Does he want to be more than friends with benefits? What does he really think? Do he think I'm just easy?

Question

When I first met this guy, lets call him Joe, I wasn't initially attracted to him.  However, after spending time with him along with other friends I began to get attracted to him because of his personality.  One day a Joe, the rest of my friends, and I were getting ready to go out and I noticed his cousin, whom I had met te day before, was still in the house.  I asked Joe why his cousin wasn't coming.  Joe responded by saying "oh so you want my cousin to come" in a joking manner.  I responded that I was just wondering.  Later that night his cousin popped up at the club we went to and was flirting with me.  It didn't seem to bother Joe and he didn't show any signs that he was into me so I gave his cousin my number.  Me and his cousin began to hang out and one night his cousin ended up spending a night at my house.  Nothing major happened.  Although I refused to kiss him in return, he started to kiss all over my body and offered oral.  I refused oral but allowed him to stay above the waist only becauase it felt good and had been a really long time since I have a sexual encounter. Afterwards, I stopped answering his phone calls because I was turned off by his willingness to give me oral sex without knowing me for a long time.  About a two weeks later, me and my other friends were out late and I was somewhat tipsy so Joe said I could spend the night at his place so that I would have to drive drunk.  At his place, we started off watching a movie and ended up cuddled in his bed.  While we where laying there(keep in mind Joe is drunk) I asked him if he though it was weird or odd that he was cuddled all up on me when he knows his cousin likes me.   He said that he figured me and his cousin wasnt working out so it didn't matter.  Then I told him that I had initially liked him from the beginning and I only talked to his cousin bcuz I thought he wasnt interested.  He then told me that he was interested in me from the start but thought I wasnt into him.  After some days passed I tried to play dumb and act like l didn't remeber what we talked about that night bcuz I was wasted.  I asked him what we talked about that night, and he just responded by saying "random things and he was 2 drunk 2 remember".  After I told him what he said he wasnt lookin for a relationship  because he just got out of 1.  The next time we kicked it, he ended up giving me oral.  Another time after that he ended up giving me oral again.  I never did anything in return. Last night I told him we need to define our "thing".  He said he didn't know how to classify it, we were just chilling, and asked me what I thought it was.  I told him we were "friends with benefits with no feelings involved...basically, outside of the bedroom its as if it doesn't exist."  He then told me that we have a friendship outside of the other stuff and that he thought I was being shallow.  Do you think he wanted to be more than friends w/benefits? Does he have feelings for me? Does he think I'm easy?

diggin · Accepted Answer

If I answer yours you have to answer mine :p ...mine's on pg 3 or something btw under my username diggin "is he into me or not" (incase you were wondering! lol).

Ok, first off... you guys just recently starting kicking it. Why even try to label it? ... it's obvious that he's into you BUT I think that you spoke too soon. Why did you say that you think you guys are friends with benefits without any feelings? ...that right there I believe gave him the impression that is all you want to be...friends with benefits!

Like I said, you should have just gone with the flow and things naturally fall into place. I think he wanted to be more than friends but you're giving him the wrong impression that yo're just in it for benefits. So because you gave him the wrong impression that probably made him feel a bit insecure about expressing any feelings or sentiments towards you.

If I were you I'd just continue seeing him, go on dates, do fun things together, etc... and let him know that you're more than just that girl who's a friend with benefits! Assuming that's what you want right?

daisyglass · Accepted Answer

To start off guys are complicated. Initially he said that he did not want a relationship because he got out of one. Basically he could be frank in that. It takes guys a while just as it does girls to get over an ex. As far as the conversation goes, since you were being coy it seems like he was doing the same thing. Even though you told him what you two had spoken about it does not seem that you have discussed your feelings for him afterwards. If you have feelings for him then saying that outside of the bedroom actions there was not there was not the best idea. I think that he did get hurt by that. He might be at the stage where he is over his past relationship and he is ready to move farther, but until you are frank with him and tell him exactly how you feel and ask him does he feel the same you will be left playing this game and eventually losing out.

honeyBB · Accepted Answer

come clean...it sounds like you're both shy. he might not be that into you, but it sounds like he could be

enrique_av8r · Accepted Answer

It sounds to me like he has feelings for you based on the totality of what you said.

On a related concept, though, I'd bet you are giving him mixed signals as well. Guys are capable of "reading between the lines" of what you say -- and will attempt to do so -- despite the stereotype to the contrary. (Though it's always best for a woman to state clearly what she wants and thinks because he's definitely less skilled at it than women are, generally speaking.) Men do tend to say what they think without using subtle implications much more so than women, in my experience. However, a guy may speak gibberish if he hasn't come to a concise conclusion in his own head regarding any given subject -- hence why women beat themselves up wondering what he meant. In other words, HE might not even know what he feels or means, and that's why you ladies get confused at his signals.

BlueberryFlower · Answer

He likes you and is offended. Tell me how you actually feel.

Anonymous · Answer

Sounds like hemay have been a bit offended by yout definition of the "thing"that you guys have. and it also sounds likely that he may have wanted to be more than that. Just be straight up and tell him, then you can figure out where both of you stand with each other.

tooshy1234 · Answer

In my opinion, you need to tell him you don't want to be just friends with benefits. You obviously care if he likes you... I think that's the only way to go.

volleyball_hunnie87 · Answer

tell him you wanna be more

Does he want to be more than friends with benefits? What does he really think? Do he think I'm just easy?

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