How do you deal with being jealous of people in relationships?

Question

I'm anon because I don't want you to know.

I'm full of anger and sadness. I don't feel lonely; any other day I'm fine. I keep myself busy and I'm always surrounded by friends. But after another guy fucking me over, especially when I thought I got it right this time after waiting six months to even acknowledge another guy, I'm feeling really discouraged.

My family tells me it's not my time yet. It doesn't feel normal to keep getting it wrong this many times in a row. Why isn't it my time? Why do I have to be different from other people who've been dating since high school? People tell me I have a bright future, I'm on the right track, I'm a great person with a great personality, I'm beautiful. If I'm all these things, why isn't my time to meet someone yet?

I'm so jealous at people who have experienced love and what it feels like to be wanted by someone (other than just sexually) I hate feeling this way because I don't want to be a bitter human but my heart is heavy.

sadiesays06 · Accepted Answer

Sounds like you have some resentment building, and I think it's good that you're asking this question, and trying to work out these issues inside yourself so they don't fester. So first, good for you on that.

I know it's hard right now, and I can definitely sympathize - many of us have been there at some point. The good news is, you don't have to keep feeling this way.

Someone once told me, "resentment is the anger that comes from believing that we have been victimized. When you take yourself out of the victim role in your own mind, resentment clears." So perhaps ask yourself, do you feel victimized? If so, where and why? Try to step out of the victim role in your mind and see / embody your own *agency* in your life. No one can make you a victim except you. Be the agent of your life.

You don't have any way to predict when or where you'll fall in love. But, you do have power over today, and you can make it the best day it can be.

Being miserable today, won't make love come any faster. If anything, it might slow it down. I think it's possible one reason you haven't found this relationship you desire yet is just because you're so young. But another reason could be if you're feeling like you need it to be complete. Trust me, you don't want to be a half-person, adding to another half-person to make a whole. You want to be a whole person on your own. Only then, when you are complete within yourself, can you have a healthy and fulfilling relationship. Ironically, the best relationships come from people who don't "need" the relationship at all - they know they want it, but they also know they don't need it. They are whole people without it. Those are the power couples, those are the most fulfilling and successful relationships. If you feel you need the relationship in order to be complete, the relationship itself will suffocate under that pressure and become stagnant or volatile with that negative energy and you both will suffer.

You don't need a relationship to be complete, or to prove you are lovable. You are already lovable. You are loved, you are whole, you are complete. Be about the business of making your life an awesome one. Let go of all that negative energy and find what makes you happy and fulfilled as yourself. You need to know yourself more fully before giving yourself to someone else. So a guy isn't taking you on dates right now? Ok, take yourself on dates. You don't need a man. Want one, but don't need one.

natured · Accepted Answer

Okay, i think you should listen carefully (or read) lol...
I met my current boyfriend when i was 25 years old, so basically 3 years ago, before that I WAS JUST LIKE YOU!!!

I had one date after another, it kept going for years, until i just WAS FED UP and focused on my priorities, i did fell alone and desperate, and then when i LEAST expect it, HE CAME...

It all started with a glass of water (trust me this is weird) i was reading some magazine in a BAR while drinking my coffee. (I'm not a weirdo it is normal to drink coffee alone in Italy lol) i was reading basically reading a part where it says "HOW TO FLIRT" and stuff, while i was reading the barman brought me water, and im like :"I didn't order that" and he said well that young man ordered it for you because you seemed nervous LOL... so yeah, it started all there and after 3 years we are still together,

MY POINT IS, you should not think about it, you should expect the unexpectable and ENJOY your life to the maximum, don't worry about other couples, some are not even happy, so YOU should be happy and enjoy yourself, love yourself, and LET that moment happen without YOU PREDICTING IT...

