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Guys: What's your opinion on dating overweight girls?

I'm 26 / 5'2

My weight last year was: 254lbs / 115.2 kg

My weight right now: 170lbs / 77.1 kg

It's a work in progress!

Would you date an overweight girl at all (with a personality you like) and would it make a difference if she was (like me) in the process of losing weight...or is it simply not something you'd go for because you could never be attracted to an overweight girl?

Reason for asking: I didn't feel good about the way I looked / lived, but now; having lost all that weight I feel great about myself. Way more confident about flirting & Co even though I still have a LOT of work to do and most guys would probably still consider me fat.

Updates:
*Edit: 163 lbs now :)
160 lbs now; slow but steady :-)
158 lbs...next update when I reach 144 lbs.
Not at 144 yet...but 154 after having hit a bit of a plateau. Big change in waist & co measurements though. tbc...
149.9 (1.0229449 pound-loss per week) - hope you all are doing good. any advice on dumbbell exercises - triceps? bingo wings suck, but the more weight I lose the harder it is to avoid them. you guys bothered by them?
145.5 :D
Before after pic for those of you who asked. I hope the link works. 140.2 lbs

link
132.9 lbs - what would your first thought be if you saw a severely overweight person enter a McDonald's? Before I wouldn't allow myself to think about it, but now that I have lost all that weight I catch myself having "skinny folks thoughts" (even though I'm not skinny yet).

Might be because I'm over all the bullsh*t I told myself over the years (excuses, excuses, more excuses as to why I need sweets & such).

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Most Helpful Guy

  • i mean, the thing is that guys are more visual people so we prefer a girl who is physically attractive. The issue here isn't dating but the idea of first attraction. Sure personality matters but you have to get to that step of finding out each others' personality and that requires an initial approach and the physical attraction is what creates that approach. So I guess what I'm saying is that, I probably wouldn't date an overweight girl. I apologize if that comes off as shallow.. But good luck on your weight loss! don't do it just to get guys. do it for your own health! :)

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    • You have every right to your opinion. I think so too (attraction creating approach)!

      No worries, I'm not doing it to get the guys. That would be ridiculous. :)

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    • Wow that is pretty f***ing awesome! Its almost kinda inspirational! That much weight lost. Congrats!

    • Thanks for the continued support :-). Not there yet (ideal 119 lbs) but I'm not worried. I know I'll get there. I'm taking my time and that's what's been working best for me.

What Guys Said 76

  • I wouldn't mind, I work out often but even I have body fat, and to me, a girl who has the right attitude, and a nice personality would make you blind to what's skin deep, she would demand you looked deeper and found what she was all about, and by then, you really wouldn't care how big she was, youve seen enough to want to know more already,x

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    • "Right attitude"--> I was really hoping for someone to mention that. Even though I'm still overweight I have the drive and motivation to live healthy and to do something about my weight issue. I just wonder if guys notice the difference between an overweight girl that doesn't really care about losing weight and an overweight girl that's trying to change things or already IS living healthier, working to lose the weight. - Thx for answering!

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    • Thank you so much. You are absolutely right. It IS happening & I've got an amazing support system. Friends and fam who tell me what I don't always see myself. :-)

    • Also remember, you girls are often harsh on yourselves, and often, what you regard as fat or over weight, guys often regard as perfect, and with the support you express, your going to get quite a few comments on how good you look, good luck,x

  • This is one of those things I don't know how to really answer. I feel like I could totally date a bigger girl, especially if I liked their personality. However, despite what I consciously think I have ever only liked really skinny girls with small boobs and the gap between their legs. And I only have ever dated the latter as well.

    So there are definitely guys who want some more to love, and guys who don't. I have just come to the conclusion that some people have types set in their brain that are nigh-inescapable.

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    • I think everyone has that...at certain type they usually are attracted to, but I also think it's awesome that you are not completely opposed to the idea of dating an overweight woman even though you haven't and don't know if you ever will.

