How do you stop wanting a significant other/partner?

[animalwithin]

This is so hard! I've been single for quite some time now, over two years. I go out on dates often, but no one really interests me too much to want a relationship. The thing is, I REALLY want a girlfriend, someone special to share my time, love, and money with in a commited, monogamous relationship. I meet girls all the time, but I'm just not into any of them and I am not interested in messing around. I DO NOT by any means have high standards, all of my exes were pretty average, I think the common guy/gal would find them cute/pretty but nothing stunning. I think I lead a pretty exciting life, I have really unique and interesting hobbies (guitar, snowboarding, archery, outdoorsman), a very well paying job, I drive a nice car and motorcycle, and I'm crazy determined to become a doctor (have my bachelors in biology). My family is REALLY screwed up so it does get very lonely at times but I am blessed with amazing friends, and I try my best to go out often. I think I'm a fairly good looking guy, ladies do chime in on what you think. I just can't seem to find someone to be with. Everybody else seems to have this easy, they meet someone and next thing you know they're paired up. Apparently, the common answer is I need to forget about this and when I least expect it, someone will come, but how do you forget about something like this when you want a S.O./partner so bad?

Updates

+1 y

Thanks to everyone for all the great advice, I wish I could give out multiple Best Answer's, it was hard deciding! I appreciate all the great answers :)

[loveisbeautiful]

You know, people tell me that something "when you least expect it, it will happen".

But, I don't know if I believe that or not. One thing I do know is giving up on something you want

SO badly (especially love), is hard. Even if you make a conscience choice to give up

on finding someone, subconsciencesly you'll still be looking for it and just not aware of it.

I know that, because after a long time of one crappy life thing after the other I've just tried to

convince myself I'm not meant to be happy and I just meant to be alone. But, deep down inside

I wanted to loved and to give my love to someone. So,when I go somewhere or I talk

to someone, I can't help but wonder "could this be the day I find him? or,could this possiblely turn into something?" So, even if you do give up, you'll never really GIVE UP. Does that makesense?

I know I don't know you, but you seem (or sound) like a nice guy. And, you do

have all that stuff that you listed going for you and probably even more stuff then we

don't know about. So, I don't think you should give up. But, instead take a little break

from dating. Like, if you meet a girl instead of thinking "Is there potenial here?

Could this be something", just try to focus on the moment and don't jump to

"could this be?". I know that's just as hard, as trying to give up. Because,

when you want something So bad and for SO long and you see other people

get what you want (and like you said in your question, "it seems so easy for them")

It get's frastrating watching everybody else get everything you want, but I guess some

people are just lucky that way. You'll find you're girl, but in your own way and own

time. Until then, like I said when you go out by yourself or with your friends and

you meet a girl. Don't think about the "what could be" but just enjoy the "what is"

and enjoy each others company. Also,focus on the hobbies you have and stuff.

That way, you're not giving up. But, you're also not actively looking and ending up

disappointed because it didn't work out. Does that maksense, as well?

I hope my advice was helpful to you, in someway. Good luck, I hope you find

your girl someday soon : )

[animalwithin]

Great answer, thank you so much! I've been better at letting it go these past few days. I understand all that you're saying, but I've also had MANY crappy life experiences and haven't let that jade my overall perspective on life. You're not meant to be alone and you deserve to be happy so don't think negatively, there is always hope. Thank you once again for your advice :)

[loveisbeautiful]

You're very welcome : ) And, thank you for what you said as well. I'l try to keep that in mind.

[gostar]

Truth is finding an actual partner is someone lots of people struggle with. Everyone one wants that special one in their lives and they so desperatly want that that sometimes they start to feel hopeless. Yess, you seem like a great guy and though I don't know you, I have a feeling you'd make a great boyfriend, but you do need to be patient in this. Instead of waiting for that special one, go to certain pplaces where you could interact with women more and get to know better. You said you like outdoor activities. Join some outdoor volunteering thing like hiking or something so you could meet people of the same interest as you. And I don't know if it differs in ages, but I'm almost 18, and one of the things that makes me like a guy is a confident one. When you like a girl, let her know. And when you meet someone, don't be afraid of showing her all of your great qualities such as your personality and how you like to do outdoor stuff. Let her in. And most of all, know that nobody's perfect. I learned that prince charming doesn't excist, but what I do know is that there's someone out there who could be your soulmate. And not just one person, many. So be open to different kinds of girls and just be yourself!

[animalwithin]

Thanks for the great answer!

