What is wrong with Womanizers/Players?

Question

Now before you start attacking me thinking I'm defending then, which I'm not, I have my opinion but ill leave it out.

Womanizers/Players have a code of ethics/parameters they go by such as rules of things never to do/or say or etc so they can continue to live by their life their way.

Now for those who have been "Played" what on earth did they exactly do? You thought they liked you and it was okay to sleep with them then you got mad if they said they don't want a relationship? I'm not necessarily following how that makes them bastards or Douches , maybe you shouldn't have slept with them?

If they said " I love you" or " I want to be with you" to get a person into bed with them then the blame is on the both of them.

I see it from both sides of the coin and I think when people get hurt they feel its easier to put the blame on someone else to help them feel better about themselves, I don't know I'm just spit balling.

State your opinion on how a womanizer/player is a bastard/douche, and if you have a personal experience with one, feel free to use the anonymous option.

Updates

+1 y

Apparently some people didn't read the question fully, I clearly said I don't stand by/ or protect players. I heavily suggest people to read everyone else's answers because I learned there is a difference between players/womanizers and manipulators.

The players I was referring to were upfront about casual sex/one night stands/friends with benefits, not those who toy with others emotions, From what uldopixie said, I guess I was referring to old school players not the manipulators of today.

udolipixie · Accepted Answer

1. What is wrong with Womanizers/Players? Some aren't like how you describe with this code of ethics.

Those are old school lothariosare honest nonmonagmous guys into casual sex.

2. Now for those who have been "Played" what on earth did they exactly do? Never been played but most of the girls who have were either fed lies and told things that the guy knew would lead them to or deceived into thinking they had a serious relationship made out of mutual desire/commitment..sort of like guys with practice girlfriends.

3. You thought they liked you and it was okay to sleep with them then you got mad if they said they don't want a relationship? Most of the time it doesn't happen like that from my observations.

Usually the guy is dishonest and pretends he loves her o, wants a relationship with her, or is actually in a relationship with her the drops off when he f*cked her to his satisfaction.

4. I'm not necessarily following how that makes them bastards or Douches , maybe you shouldn't have slept with them? If the player is a lothario girls should not expect sex to equate possibility of a relationship.

5. If they said " I love you" or " I want to be with you" to get a person into bed with them then the blame is on the both of them.

Yep just like if a guy flirted with a girl & she gave him her number saying call me and ask me out then when he called he gets put on speaker and embarrassed in front of a crowd the blame is on both of them.

6. State your opinion on how a womanizer/player is a bastard/douche, and if you have a personal experience with one, feel free to use the anonymous option.

A guy is a player if he has lots of non-monogamous casual sex.

A guy is a bastard if he uses dishonesty to be a player.

However there are few players and more bastards to me.

No personal experience however to avoid getting played girls would probably do best to:

not trust a d*ck that's not gay or related to them.

not place much weight or meaning on a guy saying they love her or want to be with her

not place much weight or meaning on being in a relationship with a guy

oOsweet~o~nessOo · Accepted Answer

Players create their bad reputation - because they're typically very open about what they do. Almost bragging. I had a friend who was a womanizer, and he'd talk about how he was sleeping with three girls who had no idea about each other, and he did it just non chalantly. He enjoyed being able to say he could manipulate three women into having sex with him.

Likewise - one of my homegirls had 5 boyfriends last year that she juggled. Three of them showed up at one of our track meets one time lol that was kind of a funny situation.

But I mean, I think it's more so the intention of the person at hand here. There are people who just have casual sex without setting a barrier such as a relationship, because they're just more interested in sex at the time. Players seem to take pleasure in simply having multiple people to not just have sex, but like to think about them in a higher regard such as a boyfriend or gf.

I asked my friend why she just didn't sleep with the guys, since I saw no point in cheating with all them and going through the extra stress she put herself in to maintain the relationships. She just shrugged her shoulders and said she liked having lots of boyfriends. I was like...mm...okay?

