Why do guys pretend they don't have feelings?

I have feelings. Guys have feelings. Many guys, not me, pretend we don't have feelings. Why? Because girls find it a turn off.

I always thought this was not true, and I still believe there is a portion of girls out there (who are the ones for me) who like to share feelings, but on this website it has been shown to me that whenever a guy lets out his feelings he gets seen as pathetic. So if you are most girls, stop complaining that guys don't show you what they are feeling. It's your fault.

Just sayin. Any thoughts?

ok great answers everyone but this has been going on for like nearly a month now so don't post any more answers please :) Do read the existing ones I think they pretty much cover it ^^ thank you everyone for your great answers!


Most Helpful Girl

  • LOL.

    "I MEAN IT! PLEASE TOP ANSWERING. RAWWWWWRRRR :D lol. <3 I love you really but srsly shh." - A month ago

    ...And people are still answering ha ha :) Including myself. You should pick a best answer so that people will know that you're finished with this question already :)

    • ooh that's a good idea! Thank you XD

    • Haha, no problem :)

      I should thank you, actually...so thanks! xD

    • np lol

What Girls Said 30

  • I get angry when girls expect a guy to be bullet proof. They are only human as are we. I do believe there is a line between a whiner and a sensitive guy... but most guys aren't whiners. I think it's great when a guy shows they can be sensitive, and those girls who expect them to be perfect need to realize that they are in no position to judge for they do this very thing. In my eyes, a guy showing their sensitive side shows strength as they have the courage to put themselves out there for the chance of being shot down. So guys, please be sensitive, and just ignore those b****** who believe they are in the position to tell you what you can and cannot do.

  • Don't care if it's my fault or not I don't need/want to see a guy's feelings.

    • But its human nature its normal for humans to show feelings and that includes guys. You have to accept it even if you don't want to see it.

    • Show All
    • Damn pixie girl...you need to get that layer of ice from around your heart. :-X

    • But it keeps it so well preserved. ^-^

  • Sensitive guys are kind of a turn off. I don't want to have to worry about hurting his feelings or if he took what I said the wron gway otherwise I would date a woman

    • I think you're confusing sensitive with emotional. I can be very sarcastic and let a lot of things slide off my back but I also have feelings and a heart. I don't go around like an emo kid whining about everything but I also like a certain amount of intimacy in my life. Unfortunately, many guys are too afraid to show this side to other guys; they have to be tough and always busting someones balls.

    • well to be honest my ideal would be a guy that is kind of tough or rough on the outside or around everyone else but has a soft spot for me. Feelings aren't bad or wrong but when I think of a sensitive guy I think of a person that is overly sensitive that you have to worry about that has "moods" and crap. And I don't want that I'm a blunt person, and yea if I said "your motther's dead" I'd hope he'd have an emotional reaction.

    • Thats exactly how I feel... Men shouldn't be emotional... That's a womans trait...

  • I do like it when men show their true feelings, and I don't like to have to push them, always asking if something is wrong, and you get a grunt for an answer. I think it takes a lot of nerve and guts to dare show your true feelings, and I don't think you should stop. There is of course a difference between being open and being overemotional, which is not appreciated by men nor women. I wouldn't want a man who clings on to my leg, but I surely don't want him to be a clamshell. We can't jump into each others head and have a peek, we need to communicate our feelings and express them.

  • I love when a guy shares his feelings. I actually PREFER the sensitive type. I don't want to

    date a f***ing rock.

    But it's not EVERY girls fault lol.. I never complained about being shown feelings =P

    I wish they did more.. So I would know what's going on instead of playing games.

    I think it's also the media and what not. I don't personally know many girls who ever

    complain about a sensitive guy...

    Most are actually on a never ending hunt to find one..

    But anyways.. I like it. There is nothing wrong with it at all. (:

    • I also think guys like this want EVERY girl to be at their beck and call and available to them. They don't realize that while many girls want the sensitive guy, it doesn't mean they have chemistry with everyone. Guys sometimes take that as an insult when ANY girl isn't into them and start making it about specific things about them and make global statements about women. It's not always some plot by women to hate you, guys.

