My boyfriend cancels with me a lot for his parents?

[Anonymous]

I've been with my boyfriend for over 10 years, we both are living at home a bit longer.

I only get to see him on weekends because of our work schedules.

We had plans to go to the beach today but once again his parents give him crap he has to do, but he happily accepts it.

So now he's tied up planting flowers for his mother on the most beautiful day we've had yet and the best out of the weekend.

It's always something on the most gorgeous days, it's never a lousy day. It's a coincidence I think, but annoying.

He gets tied up planting, painting, all kinds of stuff and never says no even when we have plans.

I think he'd only say no if we paid for our plans, of course the beach is free, but if we had tickets to something or if it was a party or something he'd go with me.

But it bothers me so much that all his mother has to do is snap her fingers like 5 minutes before we're getting together (although it was a couple hours in advance this time) and he's instantly hypnotized and cancels with me and sees me either later or not at all, usually later. And then the day is over!

[Anonymous]

Personally, I think it's a good thing he has a strong sense of family and remains loyal to his mother -- if you want to be part of his family someday and living with him (married), wouldn't you want him to be that committed to YOU?

Have you volunteered to spend the day helping out with his chores? It's not always practical to go out and have a good time, and I think your boyfriend might appreciate it if you kept him company (even if he's doing 95% of the work). Show some interest in what he does, and show him that spending time with him is your main interest (not just going places). You can mention that you really did want to spend a day with him at the beach and it meant a lot to you, and perhaps he'll reschedule and stick with the plans he makes in the future :).

I do have a note: if you're spending almost every day with him, give him time off without "plans" so he can spend time with and helping his family. If you're only seeing him once a week and he cancels, THAT is a problem.

[takemedrunkimhome]

This is really good advice although I would add although a strong sense of family loyalty is a good thing he should also be spending time with you. You are a part of his life and his future, I like anon's advice about offering to help with his chores.. you can muck around planting things with him, at least you will be together :)

[starglazer]

I agree that this advice is great. I suggest too that if decide to spend time with him while doing the chores, you could also ask him to sometimes split the day between you and the chore. This way he can keep his loyalty to his mother as well as keep his loyalty to you.

[DanielSan]

well he seems like a good decent respectful guy to his parents which is how he will treat you one day...so next time he gets conscripted go over and help. or bring him something nice to drink or eat...lol

[Asker]

Hopefully, but as it stands he only has room to treat them this way!

[DanielSan]

Everyone has a choice. Like I said Instead of complaining about something I'm sure he rather you head over there and chill with him. If my girl did that for me id think that was super cool

[Asker]

He doesn't want me over there if he's busy doing something for them, he wouldn't find that too awesome if I showed up. He'd find that really invading, which I understand that much at least, but otherwise I wish he'd be the same with finding importance in me.

[DanielSan]

I doubt that. but do whatever you want.

[Asker]

What do you doubt? That he doesn't want my help When he's doing stuff for them? Because he's told me that numerous times.

[DanielSan]

I dint say help...i said just go there and be with him...

[Trihill]

is he not independent enough to live on his own? if he's a deadbeat son, then you're SOL

[Asker]

I don't know what him living on his own has to do with it?