Players are interesting, because they can be slutty - but typically their only slutty with a select set of people. Some bounce around with random people, but I don't know - I think they get a thrill from playing with commitment. Like you have this feeling of being tied down to someone - the first girlfriend /boyfriend you have, but then you push that restriction and get the thrill of sneaking around with someone else, and then enhance the rush even more by adding more and more people to the equation.

It's such an odd state of mind to me. Usually the players at hand are really attractive too - so that only makes it easier :\

avella_Dec · Accepted Answer

I don't have to go anon. It is simple for anyone who cares about anyone but themselves, which players do not. There are plenty of like minded individuals out there who are strait up about what they want. If you want sex and nothing more, say it. Players are losers because they lie and ruin good women's faith in men because they use women's built in instincts and emotions to get what they want and 99% of the time know that they are going to hurt the woman. You are implying that all women who fall for this should blame themselves, or are stupid and should move on. They are just trusting or naive which with a good caring man they can be but are now scared to be for all the selfish pri-ks that want to conquest the innocent. To them it is nothing but a flag on a mountain top and to the once carefree trusting women it is a severe mental blow. In forms, it is nothing more then mental abuse or head games which not even wild people want. If a partier wants to party they ask or move on. Drug dealers and players want to convince you that what they have to offer is the best and the best for you and then it messes you up. They are one and the same. Nuff said...

Luckily, I know how to identify those people and stay away. Hopefully the younger generation will teach their children that too. Without victems there can't be a game player.

ArtistBboy · Accepted Answer

Sometimes it's difficult to answer questions like these because everyone thinks differently.. I used to know several women who prefer the short-term relationship with a player - over the long term-resentment of a relationship.

To me, it seems like a player knows how to keep a woman comfortable and happy. My own resentment comes into play when I noticed thousands of women flocking in their direction, and I'm lucky to get a few conversations throughout the day. Usually where I end up being the "go-to-guy" when everything takes a plunge.

Are players really all that bad? No. A lot of them were friends with me for a relatively short time. Like I said, they comfort your emotions, they are always creating fun moments, they inspire hope and stand behind your ideas, etc.. A lot of the times they may be lieing, they probably hate your idea and think you're gonna lose thousands, but it's nice to have someone stand beside you and your decisions none-the-less..

It's part a familiar ground that we can say "this feels nice".. Versus that ex-boyfriend/girlfriend that you just can't stand to be around - who always laughed sarcastically when you told him/her about your ideas, or who turned up his/her TV when you went to talk to them.

So really, the only "bad" I see with players - is that they aren't "real people" in my book. A lot of the ones I've come across have done stuff only so that they can get something in return; whether that be inviting me to events so that I can pay the bill, or to imitate our friendship so that I'll give them a back-up place to stay or bring chicks, etc.. I assume that it's part of the reason most people become self-centered and unwilling to help others.

Just my $0.02

~ ArtistBBoy

moloz · Accepted Answer

I have some cousins that are totally master players, they can get some girls to do anything they want, literally. I was amazed by their magic.

At first, I resented them. "Gee, what horrible people. He has a kid and still screws as many women as possible". Then I started meeting the girls they were "in a relationship" with...

oh god. they deserved being played. every. single. time.

That being said, they're the broest of bros and have a deep bro code they will always follow. I kind of regret judging them.

I don't really take part in this kind of behavior, even though one night stands with interesting people are very welcome. Lets you explore a different kind of world and I'm being totally honest about my business. I just go with the flow and almost everyone understood until now.

Both my cousins have been hurt by "their first" and since then made it their goal to do the same. I suspect it's the case for 60-70% of other players.

Women are attracted to these kind of people, if they can't use their cognitive functions to retreat from this imminent "danger", it's their fault too. In fact, it's entirely their fault, this coming from a guy. Why? Girls want the extreme of stability in secure long term relationships. Guys usually compromise for this, but players do not. They stand firm on their extreme of fun and intensity, at least till they get bored or have other things in life better to do.

