Husband is toxic?

[Anonymous]

My husband left me and i went no contact except for matters of our son, for about a week, i was hurt. He was so upset that i ignored him for a week, he decided to catch feelings for another girl. According to him because of the way i treated him the past five years. He refused to give me information on the girl and at first tried to tell me he was going to continue to speak to this girl because they're just friends and i'm being controlling, he blames me for everything bad in our marriage. He even said that the only thing he did wrong was not saying no and not putting his foot down enough. He eventually came back home after some talks and we decided we will work on it. well today i was having a shitty day, and he again resorted to the I don't know anything about girls needs feelings etc. So i told him you really need to work on expressing your feelings. He took offensive and we went back and fourth eventually we just started talking about something else and when the night came to an end he decided to sleep on the couch because we were arguing all day. I went up to bed then woke up at around 1 and saw he wasn't in bed i went to get him he yelled told me that i'm trying to control him and he wants to stay downstairs i had a full blown meltdown because i felt rejected and like nothing has changed and he just seemed unfazed by the whole thing even threatened to leave again. Am i in an abusive relationship?

[i_messup_everything]

Hey.
You sound like you care about your husband and your marriage and your family.
Not sure what issues you guys had prior or how long the marriage is. But the fact this man was so immature as a married father to start talking to another girl and have ‘feelings’ a week later is honestly sad and a bit pathetic.
secondly I am not a married man, but I do think a marriage is about a team both giving 100%. How dare someone blame another for every single thing that went wrong in a marriage that is very childish and immature.
Thirdly, you are a very caring person I can tell. Even with how much of a d*ck your husband is being, you’re being gentle about his feelings. I don’t know what’s right or wrong but I do know no good man would ever treat his wife like this. Unless you cheated or abuse him or something, he really has no reason to act like this. No offense, he seems very immature. I would definitely talk to your closest friends about this and get some opinions from outside looking in. This does not sound healthy for you but I understand your desire to want to make things work. Let me know if I can help please cheer up ^^

[slatyb]

That's unclear. Either you should seek marital counseling or you should separate. This sort of constant fighting is distressing to children.

[Anonymous]

See if he is willing to go to counseling, or just go by yourself.