[gostar]

thanks for the BA :)

[animalwithin]

You're welcome, thank you for the great advice :)

[anonymousfille]

""Everybody else seems to have this easy, they meet someone and next thing you know they're paired up""

I don't think it's easy to find someone you like, I don't think it's normal to like every other girl you meet. I think people just jump into relationship because they have different needs than you do. I think you are the norm...if most people are doing something it does not make it right or the norm. Plus what's satisfying for most people might not be satisfying for you or me. I have refrained from getting into relationships for a long time, even though I was getting asked out on a daily basis because I have not met someone I genuinely liked or were interested in. It's just not satisfying for me wasting my time on going on dates with random people...do you hang out with people you don;t like such as neighbors /coworkers...etc... that should answer your question.

.

[animalwithin]

I completely agree with you. All of my friends tell me to just hook up with any girl and go from there, but its not like that for me. I have to be really into a girl on all levels to want to be in a relationship. If I'm not wholeheartedly interested in her, its not going to work in the end. I hang out with my best friends mostly, I love them and we all have very similar things in common.

[anonymousfille]

exactly, so don't do something just because every one else is doing it... same here I only hang out with people I enjoy spending time with, and if these people are not available I do stuff on my own...if you only spend time with close friends, why the hell would you waste your time with a girl you don't genuinely like ...we all crave company and intimacy but for it to be satisfying it has to be with one person you genuinely like..if it works for other people...then fine..people are different.

[anonymousfille]

so to answer your question: you never should stop wanting to be with someone, but don't make looking for someone your daily concern, it will exhaust you if you do...just stay prepared to get involved with someone when someone interesting shows up on your radar :)

[animalwithin]

I hear you, I never do things just because others are doing it, that's one of my biggest pet peeves. It is exhausting though, but I am definitely prepared to be with someone haha. I just need to work on making it a lower priority in life. Thanks so much for your advice!

[anonymousfille]

;)

[Anonymous]

tell me about it, I feel the same, if it was okay for us guys to be just a little bit desperate and needy, then I probably would not be as resentful about the social norm, status-quo, tradition that us guys have to make the first move, do the approaching and start talking to the girl first, asking her out, etc. Yes I do see the positive aspect about being the initiator, it means we get to literally go after what we want and when we want, meanwhile girls are standing passively on the sidelines waiting for an actual guy they want to go after them, I think you get my point, etc., it's just the most difficult aspect of this is being assertive, pro-active and at the same time, not being desperate, avoiding trying too hard, because unfortuneately girls can sense and smell easily when a guy is desperate from miles away, they can smell, sense it just like a Shark can detect blood in the water.

[Opinion Owner]

because us guys have feelings too you know, we are not robots, we instinctively desire and crave companionship as well too, now i'm not saying i'm entitled or owed anything from girls, not at all, they don't owe me anything, they have a right to who they want to date or be with just like we guys do as well, it's just I wish desperation was not one of their list of turn offs, because yes I will admit I am desperate for a girlfriend but at the same time I do have standards, I won't settle or take what I can get, i'm just desperate for the right one

[asker999]

I have the same problem. I had a girl show up in my life recently which was unexpected. She ended up being a train wreck. I have never let someone 'choose me' before and the girl was looking for someone to use to make herself feel better and that was it. So I don't recommend taking a back seat to finding someone. Do things you enjoy doing that will put you in a position to meet people. So stay away from loner activities. I would also recommend figuring out what you actually want right now. Don't get wrapped up in what you want for 'forever' but you need to know what you are looking for. Or you won't find it.

[passionforprince]

Its not about forgetting about wanting a SO but not focusing on it. Meet people and date as you are doing but don't go into situations evaluating people as a SO. for instance you have a great convo with a lady that you met inline at starbucks and you decide to sit and have a convo while you enjoy coffee. organically something grows but the mission is to get to a know a new person and learn more about her... she may not even be the one you date she may have friend or bring you into a new light or knowledge about self. So stop looking and just enjoy people and it will happen. I think a lot of people get paired up quickly because they are afraid of the lag or lonely time. Its hard but its necessary... getting caught up with people you know you really don't mesh with just to pass time makes it difficult to meet new people and wasting your time and the other person time with a relationship you already know won't last.

[animalwithin]

Awesome answer :) I think a problem I have is that I evaluate ever girl that I initially like as a potential SO instead of just enjoying the process of getting to know someone with no strings attached.