If a guy gets "played", people will laugh at him and call him a wimp if he is sad/depressed about it.

Anonymous · Answer

Yeah I think that everyone should take some resposibility over their emotions and actions.It's true it's so much easier to blame the other person but the other should of took a step back and look at the situatuion or break it down.What do I know about him/ her, do I know I'm the only one he or she treats this way etc.

Sure they could of lied through the whole thing but at one point your guard has to be put up.I have gone through one that really left an impact on my life.It was my fault I'm not going to lie but that was years ago now, I figure I put my emotions on the line and now I can get them back because I set myself up for failure with him. Now I'm not going to stop my happiness just because some guy that didn't chose me left me.It was always an on and off thing with him so luckly I knew better and never slept with him, we were really close one time but I stoped him..Now he's with somoeone else has a baby and living a less then ideal life, while I'm doing my own thing and couldn't be happier without him.

I think what all girls should now is that all guys are different..there are some amazing one's you just got to give them the chance.While he might not look like the one for you, you'll be supriced if you give them the chance.I also think about it this way if a "womanzier/ player" is young and has game with females honestrly don't think he's going to change.

Anonymous · Answer

I have been used in the following ways

#1We were bf/gf, but he just treated me like a fwb, whenever I asked him on a date he was "busy" This isn't the smartest player, because most girls would have just left him, but I was smitten (and he knew that, and used it against me)

#2(a diff guy) He ACTED as if he was head over heels for me, took me on romantic dates and when we started to go out (and he found out how desperate I was) he used me just for sex, an would play with my mind and make me feel insecure all the time(so I would feel weak and stay with him)

remember women are emotional creatures, they aren't lured in by sex (like men), they are lured in by someone that plays with their mind("I'll give you everything you want, I will protect you , then BAM, if only you looked like this, did this" win her heart and you can do anything, make her feel insecure and she will be addicted to you , "why doesn't he love me?" she will always come back to you... remember not to get your feelings involved and be flirtatious with other girls, to show you are confident and can leave her anytime... good times... and then before you know it your 30 and wondering "why am I still single?" Bahaha, honestly, its a waste of a life if you plan to abuse people 24/7, you think your being sly, but its easier than you think, manipulating someone is taking the easy way out, smart guys know a quality relationship is worth a lot more.

Anonymous · Answer

It's not even the sex that makes women so mad at players. It's the fact that players, by definition, are not usually guys who rack up a bunch of ONS or mutual NSA partners. They usually are lacking in some way and have an emotional compulsion to "collect" as many partners as possible. They're emotionally manipulative ... often, they don't even care about the sex itself as much as they care about having a bunch of women on a string who give them attention, validation, emotional support, etc.

I've been involved with two guys like this before I recognized the pattern. If they were just guys who wanted a f*** buddy to text at 3 am, it would have been a "take it or leave it" situation. But they wanted to do stuff like talk about their childhood, cuddle, go out together, ask for advice, hold hands ... all that crap. There is a lot more to the relationship other than sex ... but they also are so wounded that they need constant validation from other women. It really sucks you in. Most players are emotional vampires and they are often miserable themselves.

On the otherhand, douchy frat types who just wanna hit and run are usually annoying, but most women don't develop feelings for them other than in the pants.

Anonymous · Answer

I was really hurt by a guy I liked and thought that he liked me back! He played me for 6 months! I was so pissed off at him for what he did to me! He cheated on me with other girls and kept pushing for sex and being all sweet to me and saying the most romantic things to me. I truly thought that we had something between us and I really liked him. After awhile he started being a douchebag to me because I didn't want to give him sex. I wanted to wait until I was ready and felt ready to be that serious with him...well to say the least he disappeared one day we didn't even officially break up or anything...I'm glad I never gave him what he wanted but for my emotions to be toyed with for such a long time made me more angry than sad to be honest. I thought we had a relationship but I think that he was trying to see if he could actually get with me or not...I'm guessing he got tired of waiting so long and probably ran to another girl he had on his phone that he was chatting up! But at the same time I'm going to look at this as a learning experience...not trust guys as much I guess and don't let my feelings get taken over so easy by a sweet talker!

