How do I trust my boyfriend after a one night stand?

[kidsandheroes23]

Back in January my boyfriend had a one-night-stand with a girl he didn't even know. He told me, and I know he has never been with the girl or talked to her both before and since it happened.

Even though it was just a one time thing and he swears he won't do it again, I'm still paranoid sometimes. When I gave him the choice to call it quits or work things out, he was a mess, crying and begging me to stay with him because I'm so good to him and he loves me so much.

He does love me, and I love him. We've been together for a few years, and were friends long before then. He doesn't have a history for cheating except this one time, and I really think if he wanted to be with someone else he'd just break up with me rather than cheating again.

I know it's been 5 months, and even though things between us are getting better, every once in a while I feel unsure and get nervous. I haven't seen any signs to be worried about like last time, and everything seems to be going smoothly.

I know I have every reason to be mad and dump him, but we promised that we would work through it because after 3 years it's not worth throwing our relationship away over a stupid, selfish, horny move. He knows what he did wrong and knows I'll dump his ass if he does anything like that again.

He doesn't know I still get nervous and don't 100% trust him. How can I work on building trust again? He's been doing everything right, and is being so good to me, but I still can't get 100% of the way there...

[ArtistBboy]

You're making excuses to deal with the situation;

- "We love each other, I know he loves me and I love him too!"

- "It's been a long time"

- "Things between us are getting better"

etc

But you are hiding the truth.

He cheated. Game over. If you can accept that and still live your life (while trying to prevent it happening again); then I say go for it.

But right now you are being delusional in thinking that "his word" is worth anything. Just because he says he feels bad and that he'll never do it again; doesn't mean squat!

Get out there and get to know the real him; then realise what you can/can't do in preventing this from happening again. That's the only reassurance you have. If that means sticking up for your partner against other females: "He's taken, keep walking sister." - then do it!

Unfortunately you will never be able to forget what happened, if you do- then you're just being naive into believing everything. (Like maybe you winning powerball, or he's taking you to maui, maybe he'll take you sky diving, and life will be perfect)...

Life is spontaneous and it should be lived like the same. You shouldn't sit here and waste your time trying to do stuff you can't achieve. Forgetting this pain seems nice and like a smart course of action - but like I said, it's your choice. Good luck and hope you the best.

P.s. if things are getting better like you have been saying, I just would like to thank both you and your boyfriend for being different and trying to work through the pain; rather than just throwing in the towel and calling it quits.

Take care

~ ArtistBBoy

[Littletad]

You're just going to have to give it time, and take it day by day. Being completely trustworthy of him again is going to take a while, it seems.

[Starling]

You don't. I tried continuing a relationship with a guy who cheated on me, and no matter how I tried, or what he did. I was never able to fully trust him, which is no grounds for a relationship. So I called it quits.

[archn]

Well there's two ways to go about this... one is once a cheater always a cheater, and eventually he'll get the tendency to cheat again, which he will, and you may not forgive him then, so you will have wasted more time on him.. and if you forgive him the second time, that shows he can keep getting away with it which he will try...

The second way is to scare him into thinking he's practically lost you, which I know can be a very scary feeling, but it is something so powerful to make you overcome being so stupid and letting some dumb b*tch get in your way of being with your true love.

I'd recommend going with option 2, but if he screws up again DO NOT FORGIVE HIM AGAIN

[Anonymous]

You never will trust him 100% ever again. You can forgive him all you want, but you will never forget what he did. That's something you're going to have to live with for (potentially) the rest of your life if you choose to stay in this relationship.

[chiefnavarro]

well I would just leave him. were different people though. he loves maybe but he doesn't respect u. how do you deal with that one.