Why am I not enough, why are guys always so difficult?

danalane
4 years ago I met a boy at work. He was a couple years younger than me, we became friends. I never considered him as anything else. We flirted & he always made sure to say Hi in the halls of school. Fast forward to when he got my number from one of my friends. I loved that he was pursing me and we started to hang out outside of work. The first time he kissed me was extremely sweet and from then on I was hooked. I was very comfortable

with him and one night we lost our virginity's together. But he never wanted any title other than "friend", though emotionally & physically we were much more. Even though as a couple we weren't in the right place I wouldn't change it for the world.

Many things have happened since then, we've both had failed relationships with others. He's been cheated on & I've cheated on a boyfriend with him... don't judge please. I want you guys to know that it's more than just physical between us, emotionally I've been there for him . I'm just not quite sure he knows how to be there for me. Not like any of our families are perfect but my parents knew that they didn't get along enough to get a divorce whereas hischose to stay together even though it was distructive and damaging to him and his siblings. I think that he's never seen a healthy relationship and that he can't fully appreciate what a real one can be. So now that time has passed I stopped working at the place that we worked at together. Awhile after that

he also stopped working there so I got him a job at my place of work. It's my own fault I realize for making it so easy for him. He's never taken me out on a date & I'm the one who always drives everywhere. I shouldn't have been "giving the milk away for free". He always says he doesn't want a relationship because

he's been in so many bad ones... but all this time & I know I still make him happy, why wouldn't he at least give me a shot. I'm sick of hiding the way I feel in front of other people and I'm over being at the bottom of his list. Not trying to be conceeded but I know that I'm better than the girls he normally dates.

We live in a sh*tty town and both of us want to leave. We've talked about moving away together before & he's moving down state and there was talk of him wanting me to come along. Yeah that's great but he's never set it in stone. About a week ago he told me he loved me, boys don't say that unless they mean

it right? Ha if only. Over the years I've seen a pattern, everythings great until I get fed up and break it off because he "doesn't want a relationship".All I want is to be there for him & him to be there for me, but he's so f***ing stubborn it makes me want to throw up in his face. His words tell me he's ready but his actions show me that he doesn't care about my feelings or well being. Am I wasting my time trying to force something that's never gonna happen?He tells me that in the future he wants it to happen, but why do I have to continue to wait?
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All I want is to be able to count on him like he can

count on me. He may say he doesn't want a relationship but what does he think this is? It is a relationship & it's a bad one where he has all of the

benefits and I'm left doing all the work. Why can't he be a man for me? If he loves me then why does he cause me nothing but pain? Anyway I have decided to

stop indulging him, & I'm told myself that if he wants me it's all or nothing, no more take take take. Any GOOD & KIND advice is welcome.

Why am I not enough, why are guys always so difficult?
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