My girlfriend is too submissive. What should I do?

[Anonymous]

I'm 19 and my girlfriend is also 19. We've been dating for about 6 months. She is Japanese and has been living in Canada for about 5 years. I am Italian and was born and raised here.

My girlfriend is too submissive and its making me feel uncomfortable. She is from a very traditional family where she has been taught that complete submission to the man is essential in a relationship. In our relationship, I make every decision. Whenever I ask her for her opinion, she never wants to give it. She says that it would be "improper" of her. Additionally, she doesn't want me to lift a finger when she is over at my apartment. She wants to do all the cooking and the cleaning. Her complete submission makes me feel very uncomfortable. I've tried many times to give her a voice in the relationship but she doesn't want it. One night, I told her that I was going to cook for her and that she can relax. She agreed but after ten minutes of watching me cook, she started to cry profusely and said that she feels horrible for allowing me to serve her. She then forced me to sit down and let her finish the meal. This made me very sad.

I feel that the dynamics of the relationship are not right and I want her to become more of an equal partner. I want her to suggest a restaurant she wants to go to or a movie she wants to see. I don't want her to serve me hand and foot when we are together. I love her very much. She is the best thing to have ever happened to me. What should I do?

[pretty15]

Refer to kheserthorpe's answer. It's the best.

Also, you cannot change her. I know you don't want to, you want to make her feel equal to you but You have to accept her the way she is. Take care of her, protect her and feel proud of having her. With time, you'll see that when you appreciate her instead of trying to give her a voice then you'll see that dynamics work out perfectly for both of you. Because you love her, she trusts you and she is submissive because she knows you'll never take advantage of her (main reason is of course her bringing up) but she chose YOU because she knows you love her and you'll respect her passion to please you. Making you happy, makes her happy. She does to show you she loves you so much and is committed to you. Notice it all, appreciate her, do what you can for her, treat her special, fulfil her needs like she does yours. POOF! Perfect relationship born!! <3

You are lucky to have her :) and she's lucky to have you!! Really.
I wish you luck :)

[pretty15]

She does it* to

[ChillOutGuys]

I have the same problem though

[MintyDuck]

You can't change her if that's what she really feels/: guess you need to get comfortable eith it or move on

[kheserthorpe]

Well you both might change somewhat, but really, read coco's answer -carefully-.

What you see as submission sort of is, but its also a great source of pride to her. She takes -pride- in taking care of you. She takes pride in cooking for you. It makes her feel good about herself. She is not dutifully doing it because you make her. It delights her to be able to please you. If you two are going to stay together, you need to realize she doesn't -want- equality, what she probably wants is praise and appreciation for how -good- she is at the things she does. How you're the luckiest man in the world to have her.

She doesn't need a dinner cooked for her. Feeling wanted, valued and that she's successful in her goals is so much better.

[AlexAnimeFreak]

^ this ^
couldnt have said it better myself

[COCOCHANEL]

in japan these roles give power. women don't like men who can cook. we want him to need us to do that.

[Anonymous]

I don't think there is much you can do. Changing a person is never a good solution.

[andy020892]

I am the other way around lol