Is this guy insecure or clueless? He doesn't take initiative?

[KandiKoolaid]

So, I really like this guy and he has a crazy schedule of 60+ hours. The main problem is he doesn't know how or lacks initiative. I realize that he is busy, yet, still notice on off days he waits for me to contact him first.

It could be a combination of being insecure and clueless. I know he might not have dated in years considering his schedule. But, I am about to give up because I haven't seen him in two weeks and I always initiate text or need to ask about plans.

He seems happy when I contact him, but can't understand why the hell he can't do it himself? The last time I asked, "when are we seeing each other?" and he surprisingly left me a voice message saying he "misses me" and "hasn't seen me for awhile ". It's like NO shit we haven't seen each other because he hasn't had the balls/time to make plans. THAT ANNOYED ME! He even said to send him a selfie because he "hasn't seen me". LOL

I thought how stupid, he wants my photo when he should be meeting me in person!! Then, he was even more clueless as to when we were meeting and said, "maybe... on... day before he starts work". OMG! And, I still needed to follow up with that BS!!

What is this guy's problem? Is he that stupid and clueless being out of practice dating (possibly)?

Why is he so uncomfortable/insecure about taking initiative?

Thanks all!!

[TCJ1234567]

Does he understand you like him and want him to pursue you? Sometimes girls will say and do little things that will make the guy think they are not interested.

I had a girl tell me several times that she didn't want a relationship, when that is exactly what she wanted. I took her at her word and backed off. Not the reaction she was hoping for.

[KandiKoolaid]

I would think he knows because I am taking 100% initiative in texting and asking about plans. He is the one that isn't taking any initiative... for what reason, I don't know!!

Even I had to ask him when is the next plan and he didn't even seem certain about choosing a date! Ugh, this is really getting on my nerves now and moving way too slowly. See what I mean?

[TCJ1234567]

I don't know that I would mess with him then. He NEEDS to show interest. What he thinks and what he wants is not as important has his actions.

[KandiKoolaid]

Yeah exactly!! I got so tired after two weeks of 100% initiating contact and not even meeting him. I basically said, "I can't make all the efforts, it's up to you now."

I'm thinking he feels pretty guilty at this point...

[Borginborg]

perhaps his past experience (s) were negative and he is just protecting himself. perhaps he is convinced that his work will eventually interfer with the relationship so he distances himself. you texting first is his only indication that you are still interested.

[KandiKoolaid]

Could be a possibility that I haven't considered. However, I find it completely unfair that I am taking 100% even when I tell him he needs to learn to.

He even said something like, I should "tell him everything" as a response to when I asked him "do I need to say everything". What does that even mean? Can he really be this clueless? ?

[Borginborg]

it sounds like he was raised being told what to do (or at least his last relationship was that way). he may have come from an abusive relationship (yes sometimes it is the women beating the men) my guess is he has no confidence in his own decisions. it can be built but saying no to him could be devestating. i have worked with a few clients like that.

[KandiKoolaid]

Well, thanks. That's an interesting take and I can't help but feeling something is off that he is waiting on me for everything. And, we were even supposed to meet for breakfast and then he basically just says that he has to work all day. I mean maybe he got called in earlier than usual, but it is getting weird!!

And, asking for my photo rather than meeting me? Misses me, yet does nothing about it. OMG... We live in the same city. How do you think I should deal with this? I really am getting tired and haven't even seen him for 2.5 weeks!

[Borginborg]

if it was me i would move on. starting to scream "married asshole cheating on his wife"

[KandiKoolaid]

Wow, really? Why?

I hope that isn't the case and he is just terribly shy/insecure. He even waited for me to ask him out the first time which took two weeks. I just told him he is being "weird" and I can't make the efforts anymore.

[Borginborg]

i like to look at the positive side of it too.

[Saph765]

I’m currently dealing with something similar to the creator of this thread and this response might be an answer as to why. My s/o works all the time 12 hours a day almost every day, so him being too tired after work makes sense. But on his off days he doesn’t take initiative to spend time together. His previous relationships were toxic which would explain him protecting himself if that’s what his behavior is. I’m probably going to have a talk with him about it later, but I’m glad I found this thread cause it certainly helped.

[Anonymous]

Maybe because he’s busy and senses you’re kdunmental and don’t give a fuck.


Maybe make a move yourself and stop being a little bitch. Men hate that

[Rattata]

I hope he stays away from you, you sound unstable.