuck is his problem

slatyb · Answer

You've been putting up with this shit for two years? Why? This is completely unacceptable. How much longer are you going to live like this?

How should you approach this? Tell him you are fucking sick of it and if he doesn't stop treating you like this it's over.

Only_Women_Bleed · Answer

Next time he does this, take a bite and then say "this meal blows" and get up and throw the rest in the trash.  Take a picture of his face and post it, please.

sailorjupiter · Answer

he's just quite particular in spending money, and it's annoying. but you can tell him you're not comfortable with that. he is just someone who have that kind of habit, i don't think he's a bad guy

Pomaruu · Answer

Wow girl, you're very tolerant... From what I can see he's just a cheap f***, and that's not how real men especially those in love should behave.

posted · Answer

I dunno why he's bitching lol, call him on his shit or move on. Don't let it fester for another 2 years.

wolfie12 · Answer

Next time tell him he doesn't have to buy it for you, when he asks why tell him you dont want to make him spend money on you if he doesn't like it. Do it in a polite way , and he will probably get the message.

singlebee · Answer

He is a fucking jerk... You should tell him that this bothers you and that he should stop being a fucking pussy or leave

Anonymous · Answer

He is cheap. A very bad trait that is extremely difficult to change.

If this problem is causing you distress then you should confront him, and if he does not change then it's time to find another boyfriend.

anonman32 · Answer

Yeah it sounds like emotional blackmail. I would talk to him about it. Maybe he is not doing it on purpose.

TonyRyanAgain · Answer

Time to move on, he's petty, cheap, and rude to his girlfriend for no reason on top of it.

suseel_sushi · Answer

Next time when he complains, give him the money. if he has honour, he'll stop bitching.

TripleAce · Answer

When did this start since you've been dating

dwiller943 · Answer

It's because you're too good for him. Leave him for someone better.

Anonymous · Answer

he is not a good human. at least thats what u present here. but you could be a gold digger/ cheapas as well

Anonymous · Answer

Inflation SUCKS! What does he do?

mermaidrocketship · Answer

He likes exerting power over you.

Whaaaaa · Answer

What a little bitch

My boyfriend makes me feel bad any time he buys me something... why?

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