Why don't girls like fat guys? Is there a way to be attractive?

I'm fat, it's not like I enjoy being fat, but every time I try to have a relationship with a girl, they tell me that, "You are a really great guy, but you are just to big for me to like". What is it not to like? I'm a very respectful person, I'm smart, I'm funny, and I'm an artist. Why do no girls feel I am suitable for a serious relationship? I have wondered if it was a matter of sexuality, and the stereotype, "fat guys have small penises", but the girls I like are no where near shallow enough to base a person on something like that, and one of them even asked to see if it was true (it is not true by the way). I can "operate" well in bed, so I just don't get it. I have also been striving to lose weight as well. I sprint on an elliptical trainer for 2 hours a day 7 days a week, I count my calorie intake, and I bench press 250 (5 reps and 2 sets). Despite all this my weight and size have remained only slightly changed.

What I am really trying to ask is why girls don't feel I am capable of a serious relationship and is there a way I can be more appealing.



What's Your Opinion?


What Girls Said 44

What Guys Said 20

  • Selected as most helpful

    You may be looking at the wrong sort of girls for affection. In my case at least, I'd rather date a guy who was a bit bigger than a bag of bones. seriously, I have had crushes on skinny guys, and it sucks because I feel like I am bigger than him even though I'm only 114 lbs. It's ridiculous.

    But, honestly, I think its easier for bigger guys to find a partner, than bigger girls. Guys can be funny, charming, good conversationalists, and good dressers for women to consider them for partnership, but women are judged based, overwhelmingly on looks. It's not fair, but I think your lucky to be a man. Take advantage of it, not all women are shallow. Women look for that emotional connection with a man, while a man looks for someone who is visually appealing. If she enjoys your company, and you guys like being around each other, nothing will stop her from wanting to take things to the next level.

    My final word of advice would be, to keep on your diet and exercise, take care of yourself physically, get a professional hair cut, maintain grooming habits, and eat healthy! ooh and don't forget CONFIDENCE.

  • Honestly, I'm one of those girls who are not attracted to overweight men. I have always tried to get over this and felt bad & ashamed for my shallowness. But, I just can't overlook it, I like guys who are a healthy weight. I can overlook someone's face flaws, & a world of other things, but obesity is just not one of them. I'm sorry, some people are just like this, we don't mean to be, but we can't change who we are.

  • Either find women who are attracted to heavier men or diet. A person can't change what they want, so find someone who wants you as you are or work on your health.

  • the first guy I ever dated was fat. its all about playing the game. If you can play it right, make a girl feel sexy. looks stop mattering as much.

  • I don't think that it's necessarily a matter of not liking you -- it's probably more that they like other guys better. Especially girls who are athletic or into sports... They want to be with someone who shares their passions. On the other hand, I know a couple of girls who think that chubby guys are really cute, and have also told me that a bit of pudge on their man makes THEM feel less insecure about themselves, because then they don't feel the need to be perfect all the time. But I think you're on the right track. Respect yourself, be healthy, and work on developing those features that make you such a great person! Hope this helps :)

  • counting calories- if you go below your basic daily calculated caloric need then your body goes into "starvation mode" and then tries to conserve any bit of food you swallow by turning it into fat and using up the bare minimum of fat so you can stay alive. so check out a daily caloric needs calculator and go about 400+ calories above it.

    and the other scenario is that if you think you are cutting out a lot of calories than you ate before, you still may be eating way to many. again, try to calculate your daily caloric needs or see a dietician.

    dont give up :)

  • lose weight, eat healthy food and its a plus if your funny. fat guys are funny, usually.

  • Fat guys are unattractive to me because they don't fit my lifestyle. I'm an adreneline junkie, and a fat guy can't keep up with me. And also when you go to bed with them.. no offence but it's just gross to feel their fat slapping me while they're on top..

  • Women are biologically wired to be attracted to men with smaller waistlines. It's actually a chemical phenomenon. In the hunter-gatherer era, a small waistline meant a strong man who could bring her meat and protect her young. These days, this is manifested in shallow women who want hunky arm candy to impress their friends.