  • I think its the most beautiful thing for a man to show his true feelings, we are all humans and we have thoughts and emotions. we should all show those emotions and not keep them in. I think its a good thing for a man to cry as long as there is a reason for it, and not just to cry like a baby about everything then that is a big turn off!

    but like to cry because your hurting inside or from strong physical pain that is how should be, and it should be natural for us all to witness. but that's sadly is not how it works, with gender roles men are not aloud to show there feelings and they can not cry! which I think is so stupid!

    but yet women are aloud to cry any time we want to!

  • i don't think men with feelings are pathetic. I think men who let their weaknesses show are pathetic, same as girls who show w eakness and clingliness but that's just me. majority of people say it's okay for girls to show weakness but that's just because of double standards. I think people in general who gush out emotion when they really don't need to are stupid. doing it in private is fine however. women are annoying hypocrites lol

  • my friend is a douchebagnd acts heartless so I asked him and he said (after I forced it outa him) its because he used 2 get made fun of for being a "baby" or somethin so he thinks it isn't manly to show he has feelings. I guess it depends on the guy...some are smart enough to realize girls don't like guys pretending not to have feelings, others aren't & dont.

  • I don't talk about my feelings because I have a rule not to- I guess because sometime long ago I thought id be stronger if I did not show emotions or think about them without using reason. on the other hand hold men or women to this standard. tho it does actually bother me more when women get excessively emotional in public just because they already have a bad rep for that. I don't do it so I KNOW its possible to express yourself clearly but calmly. I don't really think less of anyone for talking about feelings but I would like to see women be more in control & men show they have feelings. for he record I see men get freaked out and over react more than women but that's not the information that gets passed around so I'm just saying why not control yourself just to make sure its propaganda. I think both are falling into prescribed stereotypes that promotes segregation between men & women. I think the more people can be reasonable but real the better off well all be.

  • I like guys who are confident enough with their emotions to express themselves. I don't like it when they try to do stupid things because of the conformist sociological pre-conditioning they get as young adult men to their late manhood. some might say, a guy crying is weak. I've seen my ex boyfriend cry, in that particular case when he broke up with me, it's not weak. It's emotion. It's normal. I think it's even better to express yourself, otherwise seriously, emotions can lead to hypertension or even stroke. it might sound funny, but I find that a lot of guys hold it in. I like it when my man acts like a man, but if he needs to express himself, he needs to know he's free to express it with me or someone he trusts because keeping things bottled inside is psychologically unstable or not good.

  • Here is something that I have never understood

  • that's such sh*t. tell me if you like me, tell me if you hate the scent I wear, tell me if your mom was in an accident. any girl under 18 doesn't know what the hell she wants, it's dictated by her friends.

  • Here's my thought.

    Most girls are assholes. Why are we allowed to have feelings (excess feelings at that) and guys aren't allowed to have any?

    I, personally, prefer a guy who isn't afraid to tell me exactly how he feels, good or bad. But I don't like sugarcoating either. People who are straight and to the point about how they feel get the most respect from me. I don't think there's a point in hiding it.

    But there's a difference between a guy who shows his feeling and a crybaby.

    Not to be insensitive, but I'm not sure if I could handle dating ANYBODY, boy or girl, that cries more than me.

  • Life would be so much easier if guys were to express how they felt. I'm not saying that I need a poem or some episode of "One Life to Live"...all I'm asking is that a guy admit when he likes a girl, admits that he has feelings, admits that he cares, and admits when he's hurt/frustrated/happy/nervous/etc.!

    But no...what do we get ?- the stern face, the "everything's cool", the "why are you being so sensitive?', the it was all you, I never cared for you, men don't cry, men don't hurt, men don't feel. UGH!

