My wife cheated and left me?

My wife and i have been married for three years and have two kids, a boy (4) and a girl (6). We went through a rough patch In our marriage where we were barely communicating or having sex. I had a three month affair with a co-worker, aka my girlfriend which she found out about when she caught us in bed together. She kicked me out of the house for a few weeks (lived with my girlfriend during the time kicked out) but later let me back in and we've been in couples therapy. Our therapist stressed us to be honest in order to save our marriage and during a session, she confessed that while separated, she hooked up with her longtime friend from college (David). She and David (28 M) have been friends for 8 years now. She confided in me many years ago that David once confessed while in college that he liked her but she saw themselves as best friends. Another round of arguing came up. This man was at our wedding and is frequently around our family. Hell, our kids call him 'Uncle' and he and my wife are inseparable. He was the one 'comforting' her when i was out of the house. I absolutely cannot get over the fact that my wife slept with another guy, much less him of all people. The times we've talked about it, we yell the crazies things. The last time was the most brutal. My wife bragged that it was the best sex she ever had and that the only reasons she isn't with him now is because of our children. She says that he is better looking than me and earns more money than me.

We are really 28 years old each. GAG made an error.

She is planning to leave me, and will not apologize for breaking my heart.

I absolutely do not know what to do and fear that my marriage is over.
tl;dr: My wife slept with her bestfriend while I and wants to leave me for him. What the fuck do I do?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • What on earth... why is it so common for guys to cheat on their girls and then act like they've been wronged more when the girl does it back and ends the relationship?

    She absolutely shouldn't have cheated, no. But come on. You cheated on her. Sexually and emotionally. You're both wrong, and this marriage is probably over. I'm sorry, but maybe it's for the best.

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    • 2mo

      completely agree with you. so typical!

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    • 2mo

      They both were wrong. I thought you were trying to justify what she did but maybe not. I don't believe being cheating on is a reason to cheat lol.

      She pretty much kicked him out because she was angry. Then she slept with a guy she knew was easy to have sex with to feel vindicated or to try and hurt him with revenge. Then she probably lied to him about her friend being better in bed (I doubt she felt much considering the traumatic emotions at the time) and added that he makes more money all as an attempt to hurt him because of how much she hurt inside.

    • 2mo

      @cavmanier I explicitly stated in my opinion that she was wrong

Most Helpful Guy

  • Well what do you expect? You cheated on her first and broke her heart... it's doesn't matter what she did after that... you were the one who caused all this... you instead of having an affair should have just gone for the couples therapy...

    And by the way she didn't cheat on you cause she was separated from you... so technically you are the only one who cheated... and the things so Said about that guy is because she is hurt and wants revenge and so wants to hurt you... and shy should she apologize? You are the one who should apologize

    Now you dont have the right to complain. But you can solve your problem by divorcing her and finding a new one for yourself.. maybe get with the girl you cheated with...

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What Girls Said 12

  • All i can say about this post is: and men complain about women having double standards... Did you think your wife would celebrate you finding a girlfriend? I mean You call this woman your GirlFriend! You moved in with this woman instead of getting a hotel or staying with a male friend. Did you think your soon to be ex wife would be happy about you possibly exposing her to an STD or STI.
    And now you want to act like a husband and try and protect her from a man that is trying to use her. Who is going to protect her from you? I admit she should have divorced you before getting with the friend but by all accounts y'all were seperated. You choose that woman over your wife. You put that woman's happiness above your wife's. So you imtiated the separation. Your wife just followed through with it. And on that note, A 3 month affair can not be a mistake. A mistake is forgetting your wife birthday. A mistake is accidentally wraking your car. A mistake is forgetting to let the dog out after a long day of work. But to continuly go out of the way to hide an relationship from your wife is an intentional thing. You intentionally found a woman. You intentional fucked that woman, multiple times I might add, and you intentionally his this from your wife. What wasn't intentional was her finding out. So you need to own this mistake.

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  • Mate, you broke her heart first. How did you expect her to react after you cheated? Oh, don't worry babe I'll still stay with you and be loyal? It's over and it's all your fault for your 3 month affair.

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  • Hate to say it, but maybe YOU shouldn't have cheated on HER in the first place--then you wouldn't be in this mess.

    Take your lesson and learn the hard way.

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    • 2mo

      I slept with my coworker, she slept with her long time best friend. She is too sweet and does not need to be hurt by David! and she will not apologize for breaking my heart!

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    • 2mo

      @CloudyEmily I am not a cheater, dear. You have it mixed up

    • 2mo

      Umm. Hate to butt in... but you ARE a cheater. The co worker you were with was NOT your wife, correct? Pretty easy answer here.

  • How are you going to be mad at her for doing the same damn thing. And not only did you do the same thing YOU cheated first. If I were her I would have done the same thing. At this point you need to focus on saving your friendship with your wife for the sake of your children but let that one go.

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  • You have no right to be mad sir, you cheated on her and broke her heard but she can't cheat on you? Are you kidding me she doesn't need to apologize bc you did the same thing which make it an equal mistake soo go back to your "girlfriend" and let her live and be happy with someone who gives her enough love and care and that's what a girl need not a cheater bab (;

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  • you cheated on her first... and now that she did the same to you... you say that she's the bad one?

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  • This is the pure definition of the pot calling the kettle black.

    You're both wrong.

    You're both nasty.

    You have no reason to upset.

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  • You two don't need to be together. She's choosing what will make her happy. Don't be selfish.

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  • What a dumb ass, you had an affair.

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  • You can't get over that she slept with another guy while you were separated, while you slept with another girl for three months while still together and were calling her your girlfriend? Yeah, that makes sense.

    Anyway, what was the rough patch in the beginning about?

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What Guys Said 6

  • "She is planning to leave me, and will not apologize for breaking my heart."

    ... there absolutely nothing you can't do, and the last thing you want to do is beg her. She cheated on you, she ruined the trust in the marriage, and you should value yourself as a man and not let someone like that ruin you. The best you can do is focus on your kids and forget her.

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    • 2mo

      But, my wife is too sweet and does not deserve to be hurt by David

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    • 2mo

      I'm eased up. I'm not going through a divorce.

    • 2mo

      Lol dude he cheated on her first and broke her first

  • I'm sorry to hear what you went through. You know this stuff happens everyday. unfortunately If I were you I would celebrate when she leaves.

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  • Maybe moving away would help. I really no how hard it is I just thought of it happening to me and I just can't see how I would get through a situation like that. Try attending church retreats that would make a big difference.

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  • kill her
    no where in the bible does it say the mother is allowed to take away the children from the parent

    its considered kidnapping
    and the punishment is death

    now based off what i can tell she is a bitch now
    so forgive her
    and try to work something out for the kids

    but if she SAYS NO

    kill her you are allowed that option

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  • You both need to let each other go. This marriage is clearly not working out for either of you. Just make sure you're allowed to see your kids on a regular basis... This whole situation is probably hurting them most of all.

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  • Your hypocrisy and lack of self awareness is appalling.

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