    HOWEVER, you don't sound like some weakling or anyone with low self-esteem. Any smart girl who sees how great you are won't write you off because of your size. Personally I think big guys are cute, their size feels protective and they're nice to cuddle with :)

    • This is a very intelligent answer!

  • Well, I like my men to be "bigger then me" and I am deep girl too, like I look at the guys mind before his waist line. Because you can always lose weight, but you can not gain a personality.

    I'm right now with a guy who is almost 100 lbs heavier then me and I did not notice till he told me. and I although I am worried about his health now, I would not dump him.

    I did dump one guy, he was like 6'2 and 360 lbs and he was so small he could not have sex ... not kiddin. but I dump him because he was just too creepy for me.

    But You will find a girl who will look at your heart and soul and fall for you. Because I know when I am 45 and had 2 kids, I am not gonna be 180 lbs, size 13. ( I have wide hips, I could fit in to a size 9 for my waist) Because I know for my family woman get fat as cows, so if I dated a guy who only wanted me when I was thin, then he would not want me later in life.

    so a chick dumping you because your " too big" Is one shallow Bitch, in my opinion.

  • those girls you are talking about are shallow and honestsly stupid. you shouldnt always look at the person's body image or attractiveness to decide if you like them or not. and no anyone can have a serious relationship its just the fact that once again those girls are shallow. you need to find someone worth your time. about losing weight, have you considered seeing the doctor to check your metabolisim or thyroid? those 2 factors could be the problem to you not losing much weight.

  • i believe there is someone out there for you but you haven't met her yet. I know a guy that weighs over 500lbs and he's had a girlfriend for almost 20 years, so some women don't judge a man by his weight. I had a lover that was the teddy bear type and he was one of the best lovers I'd ever had. so don't despair. keep handling your business, being yourself and I'm sure that a woman will come along that appreciates you just as you are :)

  • I like my teddy bear type guys I love them so you seem perfect to me. You have a great personality. I hate it when people judge by weight to. Not all girls judge that way. Really I don't judge. I would date you. So love yourself don't let girls bring you down. Please don't change yourself for others either.

    Good Luck Hugs..

  • They're less attractive physically. I've never been with anyone I wasn't attracted to physically. Sorry if that hurts to hear, but the same is true for fat girls, probably more so.

  • Im sorry I did not mean to be rude but that is jus my own opinion and everyone has their own likes and dislikes... an different taste but js because I said I wouldn't date a fat or bigger guy doesn't mean I wouldn't be friends with them... and I can't really say why I don't like guys like that its not my thing I'm sorry. Apologies for sounded rude =D

    <3 Angel<3

  • Ok I defiantly do not like fat guys. But that's jus my opinion but I really don't want a scrawny boney one either.

  • These girls are either shallow, or they have a strong personal preference for smaller men. It's really not your problem, it is theirs; their preference. Some girls do like bigger men, they are just harder to find.. Harder to find than men who like bigger woman unfortunately. (at least based on my observations)

  • There are so many stereotypes in the world today and it is extremely hard to not be put in one of these boxes. I'm sure you really are a fantastic guy with an amazing personality to match but a lot of women these days - including myself - are extremely shallow and don't pay attention to the goodness on the inside and can only look at the outer appearance. Some of the nicest guys in my life are the ones with a little bit more weight on them, one of them in particular is one that I would trust the most, I'm not attracted to him but he has a lovely fiancee. I don't think weight sould be a problem all the time. I find a guy most attractive through his personality - I like him to make me laugh - the way he grooms himself is something that I take into mind and I like a nice smelling one too - so no body odour. Just look after yourself and be confident. It sucks that weight is an issue, being a girl I have struggled with it in the past but now I see myself differently and I think that is really important.

  • hehe

    in the words of the hangover.. "It funny cause he's fat" - Mr. Chow

  • well I don't think is because of your weight maybe a little but I had a big crush on a guy who is fat ( not too much but fat) but he had the sweetest smile I have ever seen and he is really funny.That is for me it depends on the girl I guess:|

  • You count your calorie intake but what are you eating?

    The reasons some guys don't like overweight girls is the same reason some girls don't like overweight guys.

