Girls, what is it that "outgoing girls" like about "shy guys"?

[Anonymous]

As I kind of am one, I understand why "shy guys" are often attracted to more outgoing girls, but I am kind of having trouble understanding exactly what they see in us. I know that, supposedly, "opposites attract", but I would like it if someone could explain it more in detail. From what people have told me, it is fairly probable that I am in a situation like this, but I still have trouble believing it, myself, because I lack self-confidence and other things. So, can anyone give me any insight as to what an outgoing girl might like about a shyer male?

[Reeses-pieces777]

i'm outgoing

i like guys who aren't too boisterous, semi-shy I guess

just because I am the nurturing type, I like to take care of the guy I love I guess

maybe that's why? idk, that's just my input lol

[Asker]

Okay, interesting. That might actually be somewhat relevant. Thank you.

[amy_babess]

Sometimes girls like to be inconrol of their guy rather than the other way around so maybe they find that shy guys are easier to control :S

[Asker]

Hm. That's in a relationship, though. Can you think of any reasons why a more outgoing girl might like a shy guy before they're in a relationship together? Like, why she might have a crush on him?

[twilightfan123]

Shy guys are mysterious... some girls like that. ;-)

[Asker]

I don't think I am particularly mysterious, so that doesn't really apply to me, but, nevertheless, thank you for answering.

[twilightfan123]

You may view yourself as "non-mysterious" but to others, you're like a puzzle to be solved because they don't know much about you (if in fact you are shy).

[Asker]

Huh. I guess I really have almost no idea how people perceive me. I guess it's fairly possible that people find me mysterious. But the girl in question has known me for more than five years, so I think it's somewhat probable that I've lost any sort of air of mystery I may have ever had. :/

[twilightfan123]

Have you two ever had a real conversation? If not, then this still applies to you, in my opinion.

[Asker]

Yes, we have had lots of real conversations.

[twilightfan123]

Then, she shouldn't find you mysterious. Are you asking what outgoing girls like about shy guys because she likes you orrr?

[EasyEC]

another vote here for easier to control (barring the niche of motherly nurse women). A relationship would just be in making exclusivity a publicly observable contract, as well as some status benefit to the girl.

[Asker]

I'm sorry, I don't understand what you mean by that.

[EasyEC]

Shy guys (AKA guys who for all their better traits lack social intelligence) are easier to control by outgoing girls (whom are socially intelligent/intuitive). Considering the tendency of power to corrupt, I think outgoing girls are more likely to control shy guys they get with.

There exists a niche of women "nurses" who want to take care of guys with low self-esteem; I'm not referring to them.

"Dating relationship" is a euphemism for "publicly observable contract" between two individuals.

[Asker]

Oh, okay. That doesn't really apply in my situation, I think, unfortunately. The outgoing girl that (probably) likes me is not controlling. Thanks for explaining it, though.

[EasyEC]

If you are being controlled by someone much more socially intelligent, how would you know?

I see control happen all the time. Many girls control "nice guys" just fine. Many women wear the pants in their relationship. Women who have lots of guys float around them often control them easily and continually. Control isn't about getting free things, it's the value (power) of approval.

[EasyEC]

Also, control need not occur with a malicious intent. As a consequence of social intelligence disparity (or self-esteem differences), one person inadvertantly gains control. The increase in power can certainly be attractive.

[Asker]

Oh, because neither of us completely fit the stereotypes. I am not as nearly as socially retarded as lots of self-proclaimed "shy guys" or "nice guys", and while she does technically meet the qualifications of an "outgoing girl", she is, herself, rather awkward and nerdy, while still relatively outgoing. Seriously, if we were in a relationship, neither of us would be particularly "in control". We would be equal.

[Asker]

Oh, and she and I are both kind of equally lacking in self-esteem.

[EasyEC]

If that's true you might be right.

Anyway, here's a couple examples of control which you can use to gauge for yourself.

(1) She wants to isolate you from competition (other girls). She stands off to the side and gets you to come to her (without having to say anything). She rewards your behavior with some attention (a hug, a brush up, a smile, whatever).

(2) She acts innocent about sex (eww). You buy it. You both had sex ed. She probably talks about sex with her friends more than you do.

[Asker]

Well, she doesn't do the first one, for sure. The second one is kind of a gray area. Like, we don't talk about sex very much at all, but when we do, we both act kind of innocent about it. Like, she seems, from what I know about her, to have a sort of romantic notion about sex, as I kind of do, too. And I do know, for a fact, that she talks about it more with her friends than I do, but she does do it rather innocently. :/