My ex boyfriend says he misses me and wants to get back with me, but there's no effort

[Anonymous]

He told me he made a mistake in letting me go, and I told him that he made a very big mistake, which he agreed. Then he says that his feelings for me never went away and that he misses me and wants to get back with me. I told him I would maybe give him another chance, and he said that he wants to take it slow and not rush into things. What does this really mean? The thing is, he isn't doing anything to try and win me back. There is no effort, and when I talk to him, he doesn't reply/respond back. Is it because I am making myself too easy to obtain because I am just "here"? What should I do to change this? I am truly confused and I don't know if I should just cut him off completely.

[Cluelesswithmen]

Sounds like he doesn't want to work for it. Talk is cheap.

We all value what we work for. This is especially true for men. They chase and we choose. We are the prize they win, and believe me if they care for you, they wanna win.

Now I'm not sure how hard you are wanting him to work, but playing hard to get isn't unreasonable at this point. If he wants it, put him to work. If he ain't gonna work for it then why would you compromise yourself to accommodate his needs? This just shows him that he can come back whenever he wants to. If it's this easy to come back, it'll be just as easy to leave again.

We always accept less for ourselves and expect more from the ones we love, shouldn't it be the other way around or at the very least equal?

Now, you say when you talk to him about it he doesn't respond? Well then don't talk about it with him. Show him what works and what doesn't, again hard to get. Nothing is sexier than a strong, confident woman to a man. So be fearless with your Ex, be strong and confident with him. He needs to feel that sense of loss of losing you, again. If not, it'll be you losing in the end.

Good luck to you.

[Asker]

I definitely agree with you...talk is cheap, especially when it comes from an ex. and you're right, if he really wants me, he will go out of his way to make it happen. I just want him to do something, period. he really hasn't done anything to make me believe that he truly wants me back...and he told me that he doesn't want to rush things and he wants to take it slow.

this makes me think, perhaps he doesn't want to put all of his eggs in one basket?

[Cluelesswithmen]

Thank you for the best answer.

Well, whatever you choose for yourself, please remember that you were fine before this lover and that you will be after him.

The person who cares less controls the relationship.

He can never feel like he ever really has all of you. You should always keep him on his toes. Reward him for good behavior and prevent negative patterns of behavior. This is your chance to start fresh, forgive, or move forward knowing it wasn't meant to be.

Good luck to you.

[skon7]

Damn you are in such a hard situation. I mean on one hand he did you wrong and now he's trying to get you back so it could be seen as him feeling remorseful about what he did, or he could be trying to get you to have sex with him even though he isn't interested in the relationship aspect, especially if he says one thing but isn't committing. I would encourage you to bring it up, give him an ultimatum and if you want to get back with him as well give him a list of things he needs to do differently in order to be with you, don't just settle on what he says he's going to do differently. Tell him actions speak louder than words, and give him a week or two to impress you. After that, all I can say is, you deserve better.

[Anonymous]

Maybe if you tell him what you really want then maybe just maybe he will know what to do.

[Asker]

Actually, I have told him what I wanted. he asked me how I felt about him and what I wanted from him, and I told him I wanted him. he replied saying he wanted me, too.