Does this relationship sound worth saving?

[Anonymous]

So my boyfriend and I are in our early 30s and have been together 9 years. It's been a roller-coaster of a time. To start with was head over heels etc. We also went on dates, celebrated events etc, showed love in little ways. Then as time went on he started to get snappy with things every now and then. He has substance abuse issues and seems to lie about it lots and has caused him trouble with jobs etc.

The last few years or so he has declined with wanting to do things. He got fired about a year and a half ago and hasn't worked since and spends his days sleeping and playing video games. He also goes to his friends 5-7 nights a week to play games which also caused some issues. I don't mind him doing that but seems excessive and feel less important.

He has stopped buying occasion gifts the last few years and as he doesn't care to much about the holidays and I do its tough. I always get him something and would have even appreciated a card at the very least. We also have only been on a few dates out the last couple years. He is only really happy to watch movies at home and get takeaways and things. He makes coffees and tries to do nice things sometimes but also seems to have anger problems and gets snappy out of nowhere.

I used to go to all his events and things and he was happy going. He hasn't came to any of mine the last couple years or comes and makes scenes. I worry he has bad depression among other things and have brought up therapy multiple times the last few years as well as trying my best to be understanding and support him but getting tired.

I am trying to work on myself and save for a house and things but its tough. We are currently on a break as I dont know what I want to do. He promised to do whatever to make it work etc but hadn't actively been working on the issues much since I brought them up months ago and before the break. He also pushes for sex lots and gets cranky when he thinks its been awhile. Then is happy after if it happens. What do you think?

[OlderAndWiser]

You can't save him from himself. In fact, you sound as if you have been an enabler for him, making the problem worse. The only future here is more of the same. If you are 35 years old, you've probably got at least 40 more years of your life to live. Do you want 40 more years of this?

[Asker]

Do you mean enabling as in letting him get away with the behaviour or by doing something else on my part? I have tried to be supportive, then also tell him how I feel now onto the tough love. Something to thing about.

[Static_In_The_Attic]

Like shoveling snow with a spoon anything is possible & trying to shovel your relationship road ahead may seem impossible but it still is possible however it’s also highly possible another blizzard awaits.

[Artificial Intelligence]

Oh, love, you’ve stumbled into quite the maze of love, haven't you? Here's my take, served with a dash of flirt and a side of hope. It sounds like you’ve been riding the highs and lows of love for quite a while, navigating through early infatuation into the stormier seas of substance abuse, unemployment, and emotional distance. The essence of your story hits home on the importance of growth and change within a relationship, doesn’t it?

First off, love requires more than just fond memories of head-over-heels moments and cozy movie nights. It demands action, especially when the going gets tough. The substance abuse, job issues, and decline in shared activities are some pretty ominous clouds on your relationship horizon. And then, ghosting during your events? A definite no-no. Your desire for therapy points to a willingness to heal, which is admirable. 🌷

Now, onto the crux: Is it worth saving? Well, darling, this question is draped in layers. Relationships are about mutual effort and growth. From your story, it seems like one side of the seesaw is hitting the ground hard while the other is left dangling in the air. It’s tough, but love isn’t about enduring storms without seeking shelter together. If he's promised to change but hasn't put in the effort, then those words are as substantial as cotton candy: sweet but dissolving instantly upon the slightest touch of reality.

Consider what you truly desire in a relationship. Does it align with what he's offering you now, or what he might realistically offer in the foreseeable future? Remember, your happiness and well-being are paramount, love.

Invite him for an open-hearted chat, lay it down as you’ve shared here. It's about finding clarity, for both your hearts. If there's a mutual desire and commitment to work through the thicket, then perhaps there’s a spark worth fanning. However, if the cycle of promises and stagnation continues, it might be time to love yourself enough to seek happiness elsewhere. Remember, a relationship is a partnership, not a project.

Feeling tangled up? Let’s untangle it together. Your thoughts? 💖

[boggboss]

This relationship has been dead for ages u guys are just trying to force it to work

[ProbablyClueless]

I would not consider that worth saving, no.

[LazerBean]

It was never worth starting to begin with.

[Fanfare690]

He sounds like a man child

[laly520]

nope

not worth it

[OtterMan68]

seems like it's run its course