How long would you put your life on hold for someone that you love?

[Anonymous]

I’m currently in a long distance relationship, and I have been for a while now. Recently I realized that I’m really putting my life on hold for this person. I’ve set a time limit as to how long I’ll wait (which has been adjusted here and there), but I’m just curious, how long would you guys put your life on hold for someone that you think you’ll spend the rest of your life with?

[jeremy20]

I have personal experience with this...so take my word for it.

I had a girlfriend (and eventually turned fiance) for several years. I graduated with a Masters degree and ready to start my career just last year. I was deeply in love with her and thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with her.

For that reason, I limited myself to jobsearching where we lived because she told me a long distance relationship would never work. I looked to start my career locally, but couldn't. Ultimately, she cheated, which destroyed our relationship. Its something I would have never seen coming because like you, I thought we were going to spend the rest of my life with that person.

1 year later, I have submitted over 150 job applications and I still haven't been hired to start a career in my field because I held myself back for her.

I told you that story to help you understand your situation. First, are you %100 sure you are going to spend the rest of your life with this person? I'm not doubting you, but its something to think about whether its worth holding yourself back. You also bring up how your time limit has been adjusted time and time again. It seems you have held yourself back enough already.

I don't know your situation, but my best advice would be to do whatever it takes to avoid a situation like mine. Do not hold yourself back to the point that its going to bar you from what you want out of life. Also, ask yourself, is the person you're with making sacrifices too? If not, would he be willing to for you? Another thing to ask yourself is whether you're really happy now or not...if the answer is even remotely close to "no" I would say its time to break the chains and discontinue putting your life on hold.

I would suggest talking to this person about what you see in each others future. Make sure they know that you can't live the way you are now forever and that you feel time is ticking in terms of what you need to do in your life. If he loves you the way you love him, he will be willing to make some changes to help both of you out.Last but not least, think of yourself...youre not married (assuming) so nothing is certain. Good luck with your situation.

[schlierkampification]

I thought that was an awesome answer jeremy. It made me think quite a bit too.

[ManWhoDropsTheBall]

Awesome answer. Question, how are you mentally, regarding relationships, since you found out your girlfriend cheated? I know this maybe hard to answer due to you trying to decide your career first, but are you holding up strong?

[jeremy20]

My story is a lot more detailed and complicated than what I provided above, but now I am fine. This happened to me last September. Initially, when the breakup occurred, I stopped eating and lost 30 lbs over 2 and a half weeks and suffered some sort of pain (still not sure what it was from). As time passed though, like any other person, I got over her. The most difficult thing was not taking her back when she came crawling back to me, but to answer your question (continued)...

[jeremy20]

since then, she has shown her true colors by destroying my friendships and reputation by telling everyone I was the one that cheated. Also, I found out she began cheating on my birthday/our anniversary lol. With that being the case, I've come to learn that she is an all around terrible person and that I am way better off without her. So I don't really judge all girls based on her. I have found though that most people my age don't want an exclusive, meaning relationship like I do.

[Arnold156]

You can't really define a definite time limit.

Even though it's said that distance don´t makes you lose your love, and it's true, it breaks you appart if it's too long. So, as long as you love him and the pain is bearable you can manage to wait for him, but it will come to a moment when the pain doesn't worth the wait, and that's when you should move forward. This time can come next week as it can just come next century.

A long distance relationship is a hard thing to mantain, but love needs touch and proximity, and if there isn't any, it'll eventually degrade.

Just keep going with your life, not blocking it, nor closing yourself to possible windows to hapiness. Life's just to short to stay still.

[schlierkampification]

I think it really just depends on how true your love for him is and if you know 100% in your heart that he feels the exact same way back. If he does, he should be willing to wait for you as long as you're willing to wait for him. Forget traditional bullcrap. Men and women are equal or at least should be considered equal even though they aren't considered equal in society. Therefore, if he loves you and you love him, if you're starting to question his love for you, then ask him how long he would be willing to put HIS life on hold for YOU.

[souka]

i wouldn't unless he loves me very much