Why do women label me as a player?

[Anonymous]

Women like to get dressed and display their good looks for all to see. They love to get attention and at some point accept to go out with a guy or guys they like. To them, that's all ok.

But, in a bizarre, delusional and selfish way they expect that the guy asking them out should have had eyes only for her and ignore all over women...

If you're a guy, you can't just sit on your hands and expect girls to come and ask you out. It happens, but it's rare. More often than not you have to go to girls, initiate contact, be fun, be interesting, flirt and if it feels right ask the girl out. But that behavior right there is labelled as being a player by most girls and I find it very hypocritical.

Also, as a guy I don't always have to know the girl that well before I ask her out. That's usually the idea, asking her on a date to know her more and see if we could be a good match. Girls always complain that many guys don't have the courage to ask them out. But guys like me who do are called players because we don't focus solely on one single girl? Listening to them, guys should like get to know them, pay attention only to them and ignore all other girls and then ask them out. Well chances are if you do that another faster guy will already have asked you out...and oh surprise surprise you'll have accepted to go on a date with him and feel its all OK because at that point you say "it's just dating"

I'm sick of all the contradictory statements and double standards. I'm outgoing, and popular with girls and enjoy asking them out and see where that might lead. I'm not a player, I'm interested to find the girl that is right for me. And it's very unlikely I will find her and snatch her if I just follow women's advice when it comes to dating.

[Anonymous]

to be honest, a lot of times we will assume the worst or the extreme about a guy until we know him better, but in the beginning our guard is up. that being said, I will give a player a chance, but I will keep my guard up and probably assume he's doing more than he is. I don't expect a guy to only be seeing me, in fact I assume he's not. but I don't assume that every guy is looking for the right girl and that he'll treat her right. I have met so many men who are looking for girls to run through and lie and cheat so for me to think "oh he's not like that" about a guy I hardly know, ehh no odds are he probably is, or at least it's a good chance he is. but I let the guy's actions speak for himself and over time I learn how he really is

[Asker]

I understand the guard up thing. I don't get the labeling. You say you'll give a player a chance. What is a player to you?

[Opinion Owner]

a guy who goes from girl to girl just for sex and or money. one whos not looking for a relationship

[Asker]

why would you give such a guy a chance then?

[Opinion Owner]

attracted to him.

want someone to hang out with/entertainment

i am willing to give him a chance maybe things could be different for me and him vs the other girls

[Asker]

I see what you;re saying but it's kinda feeding the beast no? But OK you seem smart so I guess you can handle it.

[Opinion Owner]

yeah it kinda is, but if you had to switch places with girls you'd understand what our dating options are like. don't really have much of a choice lol. a guy whos attractive to you is more than likely attractive to many other women too.

[Pinkystinky21]

I will try to break it down for you.

Yes, you are right. Women do like to get dolled up and some may or may not like the attention. Always depends if its good or bad lol. If a guy asks me out I don't expect him to ignore other women. I know when I'm dating someone its just dating. No strings attached. And I'm also okay with that guy seeing other people if he wishes (no big deal) - he is not mine so he is free to do whatever unless we had "the talk".

Also - in your description I wouldn't label you as a player at all. You sound like any other guy who is trying to find someone who you are compatible with. And to find that person you just have to talk to girls, ask them out etc.

[Asker]

ok sounds good. I just had girls recently agreeing to go out with me but were all defensive and fast to tell me they think I'm a player because they know I went out with so and so. I find it unfair and frankly I don't have the time or desire to prove I'm not guilty. I just don't like being basically accused of being a player just because I went out regularly with other girls you know?

[Pinkystinky21]

I totally agree with you. I'm at a point where I get tired easily too if people start drama and so on. Or even judging someone based on what they've heard. But if I was in your shoes I probably wouldn't even bother taking those girls out. To me - the only thing that matters is how a guy treats me.

[Asker]

Yes I start to feel like that too. I'm a decent person and I hate being treated like that. I try to give them a chance but it gets old to see how they judge a book by its cover and just rely on preconceptions instead of judging me by the way I treat them. When I'm good to them they tell me things like "I'm sure you say that or do that with all the other girls" etc...

It's impossible to start something healthy when you're immediately accused of having done something wrong without any proof!

[Pinkystinky21]

Exactly. Never judge a book by its cover. I know some may say its human nature but people need to grow up and just go with the flow. I'm sure you are already annoyed when you constantly get to hear that kind of stuff. But I do hope you find someone mature and clear vision lol.

[Asker]

thanks. Good answers from couple of girls helped me feel a bit better :)

[Pinkystinky21]

haha - I wish I could "like" your comment lol but yea, some girls have issues and they just need to work through their own insecurities.

[Asker]

yes I think you're right about that. thx for your help.

[Anonymous]

Here is how I label a player

1)Hooks up with a different woman every night

2)Flirts with women they have no intention of ever having a relationship with. AKA leading them on

3)Too touchy feely right away

4)Wonders why women get scared away when all they want to talk about is sex on the first date.

5)They tell you all about every wonderful screw they ever had and what they would like to do with you.

That's a player.

If you are just dating around and are very clear to the woman you are dating that you are not exclusive "yet" then she should understand that. You should also understand that she will be also playing the field as well.

Just my 2 cents..

[Asker]

I tend to agree with your rules. But, when it comes to the too touchy feely part I must say it's never easy with girls because they are all different. If you don't create attraction and sexual tension you set-up it turns into friendship, if you get it too strong it feels unnatural and rushed, Every woman seems to have her own pace and you have to adapt to it but girls tend to buckle hard if you don't get it right or get bored if you take it too slow. It's hard for guys to always lead perfectly

[Opinion Owner]

Totally agree! Right on.