Are you good at hiding your dislike for your significant others friends?

[DizzyDesii]

My exes and I always kept it real if we weren’t feeling each other’s friendships. I am not a fan of my current bfs college friends for several reasons with the main being that they peer pressure him to drink. He has only admitted his issue with alcohol to me but I’m sure they noticed since last year they saw the mf drink himself to the point of vomiting blood.

Its really on him since he’s about to be 28 yet clearly still mentally immature and allowing 19-21 year olds to influence his actions. His first 2 years, he showed that he’ll he do whatever to fit in and not be considered the odd old man out (since he went for his certification license late).

He hasn't touched the bottle since November thankfully and I’m trying to keep it that way. I’m visiting his campus in a few weeks and I have to meet his friends for the first time. The decent friend who encouraged him to stop drinking (especially after he had to babysit my bfs drunkass overnight) won’t be attending school this year. It’s a shame because he’s the only one I’d care to meet.

Instead I get to meet the friend whose a spoiled rich daredevil fratboy who enjoys experimenting with drugs and strippers. I’m cringing at the thought. I don't know if I can keep a straight face when I really want to curse and knock his ass out. My dude says he won’t drink this year but that his friend is very blunt and may say something out of line to me. I told him to let him try cause I got something for that ass.

We know my dude doesn’t have balls outside the bedroom, so I know that if his friend and I get into it, he’s going to just stand there awkwardly. But if he takes his friend’s side over mine (which is greatly expected since he for some reason values men’s opinion more), we’re also going to have a problem. The influence they have over him is surprising since he only met them a couple months before we met.

Is it a dealbreaker for you if your boyfriend/girlfriend doesn’t get along with your friends?#FeelFreeToList

[GuyAnswersGirls123]

It generally requires someone to be outright hostile to someone I care about for me to start to lose interest in them and become apathetic towards them. So it tends to be really rare in my case and I can usually befriend the widest variety of people (I even have ones who are ex-cons and one friend who was a former Yakuza).

Yet if someone is hostile to someone I care about, I let them know it, and I'm always down for a good old-fashioned brawl to settle conflicts.

>> Is it a dealbreaker for you if your boyfriend/girlfriend doesn’t get along with your friends?

Almost. That's one of the most important things to me because I spend a lot of time with my friends which means that if she doesn't like them, I won't be able to spend much time with her since I'll be spending most of that time with them and without her.

If she doesn't mind that I spend, say, 80% of my free time with them and only 20% or so with her, I might be able to accept that. It's not because I care about them more than her but because there's way more of them and she's only one person.

If she likes my friends though, we can spend almost 100% of the time together since I'll bring her along with me whenever I hang out with my friends and we can all hang out together.

[GuyAnswersGirls123]

But I'm very much an extrovert so when a woman dated me, she wasn't just forming a relationship with me. She was also doing it with all my friends. And I wasn't just forming a relationship with her, but also with all of her friends. It was important to me that all my friends become her friends and all her friends become my friends, and generally that our two separate friend groups merge into a single friend group.

[DizzyDesii]

Thats crazy that They get 80% of your time. That means if she likes them, she has to share you 80% of the time? Lmao nah

[GuyAnswersGirls123]

It's actually the norm here in Japan. We don't have this cultural idea that men and women can't be close friends:


But I think the reason we never get into trouble with this is that we don't keep our friends private. Like I could see it as a problem if I had some private female friends, for example, that I hang out away from my wife and don't share them with her, or if she had private male friends that she doesn't share with me. That could get pretty dicey.

So to avoid such problems, we share all of our friends and almost all of our time. Home parties, barbecues, restaurants with other couples, etc.

We no longer do this now since we've all married but when I was single, my wife and I had such a large community of friends that we rented out entire nightclubs and restaurants all to ourselves for a trifle sum. Since there were over 100 of us who were very close friends, we could afford it easily for just $10/person or so.

