We're just meeting for coffee... and I'm already nervous!!

[sassygal4]

So, to be honest, I've never been on a real date before. I had a boyfriend for almost 6 years, but we met in school and lived in the dorms so we just hung out there. We never actually had a real date. So now, this guy randomly messages me on facebook. He goes to my school and we've been exchanging messages. He asked me out for coffee, but now I'm so nervous. Advice?

This is so unlike me. I'm usually cool, calm and collected... very confident too, but here I am incredibly nervous.

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+1 y

Ok, I did it! We met for coffee. I think it went well. Not too awkward. lol. He seemed really nice and he looked more than nervous than I was. lol. He asked for my phone number. Suggested we should go to a hockey game sometime. That sounds good, right?

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+1 y

Also asked about school and what I like to do. And my job and what I do there. Also, about my family. lol. :-)

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+1 y

So we talked on Sunday via facebook chat. He was talking about my status and trying to figure out the meaning behind the song lyrics. It was cute. He figured it out and asked what his prize was and we decided on cake (inside joke-we met on his bday).

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+1 y

So we chatted for a bit about random stuff -likes and dislikes- I think it went well. Then he ended by saying we'd figure out the cake thing later. Later that evening, I signed on and his status was different lyrics from the same song we talked about.

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+1 y

Anyway, we still haven't figured out the cake thing. The first time, he asked about having coffee but didn't set a date or anything. I brought that up, so technically I asked him directly, while he asked indirectly. I wanna ask about the cake, but I don't

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+1 y

want this to be a trend. Again, he kinda asked, but didn't really set anything. What should I do? I just like being very direct so it's hard for me to just sit and wait. lol.

[good-looking-geek]

You can be direct and indirect at the same time. Ask him when he is free. When he answers that question then the both of you can determine a time and place.

And don't ask him anything about cake. He won a prize and it's your responsibility to follow through and figure it out on your own. You can just make him a cake and drop it off at his place - possibly when you are meeting right before you go on another date. Do something creative with the cake and use your imagination. Don't be afraid that your imagination will be embarrassing. He will more than likely find it cool that you have a sense of humor and a creative imagination.

When it was my friend's 21st birthday I made him a giant penis cake and it made that party one to remember. But you don't have to do that, but it's an idea.

[sassygal4]

Well, I ended up asking him to lunch today and he said he was busy working on an exam and that maybe we could do lunch tomorrow. But no promises and he'd call to let me know. Yes, and I was trying to figure out how to give him the cake, but because nothing has been set I can't do it yet. But I will eventually if we continue seeing each other. I'm a smart girl, I figured that one out all on my own. lol :p

[good-looking-geek]

You can just call him at night when you know he is home and drop off the cake and visit him for a short time too. You don't have to have a date planned for that either.

[sassygal4]

Well, we haven't gotten that far yet. I don't know where he lives. I would've done it by now if I did. And as for the penis cake... that would be hilarious! I actually bought him a bday card even though I didn't know him yet when we met for coffee. He was really impressed by that. lol. I was going to get a very inappropriate and funny card, but opted for just funny. The penis cake would be great though because that's more like my sense of humor. Or little penis cupcakes... lol

[good-looking-geek]

Since you are a girl make him cupcakes that are decorated like boobs.

[sassygal4]

Hahahaha, too funny!

[good-looking-geek]

You can make the boob cupcakes look kinky by using curved pieces of pretzel to make the nipples pierced. You can use melted chocolate or chocolate chips to make the nipples.

[sassygal4]

Well, I've got another situation with this guy now... It's my new question... take a look. I need opinions... lol

[The-Nash]

I have an idea, and I think it may help:

Try going to the coffee shop and see if you can strike up a conversation with a complete stranger. You know, like waiting in line, hanging around for a few minutes. Fi you can do that than going there and making conversation with someone you kinda know, won't be to bad. . . right?

Whenever I get nervous about something, I try to come up with a similar scene, and if I can get through that, the real thing shouldn't be too bad. That's just me. Hope it helps. Good luck!

[sassygal4]

You know, I do that already... talk to strangers all the time. That's why I don't know why I'm nervous. It doesn't make sense to me. lol

[The-Nash]

Ah hah, lol, the light bulb just went off. I do the same thing and I don't care about talking to strangers because I'm not going to see them again, don't care what they think of me. When I meet a girl that might be a stranger, but I'm attracted to her, I start to care. Lol, see where this is going. . . we need a new plan, 'cuz it'll work for us both, haha.

[sassygal4]

I know!! That's definitely what it is... I care about making a good impression. With strangers, I can come off weird as all hell, but who cares, right? Well, as of right now, I'm just reminding myself that he asked me to go out for coffee so that means he must be at least somewhat interested. Other than that, I've got nothing. And to be honest, it's not working that well.