[riaayc]

Trust me, what you're looking for doesn't come easily. A lot of people settle for less than they are looking for and then they spend a lot of their short lives wasting with the wrong person. Because they're so afraid of being alone. It's so wrong. You should be able to enjoy being single, to enjoy life. Think about what you're actually looking for in a girl, but don't set the bar too high. That backfires.:D And every once in a while, look around. Maybe one of your (girl)friends, if you have them, or a sister of a friend turn up to be just what you were looking for. Fingers crossed!:D

[Theguyoverthere]

Just staying active is really all you need to do. As long as you're out there and engaged in something, which you have a lot of stuff for as you mentioned, it will go away in time. A lot of people out there you're only seeing the surface of. These couples can easily be arguing behind closed doors all the time.

[Anonymous]

At least you're good looking. At least girls wanted you, but you were the one who broke up with them. At least you have these crazy sports, your own ride, a nice respectable job.

I have none of these and no exes to speak of. I dated one or 2 girls, but they all broke up with me in a month.

Count yourself lucky and stop complaining.

[moviedude714]

tell me about it, I hate it when people say to us guys to stop looking, the way they say don't go looking for love let love find you, you'll find it when you stop looking, good things come to those who wait, I hate those quotes and phrase since after all, girls are the passive for the most part if you know what I mean, so us guys can't literally stop looking, and it seems like a catch-22 since us guys are expected to be more mentally independent about being single unfortuneately

[Anonymous]

I think really, when people say to forget about wanting to find someone (myself included) they mean to put it as a lower priority in your life. Focus on making yourself into someone who you are proud of. Don't go on dates just because you want a girlfriend. Go on dates with people whom you genuinely click with and have things in common with. Don't try to date girls just because they are girls and you find them somewhat attractive (and that's all you find interesting in them).

[primitive]

story of my life. Especially since I live out here in California, its almost like everyone I know is in a relationship and if they aren't at the moment they go and get somebody else.

I too consider myself good looking, but I just can't find the right,its like they are all married or taken already or GAY. -___-

[Jessica1992]

I personally can relate and I want all the same things but I think you should stop wanting a girlfriend so bad because it might come off kinda desperate to females and they don't like that. In my opinion you have everything that a girl would want. I mean I would date you. Maybe you should stop thinking about it so much. In time everything will come together. Good Luck

[Deviouscourage]

The life of a hopeless romantic.

You need to isolate yourself for a while and learn who you are.

[animalwithin]

I can definitely be solitary if need be haha, but knowing myself better is something I need to work on.

[AlexAnimeFreak]

I usually daydream ^^ ...not a very good answer...but that's what I do (: Maybe listen to music,or do something you like and try to think if what you're doing (like one of your hobbies) and have fun.

[timewarper]

Do something that takes your mind completely off the opposite sex. Hang out with friends and do stuff.

[Rogue2]

I tend to find the nearest distraction possible and find solace in my work. That's the best thing I've come up with to counter feelings of loneliness. It's tough, sure but for me at least, it's gotten far better over time.

[Anonymous]

Where do you live? You sound like a good damn catch! lol

[animalwithin]

Lol thanks, Iive in LA

[Opinion Owner]

Darn, haha. I live in NJ. Listen sweetheart, from what you've shared with us, I am sure you will find a lovely girl before you know it. Not sure if you have any interest or are skeptical of this, but you can try online dating. I used POF and I really liked it. This way you can talk to girls and make sure you have common interests and goals prior to going out with them.

[animalwithin]

Aw thanks so much, your kind words mean a lot :) I have tried online dating, I loathe it with a passion. The vast majority of girls that message me on there aren't serious. The last girl for example gave me her number, told me she really liked me, we talked for a week or so, and then she disappeared, only for me to find out she was dating another guy all along and now she's in a relationship. I just need to put all this in the back of my mind and not focus on it so much, which isn't easy haha.

[BrunetteNYC]

It's normal to want someone special in your life so don't try to change how you feel.

[art84]

I watch TV, listen to music, play videogames even blog to get over wanting to be in a relationship. If it happens, it happens. No use trying to find someone as it makes you seem desperate.

[Luv2BRealExotic13]

Think of all the things that can go wrong in a partnership whether possible or not.

[Anonymous]

i don't think people ever stop wanting a SO, unless they never wanted one to begin with.

[tacogirl93]

i hope you find someone soon :) someone special :)

[Anonymous]

I usually just dive myself into my music

[animalwithin]

I'm a musician too, a guitarist, and while I can submerge myself in music I feel like wanting a girlfriend isn't always far from my mind

[Anonymous]

Occasionally from time to go.