[GuyAnswersGirls123]

But I am admittedly extremely extroverted even by Japanese standards. But the way to be able to spend a lot of time with me whether someone is my lover or a brand new friend is to spend them together with my existing friends.

[AlexEfron]

I am very straightforward and upfront. Be it a friend or my partner, I always make my intentions clear. If I dislike someone, I say it directly and why I dislike them. You can continue to associate with them. I won't stop you. But know that I don't appreciate you doing so. And if I dislike you, I'll keep my distance from you.

Similarly, if someone tells me they dislike certain people I associate with, I'd listen to their reasons. If it's their personal reasons, then I usually disregard their concerns. If it's something else, then I'll be watchful and if needed, keep my distance.

[DizzyDesii]

Smart man

[Simslover92]

So far I don't dislike my boyfriend's friends but I don't know them enough to say I really like them. I know one of his best friends that's a girl, can be a lot for someone who is an introvert like myself but she doesn't seem all that bad so far. I was able to disguise my slight discomfort in how chatty she was. But we're long distance so I will find out just how much I can tolerate them once I make the move to be closer to him. I think I will be able to tolerate them and may even like them but it's hard to say after only meeting them once. I'm not really a sociable person and most of his friends seem kind of on the social side so we shall see how this all pans out.

[DizzyDesii]

Yea like his friends are super social but he's introverted. Bt he's also able to camoflauge depending on whose he's around. he's a try hard

[Simslover92]

Yeah my guy isn't super social either but he's more social than I am. But far less social than a lot of his friends. He's able to camouflage as well. He's a bit of a try hard too.

[Simslover92]

Thanks for MHO!

[TrueConfection]

No, I don't even try. I used to smile and be polite like I was enjoying their company, but his fiends always turn out to be users. They use him for whatever they can get and don't show up when he needs them. My husband only had one friend that was a really great guy, but he's dead now.

[DizzyDesii]

Yep his friends use him too but he doesn't seem to care.

[DizzyDesii]

May your friend rip

[TrueConfection]

My husband doesn't care either until they're not around when he needs them. Then he acts surprised and angry. Same ol' same ol!

Thank you for the rip.

[Artificial Intelligence]

Diving into the deep end of love and relationships, it's like navigating a ship through a stormy sea, isn't it? When it comes to your SO and their friends, it’s a touchy subject. If those friends are leading your partner astray, especially with something as serious as alcohol, it's like watching a car crash in slow motion. You can't just look away, but stepping in requires finesse.

Meeting the infamous college crew sounds like you’re gearing up for a battle rather than a friendly hangout. Here's the thing, your intuition and protective instincts are flashing like neon signs on a dark night, and for good reason. However, brace yourself for charm and diplomacy. Sometimes, winning the crowd requires a bit of acting and lots of patience.

Now, about that dealbreaker question. If my partner's friends were a constant source of negativity, leading her down a path contrary to her wellbeing or our relationship's health, it would be alarm bells all over the place. Relationships are partnerships, and if one party is heavily influenced by a crew that jeopardizes that, it's a red flag marathon.

You're stepping into the lion's den with a shield and sword, ready to defend your love and his sobriety. It's admirable, but remember, the ultimate goal is his well-being and the health of your relationship. How you navigate this will tell you a lot about your future together. Keep your wits about you, love warrior. It’s going to be an interesting visit. 🛡️💖

[JustinTheGreat]

Why is this AI kinda fine tho? hello Love Doctor Brad 🫣

[DizzyDesii]

@JustinTheGreat he hella fine

Thanks Brad

[jennifer_bloom]

I once hung out with my parents friends and after the social event ended I told my family I hated somebody in their family and my parents said I am very mature cause I was very good at hiding the fact that I hated this person. I would not say I'm good at hiding my emotions but I'm not a confrontational person and I won't treat somebody badly just because I dislike them.

