Why does my boyfriend never want to go out in public with me?

Question

My boyfriend is a Hispanic male and I'm African American; he claims my race doesn't bother him but he never kisses me in public or ever wants to just hang out.  we always hang out and his place, and if we run into each other outside he just treats me like a friend not even like one of his good friends.  another concern is why do he choose his friends over me.  I haven't seen him in two weeks and he asked me to come over but then later on he says he won't be at home he's going to hang out with his friends, and another time I came over after we had sex he asked me when was I going to leave because his friends wanted to go somewhere and the last time I went there which was two weeks ago he asked me to come over but then he went out with his friends and stayed gone for two hours and then he just wanted to have sex and I asked him if he wanted to talk for a little while  before we had sex he got mad at me I'm starting to think the only thing he good for is sex and gets really annoyed when I ask him anything although he claims he loves me I'm not seeing it

mrlonelyone · Accepted Answer

Like most of the others I think that he is mostly just using you for sexual gratification. However unlike most of the others I do think your race has something to do with this.

Somehow I don't think he would quite as willing to disrespect a woman of his own race the same way.

The same thing happens to black men. You see one stereotype about us black folks is that we are particularly good for sex, very sensual or well endowed. I have noticed that women of other races will be willing to have sex with me secretly but never ever form a real lasting relationship.

I have even seen message boards where women of certain races talk about wanting to have a child by a black man, but not keep the black man around. Basically thinking that it would be a pretty combination.

It is one of the heart rending ironies of being black in America. At least when it was the ol massa (or mistress) they would keep us around to do the laundry or the gardening.

Like me you have tried other races. Like me you may just have to conclude that only another black person is likely to truly love and respect one of us.

Jinmetsu_Rasetsu · Accepted Answer

Perhaps he has an aversion to PDA (public displays of affections)... I don't like PDA and once threw one of my ex's away from me for attempting to kiss me in public. Not that I am not attracted, but just don't like public displays... I am the type of person that says to people kissing in public, "Get a room!"

As for the rest, you must understand one thing, not all guys want to hang around with their girlfriends all the time. Perhaps you are beeing too needy and clingy? But if you are not, the problem may be as deep as you presume.

If you do not like the situation, just chalk it up as a loss and find someone that can do what you want...

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

He is just using you for sex, that's what it sounds like. I don't know if it has anything to do with race, or maybe he just doesn't want to settle down, or if he's not that into you. I'm sorry but either way you should not have to put up with it. Dump him, you can do way better than him! he's wack and a coward for not being able to tell the truth with you.

Next time never give yourself to a man until he has absolutely proven he deserves you and you know he's there for the right reasons. make sure you don't give him sex unless you have been together happily for a while (at least 3+ months). If you are not getting the utmost treatment tell him to kick rocks.

gemglam · Accepted Answer

Sorry to tell you this but he doesn't consider you his girl friend. To him you are the person he has sex with and not the person he would like to introduce to his friends or even his family. He only says he loves you because he thinks that's what you want to here. Men can fake a whole relationship and that's the way they do it. I suggest you let him go because you will only be wasting your time with someone who isn't right for you and who also thinks that you are not right for him (except for a sexual fill). Move on.

Arwens-Fire · Accepted Answer

Sounds like he is just using you for sex...and he is just...using you. It doesn't sound as though he is proud to have you as his girlfriend either. He's running over you like a doormat because you haven't put your foot down.:( If I were you I would end it.It sounds like an awful relationship...in fact it doesn't even sound like a relationship. End it. He sounds like a complete douche.

LaNenaRica · Answer

me being hispanic, I grew up with hispanic guys my whole life and they can be D*CKS. not all.. but the majority. One of my friends wasn't allowed to date this latino boy because she was white. (his parents didn't allow it). you have to be tough with guys like this.

im sorry to say, but it sounds like he's ashamed of you. I don't think it necessarily has to do with race, but you never know.

tell him to cut the crap or you're walkin.

if he truly likes you for who you are.., he'll cut the crap. good luck.!

Maddy82 · Answer

He doesn't love u, I am sorry but for real when you love someone you are proud to show them off, and you don't lie and treat them like he is treating u! This isn't going anywhere and you will be more hurt when you find out he is already seeing some one eles and trust me he will start! MOVE ON

tori_smiles54 · Answer

Girl he sees you as some booty call-.- don't be fooled je probably has another girl or only wants you for that booty if you know what I mean. Talk to him if you really care and tell him be strait forward and tell him how he's treating you and that your confused, and don't let the excuses pour out of him, leave him.

toulouse · Answer

it doesn't have to be because you are Af/Am but he definitely is just using u. I've seen the same private behavior in guys who are with white girls & af/am guys with af/am girls etc. some guys are just assholes, not a race thing. but really do you care? I mean he's a jerk, does it matter why?  Dump him- just for getting mad that you wanted to talk like two human beings..