Good luck doll <3

Poppykate · Accepted Answer

I know how you feel. But for me, it was getting married and having children. At the age of 34, and having spent years with a guy, who promised marriage, but never delivered. I am now newly single, with no guy in sight, and have come to a realisation that it probably won't happen for me, and that's ok. (the children part anyhow).

But you! You have lots of time! You are doing the right thing and not 'wasting your pretty' on the wrong man. You are well on your way to finding the right guy. With each wrong guy, you are one step closer to finding the right no. I remember reading, that the average woman needs to date 32 guys (on average) before she finds the one. So while you make your journey to finding the one, you can always, find a little joy by throwing popcorn at kissing couples at the movies! 😋

kambo_trick3y · Accepted Answer

This may be because I'm a little older than you so I've had time to be comfortable with it but at the end of the day, relationships don't define you, you define you. You start to realize that people who are in relationships have some things better than you, and some things worse. You really do realize that the grass is not always greener on the other side.

I've genuinely come to terms with the fact that relationships and the romantic life is probably not for me, if it happens, great, if it doesn't, that's fine too. With that time spent with another person you can use it to advance other ahead in other things in life that said person in a relationship might not have time for. With one door that closes, another opens, so to speak.

I've had people attempt to hold over my head the fact that they have a girlfriend and I don't, and I often reply with, "So? I'm stronger, faster, and more intelligent than you. And from where I'm standing, better looking."

Be you, be strong, and work on keeping your head held high and finding the strength within yourself to say, "I'm just me, but trust me, that is more than enough."

spencify · Accepted Answer

If you are constantly comparing yourself to other people you will never be satisfied with what you have.

Life isn't fair and it never will be, focus on the things you can control instead of being frustrated over what you can't control.

You seem like an okay girl, I think with time and patience you will find your special someone someday.

Anonymous · Answer

I dont really have advice but I completely 100% get what you are feeling. I'm 20, in college and recently been starting to really want to find a great girl and have that kind of relationship. Like you said so many people I know have been dating since high school and found steady long term relationships. However, literally no girls even try to be friends with me let alone want to date me. I thought my luck was changing last year when finally a girl showed interest in me (and luckily I liked her too). We started dating for a little while and out of no where she just stopped talking to me and I've been devastated ever since. You're right, people always try to say nice things to make you feel better (my parents went with the cliché "there's plenty of fish in the sea" line), but those don't really help you feel any better about the failed relationship. I too feel like I have some great qualities to offer and I don't get why its not my time either. I'm really not a jealous person overall, but I too get really jealous of couples. It just doesn't seem fair yet I don't know how to fix it.

Cruciatusdeatheater · Answer

Don't try to force this, please. You're likely to end up somewhere where you're unappreciated or taken advantage of. If you haven't found the right guy who will appreciate you for you, then just just wait it out. Love isn't the ultimate goal. Romance novels and chick flicks may even be influencing something that isn't always a reality. I'm not bashing them, nor do I think you're into them, but it's a possibility. Most ideas like these are rooted by those fantasy lifestyles.
It'll come to you. You just have to be patient. If it comes to you in a way that you feel you have to act and make the first move. Go for it.
Just don't sit around and think that love is the ultimate goal.

Joshy · Answer

Life just isn't fair sometimes. Being beautiful and on the right track does not automatically mean that the world has to reward us. However, having those things does give you the right to be confident, to be happy with yourself while you're still out looking for someone. It's perfectly normal to be angry and sad in those moments, I certainly can relate, which is why I have faith that you won't become bitter. All you need is one yes to make all those previous noes feel irrelevant, so stay strong girl! :D

spoonman2014 · Answer

If you are on a good track in life like you said, they have done studies and found that people who driven tend to get married later in life and have kids later too. People of lower Iq's and with menial jobs end up in more relationships and have more kids. I think it is because people in that bracket know who they are. They live in bad areas, they worked bad jobs, they got bad grades in school etc etc. It is like they are already at their destination in life. People like you are in the building phase, sure working for 9$ an hour in fast food while in college with convicts and girls with 5 baby dads doesn't make you loaded but in life. But that isn't your final destination and when you get there, you'll find love

