Even if you are commitment-phobic, you do seem to be improving. Having a crush on someone for four years seems pretty legitimate. Anyway, I think that you just need to find a guy who is willing to take it slow. I think what scares you the most is that he is going to jump right into the topic of committing or marriage. Although those are two crucial parts of relationships for most people, I'm sure there are guys out there who will understand your point of view and respect the fact that you need time.
It sounds to me like you're with the wrong guys then if you've got a huge crush on someone else during these relationships. I would try seeing where things go with him before trying other relationships. Try and take your relationships slow too, sometimes that can play a factor in commitment. Fast pace relationships can seem like eventually they'll just fall apart after doing so much in a short period of time.
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