    • exactly and girls act all stuck up and play too hard to get either way

  • I think that guys do this because they don't want to get teased by their friends, I have noticed with my brother he laughs at guys who are in love with their girlfriends, he's childish though he is 17 years old and won't seem to grow up

    • girls don't want guys to be in love with them because then they act all stuck up and play too hard to get

  • i didn't even read what you wrote but let me say what I think... I think that if guys showed that they had feelings for a nyother girl ahlf of the lonely girls at my school would have ab oyfriend I'm mean sseriously it pissses me off . I have had numerous friends go up to me and talk about personal things because I am the person that everyone goes to for anything and the same thign that I keep hearing is what is wrong with me do I have to change completely or dress better to get a guy what's wrong? I am too agressive a turn off do I not show myself enoughh ect. I always tell them that they are a wonderfu person because honestly I have so many friends taht should ahve a great guy because they are a really good girl and I tell them you know if guys could just stop being so damn insecure and grow a pair of balls then girls would not feel so bad about themselves and there would be more couples and everyone would be happy I know it is a lot to ask for a lot of guys but really if you like a girl do something about it talk to her the worst thing a guy can do is ignore or act rude to a girl becuase if you wait for something to happen that girl is going to lose intrest get over you and move on no I don't have a boyfriend and something happened on Friday that just proves this theory. I found out from my very close best freind katie that this guy that I have like all year just got the balls to say that I waas cute I only see him on Monday the last day of school he just decided to grab on to his chohones and say something. like seriously I got over him because after a while I move on now when I stopped paying a lot of attention to him he wanst me and a group of my girl firends were talking about this in my third hour my friend siad how she liked this guy I mean really liked him would talk about him everyday and then she stopped paying attentiuon to him and doesn't like him anymore and when she liked him he paied no attention to her now that he sees that she's not into him he went to her and was like I want you literally that's what he said and she was like no I don't like you because she didn't like him naymore

  • It could be because they are trying to seem masculine

  • I like it when A guy has and shows his real emotions...However, I do NOT lke it when he's weak or is full of self pity. THeres a fine line :)

    • I respect your honesty. Now consder this. Since it is such a fine line, most guys do not know where it is. SO from their perspective, it is safer to just not show feelings. If you start a rumor about a guy that he is weak and full of self pity. No one will have sex with him. Why would he risk showing you his feelings, when he knows you would turn on him at any moment?

    • This is nonsense, Zen. Guys need to stop doing everything to kow tow (look it up) to women and start being who they want to be. The women will come. Those a-hole guys you complain about who have women flocking to them didn't manipulate who they are to attract girls. The are who they are and they're confident about it and girls see that. So be as sensitive as you want and the right girls will come to you. Your fantasy that EVERY girl will love you or show you interest is never going to happen.

  • I love when a guy tells me how he feels. then I don't have to be confused or assume things, and then my mind doesn't run away with possibilities.

    more people should be honest and straight up with their feelings in this world lol

  • guys want to be cool

    they don't want to think of they as sissy girls

    i seriosly don't know why they think that way I like emotional guys its cute

    • Girls don't have sex with guys who are too emotional. Guys learn that at an early age. Guys don't care who you think is cute, they care who actually gets laid.

    • That's something of an immature response from most guys who view whomever gets laid the most (or by the most girls) as the best. If sensitive guys would cut out the victim mentality that not banging 113 girls is somehow a loss of their youth, they'd focus on finding the right girls for them. Anyone who makes global statements about 150 million females in this country is going to be wrong

  • guys w. feelings actually its nicer, I like them better that the i-have-no-feelings-so-i-don't-really-understand-or-care-type guys

    show that you have feelings to girls but not to guys thyre just so um...i-have-no-feelings-so-i-don't-really-care so they woont care about u

  • they get made fun of by guys too...its societys standards, its not only womens fault...

    hypocrit >.>

  • I love a guy who is open about his feelings! : ) keep on being you, buddy!

    • Me, too. I agree with that comment.