    Well, at least you're trying...I'm not sure what your weight is but give it a good 6 months before you worry about results.

    You can be more *appealing* by making sure you wear clothes that are your size or bigger so you don't look *uncomfortable*.

    I knew a guy who was overweight (and tall) but he always looked *good*.

    You could tell he put an effort; clean, ironed clothes, smelled nice.

    It's not about looking expensive, he probably got his brand name shirts at discount stores but he just looked *nice*.

    He was also very friendly and funny. That's always a good thing.

    People associate obesity with laziness and that's a turnoff. So, just don't come off as *lazy*.

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  • Don't worry man, I just saw this fat slobby dude with a really cute red head at the grocery store. Most women don't know this but when other people see you with a fat slobby guy we just chalk it up as you having low self-esteem or an incurable STD. The thought that the fat slobby guy might have money comes as the last thought. To me, it just looks totally gross and just makes me wonder what kind of point are you trying to prove to the world. So you're dating someone who doesn't respect themselves enough to take care of their body weight. It's not shallow to not like someone because of their weight. It's just common sense. Fat people play the shallow card all the time, because that's their only weapon. They aim that at any hot girl who is sympathetic just like this guy is with his sob story blog. Women that fall for this are victims of what I like to call "Beauty and the PIG Syndrome" Most obese people die in their 40s to 50s. Why would you want to put yourself through that? Or your kids through that for that matter? Is not the fat guy who wants the hot girl not shallow for not wanting a FAT girl? It's not that hard to turn the tables around and see the truth for what it is. Fat guys that want a hot girl are the most shallow people there are. I use to be FAT and there was this girl I really liked who was hot. I liked her so much I lost 80 lbs in 16 months. But once I got in shape I got a lot more attention from other girls and totally forgot about her. You know why? Because she never paid me any attention in the first place. I'd love to see a hot girl who is dating a fat guy to gain just as much weight at the fat guy and see if the fat guy gives you the attention he use to give you when you were slim and trim. You know the answer. I really feel bad for chicks whose hearts and feelings get play by these fat f***s. If he really liked you, he'd lose some weight and get healthier.

  • im a guy I know but ask yourself this if this is a question stil is around

    which would you pick the supermodel/chearleader or a larger woman (not trying to be rude to anyone) and depending on how you answered this will determine your question and just realte it to a girls perspective

  • well it could be that the girl is crushing/likes someone else. Also, it could be the same reason we don't like girls with tons of acne or somthing like that. Either way I think so far the girls just don't see you as a potential boyfriend but rather some they bond with mentally rather then physically. you'll find the right one sooner or later man just be optimistic

  • I hate when people do this, keep on doing your routine it sounds like it's a great workout. Seriously, don't give a damn about weight, if you're benching 250 and running for that long every day, you're bound to get in shape. Take note that your weight does not matter. I would suggest measuring your waist once a week or so, you could be loosing inches off your waist but not see much of a difference in your weight because you're gaining muscle and loosing weight at the same time. I used to be overweight and would obsess about how much I weighed. People all of a sudden would start telling me that I was loosing weight but I looked the same to myself until suddenly blam I was skinny as a toothpick, and it wasn't until that day that I realized taht I had actually lost all my weight. I know it's harder than it sounds, but if you're really working out that hard, keep at it and you'll see results, no lie!

  • $$$$$$$$$. That's what'l make you more attractive LOL.

  • go to the gym,

    be franck with yourself; what if you were very muscular, would you like fat chicks?

    Either stay fat and keep searching and if your lucky you'll find a girl who'll go for your personality or get fit and get attention. Girls are all biased if they see a fat men, loads of them are afraid of them crushing her.

  • As crap as it sounds nobody can have a relationship with someone they are not attracted to. There are girls I turn down because I am not physically attracted to them. It's not that I think they are bad people or that I don't want any of them near me. I'm happy to be friends with them but attraction plays a part. It's like a gay dude asking you what's wrong with him why won't you date him? Well he's not your cup of tea. In either case even when you're in shape its not like all girls are gonna be interested dude. I've been shot down more times than I can count, only once in a very long while does it work out. Unless I end up drunk and have a one night stand which I don't enjoy anyway.