19katie96 · Answer

I don't think his worth it. It seems his using you for sex! That's not right! Either you tell him straight about what's bothering you or you go out there and find someone new that will treat you how you wanted to be treated! You can do better then that! Hoped this helped :)

Tamikaze · Answer

He is not treating you the way someone who truly loves and wants you would.  It doesn't matter why he is doing it, only that he is doing it.  I don't even know that it is race, just sounds like he is booty calling you.  Kick him to the curb.  Good luck!

LovelyLadyBlue · Answer

You should be with a man who loves you and from what you say, he doesn't seem to. Honestly, it sounds like he's only using you and you should not accept that. Talk to him about it. Ask him why he does it. If he does not treat you how you deserve, I say move on and never look back. There are plenty of nice men in this world, so why waste you time with one who will make you suffer?

cut_up_story · Answer

he could just be shy and not very into PDA, but know that for every relationship to work, there needs to be communication, talk to him and let him know this is bothering you. if he really loves you he'll let you know what's going on. let him know you're uncomfortable and that you feel like he may be embarassed about you and that you think he should be acting more like a boyfriend. talk to him and find out what's going on.

DesiVega · Answer

it sounds like what happened with me and my EX... he would always be with his friends, except the difference is I was the one witht the PDA issues...

Im sorry to say it but dump him if that doesn't change... I don't want anything happening to anyone like what happened to me

neardark · Answer

Unless your one of a very few girls he's ever dated and isn't sure how to act around girls I would say just dump him and find someone who knows how to treat you right.  Cause really if its just something like he's just a shy person or something like that, clearly you want something a person like that can't deliver..

Anonymous · Answer

hes a jerk screw him :( what guy would pick bros before hoes lol

and ditch a vagina for a few buddies

hes only making time for you just to have sex and ask you when you wanna leave :(

if you really like the sex then go ahead stay with him

but if your EHHH about it just find someone better...why do you have to be treated like a toy and then have to satistfy him too

nelsonrunner92 · Answer

Yeah at first I thought well mayeb this guy just likes to keep stuff like that private and is uncomfortable with other people around but sounds like he's just using you if he never wants to just be with you to talk or hang out or anything but sex

iloveyouyouloveme · Answer

One of my exes was like this. . granted he was also a different race. I say you deserve better girl. Go out there and get someone who is proud to be with you, in public and in private. Make him realize what an amazing woman he lost.

Black_Ice · Answer

weird.. I've been in a situation slightly similar to this except I WAS only using the guy for sex & neither of us wanted to be seen together. My reason was because my dad didn't approve of him at all... didn't have anything to do with race but turns out that his reason was that he had a girlfriend in the neighborhood. I dropped him on the spot !

This guy sounds ridiculous. Fuck love, he's bullsh*tting you !

Please know, you deserve so much better <3

cmw2014 · Answer

well, I'm not the best .

buht my bestfriends boyfriend is doing the same thing to her,

n he's cheating on her,

im so sorry to tell yu.

buht yu might have a cheater on yur hands,

if I was yu,

i would tell him.

if yu can't make time in your life for me other than just to have sex,

then I don't think we needa be together.

dont get mad, I'm just telling yu the way I see it from my point of view.

venividivici · Answer

wow this sounds a lot like he's ashamed of being seen with you in public (as a couple). as much as  I love hispanic people, I say dump him. you really deserve better than that.

whoyou · Answer

It has nothing to do with your race men are strange creatures. One thing to think about is how has his home life been. If he isn't use to effection he is not going to show it. I kind of have the same problem. my tip is to lay off the talking bot to insult you . When dealing with men you have to think and act like them and they change their tune. Don't pressure him maybe even ignore him.

hunnyfly · Answer

if your interested in a real relationship you should end things with him...some guys just don't like the whole pda thing but the point is if he really loved you (even if he doesn't like holding hands/kissing in public ect) he would do it anyway  because he loves you...but by his actions it doesn't sound like he really cares

Mssbella · Answer

From what you have said this guy just wants to have sex. Men have been using the l-word for years to get sex. Its GAME. When someone loves you they actually show it more than they say it.

lefthand · Answer

Sadly. You already know what you need to know. If you want to keep him around for the sex, fine but he isn't going to provide much else.

Why does my boyfriend never want to go out in public with me?

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