    • Yes, be open about your feelings but not in a whiny way. DO it because you want to, not to get attention

  • Because men care a lot about what other men think. They do a lot of things that they probably shouldn't just to impress each other. Men just seem to be competitive with each other by nature, & want to be accepted by other males. Showing emotions is a sign of weakness to males, so they hide them to impress other men. Women don't care if men show emotion, as long as they are not a blubbering mess. We like our men to be strong, but we also like to see their soft & sentimental side.

    • Same goes for girls, haven't you ever met people who are competitive about "damn she has bigger breasts than I do", "she's so much prettier than me", etc.

      I personally couldn't care less what other males think of me. I care most often only for female opinions. So that's also an unjustified statement.

      Not to mention, how can you be "STRONG AND COLD" and "SOFT AND WARM"? This is stupid, if you want oppositional traits, then don't want a monogamous relationship. Lol.

  • I like when guys are honest with me about everything. So I like when he tells me how he feels it makes me feel really happy(:

  • I never complain. I hate when guys hide their feelings. I'm too open, straight forward & spontaneous & I share what's inside of me. So, please don't change yourself! & that's not a theory, that's real! I really hate it because I feel you are being dishonest, mysterious & feelingless which turns me off.

  • we are human beings ...human beings have feelings

    its normal that guys have feelings and they show it ...its abnormal that there are people out there think feelings are pathetic and not manly ...

    guys has the right to share what they feel ...and have the right to express themselves

    maybe they need to choose words which would communicate what they want without using very sensual words that girls tend to use you know ...


  • It depends on what you mean by "feelings". If a guy tells me he's upset about x,y, and z I will gladly hear it and help him out, and if we can communicate to find a solution, I would call that a successful way to share feelings. I think guys who are in-tune with their emotions are really hot, I love a guy who knows how to really "feel." But feeling isn't just being able to feel happy, sad, or angry. It means to feel an emotion and act on it accordingly, express it accordingly.

    So there are successful ways to share feelings, and those who do so successfully I consider "in-tune" with their emotions and are normally extremely mature. And there are guys who just complain and bitch.

    Here are some examples, let us discuss a guy being single:


    Him: "You know, I've never had a girlfriend and its starting to get me down. I'm 24 and can't figure out why I just can't get a girlfriend. It makes me really upset, and sometimes I think that there might something wrong with me, but I can't figure it out. Am I not attractive? Am I awkward? Sometimes I think I come off too strong"

    2) Failure:

    Him: "I've never had a f***ing girlfriend and I'm 24. I'm still a virgin. It's because I'm ugly and because women are shallow f***s. If I don't get a girlfriend this year, I might as well kill myself."

    Sharing your "feelings" is one thing. Bitching and moaning, and saying just general pessimistic sh*t is not showing feeling. If I ran around saying "I should just kill myself because I'm 40 and a virgin, and I'm ugly" then I'm pretty sure you'd want to hear me stfu as well.

    • yeah that's a good point ^^ thumbs up

    • :) Another example.

      A) Your are confusing me. I feel like you want something, but I don't understand what you want.

      B) What the hell do you want from me!

      Its been my experience that contrary to popular belief, guys show their emotions quite often. Altho,emotions got stigmatized as a soft cuddly teddy bear, they have many faces, & guys show a few of them quite often ;)

      Recognizing & controlling emotions, way hotter than pretending you don't care, and throwing tantrums periodically -4Men& women:)

  • Having feelings are great! It shows that you're human. Problems occur when you let your feelings get in the way. Not many people like it when you complain ALL the time. Emotions and logic can't work together. You need to put them aside sometimes. Good luck :D Hope I helped

    • yeah but like today I asnwered a question in a sensitive way about why guys have insecurities and I got 'im sorry' like I was complaining, but I wasn't actually complaining. So ya. But yeah I'm going to have feeling whatever people say ^^

    • When others give sensitive answers, the people who see it may feel pity for you, but you're not looking for that. You're just answering :)

What Guys Said 20

  • True, but you can't change the bigots.