[The-Nash]

Lol, another thought:

He asked You out for coffee. Lol, From my perspective, whenever I ask a girl for coffee, as long as she brings her smile and a sense of humor, that's perfect. What else is there really to do? right? everything else he should provide, lol. Try to find some things to joke around about, and time will go by without you even realizing it. And at the end you'll be saying "I was nervous for what???" Well, maybe not that easy, but you know what I mean, lol.

[sassygal4]

You know, the saddest part is that we don't even have a set date yet. We're still trying to work around our schedules. Lol. But yes, what you said does help a little. I can do that. I've got a good sense of humor and a nice smile. Lol. Ok... breathe... haha

[The-Nash]

Lol, I glad to heat that it went well! And those are good questions. Those are more probing questions to see what kind of person you are. If it was "just a friend thing" it would be like "oh I'm so glad to be out of class, blah blah blah, the professor drags it out, blah blah blah" like more focused on what's in common, more than exploring the kind of person you are. You know what I mean.

[lonely-girl-77]

well just play it cool act like you are just hanging out with a friend and talk about thing that are common like music tv show or school and if all else fails just tell him you are nervous and he will understand unless he is a totle jerk and in that case he's probably not worth your time

[JustMe2008]

Hey what's going on? Update me on this front (I have a bad case of unnecessary curiosity). You and nervousness? Haha. I really never expected that. Take it easy. If you keep your calm and think about it, then you would realize that you have done far more socially awkward things in your life than you can possibly do with this guy. And secondly never look from a negative perspective - like "what would happen if..." Haha. You don't need to. Instead of doing good such a thought process usually does bad and makes you look awkward. Good Luck.

Oh and just remember you are a self-proclaimed good "bull-shitter". So yeah. You will do good.

[sassygal4]

Lol. So listen to this. My boss and one of my coworkers were talking about finding me a new boyfriend because it's been about 6 months now since the break up. Well, they said, a good 3rd year law students would be great for me (my coworker is in law school). So, a few days later, this guy randomly messages me! And guess what?! He's a third year law student. So I accepted the friend request because he's common friends with two other really good friends of mine who just graduated from law school.

[sassygal4]

So we chatted a bit online. We go to the same school and are both graduating this year. He was actually looking for another girl with my same name, but found me instead so that's how that happened. And, his favorite song happened to be my favorite song which is quoted in my profile. How cool is that? So, he asked me out for coffee after a few messages back and forth. Yeah, and I NEVER thought of myself as a nervous person either. It's not my thing. lol

[JustMe2008]

I see. So that's what's going on. Oh and my thoughts on your date? Seems to me like a "job interview" tbh. haha. Too many questions. Oh god, how much I hate questions. (j/k). Yeah keep me updated on the second "Hockey" date.

[NMMan]

Your nervousness is likely due to the fact that you've "never been on a real date before," to use your phrase. But it's cool - if you talk to strangers comfortably on a regular basis as you mentioned, then this should be no problem. Just make conversation and go from there, have a great time!

[Lifeson]

Don't drink Starbucks coffee black. That stuff will kill you if you don't dilude it a bit. Aside from that just remember that he's a person like you and he's probably as nervous as you. Don't try too hard to keep up a convo, it should flow just fine without being forced. Being nervous is natural, so don't be afraid and just have a good time.

[JustMe2008]

Yeah you probably want the man to be the man in the relationship. Just make your intentions as damn clear as possible and if the message is clear he would take the lead. But you gotta make it super clear.

[sassygal4]

I think I've made it pretty damn clear. Come on, after talking to me, you know what type of person I am. lol. I take the initiative, I go for it, I'm not really shy and I say what I mean. I got him a birthday card and I barely know him. I gave him my phone number. I responded to his text and facebook chat conversation. I've initiated conversation as well. I mean, really? How much clearer could it be? lol. And when he said we should go watch a hockey game I said, I'd love to. Same with the cake.

[sassygal4]

I understand if he doesn't want to come off clingy or desperate, but I hate those stupid rules about waiting a certain amount of time and blah blah blah. And yes, at some point, I need him to take the initiative. Because I know that if I asked again and set a date, he'd say yes, but it should go both ways. And see? Guys are always complaining that girls expect them to do everything. lol.

[JustMe2008]

Yeah I know the type of person you are. Well I don't know how you can make someone less shy or act more spontaneous. Hmm. Well I got a plan. Next time you guys talk/chat tell him as a side talk that you find such "waiting rules" stupid, predictable and unnecessary. So if he playing by those rules he would get the message that you don't believe in rules. haha. Yeah I would tell you a story about rules sometime. Rules are stupid.

[sassygal4]

Tell me the story. I've told you so many of mine :p

[ap1100]

I think this post should be required reading for every guy (and every girl). We get caught up in our own nervousness that we don't realize how the other person if often just as nervous if not more so.

[metaldave20]

the best thing to do would be to just relax and be yourself, the rest will come natural