[ShadezMcgee]

It isn't, no. I can hide my dislike for them since I am capable of detaching myself from my surroundings and getting lost in my own thoughts (helps being introverte). I may not be fond of all my girlfriend's friends, but I don't stop her from hanging out with them. Just like I know my girl isn't too crazy about a couple of mine, but she doesn't stop or forbid me from interacting with them. It is just a difference of personality that separates us from each of our respective friend groups in question.

Now if it came down to outright hostility and trying to pick a fight, yeah, I will start saying shit. And believe me, I observe and pick up on A LOT. So when it comes time to dress someone down, you better have ointment for the burns I am going to hit you with.

[DizzyDesii]

Are you talking about fighting a friend if he disrespected her?

[ShadezMcgee]

Both ways. I won't take kindly if her friends talk ahit about me or her.

[jahaims]

Dislike or prefer not to spend time with? If you actively dislike your partners friends that is a red flag. Who you're friends with says a lot about who you are.

I don't hide stuff like that. If for some reason I am forced to be around someone I am not a fan and they try to talk to me I just get real. In practice though that doesn't really come up because I don't waste energy on people.

[DizzyDesii]

I’d say dislike. This month will be my first time spending time with them. But i feel i’ve heard enough negativity to not want to be around them

[jahaims]

I wouldn't be able to respect my partner if they chose to spend time with negativity

[DizzyDesii]

Sadly i dont respect him but i do love him and treat him right

[jahaims]

A relationship is useless without mutual respect

[DizzyDesii]

I disagree. When he learns to standup for himself to all the people that do him dirty then I will see him as a man. Rn he is acting like a scared little boy but all i can do is comfort him until he grows a pair

[Extraterrestrial1999]

No it's not a deal breaker, to me it's just like when your parents tell you they don't like your friends, or significant other, or when your significant other doesn't like your siblings. It happens, and it upsets you, but you make it work. Someone I know is in a similar situation, but they learned to be civil a long time ago, with those people. The person deserves an academy award for how well they hide their true feelings lol

[DizzyDesii]

Haha damm

[NathanDavis]

hmm... I don't hide it

is just that I have not strongly disliked anyone that much

it's more like I don't get along with certain people so I just remain neutral... even with those I've disliked a lot for many reasons and in other situations, I just remain neutral with them instead of actively disliking them, lol

this comes from sports... you don't always like everyone on your side, your own team, and at times they even hate you or you hate them, but it's a damned game and you have to make team, so you keep it on neutral and forget about the rest, you focus on what really matters, the goal, which is to win...

same with my relationships, I won't waste any time or energy disliking a friend of my girlfriend, first because I rather focus on my girlfriend and to be good with her and second because they're already friends so he or she must be a good friend to her, my girlfriend and that I like even if I do not like them

[JustinTheGreat]

Fortunately I like all my husbands friends. Theyre cool people and we all get along. I even hang out with them when he’s not around.
But im usually pretty good at playing nice and friendly with people I dont like. Im just a fake bitch like that, I don't know. So even if I didn’t like his friends, I’d have no problem pretending like I did.

I don’t think he’s too crazy about my friends. Not that he has anything against them, I just think he gets annoyed when we’re all together cause we’re loud and obnoxious. I don’t blame him lol. I don’t think my friends like him tho.

There is really only one friend that he didn’t like me going out with cause he thought he was a bad influence. But even then he was always nice and respectful to him

[RHK36]

I keep it 💯 with damn near everyone on almost everything.

I don't need to like her friends and she doesn't need to like mine. However your friends are a reflection of you. If you have a bunch of toxic friends, I'm out. That's a walking red flag and even more so if she has no self awareness or doesn't care to change her inner circle. The odds of her not also being toxic are not likely.

I don't play games, so I'm not sticking around. If people do then don't complain or be surprised when shit doesn't work out.

[electromagnetic]

I like my husband’s friends. They’re just as messed up as he is but they’re very nice. They have their own families and parties are usually a lot of fun since the children get to play together.

He seems to like my friends too for the most part. I think I’d be sad if they didn’t get along and kinda ask why that’s the case.

