Why am I not confident enough. Why am I always begging?

Question

why am i begging a guy who isn't worth it? he is dumb and self centered!!! he for real thinks that only like him because of his looks and hate me for saying that my mom was right about alabnians!! weelll i said that for a good resson i recall but he for real said i am mean! He also for some reason trolled me and said he wants to meet but then said he doesn't want to... How can i change my personality and stop begging people?

RavVid · Accepted Answer

Albanians have a bad rep here too so your Mom was undoubtedly right. :)

There is the Bad Boy vs Good Guy divide. Are you going for BBs? Any GG will tell you BBs will treat you badly - its their job.

A couple of gal pals and I had a deal to give character assessments on people we had met and were interested in. The theory was a guy would sus out another guys character defects quickly and ditto on the girl side.

I don't know how many times I said "What are you doing? He is an arrogant A*hole" or "What are you doing? He is a BS'er".

Even when it was pointed out, they could not avoid the fatal attraction of male arrogance and still had to experience it.

Any resonance here?

In any case there is the three strikes and they're out rule that should be be applied at all times.

In actual fact it is a blessing when a person scrubs themselves out quickly because then they don't waste that much of your precious life.

NathanDavis · Accepted Answer

because you are immature... which is common at your age

and about that, you don't really need to change your personality... you just need some introspection and time, to adjust yourself.. that is the only way

like I told you before, just stop wasting time and energy on stupid boys and focus on yourself, find yourself first and your own goals... that do not involve stupid boys

because what you're doing right now, wasting time on kids that don't even appreciate... that is just to sabotage yourself, so forget about everyone else and do something for your own person

get busy with yourself and your life... not stupid about other stupid guys

Rose_84 · Answer

Because you think you won't find anyone else and also you're addicted to talking to them, so a day without them feels so empty and you grow thirsty for their attention.
I'm the opposite, I don't beg, I kick out and make them chase me and beg for my forgiveness BUT despite that I have faced these issues with one person. I've wasted hours talking to them as I was addicted to their attention and there was sexual attraction. I kept blocking him and unblocking him and even ghosting him as he wasn't as serious and honest like me, but i ended up taking him back because he reached out all the time, but it was the last straw when he forgot my birthday.

JustAnj · Answer

Because you want his approval and are a people pleaser.

How do you fix this?

You need to unblind your views.

Example:

Fantasy: This person having interest in me means I am important to them. So I should keep trying to keep initiate with them, maybe they will change for me. If they keep intimating that means they are worth my time even if he does not value me or my time. Let's see where this goes, I don't want to be alone or give up what I am sure but unsure could work.

Reality: This person is interested in me for reasons I am unsure of and seems to not really know what he wants. If I am being honest with myself I am not attracted to his qualities and personality. I know we are not compatible because he doesn't have the emotional availability I am looking for. I should stop leading him on and be honest with him and tell him I am uninterested.

SteveSmith1985 · Answer

You don't even have to change your personality to stop begging this guy. At least you don't need to change it right away (If some aspect of your personality has you doing this... in other situations, then, yes, do work on that).

But in THIS situation, all you need to do... is... decide that you deserve better, and refuse to continue begging this guy. That may be easier said than done... but it's really not something beyond what you're able to do.

You already (at least) seem to know that this guy isn't worth it... and that you shouldn't be begging after him. So now, you have to decide to stop. THen you have to stop yourself every time you're tempted to start begging again. You really will be better-off in every way if you show yourself the self-respect you deserve. 🙂

Aerissa_Jade · Answer

Some advice I was once given, if someone wants to be with you. You won't have to chase them. If you do chase them, and you get them. You've made them a priority but they will likely make you an option among many.

You won't have to beg or chase the right person, they will come to you as you will go to them.

Given time and experience, you will learn. Things like you explained, help you to grow and learn and do better next time.

Sour-rose · Answer

Sooo uuuh... i guess it's all a matter of why do you think you need to beg. What i got probably won't fit you but you are probably not confident enough because you wanna be nice to people. And with being nice, you will be a baby cub. Wanting to live your life but the cheetah doesn't gaf what you are, it's hungry... and you're it's prey.

So in a word, you gotta stand up for yourself. Ah, I got the words. "Don't start any shit but don't take any either." :) it works.

ethanallen · Answer

I don't care whether you are a man or woman. If you find yourself lacking confidence , I would suggest taking on immense challenges where you may be physically and or emotionally hurt. You must put yourself in difficult situations to develop confidence. Never be afraid of failing. Failing is badge of honor. My high school football coach used to tell the kick off team, "Run down field as fast as possible with all reckless abandon and hit someone!"

humanearth · Answer

Your young, you'll grow out of it That's a nice thing about getting older. You learn, change and more. Like your views on dating now, will be a 1000 times different when your 30.

