Dealing with a girl who was too nice/afraid to say no?

[Anonymous]

I think I made my move too late on her, which is fine because I never dated before and I was just trying to get experience. Basically she agreed to one date, but after that basically dodged my attempts at another one by saying "we'll see" or giving an excuse or canceling the day before or finally telling me that she'll let me know and never talking to me again.

Basically, she was indirectly telling my no but it took me a while to get the hint.

I haven't seen her in more than half a year, but I re-initiated contact about a month ago and asked her if she wanted to catch up (where she said she'll let me know and never talked to me again). I figured I had nothing to lose at that juncture because I'd never see her again so whatever.

Well, I was wrong. I AM going to see her again. She's going to be in the new graduate school I'm going to in a month. How do you deal with this type of situation? Specifically, I'm kind of embarrassed now because she gave me the run around, but I don't want her to think that I'm still pining away for her. I just want to talk to other girls and get some dates. Apparently, from what other people said on this site, this girl is afraid to talk to me (hence how she never contacted me in all those months and only responded when I contacted her) because she thinks if she talks to me I'll ask her out. Frankly, that's embarrassing. I'd rather her not even be there at all.

So what should I do? Some say to tell her to her face that I'm not pursuing her but I don't even want to bring it up and cause more embarrassment for her and me, or even talk to her if that's possible.

[ribbonsandlace]

Um, well... what you do depends entirely on how you want to be perceived. There is the possibility that because you pursued her, in her head she will think that you are helplessly battling in a sea of emotion for her.

Us girls are a fanciful, egotistical lot sometimes, particularly when a guy has shown even the slightest bit of interest. Insecure wrecks at times... but give us an inch, you'd better BELIEVE we'll run a mile. Sweeping generalization, of course! :P

If you speak to her or confront her, you will probably end up being "that guy who sooooo used to like me and I think he still does... it's awkward because I'm not really interested but I don't want to be a bitch or hurt his feelings because he's really sweet! I just ignore him because I don't really know what else to do."

Don't seek her out at all. If you run into her, play it cool. Say hi, make an excuse to not stay. "Oh, hey... look I'm running late to meet a friend, but I'll see you around."

Make it vague, and noncommittal, borderline disinterested. As a girl, if a guy who used to like me did that, I would get the impression that he was no longer interested.

But yeah, you can express your disinterest without having to actually talk about it.

[oxkissedissedxo]

well, I'd say just go into grad school and see what happens. maybe you won't have to see her. or, if you do, you can say hi to be polite, or you can just mind your own business and see what happens. treat her like you'd treat anyone else. if she responds awkwardly, then you can tell her, "hey, I just wanted to see how you're doing. I'm not interested in you in that way, so maybe we can just be friends" or something.

[blondie_girl]

Completely ignore her and forget her. She obviously wasn't into you (I don't mean that in a mean way, just the truth). Girls will say things like that - "we'll see" "I don't know" when they don't want to hurt your feelings. If she was into you, would have been "yes" in a heartbeat.

You're devoting way too much time thinking of/trying to contact a girl who doesn't have interest. Move on and go for someone else.

[sonic241928]

Just treat her like an old friend. That's all. If you see her in the halls, just smile, say "hey how are you?" or a similar common courtesy. Here's the key: if you do your job and just be nice, it *doesn't matter* how she replies. If she's too shy or too immature to handle simple friendliness from you, it's not your problem. Just move on and confidently meet and date other girls. Best of luck.

[youraveragejoe]

I'm with blondie. My first thought was, completely ignore her; she should no longer be a relevant part of your life.

[iloveyou11]

haha Well I'm facing the same situation lol trying to avoid this boy I told him straight like and we are still friends. Just say to her "Look I like you but I understand if you don't want to go out with me, just tell me now, don't worry about upsetting me ill ask someobody else out " (You might want to cut out the ask somebody else out part if you y know still want to be well you get what I mean lol!##

Hope it helps =p

[wildrose28]

I forgot to add chat up other people there. She's a stranger you don't know her maybe you will see or talk to other girls who actually want to go out with you. That would make her second guess if she mattered that is.

[wildrose28]

OH just ignore her dude. If she initiates try to remember her name but otherwise she's background you're in color you're the leading man.

[chiefnavarro]

let it go