    So anywho I weighed 90KG 3 months ago, I weight 77 today. 2 Years ago I weighed 74KG and you could see my top 4 abs. I made a choice to get into shape and make life easier. Make life easier it does. I can help you with that. Firstly don't train more than an hour a day. Second eat 6 meals regularly throughout the day. Small meals, this will kick your metabolism into overdrive. Finally at the gym jog for a reasonable period of time 1 or 2 days a week. You need to build muscle to replace the fat aswell so endless cardio is not the ideal answer. Do 4 days weight training from legs to shoulders. Instead of doing 250 pounds of 5 reps at 2 sets I challenge you to do 50 pounds at 12 slow reps and 3 sets. By slow I mean 2 seconds up and 3 seconds down. You also need to do 2 more exercises. Work on 3 per muscle group, you can do incline dumbell press and dumbell flys. Peck deck is great too. Just don't work out for more than an hour. Fibre is good, good fats are good too, they slow down the insulin released when your food digests so a small hand full of almonds per main meal will do wonders.

    *So ask around at the gym. 1 session of training properly is worth 3 sessions of training badly.

    *Only train 5 days a week, you can do 6 but that is more for athletes and people without day jobs.

    *3 exercises per muscle group

    *As an example you an use my routine: Chest + Shoulders Monday / Back + Biceps Tuesday / Weds off / Legs + Triceps Thursday / Cardio Friday. Then I can train an extra day on the weekend if I want.

    *3 sets of 12 reps per exercise

    Here's the dieting bible. A quick fix will do nothing for you my friend.


    I wish you luck man. It's not that people are shallow but we all have our hopes and dreams and above all the right to be happy. You don't have to be lean to find a girl, you don't even need to gym, you just need to wait to find the right girl which could take longer. The choice is yours. Above all something that I live by is I can't respect a partner who can't respect themselves. If I expect her to be in good shape I should be aswell. That's just me. Enjoy =)

  • Sorry to hear about that :(

  • Lose weight. Its the only solution. If not all of the fit pretty girls treat like like a gay friend or just ignore you. There is a 99.9% chance that you can charm a pretty girl but its a very slim chance.

  • Jesus, you sound like an athlete!

    Take it from me (I've been fat and thin, and now I'm in the middle again) ..

    Mature women don't care about how big or fat you are. They ONLY care about how they feel when they're with you.

    Take a moment and REALLY think about this.

    If you're a fat slob who will embarrass her in public, she'll feel like avoiding you.

    If you're a "big" man who's charismatic, confident, and well liked by others, she'll feel safe, protected, and taken care of.

    So if you're big, OWN it. When you project that you're comfortable in your own skin, it makes everyone else around you comfortable. It's amazing.

    This requires you to understand how to dress comfortably for your size (Don't wear baggy crap cause you're trying to hide yourself, this projects insecurity), understand the fashions, ALWAYS smell good, and walk with pride and good nature.

    Big guys can be intimidating, so smile, be engaging with everyone, and be fun when you're with your girl.

    If you're boring or lazy you'll lose the girl just like any dude with a six pack or a Porsche.

    Remember... it's not your size, it's your personality.

    If girls are rejecting you, it's not your size. It's some other factor. Don't continue to make this easy mistake.

    ~ Robby

    My Blog ( link )

    • This guy is smart

  • if you can do all that work out its quite possible you are a healthy "bigger' person

    you will never lose that weight you built bigger and you just need to accept who you are...normally I advise getting in shape but you already are...what I say is now learn to be confident with yourself and who you are...

    ps I see many hot asian girls with bigger guys :)

    • I really like what you said

  • just loose weight man. why would a chick want to f*** you seriously. theirs guy that are just as good that look better. if you want to stay fat get a fat girl

  • I guarantee you they are using your weight as an excuse not to date you.

    The majority of women are not like men when it comes to external appearances.

    Women usually don't know why they like a guy, instead they have a feeling and then they rationalize it with the knowledge given to them by media.

    I must like him because he's hot, or because he's got money, etc.

    When really the truth of the matter is that she likes him because of the way he makes her feel.

    People rationalize their emotions all the time.