  • Honestly, I don't think I would. I mean I'm simply not attracted to overweight women because I'm a slight fitness freak.

    Once the weight is lost or at least a large amount of it was lost then id become more and more interested. I'm not exactly proud of it, but I am very superficial when it comes to starting a relationship with personality coming after.

    By the way, congratulations on the progress. Really impressive. At your weight I wouldn't call you fat, 'chubby' would probably be the word of choice. Which is certainly better.

    Best of wishes for the rest of yoyr journey, I hope you reach your goals. Just make sure not to overreach and lose too much, its not a good look.

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    • I am now an absolute health & fitness freak as well (just still too much junk in my trunk) and would love for a guy (date or potential bf) to have the same interests. Problem is that most guys into health and fitness are NOT into overweight girls. It's just all kinds of frustrating let me tell you.

      You don't need to apologize for your preferences. It's just the way it is. Makes no sense to try and date someone you really are not attracted to. I get it.

      Thanks! I'm def chubby, but I'm ON IT :D

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    • I feel proud to have almost watched your progress, all that I have left to say now is don't overshoot and become unhealthily thin

    • Thanks :-)...and no worries. I'm aiming for ideal weight / height relation and then I'm done. Sticking to the plan. No overshooting.

  • Keep at it girl, you'll get there :)

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    • I will. :D

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    • Aww, too bad. Feel free to add me as a friend and keep me posted through messaging, or we can be Facebook friends and we can message through there. Whatever you feel most comfortable with!

    • Added you & will message you my Facebook url. :)

  • Truthfully, no. I'm a health freak, gym 4-6 days a week, eat really clean. Working out saved my life at one point as well. The older I get the more I value a woman who takes care of her body, especially since many women use age as an excuse for being not fit as they get into their late 20s. All this said, I deeply respect you because you refused to continue being unhappy with your health and you're proactively doing something about it which separates you from many women and men for tha matter. I think the more in shape you get and the more work and heart you put into it, the more you'll come to value a fit male as well. Please don't stop working hard to lose weight, you'll get there soon, and while it may seem tough at times and that you've plateaued, keep pushing and the results in the end are worth it :)

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    • The weird thing is that I'm really into healthy food / eating habits and sports ever since I started on this weight-loss-journey. I literally turned into a health nut even though I'm still overweight no question about it. I'd love to meet someone (bf potential) who is into the same things. Almost impossible though because I'm still too overweight to attract guys who are into all that and the guys who are attracted to me...are NOT. Frustrating. Thanks so much for your answer!

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    • Haha I didn't think for one second you were guy hungry or shy :) We all want to be with someone and as you've said you've come a long way on your weight loss journey. The fact that you feel so much more comfortable flirting is another success you've brought into reality, you're a very respectable person. Shy girls are so cute though haha.

    • Lmao @ "shy girls are cute". As long as the shy person can hold up her/his end of a conversation it's all good. I'm just not particularly good with super shy people. I would talk over them without meaning to do so. - I'm probably more comfortable flirting now just because of this different mind-set that came along with the weight loss: Walking down the street noticing 2 girls talking hush-hush. Before I would have thought they were talking about my weight. Now...probably about my awesome shoes lol

  • Update 7: WOW that's GREAT work! very encouraging - way to go :)

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  • Maintaining proper weight and a good form / body certainly requires hard work whether someone has been obese or not.

    You have been working hard on it and feeling good with the results is a great thing to happen. I'm sure all of us here are happy for you just as you are for yourself now.

    I don't understand statistics and measurements that you have mentioned out here as I believe that the actual look of the person can be very different viz-a-viz the measurements and stats.