  • I show what I am feeling in a relationship, but I've learned to limit just how much I show because women seem to completely lose interest if I show attachment. I often turn off my emotions simply out of a consciously activated defense mechanism. I realize how my emotions have begun to hinder me and reflect poorly on my life, so I turn off my emotions until I can correct the issues that I have become aware of in my life.

  • plain and simple, we don't want to feel like the female in the relationship.. Showing feelings and being emotional has always been more of a woman thing cause guys feel weird when we try to do it

  • Feelings are for pussies.

    I also vote we necro this topic every day.

  • Listen man, we all have feelings. Let 'em out it's healthy. Any girl tries to tell me I'm a p**** for that she can suck my balls and kiss my ass! She probably won't get to do it though because I'm not letting her within a mile of my genitals.

    Feeling sorry for yourself all the time is not showing feelings in my sense of the word though. Expressing feelings is a great thing to have. It's important to express them. But at the same time you can't let them run you.

    It can go bothways you know, you can let your feelings run you beign expressing them all the time and just being overwhelmed by them whenever they come, loosing all your ability to "be cool".

    Or you can front like you have no feelings, where you are essentially letting your feelings control you in a much more pervasive and unhealthy way. Shutting feelings out can be dangerous, litterally.

    The key is to let yourself have feelings, keep those feelings, express them in good measure but stay in control at the same time. That is real strength.

    • @you can front like you have no feelings, where you are essentially letting your feelings control you in a much more pervasive and unhealthy way. Shutting feelings out can be dangerous, litterally.

      true true;)

  • cause if they show it people judge them wrongly

  • I like to say that "boys cry at everything but when a man cries, I should be a fountain from his soul, from a river of pain for bliss. A man should show his heart, but should cry with meaning."

  • its social conditioning

  • Lol. I don't know what my thoughts are on this. I think if you concern yourself with the masses, you begin to loose your identity.

  • Here is one more haha! Good Question!

  • your a dumbass. Don't ask a question and then complain when too many people answer. Do you order food and then complain to the waiter that you can't eat it all too?

    guys don't pretend they don't have felings, they pretend to be macho and tough based off insecurity.

    being sensitive and caring in rare moments is fine, but a common misconception nowadays is that you need to be super sensitive. That's created a whole bunch of guys who are complete pansies and cry over girls for years, get super needy and clingy because they value heir own "sensitivity" so much. That's not being sensitive or emotinoal, that's being a weak little bitch.

  • Often the answer is following: To show feelings, that means to be dependent. With the dependence is coming fear, the partner could abuse you in any kind.

    • this is a sad answer...but, true. Can't there just be trust that your partner wouldn't do such a thing?! :-(

  • yesof coarse guys have feelings, but no girl ever wants to see them, even the ones who say they do. have you ever had a dude completely break down in front of you? its not pretty and its certainly isn't atractive.

    • NOT true boy, sorry but there you hit my defense spot, I want to know what my man feels!

    • I agree with keeptalking. I have seen a guy break down and cry..and I was there for him..and I loved being there for him!

  • to me, feelings are better kept for others to realize, not for ourselves to show.

  • Real men don't cry, we are basically are told to be macho men and act tough and look tough and care about no body else but ourselves. I find this type of setting to be bullsh*t, why can't a guy share his feelings with a girl without her thinking that he is "gay" or feminine. I tend to not share my feelings with the opposite gender for fear of being judge. Everyone has feelings that's what makes us human beings. If a girl wants a guy without feelings why not just date a robot as it has no feelings. It makes me think that girls want a guy to be her protection and knight in shinning armor. A guy who shows zero feelings is likely going to do something crazy that he will regret.

    • I do want him to be my protection, though I want to be his protection as well. But, I agree. I would loe for my boyfriend to show his true feelings all the time. Even if he cried.

  • swag

  • I think (i) guys are brought up like that (ii) when you talk of "feelings", it's different from how a woman sees it... They're probably not pretending.


  • A lot do have feelings, they just don't cry. They're real men.

  • cuz its manly people hav thort that forever