FifthElement · Answer

I have never been a player nor have I ever been played per se, but now that I am older, I am not sure if guys just aren't trying to hide it anymore or my gut instincts are reacting better. I can normally spot a womanize/player/manwhore/douche a mile away. Maybe I am just being paranoid from experience, but one sentence may seem harmless to one girl, but its a glaring red flag to me.

-Anytime a guy calls me "boo" ugh, no.

-The overcompliments.

-If he's got you on a late night schedule: nope he's not working late, he's with another girl

-He's cold to you in public, but hot in private.

rachiee · Answer

You're half right, but you aren't realizing that there's lots of players who get absolutely NO time in the bedroom/any sexual play but still lead the person on and ultimately hurt them in the end. A lot of times a person gets played even when they don't give it up, that's the part where players/womanizers are wrong. They have no right to lead a person on emotionally while being with someone else, or multiple people. That's wasting the other person's time, emotions, and is absolutely not fair to them.

In terms of players who sleep with the person and then leave, I agree with you on that. You should never give it up unless you are given what you want/need from the other person emotionally. Nothing worth it is free.

SkinnyG · Answer

I can usually spot them. I don't remember a time when I was played without knowing it going in and knew it was just for sex. If someone over compliments me, my playa alert goes off in my head. I'm not a push over by any means.  I've had girlfriends tell me about how they got played and I just tell them they should have known better. I'm not too comforting unfortunately. This is another argument for not having sex the first time you go out with a guy. Give it a few weeks at least. Players usually will get bored and go away if they have to wait too long.

Anonymous · Answer

He made me think he liked me (I fancied him so I was blinded)

He used to say I was good looking and entice me.

He kept me interested, he knew what things to do to get my heart.

He liked the 'special attention' I used to give him.

Every time he made me feel bad he knew how to get me back.

He made me upset many times.

He was doing that to other girls aswell.

He lied to me and made me do things for him because he knew I liked him a lot.

Then he used to harass me and call me names.

Basically he made me think he liked me, he made me do things, kept me interested, then broke my heart after using me.

next time I should control my emotions.

Misty_04 · Answer

Some of these answers make me laugh. "I've never been played but here's my opinion rah rah rah" Anyho it's part of life, you screw people over and people do the same to you. I don't care anymore and I take full responsibility for my actions in that area of being used and using others. I see nothing wrong with it because if you are smart you can see right through anything. Life is one big learning experience and being bitter gets you nowhere.

lapa5 · Answer

First, I've never fallen for a douche because I let guys know I am not interested in sex before marriage and they are on their way. Each their own and we're both happy.

Second, when you "play" a girl, you use her. You lie to her. You make her feel like trash. Sure, you can blame those girls for being stupid enough to believe you, but you seriously don't know what is wrong with taking advantage of naive people?! You can't say it's their fault completely. Dammit man, YOU are the culprit here.. What kind of question is this?

And third, when you you do this, you hurt women. You change them. They loose trust, their innocence and they put every guy that comes after you trough hell. (Not all but most do.) So I think you also get one big F*** YOU from all the nice guys out there.

MadameGrimaldi · Answer

I think that some womanizer/players think of women as a "trophy", doing it to brag to their friends about how many women they mounted.

If they did it just because they love women and kept it to themselves, I wouldn't have a problem with it. Some people just love to love.

I never had a problem with a player personally. I know one when I see them and rarely believe a word they say to me because if their background. A player has more to prove to me personally.

kheserthorpe · Answer

If they're dishonest, they should be looked down on for that.