    Emotions come first, then the rationalization comes second.

    Sometimes your right, sometimes your not.

    Most of the time, women are wrong when it comes to explaining why they like a guy or why not.

    Something else about you is making them not want a serious relationship. I'm betting one of the reasons is the fact that you have a hangup about your weight.

    Typically if you don't see a problem with your weight, neither will the woman.

    That's just the way it works.

  • How much do you weigh, and how did you get that big to start with. I have a beer gut and it drives me crazy, I'm barely over weight, and I get so much sh*t from everyone saying I am fat. That right there is motivation for me to start p90x or at least hit the gym. If you lose the weight not only will you feel better about yourself, you will also see that women will start to notice you more.

    The reason why you can't get a chick is because many people think that being fat means your lazy, simple as that. Plus a chick sees a fat guy and think nope he as bad genes, she doesn't want her kids to be fat so they pass over the fat guys and look for someone either average or little over weight. You may work out, but it's not just about working out, as much as I love cheese burgers and beer, you gotta cut back on the fast food and junk food.

  • Alright dude, I'm a big guy too. I just laid back and didn't look for a girlfriend. I had my friend julie let me know if she knew anyone who liked me. And one day she told me that someone did. We started going out the day I met her. If you can go for bigger girls, maybe not fat but that have a little extra weight. That's what I do. I am afraid of crushing skinny girls. Lol. Just keep working out and losing weight, and sit back and watch. Someone will come your way eventually.

    Good luck!

  • The funny thing is we get on this website where we act crazy as all hell to answer and ask questions when in reality every person is diff. Just because a hot chick on here says she isn't that hype on big guys there are a lot of women that are. I've heard girls say they don't like bone thin girls or women with no curves. No lie I was in the store the other day and saw a couple big dudes with sum good lookin girls. Of course we all should work out so we don't die and we keep healthy but at the same time keep doin what ur doin but do it for yourself also

  • Im large myself and trust me...its a lot tougher for us but not impossible. The trick I found is to act very confident even if you don't feel confident. Also a hint of arrogance can do wonders. I'm not saying give up your character and turn in to a COMPLETE d!ck but try to find a good half point to work with. Not saying you should quit working out but attitude can get your foot in the door and getting the attention of a woman can prove to be a great motivator.

  • I suggest p90x or Insanity. They have a pretty high level of success in changing fat people.

  • This goes for any guy, not just you. You can improve your success with the ladies by 200% tomorrow by improving your fashion sense. Now, I'm not telling you to go spend $600 on designer clothes, I'm telling you to improve your fashion sense. Take a look at your favorite big rappers or movie stars and look at what they are wearing. Check out askmen.com and check our their fashion tips section for big guys. Go look through some GQ magazines. Find something that suits your personality and start building a few outfits from there.

    Shoes, accessories (watch, rings, necklace, tie, or hat but no more than 2 at anytime), and layers are generally a good start.

    I promise you man, less than 10% of the guys out there really know about fashion. If you can become one of the 10%, women will come to you and compliment you.

    • The problem with askmen is that for some reason they think everyone has at least a million dollars, and there suggestions are expensive as hell. For only 30 grand you can buy this cool watch or only 10 grand you can buy a suit, but some of the articles are cool.

  • Good afternoon mate. As a former fat guy, I can relate to exactly how you are feeling here.

    You don't specify how big you are in your question, but I'm guessing that if girls are saying the things that you mentioned in the question, then it is noticeable. I myself weighed 240 pounds around 18 months ago, and at 5'9" tall that is pretty big, and as I would expect, girls would be happy to be mates, but wouldn't think of me in any other way. So I took it upon myself to change.

    I hit the gym hard (110% cardio, no weight training) and cut my calorie intake drastically, no saturated fats etc, low carbs (but not cutting them out altogether), and I worked properly hard, and for the last 6 months I have been sitting at around 154 pounds.

    Let me tell you man, that makes all the difference as far as the ladies go. For all that we may call them "shallow" or whatever, they can only like what they like, and whilst I'm not telling you to lose weight, I'm saying that even just shifting that little bit can help to assist the girls in seeing how great you are.