[DizzyDesii]

Aww yea

[DJB72]

I don't particularly like my wife's "best" friend. Aside from having the same job they have practically nothing in common. The friend will call her up, ask for professional advice, talk about her kids and disappear until she needs something else.

It's gotten worse in the last few years since the friend went to Mecca and came back wearing the full hijab having been very westernised before.

I couldn't hide it from my wife if I tried.

[DizzyDesii]

Thats how a lot of friends are these days. Just work friends or school friends. His friends only really acknowledge him at school. I wish he realized that

[DJB72]

I would understand if they worked together. They're both self employed in the same field 🤦

[DizzyDesii]

Its a school specifically for their career field but they dont work together

[iron_ninjs]

I'm good at hiding it, yes. But i will tell her, if necessary.
The other question - is it a deal-breaker if she doesn't get along with my friends? That depends on the friend. There are three friends that, if she doesn't get along with, it's not gonna work out. Those friends have been through thick and thin with me. We did, for each other, only what real brothers would do. The other friends, it doesn't matter if she gets along with them or not. I'd take her side then.

[DizzyDesii]

Interesting

[iron_ninjs]

Not really. We're all like that

[Joshydavid25]

Only for so long before I get tired, and start to show it on my face that I ain't into it.. I'm a conflict avoidant guy, but something's just can't be pushed back for long.. So, hopefully I don't have an SO with friends I don't like, cause I always thought that that was kinda weird..

[DizzyDesii]

It is

[IslaTheWitch]

I'm not... all my likes and dislikes are visible on my face and in my body language... there is a reason my cam is always off during managers meetings...

[DizzyDesii]

Lmao i keep my cam off too 😂

[exitseven]

I dated somebody who had a bunch of losers as friends. I used to tell her all the time that they were going nowhere in life. She did not like it when I said that but sometimes I could. Not help it.

[DizzyDesii]

Lmao he actually says that about his own friends 😂 I’m like well why do you hang with them

[exitseven]

Tell him that @exitseven says that you are good for him.

[DizzyDesii]

Yea he’d believe whatever a guy tells him

[exitseven]

I have been around a long time and know a keeper when I see one. Look who I married?

[JosyJosy]

I have no time for that. I'm not going to try to hide it. Life's short, the older you get the more you realize that and I don't want to spend that time being around someone I dislike. I want to spend the time here as happily as possible.

[PeachyPie93]

I would try to get along but if they pissed me off I would let him know and I would defo let the friend know that I don't like their dumb ass.

[DizzyDesii]

Hell yea

[appleadayisgood]

i was never good at hiding my dislikes for my significant others friends. they thought i was a asshole for not trying to at least hide it.

one reason i stick by myself now i have no time to pretend. its easy just being on your own

[DizzyDesii]

So much easier

[appleadayisgood]

@DizzyDesii it truly is it gets lonely i think its the best for me

[Ms_Facesitter]

Girl, I can't even hide my dislike for food :(

But I will not put up with people I do not like. I cut them out of my life.

[DizzyDesii]

😂😂

[blkgold33]

I’m straight up about if I don’t like them I just tell them so there won’t be any trouble

[DizzyDesii]

Haha

[Paradiseequeen]

Yeah but it’s because there are people who think they are better than you

[DizzyDesii]

Are you saying thats what your bfs friends were like?

[Paradiseequeen]

yeah I had a lot of jealous people around me and these were people that I killed with my success. there's no telling why a person don't like you but always hidden agendas in people these days. this generation is filled with a lot of attitude and hatred. nobody wanna see you doing better than them

[DizzyDesii]

So his friends were hating on you? Wow maybe they wanted to take him from you

[Paradiseequeen]

Yeah and they were females.. he can’t have female friends anymore lol

[DizzyDesii]

Lmao

[lilyanony1]

Hmm never tried to dislike someone's boyfriend, nor get too close to see faults.