Beyond that, if a guy wants to have casual sex and not be monogamous, that's his choice. Most of the hate will be from women who are mad because they want guys to settle down and can't find one, or guys who are jealous.

pr3ttybr0wn · Answer

They are only wrong when they act immorally. If they fake a relationship, gain someone's trust only to exploit them for a thrill then that is messed up. Treat people like a person and be considerate. But if they are having fun and just sleeping around then I don't fault them for that. I don't think that every time a guy plays a girl he's a douche, but guys can go about it in a douchey way. I respect the guys who are open with it but if he's lying and trying to act like he's prince charming then its just sickening. If you have to lie your way into p****...come on  I also feel this way about girls who are gold diggers. Not every woman who gets a mans cash is bad, but the ones who have someone in love while they are only counting the change and laughing about it is wrong. Same thing different gender.

heavenonearth · Answer

The problem with players is that they aren't honest with girls. They don't have the decency or respect to be straight with them, in fact they take pleasure from intentionally deceiving them, so for that I think we're justified in calling them douches. Outright lying and saying a meaningless "I love you" and the like in order to get a girl into bed with you is highly manipulative and just plain immoral. Girls need to be aware that some guys do this and learn to avoid it, but all contempt and disgust is on the player's head.

There are people who get wrongfully labelled players though. They're the ones who enjoy casual relations but won't purposefully mislead you, and yet despite being clear on that girls will still want more with them and end up being disappointed.

Feel free to switch up the pronouns in this answer by the way--girls can be players too.

bapify2 · Answer

I don't think players are all that bad, the only bad thing about players is that they screw things up for the good guys out there. I consider myself a douche, but at least I'm kind of a good dude who doesn't take advantage of people. That being said, I hate that when I talk to a woman, most of the time she seems to have this jaded perception of men in general because she's come across many players. Maybe it's because players approach more women.

Anonymous · Answer

lol. if they told them that they loved them or whatever it's wrong. the blame should be on them. you're manipulating someones feelings for personal gain. I believe sex is something that is special and if I felt strongly about someone or loved them and then only to find they were lieing to me just to get something why would that be okay? or my fault. the misleading part if they were just upfront then it would on the other person to deal with the situation. I don't care as long as they are upfront about who they are and what they want. I don't want a womanizer/player if I knew that's what they were I wouldn't get involved. What makes them "bastards" or whatever is that they play on someones emotions - manipulates them and makes the other person believes in something that isn't real to them. You can say that the other person should have known or not have been easily fooled but love isn't logic and you can't help who you fall for...especially when they are playing you like a song.

Anonymous · Answer

They broke hearts.

Lucky for me, I've never been played, but I know girls who have. Players tend to be fake and lie or give someone the impression they have something that they don't in order to get what they want. That's what's wrong. That's what makes a player a selfish, inconsiderate pig.

AmberChick · Answer

Well usually you don't know that the reason they are saying they love you is because they want you to sleep with them, instead you think that they actually love you

You can't really blame someone for thinking something like that or even the person who says it I guess but the situation really sucks and is a big deal when it happens. If you think you find love and don't

whydogirlsmesswithme · Answer

Well, they do make a lot of women very jaded and bitter towards dudes who don't deserve it. So that is why they suck for guys. On the other side, I got played by a girl and that $hit hurts still.

And why players blow? I truly know now. I got hurt so now I'm actually trying to do that stuff. Juggling girls is kind of fun but at the same time I still have a bit of morals that fight my other thoughts.

It's like well you got hurt so now you are bitter, maybe hurt other people. It's messed up but hey.

OoKacieoO · Answer

Players p*ss women off.  Period.    Women do not like feeling one-upped.  We like being respected.  Don't you? I felt so stupid when I was cheated on.  It was like, 'wow I thought we were cooler than that?' Usually, you would trust the person you were in a relationship with, so when they f*** with you like that, it's lke the ultimate betrayal.  I can't stand when my boyfriend even LOOKS at another girl.

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