Anonymous · Answer

We are social creatures and have a tendancy to treat people differently depending on our perceived relative social standing and value etc.

People often incorrectly inflate the value of selfish and arrogant people because they act and therefore socially signal that they are of high value.

motownplayer2000 · Answer

You get messed up enough until you finally learn how too. Happened with me and some women. I use to be that nice guy, that yes let me do whatever you need guy for women. And would always get messed up or used. So I finally one month decided I wouldn’t take any more shit from women. And I don’t. I still love women. And I still have special women in my life. But I they have to prove there worth to me. Just like a man should prove there worth to you.

IsoUser · Answer

I would just say that your inexperience in dating and relationships is essentially your "Achilles Heel" so to speak. With that being said don't jump into any relationship headfirst with any guy an please in the future don't demean an entire ethnic group ie. " the Albanian comment " After all personally I I am German/Irish = A hardhead that likes a time LMFAO 😉😉😁😁😁

Th3ft · Answer

It sounds like you know that he is stupid and that you deserve better? So why are you asking us? They way to grow your confidence is to simply do it. Which in your case means to own your opinion of him and stop bagging him.

TheMajesticKing777 · Answer

The smart thing to do is to stop chasing him, the more you chase him, he will see that you will always chase him which will just make him feel like he doesn't have to care or put in any form of effort

serious · Answer

Honestly it seems only you can answer your own question.

To me there can only be one reason if you say you are always begging, which is if you lack self- respect, self confidence. Hence you know yourself if you lack these or not.

Changiis07 · Answer

Once you know your worth and be kinder to yourself, and start loving yourself a bit more you won't beg anyone for attention. It took me a while but you can do it too. Once you start getting rid of people in your life that don't lift you up

Whatever2929292 · Answer

If someone isn't into you or rejects you then leave them alone. You aren't going to make them like you by bothering them and as you said not worth it anyways

Andres77 · Answer

Inexperience. Give it some time. You're working out the balance between head and heart. That's a major life skill

Sonorous · Answer

Well, in this case, it's probably because of sexual attraction. But maybe you have a hard time letting go of people that aren't good for you?

Sparkie460 · Answer

First, you have to love yourself. Learn to know that you deserve respect from people. If they don't want to show you respect or give you attention then leave them. There are plenty of guys that will be happy to treat you right

JessicaEarl · Answer

Sounds like you wouldn’t be happy in that relationship anyways. You’ve got some of your own growing up to do

fonduegirl · Answer

Marilyn Monroe problems 102

H8INCHES · Answer

Take the attitude that they have to chase you. The ones that give up are too lazy, or not that interested. Don't make it easy to get your attention. And never go after them.

TrillXHippy · Answer

As you get older you’ll start to have more confidence and you shouldn’t change anything about yourself

Zolly99999 · Answer

I think everyone has a bit of insecurity in them.. I'm not sure how to fix it as i haven't fixed my own yet

Creampiekarl420 · Answer

You are kinda mean but I’m aware that meaner people are usually more honest and have more integrity than the average person

athlete_7 · Answer

If u have to beg it won't work out. Understanding is basic foundation of relationships.

JohnK123 · Answer

Just be you and now that ur more capable of doing it all by yourself and succeeding

Staximus · Answer

What's wrong with people from Alabama haha

urpapi69 · Answer

You lack confidence because you haven't talked to a lot of guys. When you will, you'll understand that you're enough.

ZenoZoldyck · Answer

If you beg people then you have no value, tip give yourself some value

jahaims · Answer

You don't have self respect

scooogy · Answer

I seem to have that as well. I always feel like it's either begging or chasing them away.

WhitneySnow · Answer

Dump this guy. He’s not worth it.

Xtendable · Answer

Its the one guy you’re begging hey?

Sam_25 · Answer

Because you have heart of gold 😘

dolemite89 · Answer

date an American guy instead 🤷‍♂️😂

Tstrbrainer · Answer

I wish I could answer this

Jouth · Answer

don't beg you're hot

Joker_ · Answer

Try to relax

Frio33 · Answer

Just follow your heart

Beerluvr · Answer

Not sure. Only you can answer that.

Why am I not confident enough. Why am I always begging?

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