Will he ever get over her?

[lana77]

There's this guy, and we've been hanging out and there's definitely something there. Problem is...he cannot seem to get over his ex. And it hurts me like HELL. She's engaged to someone else, so he pretty much has to get over her. But he says he will always love her. Has anyone ever felt that they would always love someone but then you actually do get over them completely? Because I really want to be with him, I just can't do it knowing I'll always be second. The hurt would be unbearable. But part of me thinks that maybe he just feels this way now, but in a little while it will be different? Someone please help me before I cry myself to sleep :(

[eman844]

ok. I'm going to give you the guy perspective on this.. a guy's first true love is never forgotten totally. they will have some feeling for that girl/woman for years.. the best way to get over them is to forget, detach yourself from them, completely remove any aspect of their existence from your life. but HE WILL GET OVER HER. but it does take time.. most women don't realize that while men may be big, strong and tough on the exterior.. we are very emotionally vulnerable and weak. being the girlfriend after the "first" is always the most difficult relationship. you are tasked with the "healing" and "repair" of his emotional state. I would recommend talking to him about her.. but not to the point that he sits and reminisces and wishes things still were... He may be a broken man right now... but once he's completely over her.. he will love you even more than he ever did her.

[lana77]

thank you...you've given me hope when I seriously felt torn apart. I hope you are right and he will eventually get over her. I've tried talking to him about her...he doesn't seem to want to though : /

[eman844]

he will be reluctant to talk about her.. it's because he's trying to forget. he will talk when he's ready. don't push the subject.. just keep being there for him and be everything to him that you possibly can be. I'm in a relationship with my "girl after" and quite frankly what I said is true.. I love her so much more than the first. The first woman unlocks the man's emotions, unlocks his potential. you only need to be there for him now and love him... and he will forever love you..

[lana77]

thank you so, so much. you honestly have no idea how helpful your advice has been. that's a beautiful way that you put it as well. and I will be there for him and love him as best and as much as I can. I'm just not really sure what I should/can do since I can't get him to talk about it. also I'm not so sure he's trying to forget her...he told me she will always be a part of him and he will always love her and he really seems to be holding on. and yet, he doesn't want to talk about it?

[eman844]

he will be reluctant at first to let go.. but after a time, his not being able to be with her will just actively hurt.. guys forget to get over the hurt.. but what he told you doesn't mean he is still wanting to be with her. My first girl is a part of me as well.. I see her every day, and yes.. I still love her.. but I'm not trying to be with her.. I've just hid my feelings from myself with a thick blanket of loathing... do I wish her ill? no... but when I see her I always express my disdain..

[Anonymous]

Yes I cried myself to sleep a lot over a situation just like yours but my experience was with a. Guy whose wife was dead. I ended up just cutting it off completely. I felt really degraded that I was competing with a dead woman for his attention. I found myself remembering stories that he told me about her and trying to do better. Like for his birthday she took him to the park and they had a picnic. Well I took him to a really expensive restaurant. Then took him to his favorite rive to fish And all he could think AND TALK about was the picnic! He's still lonely. No one will ever be as good as her to him, so I would say step back,

[dollme777]

Well, I know how you feel I have been with a guy for almost a year and for little more then half the year he was still in love with his ex. I know you like him but I would just find someone new and let him deal with that on his own. Because I don't know how many times I was with my ex and I thought he would see the good in me and see the light. But he never did and our relationship end up ending on his dumb accounts, and actions and when he finally decided he didn't love her anymore I didn't even love him. I was always second best I was never first and it hurt everyday.