Why did you or your S/O end the relationship?

[BigBlessing]

Be honest, im quite curious on how you'll be able to self-reflect on the situation regardless or who ended what.

Also if you or somebody you know was in a abusive relationship; whether it was physically, mentally, or emotionally, tell me what you'll do different to identify it in the person sooner and how you'll go about removing yourself from the situation.

If you do not wanna go into detail. Please dont, I didn't make this post to stir up emotional trauma or to downplay victims. If you or someone you love is in a similar situation, please contact the authorities or competent people who'll be able to help. Thank you and I love you❤️🖤❤️

[Smoke-n-Growls]

I ended both, but each was very different.

In the first, it was both of our first long term relationship. We'd had small brief romances before, but none that were really that serious. We were together for 6 years, and he cheated for 3. We both had severe mental health issues, rough family lives, and were transitioning from students to adults. It was a relationship filled with firsts for the both of us.

We parted amicably, though went no contact. He never confessed to cheating, just made it obvious enough to get caught and let me do the breaking up. His side piece (herself twice our age, married, and formerly our boss) told me everything three months after he and I broke up. He didn't tell his family or his friends for at least 6 months (they kept texting me like nothing was wrong).

I learned a lot from that relationship. I grew a lot from it. I got therapy, medication, and started really discovering myself. While I'm not a fan of my ex, I also don't hate him. We were young, we both made mistakes. I wasn't a perfect partner either.

My second was much different. I broke up "unilaterally" (yeah, that's what a break up is) with my LDR fiancé of nearly 3yrs. We were a COVID couple. When we met, he'd said he was going to be emigrating to Scandinavia or Canada. I convinced him to come to Canada. In the months leading up to him moving up, he told me he was done with his immigration. It was all taken care of, nothing to worry about.

We get to the border after I fly down on his mother's dollar (her moving gift), pack his apartment for 6h, and drive 80% of the way to the border.

He had no immigration paperwork. He'd applied once, let it lapse, and never touched it again. I drove him back to his mother's house (again, 90% this time - at night, when I had requested I take day shift and he do night because his night vision is better than mine), and made his mother (who bought me a ticket home) breakfast.

I left him with the ring and he called the whole convo a "business transaction" and shook my hand. Because I had spoken in my serious adult tone.

I took two weeks to think without speaking to or texting him. Talked to my psychologist and my family, sought advice from people I trusted and love. And decided to break up with him. He did the whole "you're making a unilateral decision" and tried breaking up with me at that point, lol. I was his first real girlfriend, so I understood how hard it was for him.

But I made sure to reach out to his sister and best friend to check if they were ok keeping our relationships as friends, and ask them to be there for him. I really loved him, and was so disappointed he had dropped the ball so badly (it wasn't just the immigration, though - that was just the worst example of the traits I was noticing that made me want to call it off).

I like to think he learned something, but the tone in which he said he "learned he has to do what he has to do" kinda... I don't know, didn't inspire confidence.

I've taken the positives and negatives and am trying to learn from it. So far, I've landed on learning more about myself, and building myself into someone I'd like to date.

RuPaul's saying has become a bit of a mantra: "If you can't love yourself, how the hell you gonna love someone else?"

[BigBlessing]

Thank you for sharing, I wanna learn about relationships between people more, so i can make better decisions for my future wife, of course ill have to meet her😅, but hopefully its not too late

[Smoke-n-Growls]

You're only 25 - you'll find your person. Take your time and don't make the mistake of waiting for someone else to make your life something fun to join in on.

My biggest learning has been that we have to be whole, happy people on our own as individuals in order to truly be able to build a healthy and strong relationship with someone else.

Don't be afraid to make mistakes. Be afraid of making a mistake and not learning from it.

[Graci_e]

I dumped my first boyfriend because he was completely disrespectful.

For starters, his friends would literally ask him if they could have sex with me and he was proud of it. They made a big deal out of the way I look - his friends used to call me sexy and all sorts of things in the group chat I was in. So his friends were creeps. One friend talked way too much about sacrificing me as a ‘joke’.

He forced sex on me (it was horrible). He sent me a nude after I said no to him 5 times. All sorts of things.

He smoked pot and at the time, I thought it was bad cause I didn’t know much about it.

I had a whole list that I can’t really recall. I had a 3 page list of things he’d done. They basically treated me like a pretty, little sex toy.

My second boyfriend I dumped because he was annoying and pushy. He would harass me to kiss him, harass me to do sexual stuff with him which I always refused.

He was disrespectful towards my family. Like a complete ass.

He used to call me names. One time I was wearing something he didn’t like to my brothers basketball, and he proceeded to call me a slut and an attention whore.

He lied to people and told them that we had sex which we never did because apparently it was weird that we hadn’t done it yet. I made him tell those people the truth right in front of me and they called him a dickhead and told him they didn’t think we had.

He was completely un-athletic. I don’t mean to be shallow but I like sporty guys. I’ve been raised in a sporty and competitive family, with my parents at the top of their sports and owning gyms. He couldn’t play a sport to save his life, it was pathetic. I beat the wanker in basketball.