kaylaS91 · Answer

Well.. don't forget that being in a relationship isn't rainbows of butterflies.
Sure, it's nice to have someone who (usually) makes you feel like they care for you just as much as you care for them. However, it's not like that comes without of effort, stress, and doubt. It's not like my boyfriend and I never end up in fights fueled by external factors making one, if not both of us, feel stressed about how much we can continue to contribute to the relationship. It's not like I don't frequently have thoughts of doubt regarding his faithfulness, our long-term potential, etc..

Sure, it's great to have those moments where we're cuddling and everything feels right with the world. Does it feel great to come home crying after we end up coming to a 'compromise' because neither one of us genuinely wanted to meet in the middle on one issue or another?
Nope. Not at all.

April10 · Answer

I'm sorry :( I've definitely been there. I don't know what the solution is to be honest. I think relationships aren't as great as what you might think. Believe me, they have their problems too. I guess, just do your thing, get out of the house, find some hobbies, meet new people. Eventually you'll find your person.

mrinalashesh007 · Answer

Jealousy is something that leads sometimes to a great discovery.. or sometimes lead to discouragements..

Try n focus on things u possess.. people u care about and vice versa.. It's not important who loves you.. it's who craves for you n clings onto u no matter what goes on.. The day u find such a guy doing that much for u.. go for him. n until then.. sit tight. n be patient.. u today my friend r way better than u yesterday.. so cheers to that !! 😛🍸🍾

AnaWryneck · Answer

You're too young to be bitter Like shit I'm 25 and married and I definitely wasn't looking for it I remember thinking I'm a have a career I'm going to sleep with who ever I want my life is going to be sex in the city hoe life fuck the world and then Slammed into love that's how it happens you don't look at this person and know they're the one its not magic you live your life and it happens so don't feel jealous or bitter just live your life and stop thinking about it

Anonymous · Answer

Not every couple you see are happy together. Some people seem like they are , but they are deseperate to get out of the relationship. They find it difficult to leave because they are dependant on their SO.

I'd hate my happiness to depend on being in a relationship. A relationship should only enrich your life, not be solely responsible for your happiness. Once it ends, so would you happiness too.

xznatzx · Answer

Dam girl!! I totally get how you feel, i know how angry or sad you might feel, but i think that its best you leave it the way it is, and do something you like, or maybe you should directly ask him if he's into that girl, if he asks why he should tell you, tell him you can give him tips in order for you to know if he likes her

Kaaarinaaa · Answer

I'm sorry for you, but you should talk openly about it and stop putting yourself under pressure! You will never find someone if you're looking desperately for that.
Go out and just have fun, let life happen, love yourself and enjoy your life and the day you expect it at least, someone will walk into your life and great thing for you

fueledbythc · Answer

There isn't a reason to be jealous. I think your best bet is to stop trying so hard for love. You will know when you connect with someone and it will be mutual. It will come with patience. Just focus on making yourself better.

jasonstav · Answer

Yeah that sounds like me in a guys version, there's nothing wrong with you, you have to just carry on what you are doing and someone special will come one day that doesn't focus on one day hookups and sex

Anonymous · Answer

you're funny. You made me laugh. Sorry you feel that way. You're way uptight. You've got to relax.

Yaharei · Answer

go and have random sex and feel amazing then you are at hme by ur self, u feel lonely so u just start over the process again by having random sex antil u fine someone interesting

Anonymous · Answer

Talk about it don't hold it in. Maybe you'll get a better reaction then you think, and it just gonna cause pain if you hold in all that jealously

WWLifeBegin · Answer

Ask yourself, do you want their boyfriends? Nope.

Jager66 · Answer

Random Number Generator is a cruel mistress.

How do you deal with being jealous of people in relationships?

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