My boyfriend left me out of the blue?

[Anonymous]

i have no idea how it happened.

we were together for four years. a month back I talked to my parents about marrying him...(he asked me to talk to them)... everything was going on well

and then suddenly he told me yesterday that he does not think he wants to marry me...and that for a long time our relationship was in a state of "inertia"... and that he doesn't have those feelings he had earlier. that he wants to break up.

i have no idea what to do. I don't even know what I did wrong...and so there is nothing to apologize for. he I snot angry...he behaves calm and cold... its like it doesn't bother him at all... to say I am hurt is to downplay what I am feel right now.

for all these years I had almost programmed my brain to think tht I will be with him always. now suddenly he is gone. my friends are like "let him go...u deserve better"...but I just can't imagine myself with someone else...

[sarahd]

Hey,

Just wanted you to know that this happened to me too, you're not alone! My boyfriend of about 10 months was making plans (not marriage yet, but he'd asked me to move in) and we had a busy month where we didn't see one another much but he even mentioned it saying things like "I know we're busy right now, but I think about you and I'm happy etc" And then a week later he dumped me saying he wasn't happy and we couldn't work on it. He was just done. And for the LONGEST time (I'm talking months!) I couldn't figure out what I had done wrong, and why he would treat me like I had no voice in our relationship. Beglie's comment below says it best, but it took me months to truly believe it for myself. You didn't do anything wrong and unfortunately there was something in him that he wasn't able to share-and for that your relationship suffered in the end. It isn't your fault, because we all deserve to be with a partner who knows enough about themselves to be honest and WANT to work on it. It was very difficult to mourn the loss of the man I thought was dating-The man I thought he was from day one, when he either was lying or just didn't know himself as well as I thought he did. Who knows why this is. Maybe he didn't know (and I will probably never know) why he got involved with me if only to end what I considered a relationship with potential for a future. Don't get stuck trying to solve HIS issues in YOUR head, just work on you.So you will have a lot to work through in the coming weeks and maybe months, but please keep hold of the belief that you do deserve a partner willing to communicate. I cannot stress enough that you didn't do anything wrong, and even if he believes you did, "whatever it was" didn't bother him enough at the time to talk to you beforehand, and leaving you like this is just unloving and unfair. Also, don't worry about who you may date in the future, right now is about keeping your self esteem afloat without a significant other for validation (this can be the hardest thing of all, but SO worth it in the end) Your friends are right to say "Let him go" because, not to sound harsh, but he's already gone. You're almost lucky because half the work has be done for you-he's cleared the way for you to grow and become stronger, and meet the right man for you! Sorry this is so long, I just know how painful this type of situation can be! Hang in there!

[Belgie]

He wasn't communicating to you during the relationship, so you never knew when his feelings began to wane, or change, or if they were never real to begin with.

The problem now is that you fell in love with a guy who doesn't exist. Specifically, the guy he pretended he was, by not communicating his real self to you.

It may be hard, but you're going to have to get used to the idea that you fell in love with a fantasy. Someone who doesn't exist, and isn't real. Your friends are correct.

If it's any consolation, you're still young enough that this will be looked on as a valuable learning lesson when you're a little older and a little more experienced. You'll bounce back, when you find someone else. The human heart is more resilient than you think.

[Anonymous]

he's a jerk.

[Anonymous]

forget him.