    Coming to dating 'over weight girls' - for me I need to click with that girl and like her. When that happens I have obviously not looked at any other aspect since my liking her matters. So yes I will sure date the one as described in your question :)

    BTW I became overweight and began gymming again 9 months ago after over 20 years since I had put on tremendous weight in the past 2 years that made me go instantly from atheletic to fat and today I'm back to being atheletic (and better :D). There are obviously tons of girls who come along to lose weight and what I've noticed is that not every girl looks good after she loses too much weight, it goes the contrary for some and actually yes. So watch how much you lose and where to stop :D

    As of your problem of being 'fat' apart from health and mobility issues that can crop up owing to being over weight, you'll be surprised young lady to know the number of men who actually prefer larger women :)

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    • Well, duh...why didn't you send them my way? ;-) I'm kidding. I'm not really sure if I necessarily need for someone to "prefer" a larger woman; I'd just be completely happy if someone would take the time to get to know me instead of NOT doing so just because of my weight.

      Congrats on your joruney! Sounds like you achieved a lot.

      I took the time for research before starting on my mission; so I know exactly where I want to go weight-wise. Your thoughts on this are much appreciated. Thanks!

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    • Will do.

    • Good luck there :) and god speed

  • As long as I'm still physically attracted to her enough, sure. There's a time when a girl is too big to be attracted to her any at all, but for me a lot of attraction is more than just physical. If there's enough physical attraction, and the rest of her is great, then yeah I would. It's hard to say what the limit is on a girl being too big because every girl carries weight differently and stuff.

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    • I agree 100%! Thankfully attraction is not just about weight for some guys.

  • First off a huge congratulations on the weight loss! That's awesome I'm sure it feels great. Keep it going!

    And I have to say I absolutely would go for it because I am going for it now. While my girlfriend is not huge, by BMI scales she is overweight and I think she is beautiful. And pretty much everyone agrees with me. I could go on about her but that's not what this question is asking lol. A pretty face is way more important at the end of the day than a nice body.

    But that's never an excuse to not be healthy. Of course stay healthy and try to get to the healthiest weight you can. Your confidence will only grow :)

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    • Thanks! I will definitely keep it going. Really nice to hear about your girlfriend. Lucky girl! All the best to the both of you.

  • Yes; you are very datable right now because you aren't giving up -you are taking action!

    You are not a dreamer; you have ambitions and you see plans through. That's a REQUIREMENT for girls I date. I am sincerely happy for you.

    I'm trying to go the other direction and gain weight (muscle) because I am kind of on the scrawny side. I feel like I am making some progress but have a looong way to go still. I probably won't see any results for another year or so because putting muscle on takes a long time.

    I'm 27 / 5'8"

    Current weight: 150 lbs

    Body fat %: ~13% ( no six pack =( )

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    • A friend of mine is doing that as well; trying to buff up a bit. It really is tough, but I'm sure you can do it. Good luck!

      Thanks for your encouraging words. You mentioned something very important to me. I sincerely hope that guys or people in general see the difference between an overweight girl not wanting to do anything about it and an overweight girl that's active and taking care of herself (not just losing weight, but also appearance-wise). :-)

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    • Well, keep up the good work!

      I ended up dropping slightly and then kind of oscillating. If I stretch my skin and flex I can see my six pack, though, so I'm hoping it will be regularly visible soon.

    • I'm sure it will. I guess it's just natural to sometimes drop slightly. I imagine the end result (regularly visible) will be more permanent this way.

  • In your current form and weight, I might get attracted to you if I got to know you better of course and you were awesome to hang out with and have a good personality.

    I'm 5'7 and weigh 74kg, I don't think I would be attracted to you if you weighed more then 20 - 40 kg more then me.

    Your ideal weight being 5'2 would be like 55 kg I think.

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    • Of course I have a super awesome personality. Duh! ;-)

      Yup, ideal weight would indeed be 55.

      Thx for answering!

    • your welcome, keep up the hard work !

  • I don't date overweight girls, but don't let my words get to you.

    You need to think, losing weight, as a golden opportunity. You are climbing on a stair, and your goal is at the top. The more you shred the fat and lose the weight, the lighter you are, and you are able to climb the ladder faster, and soon enough! you will REACH your goal.