He was super disrespectful to his family and I hated it.

I really wasn’t attracted to him, I didn’t find it him very cute. And I don’t think that was a good thing.

He used to ignore me for video games all the time. If I asked to face time, he would grumble and complain. If I asked if we could talk, he would grumble and complain and make fun of me for being a ‘baby’. It used to make me cry.

He used to call me a spoilt rich kid which was super annoying. I know what it’s like to struggle, I lived in a a caravan park for over 6 months and he made me out to be a privileged brat.

[Bigjake1019]

I’m sorry that happened to you.

[Graci_e]

@Bigjake1019 It’s okay :)

[Bigjake1019]

@Graci_e are you sure?

[Graci_e]

@Bigjake1019 Yeah im sure. The first guy was pretty shit but I’ve made amends with him. A few weeks ago we had a conversation and he apologised to me, and we’re both doing okay. It kinda felt good cause I was always hurt by it.

The second guy I had well under control. It was a good learning experience and I learnt a lot from it. I dumped him as soon as it got too bad and I was feeling icky about it.

[Bigjake1019]

@Graci_e okay that’s good at least and this might be weird but do you want to follow me on here?

[Bigjake1019]

@Graci_e sorry

[Graci_e]

@Bigjake1019 as long as you’re not a creep. I’ll be blocking you if you are

[Drumlin2001]

I hadn't had a relationship till 35. Hadn't had any physical intimacy and had a hard time talking about it.
I had previously met someone and over 6 months had gotten close but I was unable to open up to her. We lost touch for 9 months till we reconnected. I had started therapy and slowly opened upto her. It was an intense 6 months till she unexpectedly fell pregnant. She ended things, she didn't think she could handle the intensity of our relationship and prepare for the baby, and she was prioritising the baby over our relationship.
As it turned out, there was a miscarriage, but our relationship was done. We didn't talk for 3 months till she got in touch, the conversation didn't go well.

[ChrisMaster69]

My ex back 2019, was offered a not to turned down career advancement, it was in Australia. We chatted about it and decided that her career was really important or rather this chance was.

i said I was staying in the UK but would look at things more in 2020.

She left December 2019 ish.

Then we had Covid and things just turned upside down.

Still friends after a fashion and a bit of an unknown where things would have went without Covid.

[Pinay_ako]

Separate lives, too much things going on not involving each other in it … too busy

[LilyoftheLake]

He was... self-absorbed, I guess? Very good at getting attention, but I guess he was generous enough with it. He would sit quietly when I talked or told him about my day, but it was always superficial listening. He would express sympathy at all the right times and stuff, but it felt... fake.

It was 2 months before our wedding when I broke it off. I woke up one morning and had some realizations, so I called my mom. I realized I wasn't marrying for love at all - more to just get married, you know? Feel safe, secure in a relationship with a guy. He wasn't cheating or anything, and he was pretty religious, so I wasn't scared of that.

I basically had to choose to go through with it and live a basic life, with my response to "How are you?" being "Happy, I guess." But he never understood me, and I never loved him. Not to mention, if I ever told him of my sexual history, he would probably be VERY upset, and it's not a good sign in any relationship if you can't tell the truth...

[Lucy68]

He cheated on me and got another girl pregnant.

We were together for 5 years and that whole relationship was mentally, physically, emotionally, verbally, and sexually abusive. He constant cheated on me and my idiotic self kept taking him back. Well one night we finally broke up cause he ended up getting another girl pregnant and demanded I give him my engagement ring so he could give it to her. I guess then something finally clicked cause I moved out (was homeless for a few days), broke the engagement ring with a hammer, took a vacation for 2 weeks, and then took out both a restraining order and order of protection (yes he has violated both). As of now I'm slowly healing but unfortunately the relationship resulted in a lot more triggers and PTSD as well as trust issues.

Currently I'm single and when it comes to future relationships I'm a little scared to get back into one cause I don't ever want to go through that ever again. I don't want to get back with my ex cause he's a monster and yes I was and I'm still angry with myself. I hope someday to have my dream of being both a wife and mommy, but I'm extremely more cautious now.

[BigBlessing]

Sorry you had to go through that, hopefully you find someone that'll be good to you

[Seinna]

I broke up with my boyfriend of 2,5 years because I wanted to move on with my life, get married and have children and he was perfectly content playing WoW all day. I initially wanted to break up after 2 years but decided to give him a bit more time after some serious conversations... unfortunately nothing changed so I had to make that decision. We stayed in the same house for a while (had separate rooms) and got on really well still until I moved out after finding someone new. We're still on friendly terms.

[On_cloud_wine]

Because he sent me half naked pictures in the beginning and only invited me over late at night

[jamesgoldman]

The first moved to Poland and the other went to university... they were amicable breaks

[BigBlessing]

Sorry to hear

[TacosRAwesome]

I wasn't giving him what he needed and he wasn't giving me what I needed.

[clampfan101]

I had a SO once. The only reason we’re not together is because she passed away…

[driven159]

I broke it off because of alcohol abuse which is the same as drug abuse and good ridden