How do you move on from someone you see almost everyday?

[Anonymous]

So, she's a friend that rejected me (she said she sees us as friends) almost three years ago. After that, it was kinda painful for me because I couldn't see her anymore. We used to work together, but now we're working in the same place again, and I think my feelings for her are present again because I overthink things she does and it's not healthy. She hurt me a lot for a really long time now and I don't want to feel rejected and unworthy every time I see her. 😭 How do I move on from her when we work in the same place?

[rjroy3]

Let yourself feel the emotions. Actually allow them to be there, feel them fully, then allow them to pass through you.

The emotions that fester like this are only the emotions you FIGHT. You're fighting off feeling that emotion and by doing that you are keeping it present inside you.

If you don't fight it and just allow them to come there. To be there and to move on, likes clouds passing in the sky. Those feelings will pass.

Additionally, you should accept the fact that you don't even really want her. You want to feel a certain way and you think being with her will make you feel that way. You can feel that way on your own.

You can meet another girl and have whole new adventures you never even thought of if you allow yourself to have them. Sincerely tho.

There are billions of girls on this planet that fit the category of girl that you want. But more practically. Even in smaller states. There are millions and millions of girls that fit the category of girl you want, who are single.

You're just fixating on this one and playing with those emotions because you're addicted to the feeling. They suck but they're familiar. So you hold onto them

[Titanya]

Dope advice

[TwinkleLily5]

You are correct I’m going through a similar situation and this is what I’ve been doing allowing myself to feel the emotions I still see this person everyday but I am moving on slowly but surely so much that I don’t even look at them as the friend I was knew and cared about.

[rjroy3]

@TwinkleLily5 proud of you ❤❤

[Asker]

"Additionally, you should accept the fact that you don't even really want her." She has the qualities I want in a girl and I'm kinda picky when it comes to that. Yes, it's true, I want to experience love honestly.
"You can meet another girl and have whole new adventures"
Yes, but it's been really long and she's no where to be found. :(
I mean I'm not gonna meet all the billion girls out there and I find it hard to feel the same way about other girls. I mean the way I felt about this one.

"... you're addicted to the feeling"
Of course it's about a feeling, I mean what else would it be? It's a feeling triggered by someone I'm having it for which I couldn't feel for someone else. What’s making it worse is that whenever she gives attention to someone else, I feel sad... and that's obviously unhealthy.

[rjroy3]

"... you're addicted to the feeling"
Of course it's about a feeling, I mean what else would it be? It's a feeling triggered by someone I'm having it for which I couldn't feel for someone else.
"

There's a saying that I'll butcher but is relevant here. "Love is nine 10ths in the lover and only one 10th in the object of their love". Meaning that love comes from you. Yes you met someone who pushed the button. But it is your button and someone else can push it.

Name any characteristic about this girl you love and there are other girls who have them. That's not to say she isn't special. That's to say not being with her doesn't mean you're hopeless.

You're not gonna meet the billions because you can't. If you talked to 100 new girls a day for 100 years you wouldn't even have met 4 million girls and that's not accounting for new girls being born lol. 365x100×100= 3.65 million girls.

As someone who has truly been madly in love more than once. You're just not putting yourself out there and allowing something new to happen. And you fixating on this past in the way that you are is holding you back.

If you allow yourself to process and mourn you'll be in a better place to decide what you really want when you're not just hurting. People make weak decisions when they're hurting just to stop the pain.

Get yourself right first then look at it objectively if this girl is really as good for you as you think. If she is then awesome. You're now in a better position to make something happen.

If you decided she's not. Then great. You're not fixating on a girl who isn't right for you. Either way you need to get yourself right first

[Asker]

Yeah, I guess you're right. I was thinking recently about her and whether or not we are as compatible as I thought we were. She does seem to have some things that make me think they could be problematic for me if we were to spend the rest of our lives together. Though I still get that feeling of sadness (maybe jealousy I'm not sure) when she talks about other guys or interacts with them.

[rjroy3]

Sounds like jealousy.

Sidenote" just because you're not with her doesn't mean it's your job to listen to her guy troubles or whatever with other dudes. That's just a personal self respect thing

[Asker]

I think I need help because I just get that feeling of jealousy and sadness whenever she talks positively about other guys or interscts with them... It makes me feel inferior and it's not good...

[rjroy3]

Do you have a dating life or at least a life where you're flirting with girls?

[Asker]

Too busy with life man and I'm not really searching for women. Where I'm from, dating isn't really a thing (wish it was, but it isn't). I have female friends, but I haven't really felt anything for anyone like I did with her. :/
That just sucks

[rjroy3]

You should make it a point to go out on the weekend, even if it's just one weekend a month out of town to meet people. Females in particular and socialize. Get out. Drink. Flirt with some girls.

I've always had female friends too. But it's not the same. You might be busy but you can definitely make time for this. Being around girls and seeing other women find you attractive does something for your self esteem as a man. And you will find other girls that you like.

A big part of the feelings you have for this girl have to do with the fact that she's the only female that wasn't a friend that you considered an option.

If you met 10 new girls in one night that you found attractive and had opportunity to get to know them. If you just had a few pleasant conversations with girls that got your number and wanted to see you later. The intense feelings you have for this girl would lessen.

You can't confuse intense needy feelings with love. They're not the same thing. You cannot get hung up on one girl.

[Asker]

You are right, and I agree that talking to other women is a good solution, but like I said, where I'm from, dating and stuff aren't a thing. So, I can't go and ask women out it's just not a thing in my culture. So, that's out of question. Although I agree.

[Asker]

"You can't confuse intense needy feelings with love. They're not the same thing. You cannot get hung up on one girl." Yes, but I think I really love her. And you're right of course I shouldn't get hung up on one girl it's not good. But I don't think I'm doing anything "needy" in particular, I'm just trying to address the thoughts I have and the attachment itself.

[Mofunfour20]

Get more options. Hit the gym, work on your purpose. Classic case of oneitis

[suhel313257]

Rylee Martell isn’t her real name but her real identity.

[Hairylegs222]

There's a billion other women out there and you're letting 1 woman get to you. Accept what happened and move on.

[Asker]

How?

[Hairylegs222]

Well I move on immediately because it isn't a big deal to me. What could help you is to try talking and texting another woman. Hang with friends. Keep yourself busy. Visit family. Stay busy so you're not thinking about her so much.

[Asker]

I think a big problem I have is that I'm picky and I don't get along with other girls as easily. It's really pathetic that I can't get myself to teel yhe same way about other girls. 😔

[Asker]

*feel the same way

[Protein_mate]

That's sad man. Best thing to do - focus on new things and yourself

[Asker]

I'm trying, but during work, it's just really hard. :(

[rcljr]

Get a job in a different place

[Asker]

I was barely able to find this one. So that's not an option.