Boyfriend and I have been working through my trust issues and we planned to go on a business trip to deliver mateirals and now wants to go alone?

[Anonymous]

• Back story: 2 years ago, The first time I left town to see family he got wasted and did drugs with friends and ended up emailing someone off Craigslist to sleep with. I found out a year later about this and then around the time I also found him messenging this girl on snapchat for nudes and getting to know her.

It's been like 8 months since that but I still feel like given the chance he would cheat especially if he drinks. He claims he has never cheated and that he respects me too much to do it. We've been together for almost 4 years now. Since finding out about that stuff I have been extra clingy and we do spend a lot of time together. We run a painting business together and we have to deliver supplies to crews all over the states next week and we planned to do it together and now he says for the first week he wants to go alone so that I can get over my anxiety of him being without me and so that he can show me that I can trust him. But I just get a lot of anxiety thinking of him taking a solo trip and I know the past is the past and I need to let go but it's just been so hard.

I have dealt with insecurities a lot of my life, had a few long term bfs who cheated and one that left me out of the blue for his girl best friend. I'm trying to tell myself not to worry and he's his own person and should be able to travel alone but I'm still so nervous.

I also don't like him going to clubs without me because he has a problem with alcohol, when he starts drinking, he doesn't stop at a healthy amount. There's been times, he has blacked out and has been verbally abusive and one time broke our door down.

He says he feels smothered and wants to take the week alone and it just makes me feel like maybe I've already pushed him away too much and he will want to indulge in stuff as a "single" man.

[Anonymous]

I would've dumped him the second I found out about the Craiglist thing. Forgiving a cheater (or someone who planned/tried to cheat) is a recipe for driving yourself crazy and turning yourself into the person you've become. You're totally justified in not trusting him. He doesn't deserve your trust after what he did. But you tried to force it, and it didn't work. I'm a very forgiving person, but what he did would have been an instant dumping for me.

[Iron_Man]

Talk to him and work it out go together And have fun

[Asker]

Well that's what we planned to do, but he says he feels smothered by me and needs some time without me always there which I get but I'm just full of anxiety about it because he just has to drop materials off and then has the day to explore and do whatever for the night. He says just for the first week and then I can come to the other routes. My favorite thing to do with him is when we go travel which we've done a handful of times and it's so much fun so it just hurts I guess

[Iron_Man]

I don’t buy that on work vacation after work he’s probably going around town cruising around that’s a lame duck excuse. And he’s probably barhopping

[Asker]

He said he won't go to any bars and I do have his location. He says I can call him whenever. He is very good at answering my calls. I also forgot to mention in my initial post that he also downloaded tinder when I was out of town that one time 2 years ago and so I guess I also fear that.

[Iron_Man]

Oh wow yikes

[Asker]

You don't think he can change? I mean that happen probably 2 years ago and I haven't found him doing anything else behind my back. He has said he will never do anything like that again and understands how much it hurt me in the past. He plans on marrying me too he says and when we have more money wants to get married.

[Iron_Man]

Yes he can change I wish you the best of luck

[Guy13]

Still with him is a surprise

[WhitneySnow]

He sounds like a terrible boyfriend tbh

[Asker]

For the most part, we're best friends and connect on a different level than I ever have with someone. He is loving, supportive and is a good boyfriend for the most of our time together. I wouldn't say he is a terrible boyfriend.

[WhitneySnow]

Make him promise not to drink or do drugs

[Asker]

We were on a no drinking rule and offered to go sober with him. And then it turned into a few beers and now kinda back to drinking enough to get drunk but he hasn't gotten black out for a few months now and says he knows how to control his drinking now. He is a very social person and enjoys drinking and socializing

[WhitneySnow]

He might be an alcoholic

[Asker]

I had thought that, but he only drinks on some weekends and it's not every single weekend or anything

[WhitneySnow]

I heard some alcoholics are like binge drinkers

[Asker]

Yeah I'd say that seems like the case a few times. The past couple months, we have gotten drunk with friends and everything was fine. I know when I met him he partied a lot. Sometimes would get really sad when he was drunk. (His mom committed suicide when he was like 19 & his dad left when him and his brother was young like 10 and isn't apart of their lives) so he has trauma. He did say he's willing to go to counseling and wants to even.

[WhitneySnow]

That’s good

[Anonymous]

It sounds like you need a new boyfriend.

[Asker]

He says he has changed and I have seen a lot of improvements from the past