    That goal is different for everybody else, it could be your perfect body, your dream guy, whatever it is.

    Keep up the work and effort.

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    • I'm the one that asked, so I will definitely not let your words get to me. No worries! Appreciate your opinion very much.

      It's a good way to think of it (climbing the ladder). I'm losing the weight for ME, but of course I'd love for a guy to look past the weight issue (even though it won't be an issue for much longer, cause I WILL climb that ladder).

      However, I think - or HOPE - guys that are not completely opposed to dating overweight girls prefer an overweight girl with confidence.

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    • Good :p, don't make that promise to me, make that promise to yourself!

      btw I was once 300 pounds. Now look at me :D, that's 7 years of hard work. My motivation was a poster of a male model in my bathroom mirror. I did not use the weight scale as a guide, but the mirror and poster was my guide. Everyday I looked at the poster, and every time I said "I don't look like that", I go to the gym and put some hardwork!

    • I regularly take "progress pictures" and put them in a collage. Seeing the progress is way better than just looking at the numbers on the scales. I also am not on a "diet"; I just changed my eating habits and added sports to the equation. Works like a charm for me.

      And congrats on your success. That's awesome!

  • If she was sweet and really nice and the attraction was there I've been attracted to some over weight girls before.

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    • Good job! keep it up! :) :D : D = D

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    • It really did. 22 pounds to lose & I'm done.

    • Well, id'e say good luck. But after all you did you don't need it! I know you'll do it!

  • Personally I wouldn't date a girl who is overweight. I'm a fitness freak and our lifestyles would clash. I would however encourage her to live healthier and get her weight healthy. It's as much as a health problem as it is an attraction problem for me.

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    • I see. You cannot force attraction obviously, but as for the lifestyles clashing...you are probably right when it comes to overweight girls not wanting to lose weight. However, I've turned into a health & fitness freak, but am still overweight. So aside from his personality what I'd look for in a boyfriend is someone just as interested in health and fitness. And that's the problem. Guys into that (like you) are not attracted to overweight girls even if they're working on it. Thx 4 commenting :).

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    • Good progress keep at it!

    • I absolutely will.

  • Weight is just a number to me, and frankly I am very attracted to girls that are modestly chubby. If you look good despite your weight, respect yourself and make sure it doesn't affect your health I'd date someone like you no question xD

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    • Great attitude! From my perspective, aside from not wanting to be overweight for much longer, I really never wanted to be the overweight sloppy looking girl. I want & still am the overweight girl that's taking care of her appearance. So it's nice to read that guys do appreciate that instead of only looking at it the "either you are overweight or not"-way.

    • Likewise xD that attitude of yours already makes you datable IMO ;)

    • Thanks lol :)

  • don't do it, even if you don't care what people think, it has bad effects on your self-esteem, plus you are also damaging her by lying to her, you don't want to be with someone unattractive neither she wants someone who is faking his attraction to her. It is an insecure act and it is foolish.

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    • Can you fake an attraction? Hmmm...I don't think so. I DO think that the overweight girl can choose to overlook the fact that the guy is NOT attracted to her even though he tells her he is. I couldn't do that. No way. But when I say "would you date an overweight girl" I mean "could you be attracted to an overweight girl". Thx for answering! :)

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    • Yeah, that's what I said. Except that there are skinny good looking girls that also don't care if the guy is lying, so is not an overweight girls exclusive.

    • Agreed. :)

  • First off, good work. Personally, I think women who are too skinny are not attractive looking and I find slightly over weight far more attractive. Wayy overweight or obese, well that's a different story.

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    • Got ya. There definitely is a difference. The more weight I lose the more I realize that myself. I feel much better and more confident about putting myself out there (flirting, dating...) even though I'm still overweight. Overweight = 250+ vs. overweight at 170 does make a difference. Thx for sharing your thoughts on this.

    • Exactly but don't over do. Some women over do it and look unhealthy like a holocaust survivor. Its dangerous to do that and its not attractive at all at least to me. Just go for average weight. Even some women who are overweight can still look heavy.

  • I used to date a girl who was slim and then after a while she got fat because she suddenly starts eating a lot. I didn't dump her though and in my eyes she was still as attractive as when she was slim. I suppose if you really like someone weight doesn't really matter (though she did slim down a lot after that).

    Personally I've seen some skinny dudes who are dating a girl twice their size. Recently my friend who used to be overweight back in high school married a really handsome guy. She has lost a lot of weight but still can be considered chubby. It's a good thing that you're trying to reduce your weight, being overweight is not an excuse to be lazy. Improving your appearance definitely can't hurt in the long run.

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    • Exactly. It won't hurt to lose the weight at all. But I also think that even after reaching my goal I will still be an overweight girl at heart in terms of wanting a guy who wants me for me...no matter what size. Thanks for sharing your thoughts!

  • Yes, there are guys who dates girls who are thin as a stick and girls who are overweight.

    The funny thing is that I've seen overweight guys who are more attractive than ordinary/buff guys.

    Not everything is about looks, it's more important that the person in question has a good personality and can be trusted.

    Who cares if guys think you're fat or not, you shouldn't be the one adapting to them, you should solely do this because YOU want it, not somebody else.

    Otherwise, you are being taken advantage of, you have become someone else instead.

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    • Thanks! I quite like how you put it: "shouldn't be the one adapting". I'm not. The weight loss is all me and what I want to achieve for myself. The dating Q just came up because with feeling more confident and actually being interested in getting out there; maybe flirt a bit...it's become even more clear to me that it's pretty tough to find someone that happens to think like you do. Thanks for sharing your thoughts!

    • No problem!

      It's good that you do it on your basis, and that you feel more confident with yourself :)

  • My ex was self conscious about her weight too. She was the one who pursued me, and once I saw how big her heart was, I also realized how physically beautiful she really was. Only shallow jerk-offs dis a girl based solely on her weight. Keep on keepin' on girl!

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    • I will. Thanks. Your comment made me smile. :D

    • :)

  • Glad you are getting healthier. But do that for yourself, not anyone else. I like the gym and playing sports so I have more in common with girls who share those interests. I'm usually attracted to petite girls. But I've been attracted to some women who weren't small. I think Adele is really pretty, plus she's talented which makes her even more attractive. Beyonce isn't really thin, she's hot though. Personality and talent can definitely make a girl more attractive.

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    • Oh I'm definitely doing it ALL FOR MYSELF. :D Otherwise I probably wouldn't have gotten that far.

      You are right! Being overweight comes in different shapes as well (Beyonce's booty lol). Thx for answering!

  • I'm attracted to a girls face more than anything. Cute face>body.

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  • Keep up the good Work an do it, for yourself. If you do things just for the Opposite Sex request. Than you might end up having regrets.

    Good Luck in your Future of Dating an Loving but Mostly be Happy & Enjoy yourself.

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    • I would never do it for anyone BUT myself. I agree with you and I'd even go as far as to say that IF I had done it for the guys...I would not have come this far. Thanks for the encouragement and words of advice. :-)

  • its all about the preference of the guys. Fat, Thick, Skinny or Petite Doesn't really matter, I just hate Lazy Ass Girls, regardless of her weight.

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    • Good point. There's overweight & lazy + overweight & active. Thx for commenting.

  • F*** no.

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  • To be honest even if I really liked your personality, I couldn't date you. Attraction is what separates a friend from a potential lover. We could be great friends but I couldn't date.

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    • Honesty is always appreciated!

  • I'm personally not attracted to large girls. It makes me feel like the biggest ass because I'm fat myself (though, like you, I'm losing weight). But I learned you can't force yourself to be attracted to someone and if you do you'll end up unhappy. So I'm losing weight for health and to make me less of a hypocrite. Now, when it comes to dating overweight, it all depends. I have some overweight friends who are very attractive but they're just not very overweight. I'm having trouble describing it. I'm not gonna judge a girl based on her weight. She can weigh like 170 but if she doesn't look like it, then I obviously wouldn't know or care.

    This answer makes me feel like an a**hole.

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    • at least you are honest :)

    • I second that. Honesty is so important. So thanks for being honest.

  • I think I'm done dating over-weight girls. I've dated two or three, and they're always so insecure and mistrusting that I end up breaking up with them. I'm tired of having my motives questioned. I'm tired of walking on egg-shells around insecurities I do nothing by try to sooth. I'm tired of being treated like garbage. Over-weight girls are very unappreciative and hostile beings in my experience. No desire to date that.

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    • That's really sad. That you've had such bad experiences, that is. Sorry to hear.

  • Way to go tcnc, loosing that much weight.

    Personally I like girls that are a little bigger but 115 kilos is probably a bit too big even for me. 77 kilos sounds like a good weight though, I bet I would find you hot the way you look now.

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    • Thanks! 77 kg is not that bad considering what I had before, but you also have to consider my height at only 5'2-->160cm. And as for finding someone that likes me and doesn't have a problem with my weight...I have to like him as well (personality-wise; I'm not picky about weight, but I AM picky about appearance as in taking care of yourself even if you are overweight). That's probably what makes it so hard for me to find someone.

    • You still don't sound too heavy, for me that is. Most guys seem to go for skinnier girls than I do.

    • Nice of you to say! :)

  • First of all, congrats on the accomplishment! Secondly, no chance I would date a fat chick. I realize that you should look at what's on the inside but no matter what, I still have to bring a girl home that won't make my parents laugh at me.

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    • Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this.

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What Girls Said 2

  • I loved this! I am 5 ft 2 and170 lbs now. I HATE it. I'm pretty in the face, but I carry everything in my abd. I joined CrossFit and I'm working my way down... but it feels so slow! I'm so sad. I randomly came across this post and it seems so inspirational. Seems like there are mixed feelings about whether or not a guy would be attracted. Idk, I'm pretty confident... I used to be 143 lbs and I was happy-ish then... and then I moved home (worst idea ever). In college, I could maintain my weight because I picked what I ate there. Here, my mom comments on everything and cooks super unhealthy foods! I'm so frustrated. Thanks for this though. Good luck to you! Are you still working at it?

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    • Slow is GREAT. Means you are doing it the right way with less risk of gaining even more again as soon as you stop losing. Keep at it and don't give up! You can do it. As for living at home. Take control of your meals. Cook for yourself. Even if it means just sitting with the fam while they eat and THEN go into the kitchen to cook for yourself afterward.

      I am still working at it. Due to weight loss I shrunk about an inch height-wise (apparently it's normal when losing a lot of weight).

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    • No sweets, no junk and sport and healthy eating instead. That's it. No weird diet, no excessive unhealthy workouts every single day of the week. Nothing like that. I just gave myself time. - Your mom might complain, but she didn't forbid you cooking in her kitchen did she? And depending on how old you are...you can always move our or make her understand that as long as that is not an option she HAS to give you the opportunity to be self-dependent. Cooking for yourself is one way to do it.

    • Maybe I should try harder on the cooking thing... I don't make enough to move out yet, but hopefully soon! I workout at CrossFit... and I used to do 1-2 hrs a day at the gym with an hour of cardio. My mom cooks such unhealthy food that I maintain a weight with that type of workout. Now I'm trying to do CrossFit and an hr of cardio. Sooo tired every day. I definitely need to cook for myself. See, my mom cooks bad stuff, but she'll eat 3 bites.. I can't do that. I get way too hungry if I eat like that

  • I can't answer your question since I'm a girl and everything, but I just wanted to say congrats on getting healthy! You're doing amazing :)

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    • Thank you so much! :-)

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